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Reviews (just scroll down to read)
Sahara
(5.5/10)
St. Valentine’s Day
Massacre (6.5/10)
Saw (7/10)
Saw
2 (4/10)
A Scanner Darkly
(6.5/10)
Scarecrow
(6/10)
Scarface
(7.5/10)
School
for Scoundrels (7/10)
The
Science of
Sleep (8/10)
Scoop
(6.5/10)
Scream
3 (1/10)
Scum (7.5/10)
Seabiscuit (7/10)
The Sea Inside (7/10)
Sea of
Love
(6/10)
The
Secret War of Harry Frigg (7/10)
See You
In Hell,
Blind Boy (6.5/10)
Semi-Tough
(6/10)
The
Sentinel
(5.5/10)
Serenity (4/10)
The Serpent and the Rainbow
(6/10)
Seven
(8.5/10)
The Seven-Per-Cent Solution
(2/10)
Sex and
the City
(8/10)
Shadows of the Dead (1/10)
The Shape of Things (6.5/10)
Shark!
(2/10)
Shaun of the Dead (7/10)
She Hate Me (7/10)
Sherrybaby
(6/10)
Shop
Girl (8/10)
Shortbus
(4/10)
Shredder (2/10)
Sideways (7.5/10)
Silent
Hill (6/10)
Silent Running (5/10)
Sarah
Silverman: Jesus Is Magic (6.5/10)
The
Simpsons Movie (7.5/10)
Sin City (10/10)
Sister Helen (7/10)
Six Pack (6/10)
16 Blocks (7/10)
Sixteen Candles (10/10)
16 Years of Alcohol (8/10)
61* (8/10)
Sky Captain and the World of
Tomorrow (8/10)
Slap Shot (9/10)
Sleepaway Camp 2 (6/10)
Sleeper (7/10)
Sleeping with the Enemy
(4/10)
Slither (6.5/10)
Smokin'
Aces
(3/10)
Snakes on
a
Plane (6.5/10)
Snatch (8/10)
The Snow Walker (8/10)
Sometimes A Great Notion (6/10)
Sons and Lovers (4/10)
Soul
Vengeance
(3/10)
Speedo (7/10)
Spiderman 2 (7/10)
The Squid and the
Whale (7/10)
Spanglish (7/10)
SSSSSSS (4/10)
Starsky & Hutch (5/10)
Star
Wars Episode III (5/10)
The Statement (6.5/10)
State of Grace (8.5/10)
Stealth (2/10)
Stick It
(3/10)
Straight, No Chaser (7/10)
Straight to Hell
(5/10)
Strangers with Candy (7/10)
Stroker
Ace
(7/10)
Sucker Free City (8/10)
Suicide
Club
(5.5/10)
Summer in
the
Cage (5/10)
Summer School (7/10)
Superbad
(8.5/10)
Supercross: The Movie (3/10)
Superman Returns (7/10)
Support
Your
Local Gunfighter (7/10)
Swamp Diamonds (3/10)
Sweet Sixteen (8.5/10)
Sympathy for Mr. Vengeance
(7/10)
Sympathy
for the Underdog (7.5/10)
Syriana (7.5/10)
The Taking of the
Pelham One
Two Three (7.5/10)
Talk Radio (7/10)
Talledega Nights (8/10)
Tarnation (5/10)
Team America: World Police
(6.5/10)
Tentacles (2/10)
Texas
Chainsaw
Massacre: The Beginning
(5/10)
Texasville (6/10)
Thank You For Smoking (8/10)
There Will Be Blood
(8.5/10)
Thieves Highway (7.5/10)
Thinner
(4/10)
13 Going on 30 (6.5/10)
30 Days
of Night
(7.5/10)
This Is
England
(7/10)
The
Thomas Crown
Affair (6/10)
The
Three Burials of Melquiades Estrada (8.5/10)
Through
the Fire
(6.5/10)
Tideland
(5/10)
Tightrope (6/10)
Tormented
(3/10)
Traffic – US Miniseries
(8.5/10)
Trainspotting (10/10)
Transformers (7.5/10)
The Transporter 2 (6.5/10)
Trekkies 2 (6/10)
Tremors
II: Aftershocks (5/10)
Tristan & Isolde (6/10)
Triumph
of the
Spirit (7/10)
The True Meaning of Pictures
(9/10)
The
Tunnel (8/10)
Turistas
(5/10)
12 Monkeys (7/10)
28 Weeks
Later (8/10)
Twin Town (4/10)
Twister (4/10)
2 Fast 2 Furious (5/10)
Two for
the
Money (5.5/10)
2001
Maniacs (2/10)
Jeff
Tweedy:
Sunken Treasure (9/10)
Sahara (2005)
- 5.5 out of 10
-
This film is
beyond ridiculous –
every inch of this story requires bucketloads of disbelief if you
even hope
to make it through the flick. That isn't to say it isn't a
fun movie, thanks mostly to the stars...Matthew
McConaughey, Steve
Zahn, and Rainn Wilson keep things funny and interesting enough, and
there is
plenty of action that keeps the preposterous story from
getting too stale. As funny and interesting as
McConaughey is, I
can't think of the last time he was in an actual decent flick...
St. Valentine’s Day
Massacre (1967)
- 6.5 out of 10 -
Nothing groundbreaking or must-see here, but an intersting gangster
flick chronicling the feud between
mob bosses Bugs Moran and Al Capone that lead up to
the Chicagoland massacre of seven men.
Jason Robards plays Al Capone and does a fine job, as he usually
does...really gets under the skin
and makes him into a truly detestable creature. There's also a
Bruce Dern sighting and the whole mess
is directed by tit-film afficianado Roger Corman. It's all very
straight-forward, but fairly entertaining look
into a period that really brought the "gangster" into the American
conciousness.
Saw (2004)
- 7 out of 10 -
Two words - surprisingly good! I had a couple of friends see this
in theatre and not have much good
to say about it, so maybe low expectations helped...but decent acting,
entertaining gore, a few plot twists
and great sets kept me tuned in. It actually reminded me of the
golden age of horror films from my child-
hood in the 80's - the early outings of Friday the 13th, Nightmare on
Elm Street, Halloween - decent film
making paired with gory goodness. They got a sequel coming out
too, of course, can't have a horror
movie without a sequel or two or ten.
Saw 2 (2005)
- 4 out of 10 -
Take the
originality of the first film
and divide it by half, add in a terrible plot and worse acting and
you've got
the sequel to the very entertaining Saw. As with the
first film i was very impressed with the killing methods, but
everything else about this is so terrible it is only marginally worth
sitting through.
A Scanner Darkly (2006)
- 6.5 out of 10 -
I’m not afraid
to admit I’m probably too stupid to understand exactly what was going on in this
movie, or maybe
they just did a poor job of portraying the Phillip K. Dick
story. It did make it a little hard to follow…lots of exis-
tential chatter
loosely revolving around an undercover attempt to bust drug
dealers was the general idea of the
film (I think). But regardless of all that, like
Richard Linklater’s “Waking Life”, it was fantastic to look at if nothing
else.
The animation-over-live-action style he seems to have pioneered (or at
least popularized) is really the sort
of thing I could use more
of in my life outside of Charles Schwab commercials. I have a feeling the if I watched
this a couple of more times and really got my head around what was going on the
score would go up, but for now
it is mostly just pretty wallpaper in
my brain.
Scarecrow (1973)
- 6 out of 10 -
This film really
reminded me a lot of “Midnight Cowboy”, a buddy flick where two losers try to get
on top of the world
but never quite make it. The story isn’t as great
and visually it’s not as pleasing, but Gene Hackman and Al Pacino
do fine
jobs as the leads and hold the film together well enough to make it somewhat
enjoyable. It’s a bleak film set
in the early seventies, and the
landscape of that strange decade acts as a third cast member, and probably
the most
fascinating part of the flick as is often the case for me with
films set in this time period.
Scarface (1983)
- 7.5 out of 10 -
Given the ending of this flick, I'm always surprised that this is the
film of choice that gangsters everywhere
identify with (and by gangsters I obviously don't mean real gangsters,
but rather the club kids in the oversized
South Pole outfits and XXXL white t-shirts). But regardless of
how much some goofy people like this movie,
it remains an important piece of cinema for the performance that Al
Pacino turns out as Tony Montana. You
truly feel he is this man, paranoid, on a constant coke binge, capable
of killing anyone at any time. He trans-
forms himself perfectly, as well as anyone has at any point in the
history of cinema. Big words, sure, but true.
The film itself is obviously dated and the story is nothing to get
terribly worked up about, but with the per-
formance Pacino puts on it doesn't really matter.
School for Scoundrels
(2006)
- 7 out of 10 -
There is really no better word for it...this is a goofy film.
There is a goofy cast led by John Heder and featuring a
plethora of stand-up comics; an even goofier story about spineless
wonders being transformed into strong men
by a the always-motivational Billy Bob Thornton; and to top it
all off, you have the goofiest man of them all, Ben
Stiller, talking in a funny accent and sporting a mullet. Billy
Bob is stellar as always, excelling in the role of the
shit-talking asshole that you still somehow like (see also Bad Santa,
The Bad News Bears remake). Everyone
else I could give or take, but they played well with Thornton and made
the film an enjoyable ride, though it often
teetered on the verge of being insufferably stupid.
The Science of Sleep
(2006)
- 8 out of
10 -
I know I
may be alone in this proclamation, but for my money
“The Science of Sleep” was leaps and bounds
better than “Eternal Sunshine of
the Spotless Mind”. I think it boils
down to two big reasons:
Firstly, the fantasy world created in “Sleep” was far
superior and more fantastical and splendiferous than that of
“Sunshine”, which
was full of neuroses and made me feel anxious and clammy-skinned.
Where “Sunshine” was
a little more marred in
reality it seems, “Sleep” just flew right off the map into a Salvador
Dali
painting dressed
up as Public Access TV for schizophrenics. Maybe what I’m trying
to say is “Sleep” just
looked way more
awesomer. Yes, awesomer,
it’s a word befitting this film entirely.
Secondly,
I enjoyed this cast much more. Nothing against Jim Carrey or Kate
Winslet
who were both fine in their
roles, but a combination of Gael Garcia Bernal and
Charlotte Gainsbourg is nearly a dream come true for me,
and both do a
fantastic job as these characters. It is as if the two of them were
custom
designed to star in Michel
Gondry films, and hopefully both will make many
return appearances.
Scoop
(2006)
-
6.5 out of 10 -
Yeah,
Woody Allen has fallen off a bit in his later years...not a big
surprise to anyone there. It's been
eight years since his last film
that was really good (Sweet and Lowdown), and nearly twenty years
since
his last masterpiece (Crimes and Misdemeanors). But even
Woody's “off” films are pretty damn enter-
taining, and that's
about the best word to describe this one...nothing special, but I
laughed a couple of
times, Scarlet Johansson looked hot, and even
though Ian McShane wasn't in the movie nearly enough,
he was awesome
when he made an appearance. And while I'm sure it has happened
before in the last
few years and just escaped me, this flick was
notable in the change of Woody placing himself in the film
not as the
romantic lead but the father figure he should have been playing for
at least the last ten years.
Scream 3 (2000)
- 1 out of 10 -
No. Dear god no.
I'd rather take a
punch to the cock than to watch even five minutes of this again.
Scum (1979)
- 7.5 out of 10 -
The UK seemed like a real depressing place in the late 70’s and early
80’s - poor economy, Margaret
Thatcher, the height of soccer hooliganism and all that – the upside of
course
being all the great films from that
time trying to bring this depressed state of the people to light.
This
particular flick is the story of a home for
trouble boys, shitkicker hooligans in trouble with the law but too
young for
prison. It’s a rough flick, intended to
show the scene of such schools in the day – fights, suicide, rape and
the lot were all
common place, and in some
instances encouraged by the staff. The acting is somewhat poor
but the subject matter
is so engaging that you
don’t much mind. The whole thing is bleak bleak bleak, with no
upside in sight…at the end of the
flick you almost
feel as if you have been placed in the home yourself. Well worth
seeing, but be aware of how
depressing it might
be.
Seabiscuit (2003)
- 7 out of 10 -
For a movie about horses that's about an
hour too long, this is still a surprisingly good movie. Chris
Cooper is
fantastic throughout as Seabiscuit's trainer, and even
though it's hard to imagine,Jeff Bridges does a fantastic
job in a very non-Dude role. I
don't have much to say on this really, it's a tale that's built for
cinema and it's sur-
prising it took this
long for a film of this caliber to
be made about the subject.
But the film never answered my one question I've alwats had about the
sport of horse racing - why are all of the
horses given such stupid names? My theory is they
do it to embarass the horses and make them run faster,
but I may be wrong.
The Sea Inside (2004)
- 7 out of 10 -
This is a fairly simple
movie, about the struggle of a man to choose to end his life and the
legal battles that
came from it. And
it is a pretty good movie, maybe a touch slow at times, but that’s not
the reason to watch
this – you watch
this to see the performance of Bardem, how he inhabits his character
and you truly believe
it
is him and
not just a character he is playing. He was great in Before Night
Falls, really brilliant
actually, but he
brings things to a whole new level here. Quite simply, he's one
of the best actors
alive today.
On top of all of that, it is
a beautiful film to look at as well – filmed in the Galicia area of
Northwest Spain, it
made me not only pine for
my recent travels there but wish for a quick return as
well. A beautiful country all
around, and let’s not
even get into how hot the women are…yowza.
Sea of Love (1989)
- 6 out of 10 -
Not Al Pacino's
best work, and it
couldn't decide if it wanted to be a romance or a cop movie, but not
a bad
viewing either. It was fairly creepy, the ending wasn't
totally obvious, and everyone's favorite fat man John
Goodman plays a
meaty role. Also, the song “Sea of Love” plays in the film
approximately 4000 times; I
love the song but good god did they
overdo it.
The
Secret War of Harry Frigg (1968)
-
7 out of 10 -
There
was a time in the late sixties and early seventies where Hollywood
made a number of “light hearted”
films and shows about WWII. I'm
too young to know much about it, but my gut tells me there was
probably a
certain amount of fatigue over that awful war, so why not
turn things on their ear and make them humorous?
Shows like “Hogan's
Heroes” and movies such as “Kelly's Heroes”, big chunks of “The
Great Escape” and this
film manage to make POW camps not seem that
bad, paints Italian and/or German captors as total buffoons,
and
there are always some local girls hot to trot with the foreigners. These items are the very definition of a
“romp,”
only the
setting
is war and not playboy's pent-house apartment. I'm not sure where I'm
going with all
of this chatter, but I do know that “The Secret War
of Harry Frigg” is a fun movie that I'd
happily recommend to
anyone
who likes their “greatest war” with a dash of silliness.
See You In Hell, Blind Boy
(1999)
-
6.5 out of 10 -
This might be a
little bit too fluffy
to really be classified as a documentary, but an interesting look
nonetheless
at a small group of blues musicians from the Mississippi
delta region. The man behind the film is a well known
graphic
novel/comic book creator, and the film is documenting him as he meets
authentic bluesmen as re-
search for an upcoming comic he is working
on. Possibly the best part of this whole affair are the portraits he
draws of the men he is studying – to say he is a masterful artist
is an understatement, though sadly his skills
as a filmmaker are far
less polished.
Semi-Tough (1977)
- 6 out of 10 -
I'm pretty sure
this film would qualify
as a romantic comedy, but it is such a rambling mess it's hard to
really say.
If you could somehow gather up all the drugs that the
writers, producers, director and cast probably went through
while
producing this train wreck you could most likely start your own drug
kingpin empire. Despite all of this, it's
still a pretty damn
entertaining flick, due mostly to how believable and entertaining
Burt Reynolds and Kris
Kristofferson are as the leads. The late 70's
produced a number of these coke-fueled rambler films, an era that
will never be reproduced (which is somehow both a good and a bad
thing at the same time).
The Sentinel (2006)
- 5.5 out of 10
-
You combine a
fancy cast and a boring,
by-the-numbers story and you get...a whole lot of nothing. Seriously,
a film about the secret service, where the main character
is an old dude who took a bullet for the president...
did they never
watch Clint Eastwood's “In The Line OF Fire”? Cause it was
pretty much the same thing, old
fogey makes good on a presidential
assassination plot, with a couple of minor twists and turns. I guess
there
was a reason this film didn't do to well.
Serenity (2005)
- 4 out of 10 -
Everyone kept telling me to watch this, "oh it's
so awesome" they would say, "you should really watch the show too"
they would go on and on saying, and I never understood the
appeal. But I rented it anyways, out of boredom and
curiosity and peer pressure, and I still just don't get it. The
sets look like low-budget TV stuff, none of the characters
are very likeable (but the women are fairly hot so that's something),
and the dialogue is just attrocious.
Bottom line -
it was real fuckin' cheesy. There were some entertaining battles,
and the cute girls that were already mentioned,
and...well, that might be it really. I'm still impressed I
watched the whole thing, but I couldn't motivate
to get off the
couch. So maybe if you are exceptionally bored and lazy it's not
bad, but otherwise...skip it.
The Serpent and the
Rainbow (1988)
- 6 out of 10 -
My memories on the greatness of this film were somewhat diminished with
a recent viewing...what
seemed creepy as a kid feels cheesy now, and creepy was the bulk of
this movie's power. This is one
of Wes Craven's few ventures outside of normal horror films - in this
instance, a foray into Haiti and the
culture of voodoo. In my opinion, not
enough films been made about voodoo. This one even weaves
in
a bit of zombie action, but not enough to make it anything more than an
average viewing.
Seven (1995)
- 8.5 out of 10
-
The film that
put Kevin Spacey and
David Fincher on the map, and showed that Brad Pitt might be an OK
actor. I've seen
this countless times, and it never grows old. But
it's not the story or the acting or the directing
that keeps me
coming back for second helpings...it's the ambiance. Fincher was
beyond masterful at creat-
ing a world of
sadness and despair, without
hope, a place where you can almost understand how Spacey
came to be
the killer that he was.
The Seven-Per-Cent Solution
(1976)
- 2 out of 10 -
Good sweet lord above, why on earth would you make such a boring
movie? It should be al to harder than
this to fuck up a Sherlock Holmes tale, but here you have it. And
casting Robert Duvall as Watson and hav-
ing him attempt a British accent? C’mon now, let’s not be
daft.
This nearly put me to sleep, and the only
reason it didn’t succeed is because I turned it off.
Sex and the City
(2008)
- 8 out of 10 -
I was pleasantly
surprised that the
much-anticipated Sex and the City film was actually made. After the
pay
disputes and
hold ups, I figured it would be called off for good.
Not so! The gals got together again to ask
probing
questions about
the meaning of life and love, and, of course, be generally NYC
fabulous. The story
picks up with
Carrie happily dating Big, Samantha
living in LA with Smith, Charlotte doting on her adopted
daughter and
Miranda raising Brady with Steve in Brooklyn. The characters seem
like good friends, though
it's been
several years since HBO aired the
finale; it feels like the girls never left. Jennifer Hudson takes a
weak turn as
Carrie's personal assistant; her performance was a
little too "sassy wide-eyed midwesterner
moves to NYC"
for
my tastes. The story holds more than a few twists and the fearsome
foursome examine
their
relationships and choices in new ways. Well,
except charming Charlotte - since she married Harry her
damn life's
been a chair full of bowlies. Seriously, give that girl a better
storyline! Admittedly, she is the focus
of one of the
funniest scenes
in the film. Sex and the City is a fun and sometimes frustrating romp
through
the lives of now
forty something women.; most fans of the
show will love the movie. (Chelsea Junget)
Shadows of the Dead
(2004)
- 1 out of 10 -
I suppose congradulations are in order to the creators of this movie -
you've managed to make the
worst zombie movie of all time. Look, involving zombies in any
movie should make it automatically
awesome, but this is quite possibly the slowest and most sleep-enducing
film I've ever witnessed. I fell
asleep about half way through the thing, woke up towards the end...and
nothing had happened.
Seriously, nothing. Hopefully this flick gets adopted by those
sleep study institutes as a measure for
putting insomniacs to sleep.
The Shape of Things
(2003)
- 6.5 out of 10 -
I’ll admit upfront, this film totally got me – I had no idea what was
going to happen in the final act, and for
this I give a nod of my head and a fanciful bow to Neil LaBute.
Without giving too much away, let’s just say
that if you’ve seen how he attacks people in his previous films you
won’t be surprised what goes on here,
even if it is quite distasteful…but
that’s his whole thing, right?
My main problem isn’t the story – it’s just that the film as a whole
feels very “bad art school production”.
After the work he did with In the Company of Men
and Your Friends and
Neighbors (both fantastic films
that somewhat explore the same realm as this film), I guess I was just
expecting more…somehow he
has
regressed since those films into a bad film version of a drama club
play.
Shark!
(1972)
-
2 out of 10 -
With
Samuel Fuller directing and Burt Reynolds starring, you'd think this
flick would at least be watchable...
but you'd be very, very wrong. Apparently they cut and dissected
Fuller's
original vision something
awful, but
even if he had re-cut it I'm not sure it would have
mattered. Most importantly, they story is terribly boring; add
to
that poor sound and film quality and really terrible, choppy
editing,
and it all adds up to an awful mess. Silvia
Pinal is looking pretty
hot in though, but not hot enough to bother watching this pile.
Shaun of the Dead
(2003)
- 7 out of 10 -
The story for the film is
simple – Shaun works a crappy job, has no ambition, is dumped by his
girlfriend,
and his best friend is a
loser who sleeps on his couch. Then once the dead start
walking the earth, it’s up
to Shaun to save his
ex-girlfriend, his friends, and mom from the marauders.
This silly British movie
parodies the many zombie flicks that have appeared over the ages, and
does it well.
The first half of the film
is brilliant; it comically assaults all of the preconceived notions of
how a zombie
should behave and how one
might react to it. The throwing of household appliances and
records in an
attempt to kill them
especially had me laughing. The only part of the film that
suffers is when it gets a bit to
serious for the last 30
minutes or so, as the film seems to actually transform itself into a
real non-comical
zombie movie. But a
zombie movie is always great, so this is a minor squabble. This
film never overstays
its welcome and is always
entertaining…recommended for sure.
She Hate Me (2004)
- 7 out of 10 -
First, it must be noted that the view of lesbianism in this film is
obviously from a pretty "straight dude"
perspective, ie despite what they say all women want to get with a hot,
well hung man.
Now, assuming you can ignore or get past this silly business, this is a
pretty damn good flick. It's vintage
Spike Lee to be sure - the way it's filmed and put together, the
writing and how it's used as another char-
acter, and the choice of actors all point towards a style we're all
well aware of by now. And it's a style I've
always loved, so maybe I'm a little biased when it comes to reviewing
any of his movies. But whatever - I
really liked this, more than I even expected, so do with that what you
will. If you like Spike Lee movies, be
sure to check this one out.
Sherrybaby (2006)
- 6 out of 10 -
Though I wasn't
a huge fan of the
movie, props to Maggie Gyllenhaal for pulling off white trash with a
real flair
of gusto. If I didn't know any better, I'd think she was
a girl I grew up with and not a movie star. As a bonus,
she bones
Danny Trejo as well, a move that should happen more often in films as
far as I'm concerned. Well,
I don't care if he is getting fake sex
from movie stars really, I just want Danny Trejo in more movies.
Shopgirl (2005)
- 8 out of 10 -
It’s funny, I read this book when it came out and I definitely pictured
Steve Martin in the role of Ray Porter, so
it was no surprise and a perfect match that he
took on this role in the film. Additionally, I pictured Clair
Forlani
in the role of Mirabelle but luckily for us viewers it was Clair Danes
instead, since Forlani can’t act her way out
of a wet paper bag and Danes gave one of the best performances of her
career and reinvigorated my crush
I’ve had on her for ages.
Anyways, the film is fantastic and sticks fairly close to the book,
which is basically about relationships and
loneliness and the intersection of the two in current-day LA. The
only major detour is the development of the
Jeremy character and his life on tour with the
band, which isn’t really covered in the book but actually works
well in the film as it helps you identify and root for the character
that would become important again at the end
of the film. And maybe the best part was
the large role for Red House Painters/Sun Kil Moon front man
Mark
Kozalek - who not only had a number of lines, but played some Sun Kil
Moon songs as well (even if the band
had a different name, and something very dumb that escapes me
presently). One of my favorite movies of
the year.
Shortbus (2006)
- 4 out of 10 -
Porn. I got
nothing against porn, but
let's call it what it is – this is porn. Porn with tolerable
acting and at
least a little bit of a plot – but still, porn. I
keep waiting for John Cameron Mitchell to come out with a film
close
to as good as Hedwig and the Angry Inch, but no such luck yet.
Shredder (2003)
- 2 out of 10 -
Holy crap, this movie was so bad it was almost awesome again but then
went right over the hill and got
bad again. It's a horror movie that isn't scary, and it tries to
be funny and fails terribly. The "hot
bimbo"
characters aren't hot at all, the acting is some of the worst I've ever
seen, and the special effects look like
they were dreamt up by a half-brained eight year old.
The basic gist of the flick is that some drunk
snowboarders caused some skier kid to get killed, and then
all of the sudden snowboarders are getting killed. The mountain
shuts down, but then a few years later this
pack of snowboarding retards breaks in and the
killing starts again. Yeah, you can pretty much write in
crayon what happens from there...sex, running from the bad guy, all but
a couple get killed off, and then
they take out the baddie and live happily ever
after.
This movie is absolutely terrible in every way. I highly
recommend it.
Sideways (2004)
- 7.5 out of 10 -
I think this might be a result of living in the Bay Area and having to
hear/deal with it
all the time, but pretty
much anything involving wine is
an incredibly huge turn-off. It is solely based on
this fact that I was skeptical
about this film, despite the lofty praise it had been receiving – I
knew the subject matter was going to get under
my skin so much that it would turn me off the whole movie.
Luckily I watched it anyways and was entirely wrong.
Sure, the subject matter is like fingernails on a chalkboard, but it’s
just window dressing to the well written
buddy film that lies beneath.
Paul Giamatti, well you knew he
was going to be excellent in this because he is good in
just about everything
he appears in. But the brilliance of casting a man best known as
playing dimwitted mechanic on the awful show
Wings is one of the best moves taken in Hollywood in ages. Thomas
Haden Church plays the role of his life
here, perfectly encapsulating both the benefits and pitfalls of
friendship in one concise package. To say that I
merely identified with Giamatti’s character is to understate the
situation, as it seemed
like my very life was on
film to some extent. And I’m certain I wasn’t alone in these
feelings, given the response this film has gotten.
The film as a whole is plenty good, but it is really the interplay
between these two main
characters that makes
it the film that is. And amongst wine nonsense, no less.
Silent
Hill (2006)
- 6 out of 10 -
For a movie
based on a video game, this
isn't all that bad – at the same time, that ain't exactly high
praise.
The story is pretty vapid at best and the acting plenty
forgettable, but the special effects are spectacular.
This flick is
really fucking creepy, genuine goose-flesh material...I've never
played the game before, but I'm
guessing the decrepit town setting
and bad guys such as Pyramid Head are fairly true to the original
game
story and no doubt equally unnerving with a controller in your
hand.
Silent Running (1972)
- 5 out of 10 -
Bruce Dern! I love Bruce Dern, more than any man really
should. He makes such an excellent smartass
in television and film, you can’t help but be drawn to him. But
here’s the problem with Silent Running –
Dern does not play his usual smartass self, but rather some sort of
horticultural hippy. And what’s worse,
after the first few minutes there’s no one for Dern to be
a smartass to if his character all of the sudden
started being one, other than robots. and take it from me, robots
don’t make for very good smartass-
edness partners. Other than that, despite a somewhat neat
premise, saving the vegetation of the earth
and all that, the film is just too damn slow and boring.
Sarah
Silverman: Jesus Is Magic (2005)
-
6.5 out of 10 -
Sarah Silverman
is definitely not for
everyone – if you don't like your humor intentionally crude and
insulting
but coming from the
mouth of a really hot lady, then this
probably isn't for you. I could really do without the
musical
interludes and constant off-shoot moments she does from her stand-up
routine, but I suppose that
is part of what makes her different from
other comics (and is why the fast -forward button was invented).
But
pretty much all of the stand-up itself I enjoyed, where she manages
to insult pretty much every type of
person known to man. Plus, did I
mention how hot she is? Seriously, she could stand on the stage and
babble like a mongoloid and I'd probably still watch it.
The
Simpsons Movie (2007)
-
7.5 out of 10 -
It was a movie
version of “The
Simpsons”...truly, that's all there was to it. Maybe the animation
was a touch
better
from time to time, but mostly it was like getting
to see three episodes pushed together and released
in the
theatres. Mind you, I ain't complaining, cause I've
loved the show forever. But I guess part of me was
looking for something different with a
theatrical release (other than getting to see Bart's cartoon wiener).
Sin City (2005)
- 10 out of 10 -
You would have to have a
serious case of gravy leg to not like this movie. This movie
is hotter than a Rockwell
painting of Conway
Twitty tickling Ronnie
Milsap’s taint.
(Jake Rash)
Sister Helen (2002)
- 7 out of 10 -
Sister Helen is a mostly entertaining, often sad, and completely
compelling look into the life of a woman who
overcame personal tragedy through helping others.
After the loss of her two sons and husband, Helen became
a nun late in
life and devoted herself to helping male drug addicts in a run down
section of the Bronx. Her com-
passion paired with a
huge helping of tough love on
the serial derelicts living in her house makes not only for
good
therapy, but good television as well. Her constant proclamation
of “hello!” in response to dumb
excuses,
love of Frank Sinatra, and cursing seemed very un-sister-like,
but completely effective given her clientele. This
is a documentary well worth viewing.
Six Pack (1982)
- 6 out of 10 -
I find it more than a little confusing how much I generally enjoy
movies about auto racing, given the fact that
I'd rather watch grass grow than watch the real thing. Even
cheesy family fare like this flick is a decent viewing
in my warped world. It's not that I could actually recommend it
per se, as there is nothing special about it
really, but it's enjoyable enough for a brain vacation I suppose.
One highlight worth noting is that this is one
of Diane Lane's first movies, and boy howdy is she hot like the inside
of an old person's house. Anthony
Michael Hall also plays a supporting role in an early film for him as
well, but I found myself staring at Lane
so much I hardly noticed.
16 Blocks (2005)
- 7 out of 10 -
Some drama, some suspense, corrupt cops, Mos Def…all told a pretty damn
good film honestly, certainly
much better than I was expecting. I figured Mos Def would
be good and the rest would suck, but that
wasn’t the case at all; I wouldn’t go so far as to say the story fooled
me in any way, but it was well done.
And a big kudos to David Morse, who was fantastic in the film.
Mos Def was great as always – the only
sad thing about him getting so much acting work, is it cuts back on his
music output. The man is truly
blessed with talents all around.
Sixteen Candles
(1984)
- 10 out of 10 –
Oh, Molly Ringwald,
so hot…John Hughes
will forever have my undying affection for bringing her to the
forefront of teem cinema in the 80s. I dunno what to say on this
one that everyone else doesn’t
already
know, but more than 20 years later this film still stands up well;
after all, fashions may have changed but
teenagers are still pretty much the same. And more than anyone,
John Hughes managed to get it right,
the high school world that so many have sought both before and since.
16 Years of Alcohol
(2003)
- 8 out of 10 -
I sorta watched this on a whim – anything Scottish and set in the
seventies is generally worth the effort
in my book. Turns out, this is one hell of a beautiful picture, a
poem about the effects of alcoholism and
a poor family life on a young man named Frankie (played by Kevin McKidd
,best known for his role of
Tommy in Trainspotting). It has three main sections: Frankie’s
childhood, where he witnesses his father
cheating on his mother after time spent in a bar, which leads our
protagonist to begin drinking at a very
young age. It then moves on to the early adulthood of Frankie,
where he roams the street with a pack of
hoodlums in a very Clockwork Orange-like way, beating up randoms and
staying drunk. Finally, we have
the redemption, where Frankie attempts to turn his life around and
outrun his past. Much like real life,
things don’t always turn out as planned. Well worth checking out.
61* (2001)
- 8 out of 10 -
This film doesn't change my hatred of the Yankees, not one bit, but it
is a very interesting tale of Roger Maris'
chase for the home run record in 1961. All I knew going into this
flick was he and Mantle were both hitting a lot
of homers that year and overall Maris was only a slightly better than
mediocre player. What I didn't know about
were the death threats over him breaking the record set by the might
Babe Ruth, being booed by his own fans
as the record drew close, and even a lack of support from the Yankees
management and the MLB, as nobody
wanted this sub par player to hold such an important milestone.
Given this was an HBO-produced film, you know
the quality is high and Billy Crystal does a fine job in what is easily
his finest directorial debut.
Sky Captain and the World
of Tomorrow (2004)
- 8 out of 10 -
From what I understand, this
film represented a movie-making first – it was shot entirely in front
of a blue
screen on a sound stage,
with the actors being the only part of the film that was “real”.
That in and of itself
is impressive from a
technological standpoint alone…but the fact that they made it look so
incredible, so
lifelike on the first try is
astonishing. Sure they’ve been using blue screens for a while,
but I can’t even imagine
going in knowing that the
entire film would be that way.
The story of the film is
pretty simple and fairy-tale at best, and mostly only serves as a
vehicle for the explor-
ation of the imaginary world
the filmmaker has come up with. The combination of post-WWII
imagery with
robots and technology is
nothing new, but this is probably the best example of it I’ve ever
seen. This film is
an amazing escape, one I
plan on re-visiting again in the future.
Slap Shot (1977)
- 9 out of 10 -
The greatest hockey movie ever made (yes, even better than Youngblood
with Rob Lowe and Patrick
Swayze), and friggin’ hilarious to boot. Everyone already
knows and loves this so there’s no reason to
get all wordy on the matter, but I just recently rewatched it for
umpteenth time and it is just as great as it
was the first time I saw it. Despite many great roles over the
years, this will always be how I choose to
remember Paul Newman.
Sleepaway Camp 2
(1988)
- 6 out of 10 -
I have always been a big fan
of the first Sleepaway
Camp – it scared the bejeezus out of me as a kid,
something that didn’t
actually happen to often. For that fact alone I have always
held it in high esteem when
it comes to this genre of
movies. But all of that creepiness was replaced in the sequel
with pure un-
adulterated camp in the
follow up film. And this isn’t necessarily a bad thing – in fact,
it’s what you usually
look for in a film like this
(along with gratuitous T&A, of which you are rewarded plenty in
this movie). I
suppose I just expected more
considering how much I liked the original.
But there are some truly
great slasher scenes in this one, death by outhouse being my personal
favorite.
And everyone does a decent
enough job acting, or at least as well as you have to in a film like
this. And
did I mention the
boobs? There are a lot of breasts bouncing around on this
celluloid. So if you like killing
and tits, I say go for it.
Sleeper (1973)
- 9 out of 10 -
One of the best
Woody Allen movies of
all time, certainly one of his silliest. One might even call this
film
“madcap” or
“zany”,
especially if the person saying
these things was a film reviewer from the 1940s. Like a
lot of
Allen's work
from this
period, it begins with a preposterous
storyline and then follows with lots of sped-
up chase scenes that
work as a real homage to the early masters of comedy from the first
half of the century.
I'd probably rank this just under “Take
the
Money and Run” and “Zelig” and on par with “Bananas” when
judging Woody's best comedies.
Sleeping with the Enemy
(1991)
- 4 out of 10 -
Sure Julia Roberts, cut your hair and move a few hours away, now your
crazy-ass husband will never find
you. That is totally believable, cause no one would ever notice
you still have that enormous trout mouth,
your most defining trait. Nope - that hair cut makes you look
like a different person, just like when Clark
Kent takes off the glasses and becomes Superman.
Slither
(2006)
-
6.5 out of 10 -
I
started out thinking this was one of the stupidest films I've ever
seen, but it got so goofy as it went on that
actually became pretty
damn enjoyable. And funny too - much funnier than you'd ever expect
out of an alien-
infection-causes-zombie-attack horror flick. Full of
B-movie actors (with the one exception of a small role taken
by Jenna
Fisher, star of “The Office”) and a story probably written on a
napkin, this thing plays out like a big
budget version of a film
Troma would have made.
Smokin' Aces (2006)
- 3 out of 10 -
If they would
have spent even half the
time working on a worthwhile and/or sensible plot as they did on
creating quirky characters, this might have been something. But they
didn't, and it isn't.
Snakes on a Plane
(2007)
- 6.5 out of 10
-
For a film
seemingly based around a
goofy internet idea, with poor acting and terrible writing, I found
this
surprisingly enjoyable. You had hot chicks, boobs, grisly death
scenes, poorly animated fake snakes...if
those snakes had only been
animatronic, this flick would have been a goddamn masterpiece.
Honestly,
what more can you say about a movie that wholly revolves
round snakes...on a plane.
Snatch (2000)
- 8 out of 10 -
My first though when viewing this film, and no doubt a thought many
others had, is that
Guy Ritchie has essentially
remade his first film Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels. Sure,
the story is slightly different, but when you see
Snatch for the first time it feels automatically familiar like you’ve
been there before even when you know you haven’t.
Quite simply, it’s a totally silly but engrossing story involving a
diamond caper, crime bosses with comedic mono-
logues, witless thugs in one caper after another, and Brad Pitt as a
trailer-dwelling gypsy in the best role of his
career. The characters in
this film are as strong as any in any film outside of Wes
Anderson, and the reason I keep
going back to watch it again and again. To be quite honest, I’ve
seen this flick a number of times and might have to
think hard as to what actually happens in the story, but I’ll remember
the characters in it forever.
The Snow Walker (2003)
- 8 out of 10 -
It’s really a shame this film never received much buzz, because it is
quite exceptional. Set in the 1950s, it is
basically the story of bonding between a bush pilot
and an Inuit girl who is slowly dying of tuberculosis. The
scenery is just amazing, the acting is
even better – Barry Pepper does a great job as usual, and newcomer
Annabella Piugattuk not only did an excellent job
acting but I would be surprised if every heterosexual male wasn’t
totally in love with her by the end
of the film. One can only hope she pursues acting as a career
(though on IMDB
she has nothing listed other
than this film) – no doubt she would be successful. For a film
that I was just watching
out of
boredom, I can’t believe how amazing this was.
Sometimes
A Great Notion (1971)
-
6 out of 10 -
By
all accounts, the Ken Kesey novel this film is based upon is so
complicated that a faithful film recreation of it
would be so long
and convoluted that you'd have no idea what is going on; given that,
Paul Newman apparently
did about as good a job as possible given the
material provided. Now I haven't read the book myself, so I'm just
going on what I've read about the film; what I do know that this was
a pretty enjoyable flick. I've always been a big
fan of Paul Newman,
and my love of Pacific Northwest logging films is well established.
This outing marries both
quite well, and with a strong streak of
anti-establishmentarianism running through it. And yes, I just made
that
word up.
Sons and Lovers (1960)
- 4 out of 10 -
I dunno, the line up there
pretty much says it all – beautiful cinematography wrapped around a
snoozer of
a tale. If caught in
the right mood I might have enjoyed it a bit more, but then again you
might be able to
say that about a lot of
things. The whole film is mostly about the interconnected and
confounding inter-
personal workings of a
number of folks in a small mining town in England, set in the early
part of the 20th
century. Marriage
issues, class divides, the idea of “bettering oneself” all come into
play, snoozingly so.
But seriously, at least the
film looks fantastic, so it’s got that going for it.
Soul Vengeance (1975)
- 3 out of 10 -
I will happily
go on record that this
is my favorite “using a supersized penis to strangle folks” film
of all time.
But no amount flesh firehose choking could make this
flick actually enjoyable, or really even watchable. A
student film
featuring an almost entirely amateur cast, you'll never confuse this
for real filmmaking.
Speedo (2003)
- 7 out of 10
-
Like most
documentaries, the concept of Speedo is simple – it is basically about
a man, named Speedo,
and his burning
desire to
compete and win in demolition derbies. There are two things to
take from this film…
first, there are
white
trash/rednecks/whatever all across this land, not just in the
south. I realized this when I took
a road trip to New
England and
found that driving through Vermont, New Hampshire, and western
Massachusetts
was very similar to
mountain home in
western North Carolina. Secondly, and more importantly, this guy
Speedo,
he is very much an every-man
– and
that is exactly why this film should appeal to most who watch it.
He has done
what so many of us year
and search
for, and that is found the thing that he loves to do more than anything
else…
and he is willing to sacrifice
whatever it
takes for even the smallest glory to go along with it. Moreover,
the guy is
a character and is plenty entertaining,
making for a very watchable documentary.
Spiderman 2 (2004)
- 7 out of 10
-
What’s up with
these comic adaptations and their inability to make a good first
movie? Not unlike X2,
the
sequel to Spiderman
far outperforms its predecessor, which I found to be pretty boring
actually. Is this
supposed to give us
hope that a Hulk sequel will do the same? Perhaps if they don’t
get a director best
known for stuffy
period dramas,
it’s possible – but that’s neither here nor there.
At least X2’s
problems were based on it being mostly a “set up” movie, and it was
still pretty good just
nowhere near the
second one; the first Spiderman was just crappy all around, so my
expectations were
low going into
this. Perhaps that was part of the reason this was more
enjoyable, but I think it mostly had
to do with the
storyline just being much more interesting; Doc Ock has always been a
much better
Spiderman foe, and
I think it showed in this movie. I dunno what else to say –
pretty enjoyable, especially
compared to the
first film…’nuff said. OH, one more thing – every time James
Franco was on the
screen,
I would get a
little teared up wishing there were more Freaks & Geeks
episodes to watch…sigh.
The Squid and the Whale
(2005)
- 7 out of 10 -
Holy fucked-up kids batman! This film, set in the 80's, is
basically the character study of one middle-class
family in New York City going through a divorce. A simple
concept, deftly portrayed by all of the actors in-
volved, but kudos especially go to Jeff Daniels for his portrayal of
the washed-up former-author of a father.
While his career arc is on the downturn, the mothers is swinging upward
which serves as a major catalyst
for the problems the family faces; the other major issue is the
mother's issues with intimacy and monogamy.
Through it all, the kids turn out wacked out of their heads and the
film focuses on their problems, which are
often funny but always disturbing. It's actually a tough film to
really sum or suggest to a friend; the oddity
portrayed will definitely turn off many viewers, while delighting
others. Even if you can't identify with the
peripheral issues all of the characters exude, the core familial
difficulties should ring true with most everyone.
Spanglish
(2004)
- 7 out of 10 -
After watching this, the only word I could think of to describe it was
"sweet". Oh, and that Paz Vega is so
hot it makes my teeth hurt. It's basically a film of culture
clashes, an illegal immegrant woman and her
daughter living and working and growing up with an eccentric, wealthy
family. Vega's character battles
between teaching her daughter the traditional ways of her culture and
letting her be assimilated into the
American borg, while trying to come to terms with
the patriarch of the family (Adam Sandler) falling in love
with her. And who can blame him really, I fell in love with her
just watching the damn film. A simple, engaging
film with good characters and a laugh here and there. Like I
said, "sweet".
SSSSSSS (1973)
- 4 out of 10 -
Basically, you
got a flick about a
crazy scentist who turns Faceman from the A-Team into a snake. To
save
humanity or some such shit. Yeah, the plot is retarded, the
acting ham-fisted, but I've seen worse. If the MST3K
crew never did
their comedy thing with this one, they really missed out.
Starsky & Hutch
(2004)
- 5 out of 10 -
This movie is worth watching for one thing and one thing only - Will
Ferrell's "dragon" scene at the prison
interview. It would be pointless to try and explain it,
but if you've seen it you know where I'm
coming from;
if not, after this scene you can turn the film off if you
want. Some dumb expendable laughs here and there,
but nothing special about the rest of the film.
Star Wars Episode III
(2005)
- 5 out of 10 -
The more I think about this, the more I think that a "5" is being
terribly generous. Remove the Jar-Jar Binks
disaster from Episode One, and this is by far the
worst of the six Star Wars films. Great ideas, very imag-
inative all around, but poor execution. I'm
not sure how, but the special effects actually look worse here
than
in the previous two films, and there is way too much of it. The
acting is atrocious, but I've come to expect that
and want to give them a pass considering most of the time the actors
are in front of a blue screen for the
majority of their roles. Doesn't make it any more watchable.
All told, I guess I'm glad I watched it for the
escapism at least, but I was disappointed - and my expectations were
pretty low to begin with.
The Statement
(2003)
- 6.5 out of 10 -
It’s pretty surprising that a film directed by Norman Jewison and
starring Michael Caine could
have flown as far under the radar as this one has…I consider myself
fairly well informed, and didn’t
even know this existed until a few weeks ago. This is the tale of
a Nazi-collaborating French soldier,
on the run since the war for killing 7 Jews, in modern day
France. This character is played superbly
by Caine, completely believable as a man with duel personalities
constantly at battle within him – on
one side the murderous rogue, the other
side a deeply religious man upset with the turn the Catholic
church has taken.
The whole thing played like a fictionalized true account and I believe
this to be the case, but can’t
verify. The movie has a number of
slow points, but they interject Caine and action in just enough to
make it a fairly enjoyable flick.
State of Grace (1990)
- 8.5 out of 10 –
Considering the popularity of the topic of gangs, it’s surprising that
there haven’t been more films
made about the Irish mobs…it’s not just Italians running the
underground of this country after all, but
they get the most press.
This film is a fine example of how any mob movie should be made,
regardless of which ethnic back-
ground they are claiming – great characters, interesting story lines,
and a huge finale that will have
you on the edge of your seat. But more than anything, this movie
is run on the backs of some of the
finest actors in the business – Ed Harris, Sean Penn, and most
importantly, Gary Oldman,
who will
forever be one of the greatest actors at portraying insane criminal
killers (see also True Romance,
The Professional, Romeo Is Bleeding…). The final shoot out is one
of the greatest gun battles ever
put on film as far as I’m concerned.
Stealth (2005)
- 2 out of 10 -
I think I fell asleep with my eyes open watching this…cause the only
things I can remember about this pile
was Jamie Foxx acting really pompous (so that obviously means he dies),
Jessica Biel looking pretty
damn hot, and a bunch of crappy flying effects. If those sound
like the building blocks of a movie you’d
actually want to watch, have at it.
Stick It (2006)
-
3 out of 10 -
“The Dude” made
a teenage
gymnastics movie. Donny is rolling over in his grave right now. Or
rather
his ashes are, from La Jolla to Leo Carrillo and up to Pismo. At least
the star,
Missy Peregrym is kinda
cute...she looks like a
female version of Hilary Swank. So that's something, I guess.
Straight, No Chaser
(1989)
- 7 out of 10
-
Don’t get me wrong
– watching Thelonious Monk play music is akin to watching a living
piece of art, the
man was truly in a
category all his own – but it would have been nice if this documentary
was more doc-
umentary-like. As it is, it feel much more like a collection of
live performances with a very bare bones
framework around
it, not unlike Jim Jarmusch’s film on Neil Young, Year of the
Horse.
I guess I could just
read a book on the
man to supplement my current meager amount of knowledge, but I want it
in movie
form dammit!
But seriously, just
rent this, watch one of the greatest geniuses in the history of music
play, and be sure
no flies buzz into
your mouth while your jaw hangs open.
Straight to Hell
(1987)
- 5 out of 10 -
In straight movie terms, this is a
terrible film – poor acting, bad script, nothing really
going for it. But the star
power is undeniable, and the only reason to watch it…Joe Strummer and Jim Jarmusch as
characters makes
it instantly worth checking out at
least once. You can also see Courtney Love as a
trainwreck pre-Kurt
Cobain, which is always a good time. And there is a song about
ketchup and salsa as well but
I kinda
spaced out and don’t remember the context of that one. This movie
is probably a good candidate for
getting together with your friends
and watching, possibly with alcohol or narcotics involved. Or at
least
those things might make the story make more sense.
Strangers with Candy
(2005)
- 7 out of 10 -
What you got here is a movie version of one of the funniest shows to
ever exist. The problem is that the
very nature of this story line is that it is best suited for a
sitcom...when you try to stretch out one plot line
over the span of an hour and a half, it sadly doesn't work as well.
It was still pretty damn funny and certainly
worth seeing, but like most of these sorts of films (see most of the
SNL movies in particular), some of the
jokes wear old over the long term. On top of that, they strangely
chose to change some of the actors in
some of the lead roles - I can't imagine why, it's hard to believe her
original dad or brother weren't available.
I know this sounds negative but I don't mean it to be - it was still
pretty damn funny and better than most of
the crap that comes out. And Amy Sedaris is brilliant as usual;
here is to hoping she gets more roles...my
dream is that some day her and Will Ferrell star opposite of each other
in a super dumb movie which will
undoubtedly be the funniest thing ever made and the world might
implode.
Stroker Ace (1983)
- 7 out of 10 -
I must have
watched this movie dozens
of times as a kid – my next door neighbors were huge Nascar fans
and
anything
Nascar-related got run into the ground there. I loved
the movie but it had been ages since I saw it last –
would it hold
up to my memories? Well, in fact, it did. The fact of the matter is
that during this period of time Burt
Reynolds
couldn't do anything
wrong, and dressing him in a chicken costume while he drives a race
car is about
as far from
wrong as you can possibly get. Throw in
some Jim Nabors and some Bubba Smith and you've got
a winner in my
book.
Sucker Free City
(2004)
- 8 out of 10
-
The backstory: this
2-hour film, directed by Spike
Lee, was meant as the pilot of a series that was going to
air on Cinemax or
Showtime, I forget which, but it didn’t get picked up. Their
reasoning was that no one
would watch it
unless Spike Lee directed more of the series other than the pilot, but
he was unable to commit
because of other
filmmaking he was planning. So now they are just showing the
pilot as a
movie, and
noticeably, it
leaves you hanging at the end. I haven’t been this pissed off
about a show getting fucked over
since Freaks &
Geeks
went off the air.
As for the pilot
itself, it is set and filmed in San Francisco, which could partially
explain my fondness. The
film follows three
main characters – a reluctant gang banger from Hunter’s Point, a white
kid stuck in HP
because of his
hippy parents, and a low-rung Chinese mafia man trying to make the best
of his life. One of
the biggest reasons
this film was so successful was the believeability of the charactersm
due mostly to the
fact that it was
written by a native San Franciscan who obviously knows his stuff.
He
did a fantastic job of
giving each of the
main characters that quality of being likeable while still doing
heinous things. Each of these
characters is
walking a tight rope between good and bad, and the struggle that would
have been presented in
future episodes
would have been very entertaining. It is my deepest hope that
someone comes to their senses
and decides to make
this series happen after all, or at least make a follow up film to
close some of the story
lines. But
I’m not holding my breath.
Suicide Club (2002)
- 5.5 out of 10
-
I'm going to go
with the most obvious
statement known to man – the Japanese really know how to make
some
seriously fucked up and weird movies. The entire film is about
school kids around Japan committing
suicide because of what seems to
be some sort of subliminal messages in the music of an all-girl pop
group. The only problem is, as near as I could tell, they never
really give you any reason as to the “why”
and/or “how” these
things happened. Despite some terrible special effects, the suicides
featured in the
flick were pretty effective at creeping me out and I
don't consider myself very squeamish. Worth watching
for the shock
value I guess, but if you're looking for a cohesive story you might
want to go elsewhere.
A Summer in the Cage
(2006)
- 5 out of 10 -
What was sold to
me as a documentary on
street ball in New York City quickly devolved into the study
of one
player and his struggle with bipolar disorder. Not unlike the player
that was suffering, the film had
a tendency to ramble on without real
strong direction. Perhaps if I hadn't gotten myself excited for a
basketball documentary I might have enjoyed this more.
Summer School (1987)
- 7 out of 10
-
Everything about
this is classic 80's awesomeness - the "losers do
good"
story, the fashion, giving Mark
Harmon
paying acting gigs, Kirstie Alley in non-plus-sized
clothing...good times all around. This was Carl
Reiner's last great
film, the man who brought us The Jerk, and it's a perfect feel-good
film full of quirky char-
acters
where everyone wins in the end - except that dastardly dean,
of course, who gets his come-uppance.
Not a lot to analyze
here really - silly movie, cute girls, funny clothes, everybody wins.
Superbad
(2007)
- 8.5 out of 10
-
I laughed so
much watching this that I
nearly shit my pants. There is no doubting that Judd Apatow and his
crew of henchmen
have the midas touch, and this is yet another gold
brick in their wall of success. And in
fact, this might
be the
crowning achievement of all of their films and shows, a stunningly
accurate look at
teenage life as
good if not better than Apatow's
“Freaks and Geeks”. This achievement was probably
helped by the
fact that Seth Rogan wrote this film when he actually was a teenager,
and only made some
slight modifications
in bringing it to the big
screen today.
As important as
the screenplay was,
this film wouldn't have been nearly as successful if it wasn't for
some
A+ casting...Jonah Hill, Michael Cera, and Christopher
Mintz-Plasse are near perfect as the leads. Hope-
fully all three of
these young actors see many, many more roles come their way.
Supercross: The Movie
(2005)
- 3 out of 10 -
It should probably called “Supercross: The Almost-Movie”, as
the actual story part of this glorified motor-
cross video is thin to non-existent. Honestly, that’s probably
for the best, though I wouldn’t have minded
a little extra screen time for hottie co-star Cameron Richardson, who
looks like she could be Daryll
Hannah’s little sister (or possibly daughter at this point).
Actually, now that I think about it she’s really the
only reason to watch this, or maybe to laugh at Aaron Carter
trying to be tough in his 5 minutes of screen
time. Anyways, stupid movie but you already knew that;
maybe if you like dramatic motorcross races this
is for you, otherwise, just watch a real race on TV and you’ll probably
enjoy it more.
Superman Returns
(2006)
- 7 out of 10 -
Despite the best efforts of the writing and most of the cast, the
combination of Kevin Spacey, Parker
Posey, and some bitchin' special effects actually made this a
watchable, decent movie. Brandon Routh
as Superman is just as wooden as Christopher Reeve in the role; Kate
Bosworth is downright terrible as
Lois Lane, and the no-names playing her family might have even been
worse; and most of all, it was at
least 45 minutes too long for no reason I could discern. Spacey
made a fabulous Lex Luthor, so much
so that if you were like me you were rooting for him to win, even if
you knew it would never happen. No
doubt they are going to make a bunch of these...here's to hoping
they can straighten out some of the kinks
from this one, and by "straighten out" I mostly mean ship Kate Bosworth
to Siberia or something.
Support Your Local
Gunfighter (1971)
- 7 out of 10 -
I vaguely
remembered watching this a
few years back when I was watching my way through the western
section
of the video store I was working at, but it had nowhere near the
effect it had on me this time around.
This is a damn funny movie,
really more a comedy than a western anyways, and James Garner is
pitch-
perfect in the role of a fast talking city man trying to sweet
talk women out of their money but without the
good sense not to
gamble it all away. He pairs up with western screen legend Jack Elam
and from there
on...well, the term “hijinks ensue” comes to mind. With side stories of
rival gold mines, dynamite explosions,
and
impersonated gunslingers, there is no shortage of scenarios that lead
to a flustered Garner and
eventually laughs.
Swamp Diamonds (1955)
- 3 out of 10 -
(Watched via Mystery Science Theatre 3000)
Roger Corman is obviously known for his high quality films, and in
Swamp Diamonds, his directorial
debut, he sets the bar quite high. Seriously, I'd be surprised to
learn that anything more than 500 bucks
was spent on this thing. Bad acting, cheap stock footage and a
goofy story, this flick actually makes
some of his later work look quite professional by comparison. But
I would like to point out that this movie
contained one of the most unintentionally hilarious scenes I've ever
seen - during one point someone was
"drowning" in the swamp, but when they cut to a close up of the
struggling swimmer the dark murky water
is all of the sudden crystal clear and you quickly realize the scene
was shot in a lap pool...you can even
see the lines on the bottom of the pool through the water!
Hilarious, as is the MST3K commentary, but
the film itself is dreadful.
Sweet Sixteen (2002)
- 8.5 out of 10 -
Ken Loach sure knows how to make a bleak film, and this is probably his
best yet. It
follows a group of lower-class
kids from the Glasgow projects,
specifically focusing on the character of Liam, and his
attempt to lift himself above
his current caste by any means necessary. As you might expect if
you’ve ever seen a Loach film,
things do not go
as planned and end poorly for nearly all involved. What makes
this film so impressive is the acting – Martin
Compston does a brilliant job as Liam, as does everyone; you don’t fee
like you are watching a movie, you feel
like you are watching a documentary and this is all real. The
cinematography is brilliant, managing to make the
glamorous ugly and the run-down
beautiful, showing Scotland in a light not usually seen.
And the accents…my god,
good luck understanding a word anyone says, and I’m usually good with
these sorts of things. Luckily the film is
subtitled, and you actually do start picking up on it as the film goes
on. Highly recommended.
Sympathy for Mr. Vengeance
(2002)
- 7 out of 10 -
There was something very Shakespearian and tragic to this whole affair,
where everyone generally gets
someone and then gets gotten. Director Chan- Wook
Park pulled the best
elements of horror, revenge
and drama films together into one flick where if you think something
bad might possibly happen, then it
probably will. The story is easy to understand but
too convoluted to play out here, but needless to say
good intentions turn into bad ideas with even
worse
execution, and cue the violence. This movie seems
to get compared a lot to Oldboy since they are
both Korean and center around revenge, but in my mind
that's where the comparisons stop. In Oldboy
there is a series of ups and downs, and you grow to care
for the main character; in this film, it seems more as if you are a
passive viewer, seeing everyone's faults
and weaknesses, and while few of the victims are truly bad people, most
brought their downfall upon them-
selves. It leaves you with an entirely different feeling at the end of the movie, and I can't say that I
like one
over the other, but certainly both stories are worth checking
out.
Sympathy for the
Underdog (7.5/10)
- 7.5 out of 10 -
Great, old-school style gangster story, but from a Japanese
perspective. An old gang gets dissipated, their
leader goes to the clink; fast forward a few years and the old gang
wants to take their territory back from the
new kids now doing the shakedowns. Shootings and robberies and
general tomfoolery ensues, all while
wearing great 1970's suits. If I looked that awesome in those
suits I'd wear them all the time, but since I
don't I'll leave it up to the yakuza.
Syriana (2005)
- 7.5 out of 10 -
I’m still not sure about what happened here, but I know it was
enjoyable. It looked great, good
performances all around, George Clooney had a nice beard…all of the
staples of quality film-
making. Arms, oil and underhandedness could have been
the title of this flick, and honestly I
should go back and re-watch it instead of trying to pull off a
half-assed review, but whatever.
Even in my state of confusion I’m certain it’s a film worth
watching.
The Taking of the Pelham
One Two Three (1974)
- 7.5 out of 10 -
Walter motherfuckin’ Matthau! Man I love
that guy and pretty much every film he touches is golden.
He is one member in the ensemble of stars - also featuring Jerry
Stiller!; you know, to make a good
film in the 70s you had to have an “ensemble”,
not just one big name leading the way….dunno why.
Anyway, this is an often-overlooked classic 70’s crime caper flick
about a group of criminals hijacking
a New York City subway car in demand for a ransom. This film was
one of the big influences on
Quentin Tarrentino’s Reservoir Dogs - look no further than the
characters’ names in the pic: Mr. Blue,
Mr. Gray, Mr. Brown, and Mr. Green.
In typical 70’s action film fashion, the use of tension and superior
acting takes the place of CGI
explosions that we know of today. It wasn’t that long ago when
talented actors like Matthau and
Gene Hackman and Paul Newman starred in action
films - they were entertaining for everyone, not
just the lowest common denominator. Where is the motheruckin’
Matthau for my generation?
Goddammit!
Talk Radio (1988)
- 7 out of 10 -
One of Oliver Stone's more forgotten films, for some reason this (and
to a lesser extent the much sillier
but similarly themed Pump Up the Volume) factored very strongly into my
high school years, when I
watched it a number of times. Which is especially curious
considering how little I listen to talk radio as an
adult, I would have figured it would have had a much stronger impact at
this point, but I'm getting off on a
tangent here...
Anyways, the
basic idea here
is that of a shock jock with a late night call in show slowly going off
the deep
end as he tries to balance love, life, having his show go national, and
dealing with the crazy callers on a
regular basis. This is all made worse by his extremely
antagonistic attitude towards his listeners and the
world in general, and it all boils over into disaster in
the end. Eric Bogosian does a fantastic
job as the lead,
and the whole shebang is based on a play he wrote inspired by the
murder of Denver radio host Alan Berg.
I know it's not a hard film to find, but it does often seem to go
unjustly unnoticed, which is a shame.
Talledega
Nights (2006)
- 8 out of 10 -
Yes, another classic Will Ferrell as-dumb-as-rocks comedy. This
is right in his wheelhouse, the kind of
flick that only gets better with repeated viewings, the sort
of movie you annoy your friends with by quoting
it constantly. I shit you not, during the first 15 minutes of
this film I was crying from laughing so hard –
actual tears rolling down my face. This hasn’t happened often to
me. Sure, the story is rote, most of the
characters are one-dimensional, and it gets a little too serious in the
middle as these sorts of films tend
to do, but it is still one of the funniest movies I’ve seen all year
and I’ll be owning this DVD just for the
outtakes. John C. Reilly deserves special mention in his turn as
Ferrell’s sidekick, easily the funniest
co-starring role in years and further evidence that Reilly is one of
the most underrated actors of all time…
his ideas on Jesus and porno career confession might be the best parts
of the entire film.
Tarnation (2004)
- 5 out of 10 -
While I didn't find the end result of this film all that entertaining,
I loved the concept behind it and have to
give credit to a pretty damn original idea. And the fact that
this cat Jonathan Caouette managed to store
this much information in his life - video, photos, recordings,
answering machine messages, etc - well, that's
a great measure of will power and forward-thinking that I wish I had.
It's also probably a dign of insanity, but
I digress. Mostly, it just has a few too many moments that are
overly-arty for no real reason,
and I think the
story was interesting enough that it didn't need all that.
Team America: World
Police (2004)
- 6.5 out of 10 -
I’m not
typically a hhuuuuge (TM Donald Trump) fan of Trey Parker and Matt
Stone, the creative forces
behind South Park and Team America: World Police. Don’t get me wrong,
I’ve enjoyed the odd episode
of South Park I’ve caught but largely felt like the humor wasn’t meant
for me. But, I am a fan of satire,
especially
in this ridiculously heated political climate. Thus, I was excited for
Team America. The film,
“acted” by
marionettes, follows a team of all-American crime fighters as they
battle terrorists and defend
freedom. Kim Jong Il is trying to blow up the world, Matt Damon, Tim
Robbins and other celebs are mer-
cilessly skewered and a couple of puppets make sweet, sweet puppet
love. The best bits were the musical
numbers; Kim Jong Il singing about loneliness and the Team America
anthem: “America: Fuck Yeah” are
highlights. Unfortunately, the digs at politically outspoken
celebs, the genre of action films and middle
America felt almost soft and gentle. I expected edgier stuff
from the South Park crew. I found myself checking
my watch and thinking about the shoes I saw earlier in Macy's. Overall,
it’s moderately entertaining but not a
gut buster.
(Chelsea Junget)
Tentacles (1977)
- 2 out of 10 -
I just sorta randomly happened upon this film, and what started out as
a mild curiosity ended with me watching
the entirety of this schlock-fest. Oh the horrors that
this film was! Basically, this is an Italian-made flick about
a killer octopus that was obviously trying to cash in
on the Jaws craze of the 70's. I can't imagine their cashing-
in attempt was very successful though.
The entire cast is obviously dubbed, but like all good dubbed
Italian
movies it also has bit parts for a
couple of American legends, in this case John Huston and Henry
Fonda.
Honestly, the only good thing I
can think to say about this film is that it had an exremely high beard
ratio,
maybe
4:1 or so...that's a lot of beards.
Texas Chainsaw Massacre:
The Beginning
(2006)
- 5 out of 10 -
First off: I've
gotta give major props
for having R. Lee Ermey's character getting so much screen ti