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Reviews
(just scroll down to read)
Observe and Report (7/10)
Oceans 13 (7/10)
Off the Charts: The Song Poem Story (9/10)
Off the Grid: Life on the Mesa (7/10)
Oldboy (8/10)
Old Joy (6/10)
Old School (9/10)
Omagh (7/10)
The Omen (6/10)
Omen IV: The Awakening (2/10)
Once Upon a Time in the Midlands (5.5/10)
One on One (6/10)
On The Edge (6/10)
The Other Guys (7.5/10)
Outfoxed (6/10)
Out of the Darkness (2/10)
The Outsiders (8/10)
Overnight (6/10)

Pack Strap Swallow (5/10)
Palindromes (6/10)
Panic at Needle Park (7.5/10)
Paparazzi (6/10)
Paper Heart (6/10)
Paperboys (4/10)
Paradise Alley (6.5/10)
Paradise Now (8/10)
Paranoid Park (6/10)
Paris, Je T'aime (5.5/10)
Pat Garrett & Billy the Kid (8/10)
Paternity (5.5/10)
Penitentiary II (3/10)
The People That Time Forgot (4/10)
The Perfect Man (0/10)
Picking Up the Pieces (3/10)
Pieces (6/10)
Pineapple Express (8/10)
Pink Panther (1/10)
Pirates of the Caribbean (8/10)
Pirates of the Carribean II (8/10)
Pirates of the Caribbean III: At World's End (7/10)
Pitch Black (5/10)
The Plague (3/10)
A Player To Be Named Later (7.5/10)
Police Academy 3 (4/10) 
The Police Tapes (4/10)
Porky's II: The Next Day (3/10)
Porky's Revenge (2/10)
Poseidon (5/10)
The Poseidon Adventure (5/10)
A Prairie Home Companion (5/10)
Precious (7/10)
Predators (6/10)
Premonition (3/10)
The Presidio (5/10)
The Prestige (6/10)
Pride and Glory (5/10)
The Pride of the Yankees (7/10)
Prime (6/10)
Primer (4/10)
Primeval (4/10)
Pripyat (8/10)
The Prisoner of Second Avenue (6/10)
Private Resort (6/10)
Private School (8/10)
The Prize Winner of Defiance, Ohio (6.5/10)
Prom Night (3/10)
Psycho a Go-Go (3/10)
Psycho II (4/10)
Psycho III (3/10)
PU-239 (7.5/10)
Public Enemies (6.5/10)
Pucker Up (7/10)
Puddle Cruiser (6.5/10)
Pulse (2/10)
Punisher: War Zone (7/10)
Punishment Park (6.5/10)
Purple Hearts (5/10)
The Pursuit of Happyness (7/10)
Pusher (7.5/10)
Pusher 2 (5/10)

The Queen (7/10)
Quintet (3/10)

Rabid (4.5/10)
Rachel Getting Married (4/10)
Racket Girls (3/10)
Radio Bikini (7/10)
Radio Days (8/10)
The Rage: Carrie 2 (4/10)
Rambo: First Blood Part II (5/10)
Rambo III (4/10)
Rank (7.5/10)
Raw (10/10)
Ray (7/10)
The Reader (7/10)
Redbelt (7/10)
Rebound (4/10)
Redline (0/10)
The Reivers (7/10)
Religulous (7/10)
Remember the Titans (6/10)
Reno 911: Miami (8/10)
Repo Man (9/10)
Requiem for a Heavyweight(7.5/10)
Rescue Dawn (6.5/10)
Resident Evil: Apocalypse (4/10)
Resident Evil: Extinction (5/10)
Resurrecting the Champ (5/10)
The Return (9/10)
Return to Horror High (2/10)
Revanche (7/10)
Richard Pryor: Live in Concert (10/10)
Riding Giants (7/10)
Ring of Fire: The Emile Griffith Story (6/10)
Ring of Terror (2/10)
Ring 2 (5/10)
The Ringer (4/10)
Rising Son: The Legend of Skateboarder Christian Hosoi (7.5/10)
A River Runs Through It (7.5/10)
Rivers & Tides (7/10)
The River’s Edge (7.5/10)
Rize (6.5/10)
Roadie (5/10)
Robin Hood: Men in Tights (5/10)
Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves (6/10)
Robocop (6.5/10)
Robocop 2 (4/10)
The Rock (6/10)
Chris Rock: Never Scared (7.5/10)
Rock City (7/10)
Rocks With Wings (7.5/10)
Rocky II (6.5/10)
Role Models (7.5/10)
Roller Boogie (7/10)
Rollerball (7/10)
Rollercoaster (6/10)
Rolling Thunder (2/10)
Romantico (6.5/10)
Romulus, My Father (5/10)
A Room for Romeo Brass (6/10)
Rounders (7/10)
Rudo y Cursi (6/10)
Rumble Fish (7/10)
Run Fat Boy Run (7/10)
Run Silent, Run Deep (7/10)
The Running Man (7/10)
Running With Scissors (6/10)
Rush Hour (7.5/10)
The Rutles (8/10)


Observe and Report (2009)
 - 7 out of 10 -

Seems like there was a lot of talk when this came out about it's plot (or at least main character) being
ripped off from "Taxi Driver".  Yeah, both were a little demented into thinking their positions in the world
were more important than they really were.  And yeah, both of them didn't seem to have a very solid grasp
on acceptable behavior in the real world.  But where "Taxi Driver" was more a character study in the descent
into madness, this flick is all about having guys act like goofs for the sake of comedy.  And I laughed, so I'd
count it as a success.  It's a fairly dark comedy, and I'm not surprised it wasn't received all that well, but I
quite liked it.



Oceans 13 (2007)
- 7 out of 10 -

If you've seen either of the first two installments of this star-studded trilogy, I'm pretty sure you already know
what you're getting here...part romp and part caper...a raper? Yeah, probably not the best name for it. But
yeah, it's a fun lark with a lot of big names being occasionally funny while trying to steal something from
someone – in this case, trying to steal all manner of things from Al Pacino who plays an asshole developer.
The whole thing plays out pretty much as expected, with the necessary twists and turns to keep the action
from going stale. Me and my old lady had a discussion on how this series is popcorn movie porn that reaches
across the sex lines – the women get handsome young stars to gawk at while the men get the action and
comedy necessary to keep them entertained – a win-win situation.



Off the Charts: The Song Poem Story (2003)
- 9 out of 10 –

The word “brilliance” doesn’t even begin to do justice to how great this documentary is.  You ever notice in
the backs of music magazines there will be small ads asking folks to send in their poetry or songs and for a
small sum these professional musicians will turn it into a song?  Well, this film is all about that industry, and
does a thorough job of showing all aspects – the authors of the material, the guys running the businesses,
and the studio musicians who perform the songs.  Every single person on here is an interesting character,
but the folks behind writing the lyrics are on a whole different plane.  Words cannot do justice to these folks –
it is definitely a “must see to believe”.  If you are a music fan whatsoever, I cannot recommend this film highly
enough; my only complaint is that it is too damn short.


Off the Grid: Life on the Mesa (2006)
- 7 out of 10 -

A fairly interesting documentary about a group of folks who live out in a desolate part of the high desert
of New Mexico, living off the land as best they can and away from the watchful gaze of “the man”. There
was a wide assortment of characters there from all walks of life – hippies, runaway teens, felons, grizzled
old hunters, you name it, but for the most part they manage to get along without any outside intervention.
The land and their encampments were fascinating to look at and had a bit of a Mad Max vibe, the sort of
thing that is neat to observe on film but you'd never want to be a part of it in person.



Oldboy (2003)
 - 8 out of 10 -

Wow!  This film was worth the wait for the US release - violence, love, hate, incest, all piled up and set on fire
in this blazing flick.  There were plot twists for days - some of which even surprised me and I value my ability to
figure these things out quickly.  A fantastic job as the lead by Min-sik Choi, who em-bodied his character with
such a force that I would be scared to approach the man in real life.  And the fight scenes...oh my!  One long
shot of our protagonist battling his way through a hallway of thugs with nothing but a hammer...totally brilliant,
and a scene that some American filmmaker will no doubt rip off soon.  As long as you have a strong stomach
for a little bit of violence, I highly, highly recommend this movie.


Old Joy (2006)
- 6 out of 10 -

If you want to see a movie with Will Oldham droning on endlessly about pointless subjects, then do I have the
film for you! Since I like Will, I'll give it a passing grade even if it ain't much special. Real beautiful locations
though, I'm making a mental note about a trip to Oregon after seeing this.



Old School (2003)
 - 9 out of 10 -

In the pantheon of moronic frat-house comedies, Old School figures up there with the greats (ie Animal House,
PCU
and Revenge of the Nerds).  Sure, the logical plot holes here are huge, multiple characters are massively
under
developed, and the basic story is hackneyed at best, but the first time I saw this I left the theatre in immense
pain
from laughing so hard, and I think that’s really all that matters.  And more importantly, it is one of those few
films that
gets better and better with each viewing.

All of the leads in this film do a fantastic job, but the real key that makes this such a winner is how they interact
together. 
Specifically, how well Vince Vaughn and Luke Wilson play the straight man to Will Farrell’s raging
insanity.  Farrell is
always funny in pretty much any role he tackles, but his best work always comes when he has
a really good foil to play
off of.  This is not a film you talk about, this is a film you watch…and watch often…and
rehash with your friends.  And
despite how great the latest avant garde art house film-of-the-moment might be, it
is exactly these films that I keep
coming back to time and time again.


Omagh (2004)
- 7 out of 10 -

This is a pretty brutal and moving film, and not for the faint of heart.  It’s an almost documentary-like recreation
of the bombing in the Northern Ireland town of Omagh back in 1998 by the Real IRA that killed 29 people.  I felt
as if I’d seen this before, but I think what was actually the case was the combination of the subject matter and a
similar style of film as Bloody Sunday that was giving me these notions.  Great performances all around, it be-
comes quite easy to feel as if these folks are the actual victims and not just actors portraying them.

As a side note, I’d like to mention that this was made for TV over in the UK, a fact that merely reminds me of
just how terrible the stuff made for TV over here is…I’m sure they make a lot of crap too that we don’t see over
here but at least there is some good mixed in with it.  Outside of camp value, I don’t think there has ever been
a legitimately good made-for-TV movie filmed in my lifetime.



The Omen (1976)
- 6 out of 10 -

Ah, the evidence of a simpler time, when a horror movie only needed a menacing dog and some creepy
organ music to scare the bejesus out of people.  Being a classic film of a particular genre doesn’t nec-
essarily mean it’s a good movie, and I think that statement fits for The Omen; but neither is it a bad movie -
it’s mostly entertaining, has plenty of creepy moments, some decent acting (from Gregory Peck at least),
and was surely groundbreaking when it first came out…but cinematically it hasn’t stood up as well as
you’d hope.  But good goddamn is that kid ever creepy.


Omen IV: The Awakening (1991)
- 2 out of 10 -

Completely awful movie, but I'll give them this much – the devil, or at least the spawn of the devil probably is
a little girl. Can you think of anything more evil than a little girl? I sure can't.



Once Upon a Time in the Midlands (2002)
- 5.5 out of 10 -

This film contains a decent cast of interesting characters, led by Robert Carlyle, but unfortunately someone
forgot to give them much to do in this rather story-less movie. There is a lot of prattling about, arguments
between characters, maybe a fight or two, a lot of British references, and no shortage of gloomy weather,
but honestly not much goes on.



One on One (1977)
- 6 out of 10 -

This afterschool special masquerading as a feature-length film is about basketball, and therefore OK in my
book, even if it is as cheesy as you could possibly make one film. Robby Benson plays the lead, a basketball
phenom from the sticks who gets a scholarship to a big city college. As you might imagine, he has trouble
adjusting, faces various hurdles, and of course comes out on top of the world in the end. I could never really
recommend this as a “good” movie, but if you like sports movies and seventies fashion it might hold your
attention.


On The Edge (2001)
- 6 out of 10 -

This film felt like a poor man's “One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest” - not-quite-crazy guy is sent to a mental
institution where he manages to corrupt and help the other patients with his madcap ways. Only this one
didn't feature a huge Indian chief throwing a weird sink through a window. Instead, it featured Cillian Murphy
and a cute girl who cuts herself while having sex. It's no Jack Nicholson, but it was an entertaining enough
film that would be worth checking out if you came across it.


The Other Guys (2010)
 - 7.5 out of 10 -

There's been a lot of movies made about bad ass cops kicking asses, taking names, and facing no reper-
cussions.  And then there are the characters played by Will Ferrell and Mark Wahlberg - the other guys (see
what I did there?).  It's Ferrell basically playing an uptight accountant for the police force getting involved in
real crimes, and as you might have guessed, hijinks ensue.  I pretty much always love Ferrell's movie because
I love stupid and he does stupid so very well, but this is a decent flick on top of being hilarious.  It manages to
combine a lot of goofy comedy with a send up of over-the-top action films.  Even some of Ferrell's naysayers
might find something to like in this one. 



Outfoxed (2004)
- 6 out of 10 -

You guessed it, this was a documentary telling me all the ways that Fox News and Rupert Murdoch are evil. 
Only I didn’t need a documentary to tell me that, at this point it is just common knowledge.  I do want to give
this film credit for keeping my attention though, as I expected it to be much drier and more boring than it
actually was.  The biggest problem with a film like this is the only folks who are going to watch it either
already agree with it or are the staunch supporters of Fox News whose minds will never be changed…if
they could somehow pump it into all those “undecided” homes we could get somewhere.  But then again if
you are undecided at this point you might be brain dead and trying to show you anything would be pointless.



Out of the Darkness (1985)
 - 2 out of 10 -

I'm not going to say this is bad necessarily, but it is certainly boring, and no film about a serial killer should
ever be boring.  At least, it was supposed to be about Son of Sam but they barely touched on the subject. 
I have a feeling Martin Sheen doesn't list this made-for-TV tripe on his resume.



The Outsiders (1983)
- 8 out of 10 -

It’s been over 20 years and I still use the phrase “Stay gold, Ponyboy” all the time – now that is some stay-
ing power for a film and it’s most famous quote.  This film holds up as well as the first time I saw it ages
ago, a fantastic look at the haves and the have-nots in small town America in the 1960s.  I’ve seen it many
times since then and I never fail to be entertained; honestly, it might even get better each viewing solely
because Diane Lane sure seems to get better looking as Cherry Valence every time I see her on screen. 
In fact, even if this movie were terrible I would watch it over and over just for her scant few appearances
on-screen.



Overnight (2003)
- 6 out of 10 -

I am only giving this a low rating because the topic of this documentary, Troy Duffy, is such an insufferable
prick that every time he is on the screen you want to turn the damn thing off.  It's actually not a bad film,
but the stomach-turning that that man produces makes it hard to actually "like" the movie.  But this should
probably be required viewing of anyone in film school hoping to get their foot in the door on how not to act. 
Also, his mom should probably be slapped around for teaching the man no manners, but whatever.  It's a
decent doc about one of the least decent people on film that I've ever seen, so if you can stomach the
man you'll probably enjoy it.



Pack Strap Swallow (2005)
- 5 out of 10 -

This documentary introduces us to the unknown world (at least unknown to me) of foreign women
who tried to smuggle drugs out of Ecuador serving their prison sentences in a strange land.  A
great idea for a film in my opinion, and plenty of interesting characters to boot…but the film was
severely lacking in the direction.  The doc as a whole drug on for too long, many story lines
meandered with no real purpose, some focus on the locals would have been nice as a contrast,
and most importantly, way more time and energy should have been spent tracking down the drug-
smuggling boyfriend connection between the two girls who did not otherwise no about each other,
as that should have been the highlight of the film.  It’s a flick worth checking out but perhaps with
the remote in your hand to zip through the slower parts.



Palindromes (2004)
- 6 out of 10 -

Um…I liked it I guess?  I’m sitting here trying to think of something to write about this latest effort by Todd
Solondz, but – I’m baffled.  It’s definitely odd…the story of a young girl going through life, played by very
different actresses in successive scenes – it can take a while to even realize what is going on, and even
well after watching the flick I’m still not sure what it was all about.  It has definitely stuck with me though,
which is more than I can say for a lot of the movies I watch.   At this point, if you are familiar with Solondz’
work and enjoy it for the most part, you’ll go into this with an open mind and may really like it.  Dunno that
I would suggest it for anyone else though…


Panic at Needle Park (1971)
 - 7.5 out of 10 -

One of the best of Al Pacino's many seventies movies where he plays a drugged out creeper who
manages to look like the coolest, hippest dude in the whole wide world.  Seriously, I wonder if people
went out and took up heroin use because they could look even half as awesome as Pacino does here
(doesn't work, don't try it kids!).  As was the style of a lot of the best films from this era, the film takes on
subjects downtrodden by life, shows them dig an even deeper hole for themselves, and offers no ray of
sunshine that they might ever escape.  Honestly, it's very enjoyable to watch...I'm not sure why though. 
Makes you feel better about your life maybe.



Paparazzi (2004)
 - 6 out of 10 -

This movie was entirely retarded in every way, but still somehow enjoyable.  Maybe it's because I've
always held Cole Hauser in high regard since his Dazed and Confused days, or maybe I was just in
a flight state of mind when I watched this.  The plot is poorly written, totally unbeleivable in every way,
and campy beyond belief (especially Tom Sizemore as the head paparazzi).  But sometimes when you
go in expecting terrible and it's just kinda bad, it makes you think a little more highly of the film than you
probably should. 


Paper Heart (2009)
 - 6 out of 10 -

This pseudo-documentary about a nerdy girl looking for love with Michael Cera is...pseudo-interesting. 
I suppose it would be best described as a "cute" film, but not particularly engaging or overly interesting. 
Just cute. 



Paperboys (2001)
- 4 out of 10 -

Finally, a hard-hitting investigative piece on those scourges of society, paperboys!  Or: a somewhat boring
short-film about some ordinary kids with paper routes in suburban Minnesota.  Seriously, that’s really all
there is to it – a few young kids are profiled, talk about being paperboys, get filmed riding their routes, the
end.  I guess I was expecting more.


Paradise Alley (1978)
- 6.5 out of 10 -

This is not a good movie, let me be up front about that. But since it deals with two of my favorite subjects,
wrestling and mid-century post-depression America, it was hard not to like it at least a little bit. Sylvester
Stallone not only starred and mumbled (a lot) in this feature, but he wrote it and directed it as well...and if
that isn't enough, he sings the goddamn theme song! There are a few love-interest story lines that should
have been totally deleted, but the wrestling action is fun and a young Terry Funk makes an appearance,
a nice treat for fans such as myself (he's a wrestling legend in case you don't know who the hell I'm talking
about).



Paradise Now (2005)
- 8 out of 10 -

This flick is a totally brilliant study of two long time friends making the decision to become suicide bombers
in the Palestinian-held areas of Israel.  The movie neither condones nor condemns the actions involved, but
rather tries to show why the kids choose the path that they do, based on the environment they live in, peer
pressure from their friends, and a general feeling of hopelessness that this is the only way the Palestinians
can fight back against the Israelis.  The scenery manages to be impressive and depressing at the same
time, a testament to the vision of the filmmakers.  The acting is fabulous across the board, and I would be
highly surprised if Kais Nashif in particular didn’t get a number of great roles from his work here.  Highly
recommended.


Paranoid Park (2007)
- 6 out of 10 -

Yet again, they get skateboarding all wrong in movies. I was surprised to see this was a Gus Van Sant film,
as I would have wagered a large chunk of money that Larry Clark was behind it – it stars a bunch of skate-
board kids who can't act getting themselves into trouble, the very definition of nearly everything Larry Clark
has done. Despite their botching of the very nature of skateboarding and the piss-poor acting (the amateur-
ishness of the acting is actually kinda charming as the movie wears on), it was a decent film about a kid
struggling to deal with his role in an accident that cost a man his life.



Paris, Je T'aime (2006)
- 5.5 out of 10 -

A collection of short films by numerous famous directors that are about love and Paris and a love of Paris.
Sadly, it works better in theory than in actual execution. Like any collection of this sort, some parts are
better than others – the Coen brothers portion standing out right now as I think back, mostly because it
was the funniest and included Steve Buscemi hamming it up a bit.


Pat Garrett & Billy the Kid (1973)
 - 8 out of 10 -

I'm a little dumbfounded it took me this long to watch this movie - not only is the subject matter in my
wheelhouse (western about Billy the Kid), but it was directed by the nearly perfect Sam Peckinpah. 
And the cast - the always awesome Kris Kristofferson plays the kid, Bob Dylan has a small role, and
James Coburn does a great job of playing Pat Garrett.  It's a gritty, dirty western, the sort of thing
Peckinpah excels in, and the sort of thing that gives me a western boner. 



Paternity (1981)
- 5.5 out of 10 -

This is a cute movie featuring Burt Reynolds as the manager of Madison Square Garden, who decides
late in life that it is time to be a father without the bother of love and family.  He locates a young & hot
Beverly D’Angelo to be a surrogate and, of course, hijinks ensue.  Bear in mind, this flick left so little of
an impression on me that I’ve already forgotten what those hijinks were and what the outcome of the film
was, but it’s pretty easy to assume everything ended up happily ever after.  Nothing particularly interesting
goes on in this film honestly, but it never manages to suck either – hence the middling score, with a slight
nod towards the positive just because Burt Reynolds and his moustache is in it.


Penitentiary II (1982)
 - 3 out of 10 -

Words fail to describe the strange and terrible acting, writing and directing that make up this sequel (to a
movie I never saw), but somehow I was too mesmerized to not turn the damn thing off.  All I got from the
story is a prison boxer gets out of the clink and doesn't want to fight anymore, and then when his girl gets
raped and murdered apparently fighting is a good idea again, even though he doesn't appear to be very
good at it.  The film has Ernie Hudson playing a crazed killer, Mr. T playing Mr. T, and a whole host of pimps,
hustlers and goons with hip names like "Half Dead", "Do Dirty", "Man on balcony", and "Gang member
(uncredited)".  I feel certain with repeated viewings this could become a comedy classic, though I'm much
too lazy to actually investing the time to do it. 



The People That Time Forgot (1977)
 - 4 out of 10 -

The sequel to “The Land That Time Forgot”, but basically the same film...scientists find a “lost” land full
of dinosaurs and cavemen and all that sorta crap.  The scientists investigate, some sexy cavegirls get
involved, really crappy animatronic dinosaurs are shown, hijinks ensue with rival tribes, and of course
the good guys escape and live happily ever after. 



The Perfect Man (2005)
 - 0
out of 10 -

I never would have watched this if I hadn't been trapped on a plane.  And now that I have watched it, I can
confidentally say that jumping from the plane without a parachute into the Pacific Ocean would have been
less painful.  I am honestly disappointed in Chris Noth for ever having had anything to do with this travesty. 
Show this to the Guantanamo Bay detainees if you really want to get some information out of them...


Picking Up the Pieces (2000)
- 3 out of 10 -

Good god damn, how did a cast like this one ever get involved with such an awful movie? Woody Allen,
David
Schwimmer, Lou Diamond Phillips, Richard Edson, Joseph Gordon Levitt, Eddie Griffith, Sharon
Stone,
Elliott Gould, Cheech Marin, Kiefer Sutherland...getting one or two decent names on a bad movie
isn't that
odd, but all of these folks? Truly and honestly dumbfounding.


Pieces (1982)
 - 6 out of 10 -

Nice typical 70s/early 80s slasher flick...it's not a good movie, but I give it points for not trying to be more
than it is - a silly flick about killers, a little t&a and some bad acting.  I suppose this was a common theme
back then, just making simple silly movies, but horror flicks have gotten so crappy these last few years it
makes me appreciate the old cult killers that much more. 



Pineapple Express (2008)
 - 8 out of 10 -

Dude.  Dude!  Over-the-top stoner-action-comedies are where it is at.  Especially if they have Danny McBride
in them and feature slow motion shoot-outs in underground pot labs. 



The Pink Panther (2006)

 - 1
out of 10 -

Why, dear lord why would they remake this?  And moreover, it had a fantastic cast - Steve Martin, Clive
Owen, Jean Reno, Kevin Kline...god only knows what kind of blackmail the producers had on these fine
actors to get them to appear in such a fuckball of a film.  The only reason this even gets a grade of "1" is for
the one (and only one) time I laughed during this mess.  If I were a religious man, I'd be praying right about
now that they make no attempt to remake the rest of the Pink Panther series.



Pirates of the Caribbean (2003)
 - 8 out of 10 -

Who would have ever thought that Johnny Depp was the illegitimate love child of Keith Richards?  Well,
look no further than this film if you need proof.  Sure, Depp's mom might say she never slept with the
grizzled one, but film don't lie.  And more importantly, it worked out great for Depp that his role for this film
required nothing more than acting like his dad...with which he did an amazing job.  

This was an extremely fun movie, a bubblegum pop goodtime flick done exactly as they should be.  Great
effects, smart writing, and a quality cast of actors all around - Geoffrey Rush, that one dude from The Office,
a monkey, Keira Knightley...oh god, so so so hot Keira Knightley.  Lucky for us fans, they are filming two
sequels as I write this, so here's to hoping they don't suck.



Pirates of the Caribbean II (2006)
- 8 out of 10 -

The girlfriend thought this was much too long, but for me, it was so fun to watch I didn’t even care.  Honesty,
the whole thing was like being on one of those roller coaster rides where you don’t actually move but the
screen convinces you that you are.  Script wise, it has about as much depth as a roller coaster ride too but
I honestly didn’t care – I went to see sword fights and pirate hijinks and to listen to Johnny Depp do a Keith
Richards impersonation and ogle at Keira Knightley and I got plenty of all of that.  If you’re looking for anything
more than that rom this flick you might want to get your head examined.


Pirates of the Caribbean III: At World's End (2007)
 - 7 out of 10 -

Truth be told, this film deserves a lower rating – the plot was incredibly convoluted, unnecessarily so, veering
off in strange and pointless directions for no purpose that I could discern other than to extend the length of the
movie.  But goddamn, the awesome scenes were extra-awesome and overcame all of the lamer moments of
the movie.  What can you say about Johnny Depp and his potrayal of Cap'n Jack Sparrow at this point?  The
role is bordering on comedic genius, and Depp plays it about as perfectly as is humanly possible.  Geoffrey
Rush also brushes up against perfection here as Barbossa, and let's not even talk about how ungodly hot
Keira Knightley is as Elizaabeth Swann.  All of the bit players add perfectly to the story, especially the mon-
key.  But then again all movies are better with a monkey so that one is a no-brainer.  I'm not sure where I'm
going with all of this prattle, but the bottom line is that the movie is a little too long, the plot is a little too con-
voluted, but it was still a lot of fun anyways.



Pitch Black (2000)
 - 5 out of 10 -

In typical fashion for me, I saw this film after I saw it's sequel "The Chronicles of Riddick", and found the
sequel to be vastly superior.  I'm guessing this mostly due to the budget, as Vin Diesel was a much
bigger star when the second one came out and no doubt the studio was willing ot put more change be-
hind it.  It's also worth noting that while the two films are obviously paired, seeing this one is not necessary
to enjoy the second.  So just in case you're only going with one of them, go with Riddick.

That said, this isn't a terrible movie by any means - a little suspense, decent special effects given an
obviously small budget, and Diesel makes a good action star.  It's decent action fodder that really won't
make your head hurt from either overthinking or retarded ideas. 


The Plague (2006)
- 3 out of 10 -

James Van Der Beek starring in a pseudo-zombie film...is there no god? Add to that an actor (Brad Hunt)
that looks just like the lead from “The Greatest American Hero”, and you've got one sad state of affairs. Bad
acting and special effects pretty much across the board...they could have at least thrown in some half-naked
hot chicks to make that matter worthwhile.



A Player To Be Named Later (2005)
- 7.5 out of 10 -

This documentary was custom made for the baseball fan in me, and that's not even because one of the four
players it features is the beloved Oakland A's “super sub” Marco Scutaro. It does a fantastic job of showing
the trials and tribulations of minor league players, the emotions of chasing the dream and the realizations
that you may never make it to the elite level. These guys aren't overpaid superstars, they're mostly regular
joes earning just enough to get by while they keep chasing the dream of big crowds, big hits and big pay-
checks.



Police Academy 3 (1986)
 - 3 out of 10 -

Cripes, what a terrible sequel.  The first one was great, the second and fourth ones passable, and the rest
not worth mentioning, not unlike this one here.  I know I saw this as a kid and probably enjoyed it, but dear
god does it ever suck now.  There’s only so much Bobcat Goldwait can do for a movie, and he’s not in it
nearly
enough.  Sometimes, though, I just like to yell out “Mahoney!” for no real reason.


The Police Tapes (1977)
 - 4 out of 10 -

This is basically like a 90-minute long unedited version of "Cops" with shakier, grainier footage.  I'm sure it
was groundbreaking at the time, but in this day and age it comes across as almost quaint.  Though the
clothing and hairstyles of not only the perps but the cops themselves are pretty entertaining.   



Porky's II: The Next Day (1983)
- 3 out of 10 -

Honestly, after the original “Porkys”, none of the other ones are worth watching. I know I found them vaguely
entertaining as a kid, but in retrospect I think I was just bored and anything that passed the time and offered
a hint of titilation was a thumbs up affair.



Porky's Revenge (1985)
- 2 out of 10 -

A completely unwatchable, stupid movie that I hadn't seen since my childhood...and it was barely tolerable
then (and only watched a for a few boob shots as I recall). This film also suffers from the always entertaining
“thirty year old high school student” syndrome...nothing like looking for bald spots and gray hairs in actors
that are supposed to be graduating seniors.



Poseidon (2006)
- 5 out of 10 -

Like so many blockbusters, this film is heavy on neat special effects and action sequences and light on
quality acting and a moderately worthwhile plot. You will be hard pressed to find a better example of
modern “popcorn cinema” than this piece of shiny garbage.


The Poseidon Adventure (1972)
 - 5 out of 10 -

Having grown up on seeing Leslie Nielsen in "Police Squad" and the "Naked Gun" movies about a
million times, it is really REALLY hard to see him acting seriously in a campy seventies disaster movie. 
And when I say campy, whoo boy...this thing is like a bad play with a bunch of stunt flames burning in
random places and Gene Hackman yelling all the time. 



A Prairie Home Companion (2006)
- 5 out of 10 -

Way, way, WAY too much goddamn singing...after only a few minutes into the film I found myself fast-
forwarding through the musical scenes and then watching the regular speaking portions. The cast is
great and
interesting and funny when they are interacting with one another in non-musical settings...sadly,
that doesn't
happen often enough. The story isn't anything special, mostly just a rambling ensemble piece
like Robert
Altman is known for, and I suppose it's fitting that he would go out with his last film in his sig-
nature style. It's
just too bad that his final outing couldn't have been more enjoyable.


Precious (2009)
 - 7 out of 10 -

Sweet fucking lord, what a depressing movie.  Not that I wasn't expecting it, but it was even worse than
I ever could have imagined.  It's the sort of film you're kinda glad you watched but never ever want to see
again.  Great acting performances all around, who knew Alicia Keys had that in her?  The accolades
Monique received were definitely well deserved. 


Predators (2010)
 - 6 out of 10 -

Some pretty great action scenes and special effects and of course the predators are fantastic, but talk
about a non-existent plot...people are dropped from the sky to be hunted by the predators, most are killed,
a few survive, then more are dropped and they start all over again.  You're left with so many questions,
chief among them being where are they, how did they get there, why were the selected, how was it
achieved...seriously, a little more story might have been nice folks.  And I'll not get into the comical idea
of accepting Adrien Brody as a bad-ass killer. 



Premonition (2007)
- 3 out of 10 -

For the record, I only watched this pile of turds because it was shown on the airplane during a recent flight,
and what else are you going to do? But even given that I was a trapped viewing audience, this waste of
film couldn't hold my attention...just a god awful story from start to finish; not a single redeemable facet of
this movie comes to mind, except that it eventually was over and the airline showed an episode of “The
Office” afterwards.



The Presidio (1988)
 - 5 out of 10 -

Pretty much the only reason I watched this was because it was set in the beautiful Presidio of San Francisco,
and not because I have the hots for Mark Harmon like the internet rumors floating around have grossly misstated
(although I do love Summer School and that isn't a rumor).  It's a crime caper. slightly noirish I guess, and it
features a surly Sean Connery beating up a moustachioed goon with his thumbs.  But mostly, it was just a
boring film that plodded along too slowly and never really drew me into the story.  As a resident of the Bay Area
it's always interesting to see the town in a different era, so at least it has that going for it. 


The Prestige (2006)
 - 6 out of 10 -

When you look at the separate pieces that make up this film…Victorian era, fanciful costumes, magicians…
it doesn’t exactly instill confidence in me that this was going to be a great film despite what I had read.  But I
generally like both Edward Norton and Christian Bale, so even a goofy terrible story could be rendered watch-
able by these two fine actors.  Which is what ended up being the case, honestly.  The story got all convoluted with
a machine that produced twins (and top hats), doppelgangers on top of doppelgangers from both sides of the
feuding magicians – it just got so over the top and ridiculous by the end that I sorta spaced out and started thinking
about Scarlett Johansson’s boobs (they get displayed in some rather nice outfits a couple of times in the flick). 
I guess maybe if you always wanted a Hatfields versus the McCoys  type of film, only with magic tricks involved,
you’re in luck. 


Pride and Glory (2008)
 - 5 out of 10 -

Given the cast (Ed Norton, Colin Ferrell & a nice supporting cast), I think I was expecting a lot more from a gritty
drama about corrupt cops.  Instead, it was as cookie cutter as the day is long.  Jon Voight wasn't even the worst
part of it, a small miracle...it was the writing - just lifeless.  I suppose this could partially be the fault of the directing
or the acting (which might also be the fault of the directing), but it struck me that the story was put together with a
grab bag of cop show cliches, and they just threw some of them together and went with it. 



The Pride of the Yankees (1942)
 - 7 out of 10 -

The classic biopic about Lou Gherig, that despite my baseball fandom I had managed to never see until now. 
It has it's faults and is schmaltzy beyond belief, but damn if it doesn't make you feel good and live baseball at the
same time.  I'm not going to lie though, seeing Gary Cooper at 40+ years old (and looking older) playing a young
college athlete at Columbia was one of the funniest sights ever put to film. 



Prime (2005)
- 6 out of 10 -

Surprise - it’s a romantic comedy!  Not terrible a one mind you, one that gets bonus points for straying from
the formula in the end and providing me plent of Uma Thurman screen-time to ogle, but still ultimately way
too much time spent talking about the mechanics of relationships with a bit of physical humor tossed in here
and there.  I mean, I knew it was a “romcom” going in so it’s no one’s fault but my own that I watched this,
but sometimes boredom gets the better of you…and in the case of this film, it was never good enough to
really enjoy, nor was it bad enough to seek out something better to watch, you know?



Primer (2004)
 - 4 out of 10 -

Alternate title should have been "Boring SciFi Nerd Film About Nerds Doing Nerdy Things".  Buncha sciency
goofs figure out time travel, and then deal with the inherent implications.  All I could think of the whole time, is
why do these dudes who have their own home business fucking wear shirt and ties every day?  They're
working out of a garage for chrissakes.  If I was focused on their appearance, I think that tells you how exciting
the film was. 


Primeval (2007)
- 4 out of 10 -

Who doesn't love a giant gator movie? Well, apparently I don't. It wasn't the gator as much as a lack of the
gator, and too much time spent feebly trying to tackle the incredibly complex politics of volatile central Africa.
While the film is quite forgettable, I will give the producers/director/whoever credit for actually going to Africa
to film the movie (even if it wasn't the same country or even the same part of the continent). A lot of it looked
great, it's too bad it didn't have the content to match.



Pripyat (1999)
- 8 out of 10 -

don’t ask me why I’m so obsessed with Chernobyl, I have no idea.  All I know is that every time I find a
film on the subject, I can’t wait to see it.  Like so many films I’ve seen on this topic, this documentary re-
volves around the displaced citizens and those who have remained behind in the radiated area, and
how their lives have changed.  It’s all pretty damn fascinating, and I was surprised to learn that Chernobyl
is partially running again, just next door to where the meltdown occurred!  You’d think this would be the
sort of thing that would be all over the news, or maybe I just need to pay better attention.  Especially
haunting was one woman’s guided tour to her abandoned apartment, going to ruin after years of neglect
since the evacuation.  The very sight of this ghost town both scares and enthralls me, and is probably the
main draw in this sort of story.


The Prisoner of Second Avenue (1975)
- 6 out of 10 -

Though I wasn't a huge fan of this movie as a whole, Jack Lemmon is so good playing that manic, paranoid char-
acter he perfected in so many films that if you are a fan of the man it's certainly worth checking out. This film is
pure desperation turning an otherwise sane man mad, and I can't imagine anyone other than Jack Lemmon play-
ing the role. As a side note, there is an interesting cameo by Sylvester Stalone before he was famous, playing an
alleged “pick pocket” who incurs Lemmon's wrath.



Private Resort (1985)
- 6 out of 10 -

Not only does this frolic flick have plenty of tits, cheesy 80’s music, and most importantly, shenanigans, it has…
the Diceman!  Sure, it’s a minor part and he’s not that funny, but anyone who can produce a classic like “The
Advenures of Ford Fairlane” deserves a special mention.  In other news, I wonder how often folks bring this
movie up to Johnny Depp?  I wonder if he looks back on his years of acting in goof fests as good memories,
or if he acts like they never happened?



Private School (1983)
 - 8 out of 10 -

Amazing soundtrack + hot ass Phoebe Kates + tons of hot naked girls + hijinks = too fuckin' awesome.  
Yeah, the story is pretty whatever, but that's not even material here.  Why are the girls in these movies so
much hotter to me than most any girls now days?  Maybe I'm showing my age...


The Prize Winner of Defiance, Ohio (2005)
- 6.5 out of 10 -

This is fairly cute little film about a housewife that supports her family through winning jingle contests in the
1950s and 1960s.  I was trying to think of something more to say on the matter, but truly, all that comes to
mind when I think back on seeing this movie is that it was “cute”.  I suppose you could talk up the abusive
husband angle, but outside of the fact that Woody Harrelson did a good job playing the role, it was the least
interesting part of the film.  Julianne Moore is great as always, but after years of her doing a great job it
might as well be assumed she does a great job in any film she is in.


Prom Night (2007)
 - 3 out of 10 -

This "not really a remake" remake of an OG slasher classic is, well, crappy.  Really crappy.  You can guess
how it goes, crazed killer goes after a bunch of prom goers (that included that one guy from "Friday Night
Lights" and that one girl from "90210").  He knocks them off one by one, and then the lead escapes at the
very end when the killer meets his end. 



Psycho a Go-Go (1965)
- 3 out of 10 -

Honestly, a noirish mod film from the 60’s released by Troma…I was expecting much more than this. 
BORING.  Poorly acted, unattractive actresses, dumb plot – particularly disappointing from start to finish. 
I figured with Troma having a hand in it there must be something particularly trashy or creepy or whatnot
going on, but all I saw was a crime caper performed by a bunch of folks that probably had to go back to
their fry-cook jobs the Monday after filming was finished.


Psycho II (1983)
 - 4 out of 10 -

So Norman gets out of the nut house only to get driven back to the realm of crazy by the sister of one
of his victims from the first film.  It's a pretty awful movie really only notable for it's supporting cast –
Robert Loggia as a psychiatrist, a young Dennis Franz, and a particularly young and fetching Meg Tilly. 
She was dang hot in those days to be sure, and one of the few reasons I watched this to the end. 



Psycho III (1986)
 - 3 out of 10 -

Another film about Norman Bates being crazy and impersonating his dead mother.  It goes pretty much
as you'd expect - people die, Norman gets caught.  Given the low-budget nature of the film and the time
period when it was filmed, you got a few boob shots here and there too.  As an added bonus, Jeff Fahey
(best know for his role of Frank in "Lost") is featured heavily in the film as someone nearly as fucked up
as Norman is. 



PU-239 (2006)
- 7.5 out of 10 -

Surprisingly good film about a desperate man (played by the vastly underrated Paddy Considine) trying to
do right by his family. It has all the building blocks of a good movie – Russian mob, snorting plutonium like
cocaine, kidnapped dogs, and more. In all seriousness, this is a well-acted, well-written affair with a few
twists and turns and a very unexpected ending.


Public Enemies (2009)
 - 6.5 out of 10 -

I'm game for any movie about gangsters set in the 1920s or 1930s, even if they are rather loose with the
facts.  If it's directed by Michael Mann, even better.  The results here are a great looking film, lots of action,
but a subpar story keeps it from being a great film.  Like pretty much any other role he's ever tried playing,
Johnny Depp does a fantastic job as the vigilante bank robber John Dillinger.



Pucker Up (2005)
- 7 out of 10 -

This is short, cute documentary about professional whistlers competing in a whistling contest in Louisburg,
NC. Yes, there are professional whistlers, much to my surprise (and probably most everyone else who sees
this). This isn't a bunch of gimmicky goofs though- their whistling talents are a marvel, and on par with top-
notch musicians who master any other instrument. This gives you a real appreciation for the lost art of
whistling...excuse me while I go put Guns-n-Roses “Patience” on the turntable.



Puddle Cruiser (1996)
 - 6.5 out of 10 -

This first film by the Broken Lizard comedy troupe is largely forgettable, but there is enough here that you
can see the promise that these guys would have much better things up their sleeves.  Even if they never
do anything decent again (and their involvement with Dukes of Hazzard doesn't have my hopes too high),
the fact that they made Super Troopers and I get to watch it over and over again is good enough for me.  

I honestly don't really remember what the premise of the film was - just a look at college life I guess...
relationships, parties, rugby games, and general shit talkin'.  There is one exceptional scene that had my
sides hurting from laughter, where a couple of the boys are defending themselves in a student-run court. 
I'd love to have that scene on endless loop so I could just watch it again and again. 


Pulse (2006)
- 2 out of 10 -

Just completely awful and nonsensical and not really watchable...I only made it through because I was
distracted with the internets. Somehow dead souls/space aliens/ghosts/some-such-shit has taken over
the networks and airwaves and subsequently killing people. The back story makes no sense, the plot has
holes the size of the grand canyon, and I'm pretty all of the jump cuts and screaming gave me a headache.
The only thing of any value here is you get to look at Kristen Bell, but even she ain't cute enough to war-
rant watching this garbage.


Punisher: War Zone (2008)
 - 7 out of 10 -

At some point during the pre-production meetings, the folks in charge of this film must have decided that
plots and storylines are overrated, and no one will care as long as there is a lot of killing and explosions. 
Honestly, in this case, they might have kinda been right.  The whole film is basically just Punisher killing
people or plotting on killing people.  And I liked it. 


Punishment Park (1971)
 - 6.5 out of 10 -

This heavy-handed faux-documentary about a right-wing crackdown on dissidents during the Vietnam War
could have easily been updated and remade during the George Bush years without much effort.  It would
have still been just as absurd, yet the language used by the right wing press would lead one to believe that
the tactics taken in this flick would have been right up their alley if they thought they could pull it off.  Luckily,
having those that disagree with you march for three days through the desert with no water only to eventually
be killed by the army is frowned upon based on our current set of laws. 



Purple Hearts (1984)
 - 5
out of 10 -

A rather run-of-the-mill but still somewhat enjoyable war-meets-romance flick.  No doubt much of the impetus
for this film was the success of "An Officer and a Gentleman", which moves somewhat along the same basic
plot lines, tho' this flick goes a bit farther with it war scenes (even if they were terribly unrealistic).  Hell, this
version of the story is probably better because instead of dealing with sorry-ass Richard Gere you get the
awesome Ken "Wiseguy" Wahl.  Formulaic - yes, but for some reason it's not as bad as you'd think (and I
was assuming it would be pretty bad).


The Pursuit of Happyness (2006)
- 7 out of 10 -

This is a typical big budget, good-will-always-triumph-over-evil film like we've all come to expect from the
large studios...funny thing is, sometimes it's just what the doctor ordered. It probably doesn't hurt that it was
set & filmed
here in the Bay Area, thus providing a little extra tie between me and the story. But it was an
interesting story, the
acting was great from Will Smith and his son, and given I watched it on an airplane,
I was probably just happy that
it wasn't some shitty romantic comedy starring Kate Hudson.


Pusher (1996)
- 7.5 out of 10 -

A very Scorcese-like drug-n-gangster film straight outta...Denmark? Seriously, this is “Mean Streets” but
with
more tracksuits and strange currency (I had to look up a currency converter to understand exactly how
much
money the goons in the film were talking about). I believe Nicolas Refn caused quite a stir of “next big
thing”
after this flick came out, and god knows it was a popular rental at the video store I was working in at
the time.
I suppose he hasn't really blown up as expected, but word is that his other films are decent and I
plan on
checking them out in the near future if there are close to this level of filmmaking.


Pusher 2 (2004)
 - 5 out of 10 -

I believe the title of this film translates to "idiot criminal with a bad tattoo" in it's native Danish.  I know this
Pusher trilogy is somewhat highly regarded by film buffs, but after having seen the first two I'm not feeling
the heat.  I think the key reason is the lead, Tonny, is such an incredibly unlikable person that you are con-
stantly rooting against him.  He's like fingernails on a chalkboard...you're constantly hoping something bad
happens to him so that he'll go away, but since he's the lead of the film clearly he'll be around until the end.



The Queen (2006)
- 7 out of 10 -

You couldn’t invent a less interesting topic to make a movie about as far as I’m concerned, as I find any-
thing about the British royal family to be a painful bore.  And yet, I still enjoyed the film for the most part, and
for exactly one reason – Helen Mirren’s portrayal of the queen was one of the best acting jobs I’ve seen in
ages.  Words fail me when I try to think of how to describe how great she is here; the only thing I can think
of is that she was good enough to make me enjoy a modern film about the royal family.  Seriously, that is
a huge feat in my world.  It’s pretty much the equivalent of making kryptonite not bother superman.



Quintet (1979)
 - 3 out of 10 -

Dear god this movie is awful...a post-apocalyptic ice age world where the human race is dying out so they
spend their time playing...board games?  Stupid movies and stupid plots are nothing new to cinema, but
consider the fact that this stars Paul Newman and was directed by Robert Altman and there's really no ex-
plaining how bad this is.  I'm thinking someone lost a bet and this was the outcome.



Rabid (1977)
- 4.5 out of 10 -

This is the second film by David Cronenberg, and despite the high praise he generally gets across the
board this is just not a very good film.  It's basically a zombie movie, which I'm all for, but a rather boring
one.  Thumbs up to the man on having porn star Marilyn Chambers as the lead, whose hottness beckons
back to a time when porn stars didn't look like plastic mannequins, but that's a whole different ball of wax
not worth getting into.  So a naked Chambers plus zombies means it can't be too bad and you could do
worse, but the film definitely drags...maybe watch it with one finger on the fast-forward buttons, because
the scenes where people get attacked are really the only parts worth watching.  Oh, and the nakedness.


Rachel Getting Married (2008)
- 4 out of 10 -

This movie is the very definition of uncomfortable. Sometimes uncomfortable works on film, other times
it doesn't...this one definitely didn't work for me. I could tell it was a quality picture, but it's not for everyone.
In fact, the only real enjoyable part of the flick was that Tunde Adebimpe, singer for TV on the Radio, had
a decent-sized role in the film and even sang an a cappella version of Neil Young's "Unknown Legend",
definitely a highlight.


Racket Girls (1955)
 - 3 out of 10 -

A "T & A" film from the golden years about female wrestlers that might qualify for a G rating these days. 
It's hilarious to see what passed for filmed titillation once upon a time, not to mention what passed for
attractive women.  And acting ability.  This is a real stinker, but MST3K do a good job by it.



Radio Bikini (1987)
 - 7 out of 10 -

This documentary is a perfect example of just how little we know about science.  That is to say, we may
think
we understand how some things work, but given time, it seems we more often than not prove our-
selves wrong. 
The world is not flat.  There are no monsters in the sea.  Trickle-down economics do not
work.  And particularly
poignant to this film, nuclear weapons will fuck you up royally.

The back story is pretty basic – in 1946, shortly after the end of WWII, the US decided, despite other
countries
opposition (sound familiar?), to test and better understand nuclear weapons.  Never mind we
obliterated and
poisoned two large Japanese cities already with those bastards, now we’re going to try
and figure out how they
would effect us if we were to be hit.  So they took all of the native islanders off of
the Bikini Atoll and moved them
far away from the only land they had known and loved.  They then sent
thousands of young sailors and ships in
there to prepare the area to be bombed and subsequently mea-
sure the results of…they arranged the ships out in
the lagoon, tied animals to the decks of the ships to see
what would happen to them, built huts and whatnot on the
island, etc.  Then they dropped a bomb on the
island…the results seem obvious now – mass devastation.  The
kicker is that to measure the resulting
damage, they sent all of these young sailors into the drop zone unprotected. 
Naturally, it really did a number
on them.  The Navy would continue to test bombs here for more than a decade.


As for the film itself – it’s pretty moving.  It gives you the whole story through actual footage filmed by the
Navy and
various governmental agencies, as well as modern interviews with former Bikinians and Sailors
who were doing
the research.  One particular survivor who does quite a bit of talking has been scarred to
an almost nauseating
affect that has to be seen to be believed.  It’s hard to know who to feel the worse for –
the sailors who were just
following orders and had no idea what they were getting themselves into, or the
displaced islanders, a people with
out a land for a half-century.


Radio Days (1987)
 - 8 out of 10 -

This film is a collection of cute vignettes based on Woody Allen's childhood and his interplay with what was
the popular medium of the time, the radio.  The music, the soaps, the adventure shows, and the backstories
of those producingthese shows are all touched on here.  Allen himself narrates the film, and it does a great job
of giving the viewer the impression of sitting in the room with Woody listening as he tells stories of "the good
ol' days".  I would list this as one of Allen's better films, certainly in the top ten of his career.


The Rage: Carrie 2 (1999)
 - 4 out of 10 -

No pig's blood this time around but you did get to see a spear gun take off a dude's johnson...seems like a
fair trade to me.  And hey, it wasn't just any dude - it was the oldest son from the show "Home Improvement",
Zachery Ty Bryan!  Other than that, it's basically the same story - girl is an outsider, get's taken in by the cool
kids, they turn on her and then she telepathically goes nuts on them.  This sequel was working from a huge
disadvantage from the start as the star of this round, Emily Bergl, was never ever going to be as creepy as
Sissy Spacek was in the original. 



Rambo: First Blood Part II (1985)
- 5 out of 10 -
 
This crapturd probably doesn't honestly deserve a rating higher than 1, but having grown up seeing this so
many times the nostalgia factor keeps the rating unnaturally high and keeps drawing me in to watch it again
and again.  It truly is an attrocious movie though that I can't recommend to anyone not currently suffering from
a lobotomy.  It might be worth renting though just for the last five minutes when Rambo goes nuts in the control
room, one of the finest moments in all of American cinema.


Rambo III (1988)
 - 4 out of 10 -

Note to all potential mercenary fighters - if it's just you and a friend versus an entire Russian tank battalion
and a helicopter gunship, just hide in a shallow ditch, they'll never be able to hit you.  And should a group of
tribal horsemen decide to join the fight, well then you'll swiftly defeat those Russians.  Not to be too overly
critical of a movie that is clearly just made to blow things up, but there is believability and "movie believability",
and this film isn't anywhere near either. 



Rank (2006)
 - 7.5 out of 10 -

I figured a documentary on professional bullriding would be a fairly entertaining venture, but I didn't expect it
to be THIS good.  The film really does a fantastic job of profiling three of the top riders, which is the sorta thing
you would expect in a film like this; but it also delves into the lives of the folks who raise the bulls for the comp-
etitions and the bull fighters (what they are calling the rodeo clowns now apparently).  Well paced, comprehen-
sive...I liked it so much I watched 2 hours of an actual bullriding competition the next night, and found it fairly
enjoyable.  I still question the sanity of anyone willing to try and ride one of those animals, but this film does
about the best job possible of laying out the motivations behind this sport.



Raw (1987)
 - 10 out of 10 -

This film would be deserving of a high score just for Eddie Murphy's outfit - nobody could possibly rock a purple
leather outfit with an accompanying scarf, except maybe Prince.  But the fact is, this is easily one of the top 5
best comedy films of all time. and one I can watch at any time and always get a chuckle.



Ray (2004)
 - 7 out of 10 -

First off, as a film, this is pretty mediocre.  The direction is kinda crappy, the story is full of wholes and
jumps around too much, there are a lot of unnecessary, overwrought performances, and it was unnec-
cessarily too long.

That said – Jamie Foxx is incredible as Ray Charles – you believe it is Ray, not someone playing him,
and that’s an important point as far as I’m concerned.  I still feel Clint Eastwood got ripped off a bit, but
it’s hard to feel too bad when you know it went to Foxx.  Too bad they couldn’t have given it to both of
them.  Also, the women are super hot…that 60’s style plus attractive ladies equals me watching a film
no matter how bad it is.  And finally, the music…you already know how great Ray Charles is, but hearing
his songs in the movie only makes it that much better.  All of the scenes recreating his time in the studio
were my favorite parts of the movie, just made me wish I had witnessed such greatness personally.


The Reader (2008)
 - 7 out of 10 -

The original title of this film was "Reading the Classics to an Illiterate Naked Nazi MILF", but I think the
censors deemed it a bit too risque.  Jokes aside, this was a very good and serious film set in post WWII
Germany, still trying to overcome the travesties of the Holocaust; but mostly it is about the people who get
caught up in their attempt to right itself, and the cost of pride on one's freedom.  Very well acted, well made
film that was very deserving of the Oscar nominations and awards it received. 



Rebound (2005)
- 4 out of 10 -

Pompous college coach gets knocked down a peg and has to coach a winless middle school team to
restore his good name.  I’ll give you one guess as to the outcome…crappy team gets awesome, the coach
is reminded of why he loves basketball in the first place, falls in love, and happily ever after.  You could have
written the story line here just by looking at the poster and reading the tag line.  But it’s not terrible – the kids
are cute enough, and though mindless, it was fairly entertaining.  Two very funny dudes in Patrick Warburton
and Horatio Sanz have supporting roles that don’t really produce any laughs, but somehow it makes me
happy they are there anyways.  Martin Lawrence is really becoming the king of these family pics, to the point
where I can barely remember his funny, edgy years.


Redbelt (2008)
 - 7 out of 10 -

I love pretty much any film David Mamet puts out, and I enjoyed this one for the most part, but that
doesn't stop me from being a little bewildered that Mamet would make a film about mixed martial art
fighting.  Not that he didn't do it well, just not a subject matter I would have expected him to tackle. 
There were some of the typical Mamet twists, but this was surprisingly more straight-forward than most
of his films.  Worth noting was the starring role of Chiwetel Ejiofor, this wasn't might first time seeing
him but I'm always impressed with what a good actor he is.  The man deserves much bigger roles and a
lot more notoriety for his skills. 



Redline (2007)
- 0 out of 10 -

This movie makes “The Fast and the Furious” look like “Citizen Kane”. No matter how many bad movies
he appears in, I'm always astounded that Eddie Griffin gets involved with this complete tripe. The dude is
actually pretty funny, but apparently has no filter when it comes to what roles to take. Or maybe his ass just
needs the money, who knows.




The Reivers (1969)
 - 7 out of 10 -

To quote a flavor-of-the-month catch phrase that probably won’t make any sense when I read this review
a few years from now: Steve McQueen + William Faulkner = crazy delicious.  Set in the early 1900s
based on a story by Faulkner, this film follows a couple of guys and a young boy as they go on a road trip
from Mississippi to Memphis in search of adventure.  It’s part coming-of-age, part a study on race relations
at the time, but mostly hijinks.  It’s a fun romp of a film, not too overly serious when presenting some heavy
topics like racism, but never makes a mockery either.  McQueen does a fine job as usual, a statement that
probably doesn’t need to made, but there it is anyways.  An enjoyable and suitable movie that just about
anyone would like.


Religulous (2008)
 - 7 out of 10 -

Bill Maher can be a bit of a hack (though occasionally a funny one), and I was honestly expecting him to
run roughshod over a bunch of religious nuts for the duration of this film, but it was surprisingly more
nuanced than I would have given him credit for.  Sure, he still ridicules a lot of wackos, but he also listens
from time to time and let's, well, not all but at least some of the religious interviewees share their point of
view without being openly mocked.  Then again, the people who chose for the film probably deserved to
be mocked – we're not talking reasonable, even-keeled folks here. 



Remember the Titans (2003)
 - 6 out of 10 -

You just knew going in that film about a newly integrated football team during that turbulent time in America
would feature a group locker room and/or bus sing-a-long at some point.  the film does not disappoint in that
regard.  Otherwise, it's a glorified after school special...lots of moral highroads taken, lots of lessons learned,
lots of completely unrealistic football scenes.



Reno 911: Miami (2007)
- 8 out of 10 -

I love this show so so so much. The movie was essentially an hour-and-a-half long version of the show, only
with bawdier language and
boobs. Therefore, I loved this movie and laughed my ass off multiple times. Truly,
it’s as simple as that – if movie-length version of a program that
spoofs the show “Cops” sounds like your idea
of a good time, this is your
holy grail. Now my only hope is that when this is released on DVD it contains
commentary from the cast in character, as they have been known to
make talkshow appearances as the char-
acters they play.


Repo Man (1984)
- 9 out of 10 -

I'm not even sure how to write a review about a film of this magnitude...I mean, groups of people fighting over
a “hot” car, enveloped in a tale of car repossessions and colored by UFO conspiracies, punk rock humor and
a whole lotta Harry Dean Stanton. This film is the very essence of the term “cult film”, and than god for that.
Alex Cox may have only made two good movies (the other being “Sid & Nancy”), but goddamn he set himself
forever in the history of film with those gems.


Requiem for a Heavyweight (1962)
 - 7.5 out of 10 -

I’m a sucker for a good boxing movie, which is interesting since I don’t really like ot watch actual boxing
matches…but Hollywood sure seems to make them fun, where no defense is played and every punch is
of knockout quality.  By all accounts, this film fit the bill – only there really ain’t any boxing in it.  It’s a good
movie sure, based on a play that was filmed live on TV a few years previous about an aging boxer trying
to get on with his life, when his only skill has ever been to throw a punch.  It feels like a play in the same
way many of David Mamet’s films do, and I’m not really sure how to explain that other than to say “it
doesn’t suck”, which is often my take on both plays and movies made from plays – yeah, it’s close-
minded, but we all have our little genres of film that drive us nutty…don’t get me started on Victorian-era
costume dramas.

Most notable about this film is the performance of Anthony Quinn as “Mountain” Rivera as the retiring
boxer…he really plays the part, and well.  If I didn’t know better, I would have thought they grabbed some
actual washed-up fighter and taught him how to act to get this performance.  You really feel like he is his
character, both physically and mentally, that he is not acting at all but rather almost as if you’re watching
a documentary.  This film is well worth seeing for his performance alone.


Rescue Dawn (2007)
- 6.5 out of 10 -

As I was watching this, it occurred to me this is the only Vietnam War-era POW film I've seen that wasn't a
cheeseball action flick starring the likes of Sly Stallone or Chick Norris. This time, not only is the plot based
on a true story, it's got to be one of the most realistic accounts possible of such a harrowing event. I suppose
this shouldn't be all that surprising, since the man responsible for the flick is Werner Herzog, but this isn't your
fathers gung-ho-save-the-troops affair that you grew up with. Rather, it's more of a character study of the
prisoners involved and the physical and mental turmoil they face in the camp and subsequent escape. Like
most Herzog films, it can be a little uncomfortable and taxing to watch at times, but ultimately it was an enjoy-
able film.



Resident Evil: Apocalypse (2004)
 - 4 out of 10 -

I knew this was going to be shitty going in, and it did not disappoint.  Even with a bad story and awful acting,
zombies are always at least a little entertaining.  The robot or cyborg or whatever that creature was that was
wreaking havoc until the final showdown was also pretty cool.  Big guns, big explosions, but you might lose a
few IQ points watching it - typical video game turned to movie.


Resident Evil: Extinction (2007)
- 5 out of 10 -

No plot, very little explanation, just a bunch of hot people fighting for their lives in a post-apocalyptic wasteland.
Kinda interesting that all the survivors are young and hot...there must be something in their genes. Maybe the
story would make more sense if I'd ever played the video game, but as it is, it's just eye candy...not really bad
or good eye candy, just something to watch that doesn't stick around long enough to get old.


Resurrecting the Champ (2007)
- 5 out of 10 -

After watching this, my first response was "it could have been worse". I'm not sure why Samuel Jackson
put on such a ridiculous voice, and I'm not sure why Josh Hartnett was so completely unbelievable as a
journalist...but it could have been worse. I liked the old boxing footage and the guys playing the grizzled
boxing trainers, and the overall story was fairly compelling, even if the acting and execution were suspect.



The Return (2003)
 - 9 out of 10 -

This film was a major humongous "wow" for me...beautiful story, amazing scenery, wonderful acting - the
whole package.  Filmed in the St. Petersburg region of Russia, this movie only furthers my desire to visit
the region, I've seldom seen such pretty land.

As for the story, a father comes back after abandoning his family and takes a trip with his two sons - sons
he has never really known and they've only known him through a picture.  It's one of those films where the
silence speaks as loudly as the words and there are more questions than answers in the end...just like life
I suppose.  

In what is essentially a three person film, the acting better be top notch, and it most certainly is - you really
believed the actors were these characters.  This film won the grand prize at the Venice Film Festival for a
reason...and as it was the director Andrei Zvyagintsev's first film, I'll be highly anticipating anything else he
puts out.  With bells on, even.


Return to Horror High (1987)
- 2 out of 10 -

A crappy horror movie about the making of a horror movie at the location of some murders that is only
noteworthy in that it stars a young George Clooney. I can't think of another single thing worth mentioning
about this pile.


Revanche (2008)
 - 7 out of 10 -

Interesting film about revenge and the idea of revenge and how it plays out in the lives of those involved. 
Of course, as this is a German film it's not straight-forward Hollywood revenge, good guys versus bad...
the one seeking revenge is actually a bank robber, looking to eliminate the police officer who accident-
ally killed the robber's hooker girlfriend.  It's a very subtle picture, never hitting you over the head with the
dilemmas faced by the actors, nor really establishing anyone as being right or wrong.  It just creates the
scenarios, acts them out nicely, and let's the viewer decide how they feel.  As an added bonus, the girl
who plays the hooker girlfriend gets nude and is something special to look at it.  I give her two boobs up.



Richard Pryor: Live in Concert (1979)
 - 10 out of 10 -

Richard Pryor is the king of comedy and the king of stand-up, and even though this live concert might
seem a bit dated, to give this man anything less than a perfect score would be blasphemy.  Without
Richard Pryor, there would be no Eddie Murphy, no Dave Chapelle, no anyone worth a shit really.  So
watch and behold this, one of the greatest stand-up films ever.



Riding Giants (2004)
- 7 out of 10 -

Despite Stacy Peralta’s best efforts to be overly ham-handed in the presentation of this interesting topic
(not unlike his work on the Dogtown doc), this still ended up being a pretty interesting flick.  I’ve never
thought much of tow-in surfing, but after this I have a whole new respect for how scary it really is.  I’m still
not sure it should be considered “surfing”, but it is definitely bad ass.  The biggest highlight of the film was
the first portion that focused on Greg Noll, one of the first big wave riders, and who just happened to be
as funny as most stand-up comedians.  He took some of the air out of the blow-harding that Peralta does
throughout most of the narration.


Ring of Fire: The Emile Griffith Story (2005)
- 6 out of 10 -

I’m no boxing expert, but this doc sounded interesting – the life and times of Emile Griffith, a gay boxer
from NYC who was one of the best to enter the ring in the sixties.  The doc could have been better (though
not much drier), but it gave an interesting view into the boxing culture of those days which I find fascinating. 
I’m not even much of a fan of the boxing matches themselves, but there is something about the lives of men
that pummel each other for a living that I find highly fascinating.   I would say this is a must-see for any fans
of boxing, but even an unknowledgeable lout like myself found plenty to enjoy here.



Ring 2 (2004)
 - 5 out of 10 -

Was it just me or did this pretty much seem like the same movie?  That creepy ass kid, a terrible scene
with CGI deer attacking a car, and a bunch of goofy dialogue is all that really stuck with me after viewing.  
Outside of that deer scene, the film looked great though (which isn't hurt by the presence of Naomi Watts,
obviously),  so at least it had that.  Pretty boring, all told, and certainly not worthy to follow up the fantastic
first film. 


Ring of Terror (1962)
- 2 out of 10 -

Uh, they forgot to include any “terror” here...or anything of interest really. I'm not even sure there was a ring,
now that I think about it. What I do know is they had a bunch of 40 year olds playing college kids...made the
casting of “Beverly Hills 90210” seem almost on the nose.



The Ringer (2005)
- 4 out of 10 -

Despite what you might think, this film is much more “sweet” than it is funny and is actually quite uplifting for the
Special Olympics and its athletes.  Problem is, the preview had me believing it was a comedy but I hardly
laughed at all.  An entire comedy cannot be based on Brian Cox in a funny outfit and Johnny Knoxville taking
less pratfalls than he would in one episode of Jackass.  On the bright side, the movie does feature two per-
formances by the Kids of Whidney High.


Rising Son: The Legend of Skateboarder Christian Hosoi (2006)
- 7.5 out of 10 -

I can't honestly give an unbiased review of this film, having grown up skateboarding and loving Hosoi. I'm not
entirely sure a person coming into this who hasn't skateboarded at some point in their life would find this all
that interesting...it's heavy on the skate footage and lingo, and pretty much everyone interviewed are fellow
skateboarders who outside of Tony Hawk and Jason Lee few know about. But as someone who did know
what the hell was going on, it was really quite entertaining, and very informative in documenting the downward
spiral into drug addiction that many of the popular skateboarders from my childhood fell prey to.


A River Runs Through It (1992)
- 7.5 out of 10 –

Someday I will start a band, and there will be many songs about Tom Skerritt.  Top Gun, Poison Ivy, and A
River Runs Through It is a great trifecta of films to have under your belt, and certainly worthy of being cemented
in memory with catchy pop hooks.  But yeah, I’ve always liked this movie, despite not really caring for fishing. 
It’s some of Brad Pitt’s best work, the scenery is beautiful, and the film was put together very well.  It’s one of
those movies that is on all the time, and I always end up stopping and watching a few minutes of it every time
I’m flipping through the channels.



Rivers & Tides (2001)
- 7 out of 10 –

In a lot of ways this is a tale of two movies for me – the art is amazing, but the artist, Andy Golds-
worthy, theorizing on the greatness of it rubbed me the wrong way.  Not that it is his fault, it’s his
job to make art and that invariably leads to a lot of contemplation on what it all means.  Furthermore,
I know folks who enjoy this sort of thing, but it has just always rubbed me the wrong way.  But actually
watching him make his unique art, and seeing the outcome – amazing.  I have the utmost respect for
the skills and imagination of Goldswrothy, the cinematography was excellent, and it was a very
enjoyable film.  And the great thing about parts of folms you don’t like is they made this great button
called “fast forward” to help out with that problem.


The River’s Edge (1986)
- 7.5 out of 10 -

If for no other purpose, this film stands out for the fact that I actually think Keanu Reeves does a good
acting job here.  In fact, the entire cast, especially Crispin Glover, are fantastic in this tale of small town
boredom, dysfunctional families, and misplaced loyalties.  I saw this when I was a little metalhead
grommet, and it made a huge impression on me (plus being one of the few times in film that I got to see
a completely naked woman at that point in my life).  I’ve watched it a number of times since then, and
while styles may have shifted the basic story has stood up very well – this could really be any town, and
could have occurred anytime over the past 30 years.  Moreover, the plot is based on a true story of a
murder that happened in nearby Milpitas back in the early 80s.



Rize (2005)
- 6.5 out of 10 -

I must say I went into this film already holding a heavy bias - I really don't like dancing, watching people
dance, and dance movies.  But this film was getting great reviews and I had friends who spoke highly of it,
so when I saw it as a cheap rental I figured I would give it a chance...worst case scenario, I watch a couple
of minutes and then turn it off.

But I finished the whole thing, although it was too long for the topic at hand.  The film is a look at a dance
culture and lifestyle known as "krumping" that has sprung up in South Central LA/Watts as an alternative to
gang life for a number of the kids.  The kids were all fascinating, and hearing abotu their horrible life stories
was way more interesting to me than actually watching the dancing.  As for the dancing itself, it was fairly
entertaining for a short while but got old and repetative quick, but like I said earlier I don't much have a
stomach for this stuff to begin with.  Nonetheless, this weird trend is serving as a positive outlet for some
inner-city youth that would otherwise have nowhere else to go, and I'm all for that.  If someone with my dislike
for the subject can mostly enjoy this, most folks should have no problem with it.


Roadie (1980)
- 5 out of 10 -

I know you've often said to yourself “self, I wish I spent more of my free time watching movies that star Meat-
loaf in them”. Well I'm here to tell you, while that may be a great idea in theory, actually watching the damn
things is another story entirely. Sure, the plot of roadie sounds great – a beer truck driver stops to help a hot
groupie and a tour manager and after he fixes their camper, they invite him on the road, where they interact
with various rock stars while Meatloaf tries to get in the groupie's pants. Somehow though, this genius-level
plot doesn't really play out as well as you'd hope. I suppose the footage of young Roy Orbison and Hank
Williams and Alice Cooper is worth checking out.


Robin Hood: Men in Tights (1993)
- 5 out of 10 -

I remember loving this when I first saw it in high school, but a recent re-watching left me feeling quite...non-
plussed. It's really not all that funny after all, though it does have a few moments. Probably the most note-
worthy item in this flick is that Dave Chapelle stars in it, long before he became the big-time comedian that
he is today (this was his first role in anything actually). It probably comes as no big surprise that he is the
funniest part of the movie, and the main reason worth watching what is mostly a subpar Mel Brooks outing.



Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves (1991)
- 6 out of 10 -

When this first came out I remember watching it a bunch of times, but I've got no idea why. I've also got no
idea why I decided to watch it again, though I suspect boredom is the main culprit. Anyways, it's still not as
good as the Disney version where Robin Hood is a fox and Friar Tuck is a bear and the bad guys are
played by a snake and a lion. Man, that was pretty much my favorite movie as a kid (along with the Disney
cartoon for “Sword in the Stone”).


Where was I? Oh, well, this movie is pretty rote and boring, but whatever...I've seen the damn thing so many
times I guess it must have something going for it. Morgan Freeman is fine as usual, playing the wise old
black man character he always plays; Kevin Costner is tolerable as Robin; but the real treat is Alan Rickman
as the Sheriff of Nottingham...Rickman really knows how to do a sneering, high-faluting “rick prick” sort of
evil that tends to steal any film where he uses the character (see also “Die Hard”).



Robocop (1987)
 - 6.5 out of 10 -
 
Honestly, this is a terrible movie but I watched it so many times as a kid I just have to give it a decent grade. 
A good cop dies, they turn his body into a new, powerful cyborg robot, and revenge is exacted on those who
killed him.  Not exactly a David Mamet-like script, but entertaining enough.  If nothing else, it's worth checking
out just to see Red from "That 70's Show" as a bad guy.  It's pretty enjoyable popcorn fare, and obviously
holds a soft spot in my heart...plus you get to see a guys face melted off from toxic waste - what more could
you want?


Robocop 2 (1990)
- 4 out of 10 -

This isn't just a sequel, it's basically a remake – Detroit is in trouble; Robocop has a near-death experience
but comes back stronger; a bigger, better, corrupt robot/cyborg appears that Robocop has to defeat. I guess
the big difference here is Red from “That 70's Show” isn't the bad guy and no one gets hit by a car and ex-
plodes. On top of that, they take a stab at including some Max Headroom-type goofy computer technology.
I guess it's entertaining enough, but still terrible.



The Rock (1996)
 - 6 out of 10 -
 
I remember being quite impressed with this film when it first came out, especially for a stupid Michael Bay-
directed action flick, but it hasn't held up all that well.  It's still entertain enough, popcorn fare that will help you
pass the day, but it doesn't take much of that dialogue before you want to put a sharp spoon in your ears. 
All of the action bits are great, nice explosions, great use of the iconography of Alcatraz, but it would have
been much better if the whole dame thing were a silent film I think.  Nick Cage's character in this flick is
second only to his Con Air persona on the list of "worst acting jobs by an extended member of the Coppola
family".  You never expect great acting or crisp dialogue in a Bay film, but this one bears the marks of a
madman intentionally trying to foul up what is otherwise an enjoyable action yarn.



Chris Rock: Never Scared (2004)
- 7.5 out of 10 -

They show this concert all the time on HBO, and though it’s probably not his best I still manage to get
sucked into watching it every time.  I’m not sure why when he yells it’s so funny, but it makes me laugh
every time.  He covers all the usual suspects in his routine - hip-hop culture, the president, Michael Jackson,
black people vs. white people…the sorta stuff you expect, and honestly the material isn’t anything amazing,
it’s just his delivery and presence that make it work.  Well recommended for a good laff.


Rock City (1981)
- 7 out of 10 -

Not a movie, not even really a documentary, but rather just a collection of live music recordings filmed in
London and Europe from 1964 to 1973. If you like the performers involved, you'll probably dig seeing this
archival footage...highlights include Eric Burdon & the Animals, Otis Redding, The Rolling Stones, Joe
Cocker, Pink Floyd, and Ike & Tina. Really makes you nostalgic for that era, what I wouldn't give to have
been at some of these shows.



Rocks With Wings (2002)
- 7.5 out of 10 -

Someone on IMDB referred to this movie as “Hoop Dreams for Native Americans”, and as a general ploy
to serve more folks to watch this wonderful little film I would agree, even if it isn’t all that similar outside of
it following a group of kids playing high school basketball.  There are no issues here college scholarships
or enrolling in fancier schools or playing for scouts, this is purely about bragging rights for being the best
girl’s high school basketball team in a small corner of New Mexico.  This movie serves as a great character
study of the interaction between the new, outsider coach and the local Native American girls, and how he
takes a lowly program to the state title in just a few years.  A fantastic thing to see if you are a basketball
fan, and possibly entertaining to anyone who just likes to see real human stories without the big money
polish that you usually get with stories like this.


Rocky II (1979)
 - 6.5 out of 10 -

Ah, the one where Rocky actually wins...not as good as the original, but entertaining enough.  The
bulk of the film spends a lot of time showing how incredibly stupid Rocky is, squandering money and
business deals and various opportunities.  Eventually he starts training. most of that time spent chasing
a chicken around, and then he beats Apollo.  Honestly, the bulk of the film is kinda boring, which they
could have fixed had they included more chicken chasing scenes. 



Role Models (2008)
- 7.5 out of 10 -

“Let us gingerly touch our tips together”...hands down one of the funniest lines in a film in quite some time,
at least all the way back to anything Ben Affleck said in “Daredevil”. This is a funny damn movie. Really
funny. Happened across it on a lark when we couldn't see “Milk” as we originally planned (talk about a
swing in plot lines), and I really laughed my ass off. Hats off to Paul Rudd, who was not only fantastically
hilarious in this, but one of the writers as well. Seann William Scott continues to play Stifler in every film,
but damn if he ain't good at it.



Roller Boogie (1979)
 - 7 out of 10 -

Even days after seeing this it’s hard, or perhaps frightening, to imagine Linda Blair as a sex-symbol. 
This film
is an attempt to cash in on a roller-skating fad that was no doubt sweeping the nation at that
time (skateboarding
was hugely successful at the time as well, there was even an episode of CHiPs
that had it as a major theme…
yes, Ponch skated).  The story is laughable at best…rich girl Blair slums
it at Venice Beach, hooks up with the
local badass skate king, local rink is getting shut down by goons,
they save the day, all is well in skate land.  The
only real reason to watch this is for the roller skating and
the fashion, which are both hilarious and awesome at the
same time.  The lead, played by Jim Bray,
was apparently the hot skater of the time and his acting skills show it. 
My vote is for folks to take the
lead from Roller Boogie, and start wearing more hot pants please.


Rollerball (1975)
- 7 out of 10 -

What I don't understand is why this never became a real sport after this film came out and was rather
popular?  It looks awesome...metal balls, roller skates and brutal violence, all of the landmarks of a fan-
tastic pastime. The plot of this movie is useless at best - we would have been better served as viewers to
just have been given an hour and a half of James Caan being a bad ass playing this awesome futuristic
sport. I would have given that a s9 or a 10.



Rollercoaster (1977)
 - 6 out of 10 -

Is it just me, or does the premise of a man setting bombs on roller coasters in order to get money from the
rich amusement park owners seem very “Scooby-Doo” to anyone else?  Despite the silly idea, this fit
somewhat within the “disaster genre” that dominated the 70s - the threat of many deaths plus a star-
studded cast equals cinematic gold.  The always-fantastic George Segal is the lead in the film, and turns
from Henry Fonda, Timothy Bottoms, Richard Widmark, Susan Strasberg fill things out; even Helen Hunt
and Steve Guttenberg have bit parts in this mess.  Possibly the oddest and most notable star in the film
in my estimation is the band Sparks, who perform a few songs during a roller coaster unveiling and
probably didn’t seem out of place at all in those days but seems real strange and funny now.  Anyways,
it’s actually a decent thriller helped hugely by Segal’s perma-crabby performance, although maybe not
enough explosions for my taste. 


Rolling Thunder (1996)
 - 2 out of 10 -

an "action" film about a team of army mercenaries stopping domestic terrorism using "non-lethal" means. 
There is one decent actor in the whole bunch (Cress Williams), a terrible story, and special effects that
look like they were created on an original Mac.  And seriously, non-lethal weapons?  Unless this was
made for kids, and it doesn't appear it was, that's just a terrible idea.  I want to see the bad guy goons
exploding, not getting sprayed with glue. 



Romantico (2002)
- 6.5 out of 10 -

A documentary about an illegal immigrant musician who goes back and forth between the US and his home
in Mexico, struggling between earning a living here and wanting to be with his family there. It's an age old
tale, only too familiar these days, and this documentary doesn't really present anything new to the viewer...
but it's still a decent film, a touch of humanity and worth a view if you're in the mood.


Romulus, My Father (2007)
- 5 out of 10 -

A depressing movie about a kid's depressing childhood growing up under what appeared to be a manic
depressive set of parents. It was one of those period pieces that had “awards contender” written all over it,
but felt like homework to watch. I knew it was a good movie, but I didn't really enjoy watching it.



A Room for Romeo Brass (1999)
- 6 out of 10 -

A pretty meh story, about dysfunctional middle class British families with bratty kids, that is totally saved by
the always amazing Paddy Considine. Paddy plays a possibly mentally ill stalker weirdo
that befriends and
then comes between some local kids in an attempt to hook up with the older sister
of one of them. Sadly,
the story doesn't play out to be as interesting as it sounds it should be...in a lot
of ways it felt more like an
after school special than anything else. But Considine kept me watching,
as every time he took the screen
he was so mesmerizingly creepy you couldn't switch the damn film
off.


Rounders (1998)
- 7 out of 10 -

They made a really interesting movie about poker playing. In other news, I think I just saw the devil walk by
in a sweater, claiming it is too cold where he is from. Coincidence? I think not.


Rudo y Cursi (2008)
 - 6 out of 10 -

Mexican heartthrob duo Gael Garcia Bernal and Diego Luna team up again, this time in a flick about a pair
of soccer playing brothers trying to make something of themselves.  Once you get the lay of the characters
the plot unfolds like a cheap novel, but it's still a pretty fun movie to watch.  The basic gist of things is one
brother is a great soccer player but wants to be a singer, the other brother isn't as good but wants to be a
soccer player.  You've got hot chicks, struggles with fame and new money, ego stroking, the fall from grace
and the happy ending when they realize what really makes them happy in life.  In the process their little sister
marries some old drug cartel dude and apparently this isn't a problem.  And speaking of hot chicks, Jessica
Mas from this film is one of the most attractive females that has probably ever existed on this planet. 
Everyone should cross their fingers that she becomes a star in U.S. films so we see more of her.  



Rumble Fish (1983)
- 7 out of 10 -

I’m going to be honest – this film rates highly with me more so for the way it looks than the content of the
story – what can I say, I’m a whore for a pretty movie.  I remember being so confused when I saw this as a
kid as to whether or not it was set in the 50’s or if the kids were just stuck in a time warp, but this has always
been one of the larger sticking points for me when it comes to this movie – it’s never particularly clear why it
is set up this way, other than maybe Coppola just thought everyone looked cooler in the classic outfits but
didn’t want to go to the trouble to get the sets to sync up.  One thing is for sure – Mickey Rourke is so damn
cool in this movie it’s hard to fathom the immeasurable amount of ungodly hot women he got in those years
of his life.  And speaking of hot ladies, this is smack-dab in the middle of Diane Lane’s best years for being
“The hot chick” in numerous films (her role as Cherry Valence in The Outsiders being the most popular one
though).  I’m not really sure where this review is going, and I guess it kinda mimics my feelings on the film –
lots of great individual things about this flick to like, but overall it doesn’t work as well as you might like. 
But it’s still damned enjoyable.


Run Fat Boy Run (2007)
- 7 out of 10 -

To an overweight pasty white schlub like myself, this film could almost be considered “feel good” or “inspir-
ational”. Simon Pegg plays a loser who decides to run the London marathon in an effort to win back his
baby mama. Since this baby mama is played by Thandie Newton, I'd be trying to win her back too, as would
anyone else with a working set of eyes. It's a damned enjoyable film, and on top of all that it was directed
by David Schwimmer! What a crazy world this is we live in, when the likes of Ross can direct a quality flick.



Run Silent, Run Deep (1958)
 - 7 out of 10 -

I'm not sure what it is about submarine films that I find so fascinating...the tension probably.  Those things
are scary fuckers in my book, trapped inside a steel tube under a bazillion gallons of water, not able to see
anything and depending on some ping-ponging sonar to keep you from ramming an underwater mountain or
a giant whale or the lock ness monster.  Anyways, I guess this would be the granddaddy of sub movies, set in
WWII and featuring old and young captains butting heads on how best to defeat the Japanese.  Both Clark
Gable and Burt Lancaster do good jobs as the leads, and of course the scene stealer award goes to my
main man and hero Don Rickles.



The Running Man (1987)
- 7 out of 10 -

This movie is so terrible, yet a barrel full of fun. Schwarzenegger is retarded a always, but between the
skintight outfits and his ridiculous beard it's hard not to enjoy his “performance”. But what really makes this
film, other than the goofy storyline, is the supporting cast – not only does it include one of my all-time favorite
actors Yaphet Kotto, but you got Jesse Ventura, Jim Brown, Erland Van Lidth, Professor Toru Tanaka, and
most importantly, the final acting gig of the one and only Richard Dawson. Given his penchant with the ladies,
wonder how many times he kissed Maria Conchita Alonso a day?



Running With Scissors (2006)
 - 6 out of 10 -

I loved loved LOVED this book, so it was going to be a tall order to ever try and recreate the madcap inanity
of that novel on  the silver screen.  And as much as I wanted to love this, it really was just pretty...whatever. 
The set was fantastic, the star of the film - the Finch House was just as crazy as I imagined it when I read the
story, and in some ways this should have been the hardest part to pull off.  The casting and acting were also
pretty spot on - especially in the Case of Dr. Finch, played by Brian Cox...you couldn't have made a better
choice for this character.  Really, the only issue was the story, and not the story itself as much as the general
tone of it.  Though the subject matter is obviously serious, the novel read a little more light-hearted with a lot
of laughs; but with the film, there were few guffaws and it was much more serious in nature.  I suppose this
was a perfectly valid way to go about things, but I had set my sights on a more comical film than what I got
I guess.  Still, it's not a bad flick...but one thing is for sure, if you've never read the book rush out and do so now.


Rush Hour (1998)
- 7.5 out of 10 -

Remember when Chris Tucker was the funniest man alive and on top of the world? It doesn't seem that long
ago, but Rush Hour was probably the apex of his popularity, and for good reason – it's a damn entertaining
movie. Yes, the plot adds up to a terribly formulaic buddy cop action comedy, but it's played out with such
comical flair that you don't really care. And the on-screen chemistry between Tucker and Jackie Chan is
perfect, no doubt the driving force behind the two sequels (the second of which was almost as good as this
flick).



The Rutles (1979)
- 8 out of 10 -

I recently rewatched this after having not seen it since high school probably, and was pleased to see that it
has stood up well over the years and is just as funny as it was the first time I saw it, those halcyon high early
high school years when you discover Monty Python and absurdist humor is the best thing since sliced bread. 
It’s a goofy documentary about a fake band known as the Rutles (you guess who it’s based on), and the tone,
humor and style of the film reminds me of Woody Allen’s Zelig (one of my favorite films of his) and it makes
me wonder if Allen was inspired by The Rutles or if it was mere happenchance.

Either way, it’s a fantastic flick, funny as hell, features a ton of great rock stars playing goofy characters, and
will remind you why you fell in love with those Python chaps all over again.