I’m not typically a hhuuuuge (TM Donald Trump) fan of Trey Parker and Matt Stone, the creative forces
behind South Park and Team America: World Police. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve enjoyed the odd episode
of South Park I’ve caught but largely felt like the humor wasn’t meant for me. But, I am a fan of satire,
especially in this ridiculously heated political climate. Thus, I was excited for Team America. The film,
“acted” by marionettes, follows a team of all-American crime fighters as they battle terrorists and defend
freedom. Kim Jong Il is trying to blow up the world, Matt Damon, Tim Robbins and other celebs are mer-
cilessly skewered and a couple of puppets make sweet, sweet puppet love. The best bits were the musical
numbers; Kim Jong Il singing about loneliness and the Team America anthem: “America: Fuck Yeah” are
highlights. Unfortunately, the digs at politically outspoken celebs, the genre of action films and middle 
America felt almost soft and gentle. I expected edgier stuff from the South Park crew. I found myself checking
my watch and thinking about the shoes I saw earlier in Macy's. Overall, it’s moderately entertaining but not a
gut buster. 
(Chelsea Junget)


Teeth (2007)
- 6 out of 10 -

When you are told this is a “lite” horror film about a shy girl with teeth in her vagina, your mind might run a
little wild. But it plays out exactly as you would expect – cute shy girl, fucked up living situation, always
having dudes push up on her in unwarranted fashions, and the end result is a pecker that gets bitten off by
her lady bits. It don't wander too far off the path you expect of it, be that good or bad.


Tentacles (1977)
 - 2 out of 10 -

I just sorta randomly happened upon this film, and what started out as a mild curiosity ended with me watch-
ing the entirety of this schlock-fest.  Oh the horrors that this film was!  Basically, this is an Italian-made flick
about a killer octopus that was obviously trying to cash in on the Jaws craze of the 70's.  I can't imagine their
cashing-in attempt was very successful though.  The entire cast is obviously dubbed, but like all good dubbed
Italian movies it also has bit parts for a couple of American legends, in this case John Huston and Henry
Fonda.  Honestly, the only good thing I can think to say about this film is that it had an exremely high beard
ratio, maybe 4:1 or so...that's a lot of beards.


Terror Train (1980)
- 5.5 out of 10 -

It's a train, and there is a terror on it, so it's hard to argue with the title. And no, the terror isn't the magic
of a young David Copperfield, which is featured prominently throughout the flick; it's not Ben Johnson
either, being as grizzled as ever; no, the terror is a crazed killer! Yes, it's a slasher flick featuring a crazed
killer, surely a unique plot twist if I ever saw one. This is one of the many fine films that make up the Jamie
Lee Curtis' "Scream Queen" era, and while it may not be up to the level of "Halloween" or "Prom Night",
it's a pretty good typical campy horror flick.


Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning (2006)
- 5 out of 10 -

First off: I've gotta give major props for having R. Lee Ermey's character getting so much screen time in
this sequel/prequel/whatever the fuck it is – he makes any film he is in at least watchable, no matter how
terrible the source material is. And with this flick, unless you are talking about the “physical assets” of the
leading ladies, the source material here is very weak. But it is what it is – a slasher film loosely following
the legend of Leatherface. You got your gore, you got your bad jokes, you got your awful acting...really, it's
got everything you might expect.


Texasville (1990)
 - 6 out of 10 -

Not altogether terrible, but certainly an unnecessary sequel to one of the greatest american movies ever
made, The Last Picture Show.  Not only is the story subpar, it's also pretty much pointless.  The whole
thing plays out like a long episode of Northern Exposure - slightly quirky, overly dramatic and occasionally
funny.  This works in an hour-long TV show, but has no real place attached to a story with a history of the
magnitude this flick has.  


Thank You For Smoking (2006)
- 8 out of 10 -

Hilarious, this film is satire at it's finest.  What better way to lampoon the silly and destructive vice that is
smoking than make a pro-smoking film full of maroons?  Aaron Eckhart is outstanding in the lead role as
a lobbyist/PR man for the tobacco industry - so convincing that I almost changed my mind about smoking,
until I remembered that I can't breathe around the stuff.  The film also features a couple of the best char-
acter actors working today in JK Simmons and David Koechner; pretty much anytime I see Koechner on
the screen I start giggling, and I blame his performance of Champ Kind in the Anchorman for this.  Katie
Holmes is even good in this flick in her limited role, which I'm assuming is pre-scientology brainwashing. 
One thing that was interesting is the few times that her breasts were referenced, and before that point I
don't know that I'd ever taken note of them (her cute face would seem to be the draw as far as I can tell). 
Anyways, I'm sure this won't do well in the theatres as satires rarely do, but anyone who wants a good
laugh should most definitely check this one out.


There Will Be Blood (2007)
- 8.5 out of 10 -

What can you say here...this movie is rad, this movie is depressing, this movie is moving, this movie is
lots of things. As always, Daniel Day Lewis is brilliant, and almost equally impressive is the demented
downer of a score that keeps things moving. Plus, a huge chunk of the film is about milkshakes, and I
love milkshakes!!!


They Live (1988)
- 6.5 out of 10 -

Easily my favorite film of all time about a magic pair of sunglasses, starring a professional wrestler.
Space aliens! Subliminal messages! Over a third of the movie spent having Rowdy Roddy Piper get in
a fist fight with Keith David Keith David Keith (the black one)! Despite the completely goofy plot line, I
actually like this movie – no one does B horror/sci-fi films like John Carpenter, and this one keeps it
short, sweet, and to the point.


Thieves Highway (1949)
- 7.5 out of 10 -

A noir film set in San Francisco about long-haul trucking?  Sign me up!  This disc is put out by Criterion so
you know the print is just amazing, and honestly the best part of the film…it is a visual feast for your eyes. 
Another great sight is seeing San Francisco in the late forties, a time I’d give a nut to travel back to.  Like
most noir films the acting isn’t great but the story is, and as mentioned before the look and feel of the film
is beyond reproach and at a much higher level than you’d expect.  Criterion really do the best work of any-
one when it comes to reissuing classic films, to the point now that anything put out by them I’ll at least give
a chance, cause even if the film is boring it will probably be interesting visually.


Thieves Like Us (1974)
- 7 out of 10 -

How did Robert Altman make a good prohibition-era bank robber movie set in the deep south, and it
escape me up until now? In typical Altman fashion, it includes Shelley Duvall being her usual creepy self
(though maybe a hair less creepy than usual), it includes one of the Carradines, and it's a real joy to watch.
Bonus points to it being filmed on location in Mississippi, which despite being 50 years removed from
when the film is set, looks as timely as ever. And I'm guessing they didn't have to do much set building to
make this happen.


Thinner (1996)
- 4 out of 10 -

Based on the Stephen King story, this made-for-TV movie about a fat lawyer getting cursed by a gypsy to
thinness after running down his daughter plays out to be just as goofy as it sounds. The movie can't decide
if it wants to be funny or scary, going for both but ending up neither. Additionally, the fat suits used in the film
set special effects and costume design back 50 years in their shoddiness.


Thirst (2009)
 - 4 out of 10 -

A Korean vampire movie.  Honestly, it was pretty boring and I was kinda zoned out for most of it.  It involved
some vampire priest and the woman he was in love with.  Some uninteresting shit happened.  The end. 


13 Going on 30 (2004)
 - 6.5 out of 10 -

For all the hype and press surrounding Jennifer Garner, I have not seen her in a role beyond Noel's mousy
girlfriend in Felicity.   I felt the hype was deserved as she managed to carry the weight of this ho-hum teen
flick squarely on her shoulders.   Garner plays Jenna Rink, a slightly dorky preteen whose 13th birthday party
goes horribly wrong when the cool crowd locks her in the closet. Jenna's birthday wish, to be grown up and
glamorous, comes true and she's catapulted into the future.   She's a successful magazine editor, dates a
professional hockey player but she's not a very nice person.  The delicious Mark Ruffalo is her estranged
childhood friend who has lost faith in Jenna over the years.

This movie was fun, silly and only a little bit painful.  I could have done without the scene when Jenna livens
up a party by leading the crowd in the "Thriller" dance.  All in all good, fluffy fun. (Chelsea Junget)


30 Days of Night (2007)
- 7.5 out of 10 -

There are a ton of things wrong with this movie, very basic items that would completely change the complex
of this film otherwise – the size of the town, the length of the darkness, the closing of the airport (or, in par-
ticular, the town is a ton bigger than it is presented, the airport never closes, and it is never dark for 24 hours
a day, though it gets close). But despite these glaring inaccuracies, I enjoyed this film a lot. A desolate town in
the middle of nowhere, being ravaged by a strange breed of vampires...it is a damn creepy good time. If only
they had used a fake town instead of the actual town of Barrow, many of the goofs that nag at you would have
never come up.


This Filthy World (2005)
- 8 out of 10 -

A film of the legendary John Waters doing a comical monologue in front of an audience. Really, that's about
all you can say...if you like John Waters, like I do, you'll probably really dig this; if you don't like the man, I can't
imagine you'd ever watch this in the first place. He talks about his history in films, in pretty much chronological
order, and a lot of the battles he's gotten into trying to get his art on the big screen.

As an interesting tidbit, the flick was directed by Jeff Garlin, best known from “Curb Your Enthusiasm” as Larry's
agent and good friend. I never knew he directed films or even knew John Waters, but there you go.


This Is England (2006)
- 7 out of 10 -

Know this – I am drawn to a movie or book about English hooliganism in the eighties like a moth to a flame.
Something about that era I find incredibly fascinating, and this film really did a good job of feeding my desires.
The story line is simple – a young boy with a poor home life latches on to some older kids who happen to be
skinheads, and ends up getting in way over his head. This flick is a semi-autobiographical account of director
Shane Meadows' childhood, Meadows being the man behind other great British fare like “Twentyfourseven”
and “Dead Man's Shoes”, the cat is sort of a new generation version Mike Leigh, and I mean that as the
highest of compliments. The kid who plays the lead character Shaun, Thomas Turgoose, is really fantastic
and will hopefully see more work soon before he hits the awkward teen years that seems to decimate most
young talent.


The Thomas Crown Affair (1968)
- 6 out of 10 -

I can't honestly say I enjoyed this film that much from a “story” standpoint, but sometimes the story doesn't
much matter. Here you have Steve McQueen at the height of his powers, Fays Dunaway at her hottest, a
young Yaphet Kotto, and styles for miles...seriously, every aspect of this flick from the clothes to the furniture
to the cars to the homes was drool-worthy. For the most part, I didn't care what was going on, so long as it
continued to by eye candy from start to finish – and it did.


The Three Burials of Melquiades Estrada (2005)
- 8.5 out of 10 -

Somehow, despite the star power involved this film completely escaped me when it first came out.  But I
noticed it on the cable western channel, had some free time on my hands, so what the hell, decided to give
it a shot. The was a smart move on my part – this is one of the best “modern” westerns I've seen in a long
time, probably the best since “Lone Star” over ten years ago. It's also one of the most honest looks at illegal
immigration ever produced, even if it isn't the primary storyline. This film lives and breathes and sucks you in,
not only the well-written screenplay by Guillermo Arriaga (also known as the writer behind Babel, Amores
Perros, and 21 Grams) but the cast as well – Tommy Lee Jones not only stars in this film but directed it as
well, and he is helped by a cast of greats such as Dwight Yoakam, Levon Helm, Julio Cedillo, Melissa Leo
and Barry Pepper. I can't recommend this film highly enough.


Through the Fire (2005)
- 6.5 out of 10 -

I love documentaries and I love basketball, so it doesn't take a crystal ball to see that I might enjoy this film.
And it was pretty good, certainly entertaining; but I just can't bring myself to give it a very high score based
on the simple fact that I just didn't much care for the star of the flick, Sebastian Telfair. I'm not sure what it
was about the kid – the swagger, the know-it-all attitude, or maybe just the fact that I know he hasn't been
worth a shit since he made the NBA, but whatever the reason I almost found myself pulling against him,
even though the slant of the doc was obviously very pro-Telfair. He's still a young kid, and might make
something of himself as a pro player eventually, but between a number of off-court incidents and this
document to his pompousness, he'll most likely never repair the damage done to his image.


Tideland (2005)
- 5 out of 10 -

I saw this on the Netflix and wondered how it was possible that a Terry Gilliam film managed to get released
without me knowing about it. And then I watched the movie, and it made sense...it's not very good. Told from
the point-of-view of a small orphaned child, the film shows a lot of imagination with the visuals but the story
makes about as much sense as a lead weight taking swimming lessons. I suppose that was point, as it was
supposed to be fractured like the thoughts of a very young little girl, but that doesn't mean it makes for good
viewing material. Kudos to Gilliam to sticking with the premise he set out with, but hopefully he has a much
more palatable idea for his next film.


Tightrope (1982)
  - 6 out of 10 -

Clint Eastwood – in a cop movie?  Unpossible!  This one has a slightly different twist to it though - instead of
a gun totin’ bad ass with no regard for anyone’s personal safety, here he plays a single father with a vulnerable
side.  The film revolves around his hunt for a serial killer and rapist who seems to be specifically targeting
females that Eastwood has had some manner of relationship with.  As you can imagine, the good guy wins in
the end but it’s a rather disturbing film in the process…the very image of Eastwood as a worn-out cop who
frequents hookers just doesn’t get the blood running like High Plains Drifter or Dirty Harry.  Like most of his
movies though it’s a decent viewing, but I think it made me depressed more than anything.


Titicut Follies (1967)
 - 7 out of 10 -

A classic of cinéma verité, this documentary shows the comings and goings of patients in a Massachusetts
mental hospital.  It's an absolutely cruel film in how the patients are treated, but an important view into how
the mentally disabled were treated only a few decades ago.  The film was apparently banned up until the
nineties, and is still tough to come by (as are all of Frederick Wiseman's documentaries).  You won't feel
good after watching this, but you'll definitely be glad you never ended up in a nut house back in the sixties. 


To Live and Die in L.A. (1985)
- 6 out of 10 -

This movie is so “eighties” I felt like frosting the tips of my hair, throwing on a T& C Surf Design T-Shirt, and
going prowling for chicks in my Mustang with louvered windows. At the time, I'm sure they though they were
making a modern, cutting-edge cop drama; but by including so many flash-in-the-pan cultural touch-stones,
it aged the film quickly. It's almost like watching a museum exhibit.

As for the film itself – decent-but-not-great cop film about counterfeiters, crooked police and scads of double
crossing. It's almost film-noir, if the soundtrack and fashion wasn't so distracting. A pretty great cast, including
Willem Dafoe and John Turturro early in their careers.


Tormented (1960)
- 3 out of 10 -

I'm almost certain this film was made as an attempt to create the most boring movie possible. I watched it
via Mystery Science Theatre, and while they made it funny and watchable, without them I doubt I would have
lasted twenty minutes.


Traffic (2004)
 - 8.5 out of 10 -

Damn, who would have thought the USA network would have produced such a worthwhile film?  I was highly,
highly impressed with this – good acting jobs all around (especially from Elias Koteas) and the writing
was fantastic.  Moreover, while keeping the same general idea of the impervious nature of the drug war, the
story is completely different from not only the original UK version but the US theatrical version as well.  If they
play their cards right, and keep this same crew of writers, they could turn this into one hell of a series.

The key players in the film this time around are: the DEA operating to shut down the drug trade in Afghanistan;
the smuggling of illegal immigrants and possible weapons of mass destruction through harbors in the Pacific
Northwest; the Asian mafia and its influence on business; and small time drug addiction caused by neglectful
parents.  Also, more than in any of the other incarnations, the story lines really interweave themselves with
each other so that every little twist and turn cause a ripple effect for all of the stories.


Trainspotting (1996)
 - 10 out 10 -

Man, there was nothing I wanted more than to go out and get a pair of tight jeans and a Scottish accent
and start shooting heroin.  Well, not the heroin, but that other stuff.  I honestly can’t think of another movie
that affected me in such a profound way, made me want to change everything about myself to be more like
them.  For a brief period, this film was my New Kids on the Block, my N’Sync, my New Edition.  It was the
epitome of cool.

And I think it is also one of the best anti-drug campaigns you could ever hope for.  Because as cool as it
seems to be on drugs in the beginning of the film, the downside of the overdoses, both the baby and Tommy’s
death, and the way it fucks up everyone involved other than Renton (who managed to kick his habit) makes
it obvious that the good definitely does not outweigh the bad.  That damn scene with the baby crawling on the
ceiling is enough to have me never touch the stuff. Show this film to some of the DARE kids at an early age,
see how many do anything more than smoke a little grass.

And I haven’t even brought up Diane, known in real life as Kelly Macdonald, known amongst my friends at the
time as “The Trainspotting Girl”.  She was the beginning and end of what constituted “HOT” amongst my friends
and me for years.  The movie would probably get a 10 from me just because she is in it.  I still remember fondly,
on my 21st birthday, me and a group of friends went to the token gay dance club to get lively on their straight
80’s/goth night, and two of my heterosexual male friends danced with each other all night solely to try and move
closer and closer to this girl at the club that looked just like Kelly Macdonald.  I have no idea what they were
trying to achieve, but it seemed like a good idea at the time.  We still talk about that girl fondly.


Transformers (2007)
- 7.5 out of 10 -

I don't make it to the theatre all that often, instead doing most of my film watching at home via netflix. But this is
one example where I wished I'd gotten off my ass and watched the awesome special effects in this goofball flick
on the big screen. Let it be known up front that the story is retarded and pointless, but if you are around my age
and grew up playing with Transformers you can't help but be fascinated with the robots in the movie. There were
a few changes that infuriated my inner nerd, like changing the type of car Bumblebee was and not having
Megatron be a gun, but goddammit the battles were awesome and these were the Transformers! On my screen
kicking ass!! So while this film might be a 5/10 for general movieness (plot, acting, etc), it gets a 10/10 for
making my inner eight-year-old-self as happy as a traveling salesman in a brothel.


Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (2009)
 - 5 out of 10 -

THERE IS NO MOVIE HERE.  It's just a collection of special effects and shots of Megan Fox looking like
a porn star with her clothes on.  Granted, the special effects are really really good, but the film is two and
a half hours long and somewhere around the midway point you just go numb to the computer generated
madness.


Transmorphers (2007)
- 0 out of 10 -

I've seen better acting in a porno. MUCH better acting. And special effects for that matter.


The Transporter 2 (2005)
- 6.5 out of 10 -

This movie was made entirely to film and display a bunch of improbably chase scenes.  Any plot or decent
acting that may have happened along the way was just peripheral claptrap against the main goal of the film. 
In that sense, this film succeeded at what it set out to do, and that’s really all you can judge it on.  This
wasn’t meant to be a “film”, it was meant to be a thrill ride.  And it was.


Trekkies 2 (2004)
 - 6 out of 10 -

You know how they say you can get too much of a good thing?  Well, that’s what you have here.  The first Trekkies
was pretty amusing, a look into the dysfunctional lives of people who spend their whole lives obsessed with a
poorly written sci-fi television show.  But even towards the end of that film it started feeling a little old.  Trekkies 2
feels like a B-sides compilation to the first film, discarded footage that never made the first round.  Now I don’t
actually think that is the case, but it certainly was not as interesting as the earlier footage; about half of the film was
spent seeing how Star Trek fans around the world celebrate the show, another quarter was spent checking up with
characters from the first film, and the remainder is spent on new geeks.  Maybe, if you absolutely loved the first film
you should search this out, but otherwise I wouldn’t go out of my way to watch.


Tremors II: Aftershocks (1996)
 - 5 out of 10 -

I can't imagine anyone, including myself, had particularly high hopes when deciding to watch the first sequel to
"Tremors".  The first film wasn't exactly high cinema, and god knows the budget of a straight-to-video follow-up
couldn't be any higher than a few hundred dollars to buy some beer for Fred Ward (true story: Fred Ward will
perform in any movie for the low payment of only a couple of cases of quality pilsner).  Anyways, it's a fairly fun
movie I guess, what with the explosions and smart-ass comments about the big worms they are fighting; but the
special effects are dreadful, even worse than I would expected.  Everything about the story was pointless, like
adding a plot to a porno - you're just there to see them wrestle with the big worms...which, I suppose, is like a
porno.


Tristan & Isolde (2006)
 - 6 out of 10 -

Movies set in prisons or medievil times, two things that I love regardless of how good or bad the films
might actually be.  And this isn't a very good movie...but still, fun enough to watch.  Sword fights and
women in tight buxom tops and there's always that one dance scene where they do that squirrelly "ren
faire"-style dancing.  Oh, and there's always someone wearing puffy pants...usually an evil prince or
something.  Honestly, I don't even remember the actually story to this - some sort of unrequited love
thing I think - but it's a fun enough film, plenty of action and romance and all that shit to tide most folks
over.


Triumph of the Spirit (1989)
- 7 out of 10 -

There have been about a million tales of WWII, and almost as many that focus on the plight of the jewish
in concentration camps. They all are basically the same movie, and generally a very good one, but the
same nonetheless with slight changes to the window dressing. “Triumph of the Spirit” very much fits this
description, the plot twist here revolving around boxing. Willem Dafoe plays a former boxing champ who
fights to keep himself and his loved ones alive and away from the worst jobs in the camp, with mixed
results. It's a good picture, definitely highlighted by the performance of Dafoe and supporting actor
Costas Mandylor. This might not get the hype “Schindler's List” or that ilk, but it is nearly as good a film
that is well worth checking out.


Troop Beverly Hills (1989)
- 5 out of 10 -

In theory, this movie doesn't even deserve this many points, but I have a soft spot in my heart from
watching it too many times as a kid. And I'm not even sure why I watched it so many times – a story
about a girl scout troop in Beverly Hills shouldn't appeal to a rough and tumble lad. But somehow, some
way, I kept watching, and when I saw it on cable the other day I couldn't help but soak it in again. The film
is also notable for having a large role by indie rock pop princess Jenny Lewis in it, for those interested.
And by notable, I mean its kinda sorta maybe interesting...maybe.


Tropic Thunder (2008)
- 9 out of 10 -

Ben Stiller gets a bad rap, and often I'm the first in line throwing the insults. He makes a lot of crappy
films, and there isn't much defense for that. But just as you want to write him off and never see another
thing he stars in, he comes out with a role that makes you realize he might not be that bad after all...just
seems to lack any sort of filter on what work to take on.

This is definitely the greatest of any of those “redemption” films he has ever done, and not only is he the
star here but wrote and directed it as well. It helps that he is basically playing a parody of himself, and
that the rest of his cast is impeccable. And speaking of redemption, Tom Cruise's portrayal of a douche-
bag Hollywood agent may go down as the single greatest thing that man has been involved with since
that shirtless volleyball scene in “Top Gun”.


The True Meaning of Pictures (2002)
 - 9 out of 10 -

Since I’m a crappy photographer and actually from near where this was filmed, it was a no-brainer for
me – this documentary appealed to me on many, many levels.  The movie had two purposes – to
explore the work and subjects of Shelby Lee Adams, and to question the very nature of objective
photography.

The subject matter at hand is extremely fascinating to me – set in the Appalachian hollers in eastern
Kentucky, it’s not all that dissimilar from some areas where I grew up in western North Carolina.  It is
an area of extreme poverty, and also of great ingenuity – some of the materials and methods they use
for everyday items, building houses, and eeking out a living are quite impressive.  Adams has become
friends with his subjects over the years, returning time and time again to the same families and docu-
menting their lives, hardships and all.  And for this he has received his share of criticism, in perpetuating
the “hillbilly” stereotype that pervades that part of the country.

And that is where part of the debate comes from – is this exploitation, or documentation and art? 
Adams, who grew up near most of his subjects and has intimate knowledge of the land and people,
obviously feels there is no exploitation here, but plenty of other disagree.  Personally, I would have to
agree with Adams – you document subjects, be it good or bad.  The fact is that poverty still exists at
great levels in this country, and ignoring the problem won’t help anything.  Adams gets a sign-off from
all of his subjects before anything is published, and from the participants in the movie, they all seem to
like the photos very much…they know their life is hard and have no problem with it being documented. 
Some naysayers have commented that the participants are not capable of understanding what they are
getting themselves into, but it’s this kind of reasoning that is keeping these folks back just as much as
anything else.

This may not have the same affect on everyone else, but it was a powerful film to me, and should be enjoyable to
most anyone who views it.


The Tunnel (2001)
- 8 out of 10 -

This was a really damn good movie, based on a true story about a group of men and women digging a hole
from West Germany to East Germany in an effort to smuggle loved ones over into freedom. It was executed
beautifully all around, great acting, good pacing and action, and despite the film approaching 3 hours in length
it never dragged (a feat unto itself in my ADD-oriented world). But most of all, I think this film had the biggest
impact on me in that it introduced me to someone who is surely on her way to future stardom – Alexandra
Maria Lara. Not only is she one of the most attractive women to ever cross my eyes, at least based on this
film she is a damn fine actress to boot. Given her IMDB page I'm not alone in these feelings, as she has a ton
of projects in the works with big name actors and directors over the next couple of years.


Turistas (2006)
- 5 out of 10 -

I know this was supposed to be a horror movie, but it mostly just made me want to visit the jungles and remote
beaches of Brazil, organ harvesting assholes be damned. It's one of those classic horror flicks where the pro-
tagonists are such amazingly huge douchebags that you actively pull for the bad guys.


12 Monkeys (1995)
 - 7 out of 10 -

Honestly, I have a hard time NOT liking any picture that features that dark "the world is immensely fucked up
in the future" vibe...I mean, I liked The Postman for chrissakes.  And although the base story of this film is
probably mediocre at best, Terry Gilliam has such a knack for creating visually stunning films that I keep
watching again and again.  Despite the fact that it cannot approach the genius of his masterpiece Brazil, it
does offer a great bit of escapism as well as the best and most interesting role Brad Pitt has ever played.  

I'm not going to go into all of the details of the story, but let me say the following things:
-Bruce Willis makes a great action lead.
-The love story was totally unnecessary.
-The sets in the beginning of the film are amazingly detailed and interesting.
-Additionally, the nut house scenes are the second best part of the film; the use of the tele-
vision to medicate the patients may be a bit trite but it's done convincingly well.

This film is certainly worth seeing, and while you're at it, watch all of Gilliam's films.  They're all friggin' great.


28 Weeks Later (2007)
- 8 out of 10 -

Sequels of horror movies are so rarely good, that no doubt my grade is a touch inflated just because I was so
surprised to see a film of this quality. Add to that a change in director and we're damn lucky we didn't get a
steaming pile of shit here honestly. I think a big part of what makes this sequel work so well is that while the
stories of the two films are obviously related, 28 Weeks Later can work just as well by itself in the event you
have never seen 28 Days Later (though if you haven't seen 28 Days Later, what are you waiting for?). They also
don't scrimp on the story or cast here as often happens with sequels - Robert Carlyle, Jeremy Renner and Harold
Perrineau all do great acting jobs in particular. On top of all this, it's a damn creepy flick, and that isn't something
I can often say - the use of hand held shaky cameras combined with people constantly running either for their life
or to take one and a soundtrack by the always-evocative Godspeed! You Black Emperor kept me pretty tense
from beginning to end.


21 Jump Street (1987)
 - 6 out of 10 -

This series, along with Cry-Baby, is what really jump-started the Johnny Depp career that we know and love
today.  Sadly, although an enjoyable show, this is really the best thing that can be said about 21 Jump Street. 
I actually have really enjoyed re-watching these shows, but they are incredibly dated and quite hokey…but
maybe that’s part of the appeal?  I remember only getting to see this program a handful of times when it
originally aired, as I didn’t get Fox, but I always thought it seemed like it was plenty entertaining.  Anyways,
certainly worth checking out to see Depp’s roots, but nothing to write home about unless you like hokey cops-
posing-as-high-schoolers dramas.


Twin Town (1997)
- 4 out of 10 -

This flick got a lot of flack when it came out for being a “Trainspotting” knock-off, but that was totally unjust –
nothing similar about the story, the characters, or really any part of the construction of the film.  Truly the only
parallels that could be drawn is it came from the British isles and was “quirky”.  The main theme here is a
pair of fuck-up twin brothers who wreak havoc on their small Welsh town and bathe together…it’s much
goofier and ultimately less interesting than Trainspotting.  My big realization was halfway through the picture,
I just didn’t give two shits about any of the characters.  It looked kinda neat, and the accents were nice, but
for thos most part this whole film was background noise.


Twister (1996)
- 4 out of 10 -

I managed to miss this monstrosity for years, but boredom got the best of me and I got around to finally seeing
it...too bad it didn't actually do anything for that boredom. Even for a summer blockbuster this pile is so far from
believable it's tough to watch it without crinkling up your nose at all the ridiculous scenarios. I suppose there
were some neat special effects, but that does not a good film make.


2 Fast 2 Furious (2003)
 - 5 out of 10 -

Look, there's no need for a review here - it's a stupid action flick and everyone knows it.  You like car chases
and bad dialogue and worse acting?  This is your ticket.  Good escapism, cute girls, it fit the role it was
supposed to when I watched it.


Two for the Money (2005)
- 5.5 out of 10 -

Two big stars, one mediocre movie. Putting the combination of Al Pacino and Matthew McConaughey in
anything will make a film instantly watchable, but it doesn't make it good. And this is not particularly good.
I'm not even totally sure why really...perhaps it's a lack of interest in sports betting in my part, and their
attempt to dramatize the highs and lows behind it fell flat. Jeremy Piven has a small role playing a “Type-A”
asshole ala Ari Gold in “Entourage”, so that was one small bright spot.


2001 Maniacs (2005)
-2 out of 10 -

I've gotten past the fact that every good horror movie is going to be remade eventually, and Herschell Gordon
Lewis' classic “Two Thousand Maniacs!” definitely qualifies. But for god's sake people, at least put a little effort
into it. Apparently the folks behind this thought that if you threw together a bunch of attractive terrible actors and
small role for Robert Englund, everything would turn out fine. Well, not so much. The only thing they got right here
was the gore and the occasional set of boobs that got flashed.


Jeff Tweedy: Sunken Treasure Live - In the Pacific Northwest (2006)
- 9 out of 10 -

A concert film of Jeff Tweedy (of Wilco) performing solo at a number of locations on the west coast. If you like the
songs of Wilco, and want to hear them performed acoustically, you'll be in hog heaven with this flick. Otherwise,
move along. Personally, I thought this was super great – not just because of the quality of the recordings, but the
song selections...it was nice that a lot of the older tracks were featured instead of just focusing on the new songs.


Twelve Rounds (2008)
 - 5 out of 10 -

This movie is completely bullshit and terrible, but as it's sole purpose is just a series of action scenes barely
held together with the weakest of plots, it's hard to be too tough on it.  Wrestler John Cena actually makes a
pretty good action star, outside of not being able to act...not that that's stopped a lot of other action stars in the
past.  Hell, he's better than Schwarzenegger, and you can actually understand what he's saying. 


Tyson (2008)
 - 7 out of 10 -

A documentary about the man, the myth and the legend of Mike Tyson.  a combination of archival inter-
views, footage, boxing tape and modern interview footage makes for a nice, interesting film.  No doubt he's
been a man of many high highs and low lows, and this flick does a great job of showing his life story...and
while it doesn't excuse his transgressions, it does somewhat explain how he ended up where he did.