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Reviews (just scroll down to read)
Lackawanna Blues
(7/10)
Ladder 49 (4/10)
Lady in
the
Water (5/10)
Lady
Vengeance (7.5/10)
LaLee's
Kin: The Legacy of Cotton (8/10)
Land of the Dead (6/10)
The Last
Hangman
(6.5/10)
The Last Just Man (10/10)
The
Last Picture Show (10/10)
The Last Samurai (7/10)
The Last Waltz (9/10)
A League of Ordinary
Gentlemen (6.5/10)
Leatherface:
Texas Chainsaw Massacre III (5/10)
Lenny Bruce: Swear to Tell
the Truth (7/10)
Lethal Weapon (8/10)
Let’s
Go To Prison (5.5/10)
Letters
from Iwo
Jima (7.5/10)
Levelland (6.5/10)
Liam (7.5/10)
The Life Aquatic with Steve
Zissou (8/10)
Lipstick & Dynamite,
Piss & Vinegar: The First Ladies of Wrestling (4/10)
Little
Children (8/10)
Little Miss Sunshine (6.5/10)
Live Free
or Die
Hard (7/10)
Lock, Stock and Two Smoking
Barrels (8.5/10)
Lock Up
(6.5/10)
The Longest Yard (8/10)
Longford
(4/10)
The Lookout
(7.5/10)
Lord of War (7/10)
Lords of Dogtown (7/10)
The
Lost City (6.5/10)
Love the Hard Way (7/10)
Machine
Gun
Kelly (5.5/10)
The Machinist (7/10)
The Mack (6/10)
Made in Britain (8/10)
Madman
(4/10)
Mad Max (8/10)
Major League (10/10)
Major League 2 (5/10)
Mallrats (8/10)
Malone (4/10)
A Man Apart (5/10)
Man on Fire (7/10)
Man
on the Moon (6/10)
March of the Penguins (8/10)
Marie
Antoinette
(4/10)
The Marine (5/10)
Mark
of the
Devil (3/10)
Master and Commander (7/10)
The Matador (8/10)
Matchpoint (7/10)
Max (6.5/10)
Maxed Out
(6.5/10)
Me and You and Everyone We
Know (7/10)
Mean Girls (8/10)
Melinda and Melinda (6/10)
Memories of Murder (8/10)
The
Messengers
(6/10)
Metallica: Some Kind of
Monster (7.5/10)
Meteor (2/10)
Metro
(4/10)
Miami Vice (5/10)
The
Mighty Celt (7/10)
Miller’s
Crossing (9/10)
Million Dollar Baby (9/10)
Millions (7.5/10)
Mindhunters (5/10)
Miracle (6/10)
Mr. and Mrs. Smith (7/10)
Mr.
Baseball (6.5/10)
Mr. Deeds
(4/10)
Mr.
Majestyk
(7/10)
Mr. 3000 (6/10)
Mr.
Woodcock
(5/10)
Mistrial (5.5/10)
Mona Lisa
(7/10)
The Motel (7/10)
The
Mummy (6/10)
My Life Without Me (7/10)
Mysterious Skin (7/10)
The
Nanny Diaries (2/10)
Napoleon Dynamite
(8/10)
National Treasure (6.5/10)
Ned Kelly (6.5/10)
Neil Hamburger: The Show
Must Go Off! (7/10)
New
Jersey Drive (5/10)
The New World (7/10)
New York
Doll (7/10)
Nico Icon (3/10)
Night and the City
(6/10)
Nightmare on Elm Street 2
(4/10)
Night of the Comet (6/10)
95 Miles
To Go
(7/10)
No Good Deed (6.5/10)
Noi Albinoi (6/10)
North Country (6.5/10)
Lackawanna Blues
(2005)
- 7 out of 10 -
Seemingly based on a true story, this simple movie is the tale of one
woman in upstate New York who tries
to make the world a better place by helping out the people around her,
one at a time. This character “Nanny”
played by S. Epatha
Merkerson (of Law
& Order fame) runs a boarding house full of a cast of
characters that
all play some small part in the film, and are played by a myriad of
popular folks like Jimmy
Smits, Macy Gray,
Delroy Lindo, and
many more. The film is toldfrom the point-of-view of a young boy
raised by Nanny and
growing up in these rich environs. In a lot of ways the whole
production feels like a play, a style I usually don’t
go for but works well in this case. There’s no great story or
lesson here other than folks should look after one
another maybe, but the film is successful nonetheless…it is very
enjoyable to watch, engaging, well
acted, and
certainly worth checking out.
Ladder 49 (2004)
- 4 out of 10 -
I hate both John Travolta
and Joaquin Phoenix
(still pissed he’s playing Johnny Cash, even if he does kinda
look like him - he can’t act his way out of a wet paper bag), so I
wasn’t really surprised when this turned out to
be a tepid pile of crap. But since I was stuck on a plane, I
finished the whole thing – I would have surely turned
it off if I was watching this at home. I will give them credit
for one thing, they managed to really spread around
the crappy writing, acting, and directing throughout the whole
movie. I usually like firefighter movies, and the
actual firefighting scenes in this film
were the only redeemable quality; unfortunately, they were
few and far
between. The rest of the film was
one tired cliché piled on another, and just when you
think they couldn’t
possibly make it any more by-the-books they somehow find a way.
Lady in the Water
(2006)
- 5 out of 10 -
I get that this
was supposed to be
fantasy, a fairy tale for adults if you will...but that doesn't
explain why they
had to make
Bryce Dallas Howard so creepy that I
could barely stand to look at the TV screen anytime she
was on it. The
story, while interesting in a very basic sense, was way
too
convoluted with unnecessary
details for a
film of this length –
they presented a mini-series story line in a two-hour film. It's not
a terrible
film, just a
little over-ambitious for it's own good.
Lady
Vengeance (2005)
-
7.5 out of 10 -
The
third film in Chan-wook Park's “vengeance” trilogy, and just as
strong as the other two. This cat really
understands how to spin a
yarn, and easily one of the best filmmakers working today. Though
the flick certainly
contains violence, this is by far the most
“poetic” of the three movies...both the script and the
cinematography
work at a slightly higher level than the other two
films, even if I might have liked those other stories slightly
more. The star of the film, Yeong-ae Lee, is excellent
throughout...this is
the most recent feature she has been
in, hopefully she gets a lot
more work in the near future as she has a bright future.
LaLee's
Kin: The Legacy of Cotton (2001)
-
8 out of 10 -
This
is a very powerful documentary illuminating how little things have
changed for impoverished African-
Americans living in the deep south
since the days of sharecropping. The details of how the cotton
industry
has single-handedly ruined generations of lives could fill
hundreds of pages and certainly more than one 90
minute documentary,
but this film does a fantastic job of setting the table for
understanding how we could
have so many folks living in third world
conditions within our very own border. Everyone should make an
effort to see this oscar-nominated feature...and perhaps as we
understand more about what causes these
problems, we can maybe
actually do something to make things better.
Land of the Dead (2005)
- 6 out of 10 -
In George Romero's fourth installment, we find a world
where living with the zombies has become a
part of life - there is a walled and guarded city where
the healthy live, with two distinct classes of people
living within those walls - the rich, who live in
a skyscraper full of all the luxuries of life; and the poor,
who dwell in the streets, scraping and fighting for their own little
piece of the world. Romero was no
doubt trying to create some fictionalized version of the world as we
know it, trying to make a statement
about the injustices of life...which is all fine and good, but I'm
guessing most folks just wanted to see
some zombie ass-kicking. And there was some of that, with the
opening scene and subsequent zombie
assault on the walled city, but there was way too much non-zombie time,
and that's why it gets the low
score. Cause all the zombie times are grear, but there just ain't
enough of them.
The Last Hangman
(2005)
- 6.5 out of 10
-
Tomothy Spall
has never gotten his due
as being a fantastic actor. I'm guessing this is mostly due to
him
being British and not very attractive, but neither of those facts
make a difference...the man is able
to consistently and brilliantly
transform himself to nearly any role. In this case, that role is of
the “last”
hangman in the UK before they abolished the death
penalty (or at the very least, hanging as the primary
method of
getting it done). Honestly, the plot/story here is fairly dry and
mediocre, but Spall is so great
it's worth a viewing should you
happen to catch it on somewhere.
The Last Just Man
(2002)
- 10 out of 10 -
There is no possible way for words to do justice this
documentary…powerful doesn’t quite cut it. It tells
the story of the Rwandan genocide in 1994 from the point-of-view of the
Canadian general who oversaw
the UN “peace keeping” mission, with interviews from locals who lived
through the atrocities. The stuff
they say will stick with you for a long
time; 800,000 people slain in 100 days, mostly by machetes;
the
condemned were paying their murderers to make their death quick; tales
of rape, of women being “split
open”…I’m a pretty detached person, but
even I was upset after seeing and hearing about it.
Almost as
upsetting was the UN’s response, which was very much responsible for
many of those deaths due to an
inability and wariness for action after
the Somalian war that happened not long before. This
is an in-
credibly important film that everyone should see, and a primary example
as to why I love the documentary
genre so much.
The Last Picture Show
(1971)
- 10 out of 10 -
After having just finished reading the book,
I can say that without a doubt this is not only one of the best
adaptations of all time, but one
of the best films period (certainly in my top 5). Peter
Bogdanovich’s
ability to appropriately capture the feelings of despair
and loss in a small Texas town is nothing short of
miraculous, and breaks me up a little bit
every time I watch it (and that’s been a lot of times over the years).
The cast is tremendous, with Ben Johnson and
Ellen Burstyn performing the roles of their lives. Jeff
Bridges and the Bottoms boys ain’t too shabby either, and that’s
not to even mention Cybill Shepherd, who
is as cold and calculating as she is stunningly
beautiful. I can’t recommend this film highly enough, and
good luck finding anything that is much better.
The Last Samurai
(2003)
- 7 out of 10 -
I’m pretty sure it was mostly due to low expectations, because I
honestly thought this film would suck, but it
was surprisingly decent. Even Tom
“Mr. Scientology” Cruise’s best efforts to screw things up couldn’t
change
the fact that the film had
a good story and beautiful cinematography to overshadow all the ham
acting he
could throw at it. I’m being a
little overly rough, as Cruise wasn’t that bad here, but compared to
the rest of
the cast he was definitely
sub-par. Ken Watanabe was quite deserving of his Oscar nod, and
not nearly
enough attention was
paid to Billy Connoly’s per-formance - he always makes any film he’s in
better. The
movie
also had some fantastic battle scenes, and the Japanese armor was just
devastating to look at…
makes me
wanna go stab someone with a sword in a field of bamboo.
The Last Waltz (1978)
- 9 out of 10 -
Is this the end-all be-all of concert films? It’s hard to imagine
this will ever be topped…a top flight
director in Scorsese, an amazing band in The Band playing their
final gig of their career, and more A-list
guest stars than you can even remember without a cheat
sheet (Neil Diamond being, of course, the best
of them all). It’s difficult to
imagine anyone ever pulling something off to this magnitude
again. But most
importantly, this is
a concert video – and the music, the performance, and the quality of
the recording are
all fantastic.
A League of Ordinary
Gentlemen (2004)
- 6.5 out of 10 -
Given that the topic is the history of professional bowling, it should
come as no surprise that this doc-
umentary comes off a little dry. I love to bowl myself but I
can’t say as it’s a “sport” whose history I dwell on
like with basketball or baseball. Still, they managed to make
this thing fairly entertaining, mostly due to
their focus on some modern legends in the sport and their interaction
with the PBA’s new image since it
was recently purchased by new owners trying to revitalize how bowling
is perceived. Ultimately, this flick
was interesting enough to make me want to actually go out and bowl, and
I’m guessing the subjects in the
film would be more than happy if this was the end result from all
of the viewers.
Leatherface:
Texas Chainsaw Massacre III (1990)
-
5 out of 10 -
As
far as sequels go, this isn't too bad...a little hokey and a lot of
bad acting, but I'm guessing that was
to be expected. Really, the
main reason to watch this flick is to see Viggo Mortensen play a
killer in a
slasher flick before he became a big star. Apparently
this version is vastly watered down from the original
intentions of
the director, as the studio decided to take most of the gore out of
the movie for god knows
what reason. I'm not sure having more grisly
deaths would have made this a better film, but it would have
definitely made it more entertaining.
Lenny Bruce: Swear to Tell
the Truth (1998)
- 7 out of 10 -
If you pair this with Dustin
Hoffman’s performance in Lenny, you get what I believe to be a
pretty damn
accurate view of what Lenny Bruce must have been like. Obviously,
I’m too young to know too much
about the man without doing a lot of work (which I’m certainly not
going to do), but all arrows point to
these portrayals as being fairly accurate. Not to even get into
why Lenny Bruce was great or his story,
which could take forever, let me just say this – whether you are
already a fan or have never heard
of the
man before, this is a pretty engaging documentary. If nothing
else it gives you a great view into what life
was like at the time, the puritanical values that ruled the land; some
folks in power are trying to move us
backwards toward that again nowadays, which makes this film all the
more interesting in light of recent
FCC scandals.certainly fans of Lenny Bruce shouldn’t miss this (and
probably haven’t), but docu fans in
general should check it.
Lethal Weapon (1987)
- 8 out of 10 -
Take one veteran cop hoping to coast through to retirement, add in a
suicidal rogue cop with a
cute dog, stir with an international drug cartel, and you get the best
buddy cop movie of the eighties
probably. See! A young and hunky
Mel Gibson before he
turned into a religious nut job. See!
Danny Glover utter
the phrase “I’m too old for this shit” just like he’s done in nearly
every movie he’s
been in. See! Crazy ass Gary Busey being, well,
crazy ass Gary Busey.
Seriously though, this film is packed full of great acting and smart
writing combined with some
intense and imaginative action scenes; it’s no surprise that it became
as famous as it did and
spawned so many sequels (all of which are watchable, but not
great). Along with Die
Hard, these
two institutions of Hollywood action films set the standard that tons
of films to this day still rip off,
usually poorly, and it’s easy to see why.
Did I mention that crazy ass Gary Busey
is in it? OH man, that’s good stuff there.
Let’s
Go To Prison (2006)
-
5.5 out of 10 -
Given that this
was directed by Bob
Odenkirk, stars Will Arnett and it's about one of my favorite topics
(prison),
I may have set my expectations too high on this one. It's
not a terrible film or anything, but given the players in-
volved I
certainly expected more laughs. Chi McBride has a small role and
helps along with the bulk of the laughs
that are in the
flick with
his Barry-White-in-prison routine, but there aren't too many
highlights outside of that.
Letters
from Iwo Jima (2006)
- 7.5 out of 10
-
I found this
feature to be far superior
to the first half of Clint Eastwood's Iwo Jima
diptych “Flags of Our
Fathers”.
The idea of a well known
war story being told from the point-of-view of the enemy is an
interesting
and criminally
under-utilized idea that was done quite
well here. It's always great to see things from the other
side, and
the way Eastwood portrayed everyone from grunt to general was
refreshing. Of course it doesn't
hurt having Ken
Watanabe in the
lead role, an actor of incredible range. Visually, Letters is
probably second
only to “Saving
Private Ryan” in how stunning the
cinematography comes across.
Levelland (2003)
- 6.5 out of 10 -
I’m of two minds here – I think it would be
far-fetched to call this a “good” movie, but I did enjoy it
some-
what. This most likely has to do with
the fact that it revolves around a group of skateboarders and
is
infinitely less shitty than The Skateboard Kid or even Grind. The
acting wasn’t very good and the story
seemed a little too akin to Dawson’s Creek in the
wrong way, but the whole endeavor seemed sincere
and there was some decent skating and I never really wanted to throw
anything at the TV the whole time,
so those are all plusses. It would be
tough to go so far as recommend this to anyone, but I’m glad
I
watched it.
Liam (2000)
- 7.5 out of 10 -
I’ve probably said this a thousand times, but any film or TV show set
in a prison or during the depression is
like gold to me. This flick is the tale of a poor family hitting
hard times in England prior to WWII, and how these
poor conditions affect each of the family members. While
everyone’s stories and problems are intertwined,
Liam is the centerpiece as he comes to terms with being poor, having a
speech impediment, and dealing with
his guilt brought on from too much exposure to church. Stephen
Frears did a fantastic job of really capturing
that depressed, dark feel on camera – everything and everyone sooty in
the face from the factory-clogged air;
his view on the rise of fascism/nationalism in England during that
time was spot on as well. I’m actually a little
surprised it took me so long to see this film, but late is better than
never.
The Life Aquatic with
Steve Zissou
(2004)
- 8 out of 10 -
Wes Anderson seems to draw a number
of different responses from both his fans and enemies, and
I
don’t expect things to change after viewing this film. He is very
much one of those directors you
either
like or you don’t. So let me say this: if you loved his previous
movies, you’re probably going to like this;
and if you hated everything he’s done so far, this isn’t going to
change your mind.
The biggest difference between this and
other releases of his is that instead of writing it with long
time
collaborator and pal Owen
Wilson, he instead worked with Noah Baumbach (who I
know for his film
Kicking & Screaming,
which is decent but nothing amazing). The most notable part of
this switch is that
the dialogue doesn’t seem as snappy…but
other than that it is business as usual. The details
in the sets
are amazing – the cutaway of Zissou’s ship is one of my favorite things
I’ve seen in some time. Bill
Murray is great as always, projecting a great sadness over the
entire production with his lonely looks.
Willem Defoe is also
brilliant as Murray’s sidekick, and quite funny; plenty of other folks
in the film
that you expect to see in an Anderson production, the usuals if you
will.
As for the story, it is plenty interesting, but it felt a bit muddled
and chaotic for the first part
of the film; but
then once it gets on track, the second half is probably Anderson’s
strongest work to date. I highly rec-
ommend this, but then again I highly recommend everything the man does.
Lipstick & Dynamite,
Piss & Vinegar: The First Ladies of Wrestling (2004)
- 4 out of 10 -
I'm still boondoggled as to how you make a documentary on women's
wrestling as boring as they made this one…
it is womens wrestling for chrissakes! Women!
Wrestling! I'm going to be perfectly honest
here, about half way
through the film on what felt like the 10th
hour of that old windbag The Great Mullah droning on about how awesome
she was, I tuned out.
If they'd only spent more time on G.L.O.W. (that's the Gorgeous
Ladies of Wrestling) and the
Macho Man's
ring girl Miss Elizabeth, all would have been right in the world.
But
instead, they made the doc-
umentary version of sleeping pills.
Little
Children (2006)
-
8 out of 10 -
Let's be honest
here – sure, I'd
heard this was a good movie, but I pretty much rented it just so I
could look at
Kate Winslet get naked. The small pleasures in life,
ya know? But it turns out this was a great movie, a real
fascinating
examination of suburbia and married life and children, and how
everything is rarely as perfect as
it outwardly appears. Probably
the biggest surprise of the film though was the reemergence of the
legendary
child actor Jackie Earle Haley, fittingly playing a child
molester. He was fantastic in his role and it was a real
joy to have
Kelly Leak back on screen, even if he looks very different.
Little Miss Sunshine
(2006)
- 6.5 out of 10 -
After all the talk about this film and finally seeing it, I can’t help
but feel a touch disappointed. Don’t get
me wrong – it’s an enjoyable, cute film, and there were a few comical
moments scattered throughout…
but mostly I just spent the entire film wondering what it was that made
this film such a fan favorite? Quirky
family/goofy kid movies aren’t exactly a rare bird, and while this
might be on the better end of that spectrum
it certainly wasn’t the end-all be-all. I do have to give props
to Alan Arkin for being fantastic as he always
is, one of the most underrated actors out there in my opinion.
And the little girl was plenty cute and quirky,
though I’m not sure what she did that was special enough to warrant
award attention – she mostly just acted
like a goofy kid, probably not that different from her real life.
Anyways, it was as pretty good film that I would
recommend to most folks, but for a flick with all the Oscar-buzz around
it, it was a little too cute and typical
to be put on that pedestal.
Live Free or Die Hard
(2007)
-
7 out of 10 -
They kill a
helicopter by hitting it
with a car. In the air. I know this was in all of the previews, but
it is important
to note this scene before bothering to write a review
on a film of this nature. Where the first “Die Hard” might
have
been a somewhat believable action thriller, that all went flying out
the window at lightning speed with
each successive sequel; to the
point that this fourth outing is basically a warner bros. cartoon in
the disguise
of an action movie. And really, that's fine –
sometimes a fluffy, completely unbelievable action movie full of
cliché quotes is all you need to entertain you for the night.
Lock, Stock, and Two
Smoking Barrels (1998)
- 8.5 out of 10 -
Guy Ritchie’s first full length picture still remains his best work,
and based on his recent output and the fact
that he is married to that hack Madonna, I think it might
be safe to assume that it will go down as his all-time
best. It was also the spark that
re-ignited the public’s love of the 70’s-style crime caper,
intertwining stories
of interesting characters
where you generally root for the bad guys to pull off their
heist. Of course, this flick
had the extra layer of them being kooky “British” characters, something
that for whatever reason delights
me
to no end in film (not so much in real life). The whole affair is
very quick with
the camera and the wit, moves
along at a delicious pace, and combines ass-kickings, capers
and comedy nearly perfectly.
Lock Up (1994)
- 6.5 out of 10 -
Fairly entertaining documentary about the ins and
outs of Riker's Island. Lots of interesting inmates are
interviewed and all that sort of shit, but I think
the best part is probably just checking out the fashions the
prisoners are rockin' in this thing, lots of comedy. If you've
always found shows like this about prison to be
entertaining you won't be disappointed - produced by HBO, you know it
was put together well.
The Longest Yard
(2005)
- 8 out of 10 -
Firstly, it must be stated that there is absolutely no reason to ever
remake this film. But given that, this is a
damn hilarious, enjoyable remake and I can't think of a better person
to pull it off than Adam Sandler. If
you've never seen the original (and if you haven't you're a moron cause
it's starring Burt Reynolds in the 70's
and everyone with any sense should have seen every Burt Reynolds film
from the 70's), the gist of it is: football
star gets sent to prison, warden wants him to form a team to play his
guards and throw the game, but of course
in Hollywood fashion the underdogs succeed. It's
pretty cookie-cutter stuff, but what makes this work is the
casting - pro-wrestlers Kevin Nash, Stone Cold Steve Austin, and Bill
Goldberg have prominent parts, as do
Nelly, pro-footballers Bill Romanowski and Michael Irvin, and Tracy
Morgan playing a lady boy. Plus more Burt
Reynolds! Which you can't really get enough of, you know.
Anyways, it was a typical sports movie in the way it
was filmed and the story arc, but genuinely funny in a
very dumb way. Which was exactly what I was looking for
when I watched it, and probably why it gets such a high score.
Longford (2006)
- 4 out of
10 -
This
movie is so goddamn dry it makes the Gobi Desert
look like a rain forest. Sure, well
acted and all that I
guess, but not very watchable. Or at least it
wasn’t in the mood I was in
when I gave it a go. Plus no matter
how
good technically Samantha Morton might be on the silver screen, she has
always
creeped me out and I
don’t see this changing anytime soon.
The Lookout (2007)
- 7.5 out of 10
-
I've probably
mentioned it before, but
I am continually amazed at the actor that the little kid from “3rd
Rock
from the Sun”, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, has turned into. This
film is yet another fantastic offering from him,
playing a
brain-damaged ex-hockey star who gets swept up in a criminal plot to
rob the bank he cleans each
night. This movie was greatly overlooked
by not just all the awards shows, but most of the general public as
well...Scott Frank does a fantastic job directing this taut thriller
(that he also wrote), the cast is wonderful (it
also features Jeff
Daniels and Isla Fisher as well as a number of other quality, lesser
known actors), and I
really couldn't recommend it more highly.
Lord of War (2005)
- 7 out of 10 -
A surprisingly good film…for some reason the previews for this made it
look funny, rather than an unflinching
account of gun running in the modern (or at least recently modern)
world. It almost works as a documentary
in the way it informs you about its subject, with Nicholas Cage often
directly speaking to the camera. And it
is remarkably unbiased, much more so than I ever would have imagined –
you neither feel love nor hate for
the Cage’s character or the situations that he involves himself in; he
is exploiting both the good and the bad,
never inserting himself into the battles he is supplying arms for,
focused only on the money to be made. An
especially great supporting job in the film by Eamonn Walker, who
always does an amazing job in every film
or show I see him in, and deserves to be a much bigger star.
Lords of Dogtown
(2005)
- 7 out of 10 -
I enjoyed this film, but I went into it expecting it to suck in many
different ways, which it did, so I wasn’t
let down –
this may be my new way to approach all films.
The acting wasn’t very good, but the kids playing the main characters
were still likeable. Especially notable was
Heath Ledger
doing a drunken Val
Kilmer impression for the whole film. The characters were all
pretty one-
dimensional and thinly written, but for some reason
this was probably the best way to show them. And most
importantly, the skateboarding was
completely unbelievable, but it was still
a blast to watch so who cares right?
The
Lost City (2005)
-
6.5 out of 10 -
A
fairly interesting film, and certainly a good first full-length
effort by Andy Garcia, about the Cuban revolution and
how it tears
apart a family. The film features a very nice cast and high quality
cinematography, though Garcia
seemed to fall in love with stringing
out the pretty shots much longer than were necessary...a little
tightening up in
the department would have knocked thirty to
forty-five minutes of the length (this especially goes for the
extended
dance/musical numbers, though I realize while these bore me
to tears they were probably a highlight for others).
Mostly though,
it just made me really want to visit Cuba, hopefully something I'll
accomplish in the near future.
Love the Hard Way
(2001)
- 7 out of 10 -
I watched this on a whim, not expecting much, but it turned out to be a
decent flick - Adrien Brody makes a good
rogue hero of sorts, a petty thief
that you pull for. He's a womanizer who finally meets a girl that
he wants to see
more than once...there's a lot of drama as
you might expect, and is the general crux of the film, but not the
reason
I liked it. IT just had
a nice feel, a nice tone to it - good colors, decent acting, and
Charlotte Ayanna, the lead love
interest, ain't bad
to look at either.
Machine
Gun Kelly (1958)
-
5.5 out of 10 -
I
love Charles Bronson, and even if this movie isn't all that great,
and Bronson isn't really best suited to play
this sort of smarmy
sass-mouthed character, it's still hard not to like any movie where
he is featured prom-
inently. I'm guessing most folks are like me and
love the silent-but-deadly version of Bronson that generally
show up
in his pictures, but I guess it's nice to know he can play a
lady-whipped prohibition-era gangster if
he wants to.
The Machinist
(2004)
- 7 out of 10 -
Even if you think this is an awful film (which it isn't), you have to
hand it to Christian Bale
for completely
changing his body - from a healthy weight for
his height (6'2" I believe) down to at the most 130 pounds.
You spend the first few minutes of the movie just staring at him and
not really paying attention to the story,
it's so jolting.
But it's actually a pretty good movie, and one where I truly did not
know what was going to happen until
the very end. What you basically have is a man going mad because
he hasn't slept in over a year, and
the film examines why he's going mad. Slowly, like an onion, the
layers shed away revealing how he
came to be this way, and the conclusion he must come to to fix
it. It's all pretty gripping and interesting
and well worth checking out. And Jennifer Jason Leigh
plays a hooker like she does in lots of movies
so you've got that, too.
The Mack (1973)
- 6 out of 10 -
I’m obligate by law to give this at least a better than average score
based solely on the fact that it was
filmed here in Oakland, but truth be told I found myself spacing out
through much of the film. It’s just not
that engaging, despite the fact that a movie about a pimp plus
appearances from Richard Pryor should
make this thing gold. It’s not a bad flick by any means, just
slow by modern standards with very average
acting on a low budget – typical blaxploitation, but not nearly enough
absurdity. Or maybe I’ve just
watched too much Rudy Ray Moore and everything else pales in
comparison.
Made in Britain
(1982)
- 8 out of 10 -
Although I’ve only recently seen this fantastic British film, it should
have been pretty clear to everyone who saw
this film when it originally aired that Tim
Roth was going to be a special actor. In his first role he pulls
off a
performance well-heeled
actors with scores of experience would give a testicle (or ovary maybe)
to pull off.
Roth plays a
very smart, very angry hoodlum caught up in the doldrums of Thatcher’s
England; and for a lack
of
better things to keep him occupied and an obvious lack of parental
guidance, he spends
his days wreaking
havoc, getting in trouble for it, and mouthing off to those trying to
help
him…over and over and over again. The
film doesn’t try to beat you over the head with any
sort of moral message, nor does it wrap everything up in a
pretty package…it’s definitely one of
those flicks where you daydream as to what might have happened to this
fictional character in
his life after the movie ends. The entire film revolves
around Roth’s performance,
and he
pulls it off magnificently.
Madman (1982)
- 4 out of 10 -
Crazed killer +
summer camp = you fill
in the rest.
Way too much
inane conversation and not
enough boobs for this to be a good slasher flick, but it did star an
actor named “Tony Fish” so that has to count for something.
Mad Max (1979)
- 8 out of 10 -
I hadn't watched this in a while, and had forgotten about how
un-post-apocalyptic this film was in comparison
to the two that followed, The Road Warrior and Beyond
Thunderdome. Life is almost normal here, but degrades
fast as the movie carries on and civility is lost. There seems to
be some debate as to whether or not this film
followed the oil wars or was leading to them, but either way you can
see that society is about to tip over into the
chaos that is the Road Warrior, and Mad Max is walking
a delicate line between sanity and that chaos. Even-
tually, that scale tips right over when bad things happen and Max has
to straighten out the thugs torturing the
countryside.
An in-depth review of this film is probably pointless as most everyone
already knows this film well, and it helps
you reminisce back to the days of yore when you could enjoy a Mel
Gibson film because you aren't thinking about
what a creepy religious dude he has become. And anyways, it fits
close enough into my "all post-apocalyptic
films are awesome" mantra and for that it automatically gets a high
grade even if it sucked, which it obviously
doesn't. The only reason it doesn't rate higher is I know how
great it's sequel, the Road Warrior is, and that one
is one of my very favorite movies. Now if I could only figure out
a way to get an Australian-only 73 Ford Falcon
GT shipped over here to the states so I can have my own Interceptor...
Major League (1989)
- 10 out of 10 -
If you knew how many times I've watched this film you'd probably want
to have me checked out by a
head doctor, but it was one of the four films I
had on tape as a kid, and with no cable, those four films
got watched a lot. But honestly, after Bull Durham, can you think
of a funnier film about baseball? And
like baseball itself, aren't baseball movies awesome? Therefore,
this movie rules. QED.
Major League II
(1994)
- 5 out of 10 -
God, I must have watched the original Major League a zillion times as a
kid...it was one of only a few
movies I had on tape as a kid, and since I had no cable I would watch
those films over and over and
it never got old.
But this is about the sequel, which was kinda
fun even if the world would have probably been better off
without it having been made. The story arc is what you would
expect, success has gone ot the heads of
the players, and the team starts sucking; in predictable fashion, they
conquer these demons and come
from behind yet again to win big.
Everyone but Wesley Snipes returns for the cast, but retardedly enough
they try to pass of Omar Epps
as him. Wouldn't it have just been easier to "trade" Snipes'
character and bring in Epps as a new guy?
Whatever, I've already thought about this movie too much already.
If you loved the original like I did,
this
is a fun romp as long as you don't turn your brain on for any reason.
Mallrats (1995)
- 8 out of 10 -
I’m not going to be able to justify this choice to the satisfaction of
most, but I think that Mallrats is easily the
best thing Kevin Smith
has put out (cue the jokes about how he’s never put out anything good,
har har
har, even though you know you loved Clerks when you first saw
it). The bottom line is this – it was the first
role of one of my all-time heroes of skateboarding, Jason Lee – and he
is
funny as hell in it. Sure, he plays
that same character in pretty much everything he does, but this was the
first time it appeared and whoo-boy
did I laugh. The movie as a whole
is plenty stupid and lots of fun and Shannon Dougherty is
hot in it but
there’s a good chance you’ll hate it anyways. But for me, pure
awesomeness.
Malone (1987)
- 4 out of 10 -
Imagine taking an A-Team storyline, only replace that group
with Burt Reynolds and have people actually getting
killed for a change. IT should be a lot more
awesome than it is, but without the comic relief the
television show
provided all you're left with is a goofy vigilante movie
featuring an old-yet-still-pretty-hot Lauren Hutton and a story
arc that is about as predictable as a Tom & Jerry
cartoon.
A Man Apart (2003)
- 5 out of 10 -
An entertaining enough action flick I guess - typical in every way
imagineable: good cop loses loved one,
gets out of control trying to get the bad guy,
is kicked off the force, and decides to take justice "into his
own
hands". Vin Diesel is a good choice for lead and it's good to see
Larenz Tate in something watchable again;
if you have a couple of spare hours, enjoy some decent action scenes
and don't require any originality at all
in your plots, this film will suffice.
Man on Fire (2004)
- 7 out of 10 -
I put off watching this for a while, but I don’t know exactly why – I
usually enjoy Denzel
Washington movies
even when they are schmaltzy pap. And this film fit that
descriptor somewhat, but it had a number of
different things happening that set it apart from the typical
kidnapping drama I was expecting this to
be.
The most impressive feat was the filming/cinematography/etc – Mexico
City in any film is going to be in-
teresting to look at, and this is no exception. More importantly
was the use of colors – the whole film looks
like it was cross processed, giving it a
really unique look. It should also be noted that the
thing was cut like
a music video – which served some scenes
well, and was nearly headache-inducing other times, in the
same way that the little girl in the film, Dakota Fanning, makes
you want to pop a half-dozen aspirin.
One final note – the subtitles in this film were used
brilliantly. Personally, I don’t mind reading them the old
fashioned way, I watch a fair amount of foreign stuff so it’s old hat
to me at this point. But they were used in
such a dynamic way here, moving them to different spots on the screen,
increasing the text size as the per-
formers increased the volume of their voice, and more examples that
escape my mind…no doubt this tech-
nique even managed to get those who hate
subtitles to read, as they acted as if they were a character
in the
movie. Good stuff, and a technique
I think could really help foreign movies go over a little
better in the U.S.
market.
Man
on the Moon (1999)
-
6 out of 10 -
I
felt about this movie pretty much how I felt about most of Andy
Kaufman's “comedy” - relatively disinterested.
Jim Carrey is
great as Andy, real convincing, but if you don't care much for the
source material it's tough to
care much for the biopic about it
(outside of the wrestling scenes, of course, which rule the school
and was
the best thing Kaufman ever did).
March of the Penguins
(2005)
- 8 out of 10 -
Firstly and
foremostly, this movie is about as cute as they come, and that’s
ultimately the reason to watch it…
that, and
maybe learn a thing or two. I learned lots and lots of things
that I didn’t already know about nature’s
biggest formal wear supporters, but what sticks out the most are the
hardships these animals
face, and how they
are able to rise above and continue carry on their
species. Honestly, without Morgan Freeman’s
voice there to
guide them, I wonder if they ever would have
survived? Seriously though,
this film does an admirable job of
showing the ups and downs of how
nature works in this part of the world, a part
that few of us will ever see. It
really does make it
easy to marvel at all of the wonders of the world; and as
amazing as this tale of the penguin
is – you could make a similar type
movie for nearly
every animal
and done correctly it would be just as fascinating.
This wouldn’t
bother me one bit.
Marie Antoinette
(2006)
- 4 out of 10 -
The buzz going
into this film, at least
what I heard, was it was a period piece featuring modern music. Well,
that's pretty much exactly what you got...cheers to the folks
in charge for picking some damn good classic songs
by the likes of
Joy Division and The Cure. Sadly, the novelty of modern music didn't
help this poorly acted, boring
flick full of poofy outfits and snooty
behavior. Kirstin Dunst looked pretty cute in those fancy outfits,
but that ain't
reason enough to actually watch it.
The Marine (2006)
- 5 out of 10 -
Don't get me wrong by the rating - this is a terrible movie
by pretty much any measure you can throw at it...other
than entertainment. And it's still not exceptionally
entertainning, but there are lots of explosions, chase scenes,
and fights, and they were at least smart enough to realize no
one was watching this for the plot or the dialogue
so they kept both to a minimum. You've gotta at least
give them a little credit for knowing the kind of movie they
wanted to make and sticking to their guns, no matter how
stupid it was going to turn out.
Mark of the Devil
(1970)
- 3 out of 10 -
This was
supposed to be a terrifying
take on the Spanish Inquisition, but all I saw was a campy flick full
of boring
dialogue and the occasionally attractive girl with her bust
pushed up to her chin. I didn't even reach the halfway
point before
I gave up.
Master and Commander
(2003)
- 7 out of 10 -
When I was a kid, I would often daydream as to what happens on that
pirate ship after it breaks out at the end
of Goonies…were
there ghost pirates sailing it? Did a group of ne’er-do-well
teens find the ship and start off
on a series
of misadventures? Oh, how my mind could race with the
possibilities. The bottom line is they don’t
make enough pirate
movies. Sure, Pirates
of the Caribbean was great and all but it’s not enough. So I’m
not
going to lie
when I tell you that for good portions of Master and Commander, my mind
drifted and I started thinking
this
was a pirate movie. And I
think it works better that way anyways – pirates are obviously much
more interesting
than the Englishfighting the French back in the frilly lacy cravat
years. Who
cares about that crap other than old
historic fogeys? Harrumph.
But it’s a pretty good movie – the action sequences are fantastic.
There’s probably a bit more handwrenching and
drama from Russell
Crowe and the rest of the cast than I would have liked, and none of the
characters are partic-
ularly likeable. And as a side note,
I’d swear the relationship between Crowe and the ship’s doctor was
lifted from
Glory, but I suppose
that’s neither here nor there. But if you just pretend there are
parrots and eye patches involved,
it’s all
good.
The Matador (2005)
- 8 out of 10 -
This movie might single-handedly make me reconsider my hatred of Pierce
Brosnan. He totally won me over in
this film, playing a professional hitman going
through a midlife crisis – equal parts desperate, smarmy, funny and
endearing. During the
film he befriends the very normal, boring Greg Kinnear, who is playing
a salesman des-
perate to get
back on his feet after the death of his son. They somehow strike
up a quirky
friendship that transcends
either of their positions in life, both searching and finding that cure
to the
loneliness they’ve felt due to their jobs or
familial death. It all plays out in a
very fetching way with a great ending – good writing, great acting and
nice
cinematography makes for an excellent
flick.
Match Point (2005)
- 7 out of 10 -
My enjoyment of this film is all about the ending, and its
unpredictability. For a good portion of the film I was
on the verge of turning it off, those pompous moneyed Brits and their
snooty accents and Scarlet Johannson
never got nude once, not that I actually thought she would or anything
but it would have been nice. For the
most part it’s like an inferior version of one of Woody’s best films
“Crimes and Misedemeanors”, until you
get to the big twist that I shall not give away, but it actually saying
“holy shit!” out loud and startling my cat. I
generally hate surprises, but for once in my life I was glad
that I didn’t know the outcome of this one. A cryptic
review I suppose, but just know going in that despite the slow and
tedious start it gets much, much better.
Also, Spud from Trainspotting has a bit of work in the film so you got
that going for ya too.
Max (2003)
- 6.5 out of 10 -
This film was just okay, not great, but
I gotta give a nod in the direction of the folks who decided
to make
it – takes some balls in this day and age to make flick where you show
a young Adolf Hitler as a com-
passionate, tortured, almost likeable character. Honestly,
nothing really stands out when I think back to
this, other than that Noah
Taylor did an outstanding job portraying what I would imagine a
young, insecure
Hitler might behave like. The controversy that surrounded this
film was totally unneeded, this was obvious
from the very beginning of the film – this was not a movie to praise
Hitler, just one that would show him in
a different light from what you normally see, a portrait of someone
making the transition from man to monster.
Maxed Out (2006)
- 6.5 out of 10
-
Equal parts
informative and maddening,
what this documentary lacks in excitement it makes up for with
knowledge. Sadly, I'd guess the people who really need to see this,
the ones in credit trouble or heading in
that
direction, will never
come across it.
Me and You and Everyone
We Know
(2005)
- 7 out of 10 -
This film could have alternately been titled "Awkward People Awkwardly
Going Through an Awkward
Life Together". The cast of characters include a divorced show
salesmen, a child who collects appliances,
a video performance artist, a pervert who tapes notes in his windows
for underage girls to see, and online
chats about pooping. Essentially, it's like a Todd Solondz film
only less fucked up and with a bit of a
happy ending. There's no real story here, rather you just follow
these oddballs as they make their way
through their weird little worlds. It's pretty enjoyable really,
and oddly uplifting, which I wasn't expecting.
Mean Girls (2004)
8/10
I am insulted by the teen movie fare churned out nowadays. Though
I was too young and too culturally
isolated to ever see films like Sixteen Candles and The Breakfast Club in
the same decade they pre-
miered, I still love and cherish them today. They were smart, hip
and not patronizing. Teen films in the
past few years have been sad, sad attempts at capturing the zeitgeist
of their generation. However,
Mean Girls restored my faith in what was once a noble genre.
Penned by Tina Fey,
writer/comedienne
at SNL and loosely based on the book Queen Bees and Wannabes, it
perfectly captures the utter misery
of the high school social universe. Lindsey Lohan is
surprisingly charming as the "previously home-
schooled in Africa" Cady who is thrust into the wild animal park of
public high school. She is initially be-
friended by two social outcasts, a goth
and a gay. When the Plastics, the hottest, most sadistic
clique of
girls in school show interest in Cady, she decides to infiltrate their
lives and report back to her friends with
all their juicy gossip. Soon, Cady finds herself sucked into the
vortex of the Plastics eventually becoming
the defacto leader of the group. This movie is sharp, funny and
relevant all at the same time. It perfectly
captures the very real cattiness between teenage girls. So, hooray for
Mean Girls and down with The
Princess Diaries!!
(Chelsea Junget)
Melinda and Melinda
(2004)
- 6 out of 10 -
I think I’ve seen
every film Woody Allen has made, so I feel quite sure when I say that
this is one of his
poorer outings.
Sure, even a bad Woody film is better than a lot out there, but I
was hoping for more.
The story was muddled
and maudlin, and I disliked most of the characters, but not in that
“love to hate
them” way that you
often get with Woody. No, the only thing I really liked in the
movie was when Will
Ferrell
was doing his best Woody Allen impersonation…it didn’t always work,
but when he hit I was
definitely
laughing. Sadly, those moments were few and far between and most
of the time was spent
watching
uninteresting characters that I was supposed to care about…but
truthfully, if these people were
in my life I’d move
to a different town and change my name.
Memories of Murder
(2002)
- 8 out of 10 -
Based on a true story, this South Korean film set in the mid-80’s
follows a group of detectives as
they attempt to solve a series of murders perpetrated by a serial
killer. Sure, there have been many
films on this subject, but this is one of the better ones made in my
opinion – the pacing and direction
of the film was perfect, fantastic acting from everyone involved,
beautiful cinematography all around,
and all told, a very non-traditional story and ending. I caught
this on cable and have no idea how hard
or easy it will be to find, but it’s well worth searching out – one of
the better films I’ve seen this year (it’s
just now making it’s way to the US market).
The Messengers (2007)
- 6 out of 10 -
Not bad for a
horror movie...decently
acted, nice location/scenery, and a “not awful” story. Where
most
horror films are obviously written for scares first and a story
is secondary, this flick seems like it really
wanted a quality movie
that was also scary...and they mostly got it right. Like all other
modern horror
flicks they resorted to the creepy stop-motion bad
guy/spook, paired with the haunting innocent little kid
that turns on
the protagonist...it's almost as if you can't even get a film made in
this genre without these
plot points contained in it.
Metallica: Some
Kind of Monster (2004)
- 7.5 out of 10 -
Like most guys my age, I was a huge Metallica fan growing up; and like
many of those same guys, I was
really turned off by their output after
“And Justice for All”. It was a given I would watch
this film, and unless
it was a total hack job I knew I would enjoy it as well. And that
I did.
This doc is part historical outlook on the band, part current look at
the band, and part further evidence to
just how much of a jackass Lars Ulrich is. Dear god I wanted to
punch him in the face multiple times from
the outset of this film, and I haven’t punched anyone since high
school. He is the very definition of “self-
righteous prick” (I was incredibly envious of his art collection
though…wow). Honestly, that is the thing I
remember most from this film, along with the number of takes they spent
on every song of their album…the
money they burned through in the studio
must have nearly been incalculable.
I’m totally off-topic, so review in brief: historical information well
done and quite interesting; all of the band
“therapy” sessions were high comedy; you really have to feel bad for
Dave Mustaine after watching this;
pretty much everyone in this film is a tool, but that is what makes it
so interesting...anyone who has ever
been into this band will really get a kick out of this. Shit,
even my girlfriend liked it and she could give balls-all
about Metallica.
Meteor (1979)
- 2 out of 10
-
This is just beyond
terrible. Obviously trying to cash in on the "disaster film"
trend that was huge in the
70s, they assembled a terrific cast
including Sean Connery, Natalie Wood, Karl Malden, Brian Keith,
Martin Landau, and
Henry Fonda, but for some reason they forgot to bring a remotely usable
script along
with them.
Honestly, this makes that Bruce Willis crap-fest Armageddon look like
Shakespeare. Sadly,
it's not even
laughably bad because it's so slooooow...although if someone made a
highlight reel of the
comical special
effects and terrible dialogue that would be well worth checking
out.
Metro
(1997)
-
4 out of 10 -
Newsflash:
Eddie Murphy likes buddy cop movies. But they are not all created
equal...for every “Beverly Hills
Cop”, you get a “Metro.” Since it was filmed in San Francisco it held a
slight bit more
interest than if it took
place elsewhere, but that was pretty much
all it had going for it. Oh, another plus was Michael Rappaport, a
mediocre actor that I've always loved for reasons I cannot explain. The
story is bunk through and through
though, so unless you want to
play spot the SF landmark you'll most likely be bored out of your
skull.
Miami Vice (2006)
- 5 out of 10 -
You can accuse Michael Mann of a lot of things – in this case, terrible
oversight over a mediocre-at-best
script/plot – but one thing he always excels at is making a movie look
“cool”. His vision has never been
better than it is in Miami Vice; unfortunately, that’s about all it has
going for it. Possibly even worse than the
story was the casting – Colin Farrell and Jamie Foxx are just all wrong
for the lead roles, and Ferrell
couldn’t look any greasier if you deep-fried him. Given the idea
of a Miami Vice movie, I expected a lot
better than this.
The Mighty Celt (2004)
- 7 out of 10 -
The "Citizen Cane" of Irish dog-racing movies...maybe? I have no
idea, but this is a pretty decent movie;
nothing ground-breaking plot-wise, but a good set of characters and
it's not every day you get a film who's
setting is greyhound racing in Northern Ireland. Robert Carlyle
is great as always, and I was particularly
suprised to see what a fine job Gillian Anderson did with the Irish
accent - I was so caught off-guard I had to
look her up on IMDB to make sure she wasn't actually Irish and playing
an American in her other roles (she's
not). A decent film all around, you could certainly do worse.
Miller’s Crossing
(1990)
- 9 out of
10 -
With some
movies, it takes multiple viewings to really see
what is there. I saw Miller’s Crossing
not long after
it came out – enjoyable, but nothing special I
thought. I then rewatched it in college and had only a
slightly better
reaction than the first time.
So maybe it’s third times a charm and all that, but this film really
floored me this go
around. The real
winner here is the set design – every inch of detail is perfect, easily
transporting you to a time
of speakeasys and gangsters talking as fast as a
tommy gun (with Steve Buscemi doing the best job with the
dialogue in a
small
role). The acting was all well above
board – Gabriel Byrne gives the performance of his career;
and Jon Polito and
Albert Finney playing warring crime bosses do great work as well.
For lack of a more subtle
way of putting it –
this film is a masterpiece worthy of any and all accolades lauded upon
it.
Million Dollar Baby
(2004)
- 9 out of 10 -
Before I even saw this, the ending was spoiled for me. sure, I
shouldn’t have been reading about it, but
shit I never liked surprises anyways. And it generally doesn’t
matter anyway, because it’s the
execution of
things that really gives them importance – and this film is executed
nearly flawlessly. I was engrossed from
the beginning scene, and despite the political overtones this is an
amazing film that anyone should be able
to enjoy.
I might not go so far as to say Clint got robbed of the best actor
Oscar, because Jamie Foxx
was good in
Ray, but he
certainly deserved it just as much. His portrayal of a timid
boxing trainer had me hooked from
the very beginning. The ones who did win, Hillary Swank and Morgan Freeman, were
certainly deserving
as well, but no one as good as Eastwood
here both in the acting and the directing of this masterpiece.
Freeman pretty much plays the same character he plays in a lot of
films lately, but it’s a damn good char-
acter and needed to be recognized eventually. He’s one of those
guys that makes any film better just by
appearing in it. I already want to see this again, to soak in
even more of it, and that rarely happens.
Millions (2004)
- 7.5 out of 10 -
Cute yarn about a couple of brothers who stumble across
a bag of stolen money, money that will soon be
obsolete due to a currency conversion from the pound to the euro.
Of course, the thieves want their money
back and hijinks ensue from there. Good jobs all around in the
acting, a nicely written story, and of course
superbly directed by Danny Boyle - who continues to put out fantastic
movies despite them receiving little
press here in the U.S. The two child actors were especially
impressive, as child actors usually want me to
stab my eyes out because of their "precociousness"...but
these kids, were real and quite believeable as
regular children. Well, maybe a little less annoying than regular
children, but still. Cute film, well worth
watching.
Mindhunters (2004)
- 5 out of 10 -
I'm of two minds here - sure, it's a shitty movie, but Renny Harlin
directed it so a sreaming pile of dump
is to be expected. But as far as his work goes, it was fairly
enjoyable I guess - grading on a curve and all
that. The Flick is pretty much a combo of an episode of CSI and
a cheesy horror film, and the title "mind-
hunters" is fitting because there is nothing resembling a brain in the
entire story. But to give credit where
credit is due - there were some pretty interesting & inventive
methods of murder used in the film, even if
the special effects were pretty piss poor. But whatever, if you
are looking for mindless entertainment and
you're board enough, why not watch a crappy flick like this? I
guess it beats poking yourself in the eye with
a sharp stick.
Miracle (2004)
- 6 out of 10 -
You know, this was nothing like Slapshot. Which was kinda a
bummer, there was no funny at all. Not
that I was expecting it to be a laugh riot of a film, but you’d think
they would at least work the Hansen
brothers in there somewhere.
In all seriousness, this is a tolerable movie but overall kinda
boring. Everything about it is “adequate” –
the story, the acting, whatever – but it never really approaches being
good. I have to assume it’s a
fairly
faithful retelling of the story though (some
dramatic flourishing obviously), and the story should have made
for a better movie. I was particularly
surprised at how little of the film the actual Olympics made
up.
Mr. & Mrs. Smith
(2005)
- 7 out of 10 -
Although there was a level of smugness throughout this entire film that
bugged me, over all this was a
fun and enjoyable action romp. No really, it was a total romp -
bits of funny dialogue, sexual tension
between the leads Brad Pitt and Anglelina Jolie,
plenty of action-packed sequences and the smugness
mentioned before combined into a surprisingly entertaining flick.
Jolie was of course hot and that
doesn't hurt matters, and the general consensus seems to be that Pitt
was attractive as well (even
though I think there is something vaguely space alien-like about
him). It was certainly one of the better
airline films I've seen in some time, but then again I still have the
taste of Miss Congeniality 2 in my mouth
from the last time I flew so about anything was going to be better.
Mr.
Baseball (1992)
-
6.5 out of 10 -
Tom
Selleck and baseball, it's like the gods read my brainwaves and
custom made a movie for me. The
end result is...well, nothing
special, entertaining I guess if you like baseball movies. It
follows the arc of many
sports films: big star hits hard times, finds
redemption, and rejuvenates his career, with a love story buried in
there somewhere. Ken Takakura and Dennis Haysburt offer some decent
acting in supporting roles, but of
course the star of the film is
Selleck's mustache, and what a fine job it does expressing a whole
range of
emotions.
Mr. Deeds (2002)
- 4 out of 10 -
A pretty crappy
remake of a
not-that-great “classic” film. It used to be Sandler would make
one bad movie,
then one good one, back and forth. But the least few
years, it's been just bad after bad after bad. As per
usual with all
of Sandler's comedies, the bit parts steal the show – Steve Buscemi
and John Turturro shine
as one-dimensional freaks inserted for easy
laughs. But sometimes the easy laughs are all you got.
Mr. Majestyk (1974)
- 7 out of 10 -
Combine a story
about a rogue melon
farmer with the star power of Charles Bronson, and you know you
have
a winner on your hands. This is one of the finest of all of
Bronson's “bad ass” roles, and not only are
his butt-kicking
skills running high but the flick has plenty of eye candy with hot
ladies like Linda Cristal
and Lee Purcell involved. It helps that
the story is written by Elmore Leonard, so he keeps things plenty
grizzled, the action quick and plentiful, and the dialogue sharp.
Definitely one of Bronson's best flicks of
all time.
Mr. 3000 (2004)
- 6 out of 10 -
Bernie Mac is a funny man – I’ve been a big fan for ages. And, I
love baseball with all my heart. So if
you combine these two things together, it’s a no-brainer I’ll watch it,
no matter how stupid it looks. And it
was pretty stupid, and the story progressed and ended exactly as you
would have expected, as if a com-
puter had written it. Still, I found it a fairly enjoyable flick
about an egotistical has-been star figuring out
how much he truly loves the game that he once thought he was bigger
than. It’s a fun and dumb “dramady”,
a nice afternoon diversion and not much more.
Mr. Woodcock (2007)
- 5 out of 10 -
Newsflash: Billy
Bob Thornton plays a
good comical asshole in movies. The only difference between this
and
say, “Bad Santa”, is that this movie isn't nearly as funny. Also, no
little people sidekicks or weird little
fat kids. Thornton
has a few funny scenes though, so maybe if you find yourself bored
and this just happens
to be on, you could probably do worse.
Mistrial (1996)
- 5.5 out of 10 -
By no means a great movie, but not bad for one "made for
TV". This flick tackles the story of a good
cop getting railroaded by an overpriced attorney getting the evidence
he had collected on a killer thrown
out of court. The killer ends up getting off, and the cop
(played by Bill Pullman) flips out and decides to
hold the court hostage. The whole thing essentially plays
out like a fancier version of a Law & Order
episode, with the added bonus of Robert Loggia hamming it up onscreen a
few times. Nothing worth
seeking out, but if you happen to catch this minor film on late
night TV you could do worse.
Mona Lisa (1986)
- 7 out of
10 -
Everyone has
those actors that can do no wrong in their eyes...one of mine is Bob
Hoskins. Fittingly, Hoskins
was nominated for an Oscar for his portrayal of a man just released
from prison trying to balance his life
between being a decent person and getting paid the only way he knows
how. The movie as a whole was just
a shade
better than average, but what Hoskins did with his role is a
sight to behold, a real piece of acting
genius.
Paul Newman ended up actually winning in 1986 for "The
Color of Money", which was truly more of a
lifetime
achievement award than recognition for that particular
film. Hoskins or Dexter Gordon from "Round
Midnight" would
have been much better choices, but I love Paul Newman
too much to get too worked up over it.
The
Motel (2005)
-
7 out of 10 -
Pretty
cute flick about a young boy growing up in a seedy motel run by his
family in rural New Jersey. I suppose it
might be noteworthy that
the lead characters are all Asian, as that is still a fairly unique
sight in American cinema,
but the story itself could really work with
any family trying to better themselves, be they immigrant or not. The
plot
mostly boils down to Ernest (the main kid) searching for
both his identity and a father figure as he grows into a
man, and
finding both in unusual places. There is nothing groundbreaking
here, but it is pretty sweet and earnest
and certainly an enjoyable
film.
The
Mummy (1999)
-
6 out of 10 -
A
big-time adventurous summer blockbuster-type film that was actually
rather enjoyable. Not good mind you,
but fun. There was a brief
point in time when it looked like Brendan Fraser might work his way
into leading
man material, this being his best argument for such a
nomination, but obviously things didn't quite pan out that
way. Well, there is always Encino Man 2.
My Life Without Me
(2003)
- 7 out of 10 -
I put off watching this movie for a long
time, despite it being recommended by a few friends with worthwhile
opinions. It initially looked both uninteresting and
depressing, but turns out that is only half right – it’s plenty
interesting. There have been plenty of other films
that examine what it’s like to be dying and trying to prepare
yourself for it, but I
thought this film employed a certain level humanity that often
seems missing from this fare,
focused more on the small things in life rather
than trying to pull off some massive stunt that will somehow make
your short existence seen
worthwhile. Sarah
Polley does a great job as the stoic, dying mother and Mark
Ruffalo
is back to playing the timid characters he excels at.
Recommended viewing unless you are depressed, as this
certainly won’t help things.
Mysterious Skin (2004)
- 7 out of 10 -
I've never been a fan
of Gregg Araki's movies...Nowhere was terrible in all regards; The Doom
Generation
had a naked Rose
McGowan going for it and that was it; and Totally Fucked Up was way too
over the top
with the "woe is me"
business. I can appreciate that the man is trying to do something
different, but up until
now what I've seen
hasn't been watchable...a pile of crap with a bow on it is still a pile
of crap.
Finally he's made a
film I enjoyed, which probably means to his hardcore fans he's "sold
out" or "gone soft"
or whatever. I have
no problem with that. The basic gist of the movie is about child
molestation and the adults
the victims grow into, be they gay
hustlers or UFO fanatics or whatever. The plot/story are all fine and
good
but the real reason
to watch this film is
to see amazing performance by Joseph
Gordon-Levitt - yes, the goofy
little kid from 3rd
Rock from the Sun, well he's all grown up now and does a fantastic job here. Yo really be-
lieve he is the gay
hustler character he portrays,
very convincing, and one of the better acting jobs I've seen
recently. The
soundtrack also kills - plenty of fantastic 80's music, and the score sounds just like M83
even
though it
isn't. Hopefully this is a sign for the future of Araki, and
if so, I like it.
The
Nanny Diaries (2007)
-
2 out of 10 -
Sweet
jesus is this ever an awful movie. Avoid at all costs. The only
reason it even gets a rating of two is be-
cause of Scarlett Johansen's
er...two particularly nice assets.
Napoleon Dynamite
(2004)
- 8 out of 10 -
I know it will probably be discovered a
few years from now that the whole purpose of this film was
to brain-
wash more folks into joining the Mormon
cult, but I’ll be damned if I didn’t laugh my ass of watching
this.
Sure, it takes moronic to whole new levels, and I could punch people
that keep impersonating it ad nauseum
(that includes me, I tried punching myself one time and it hurt), but
the bottom line is it is just a funny, quirky
movie that delights me to no end right now. There’s no real
reason to go into the story, as there isn’t really
much of one, and everyone has seen this
already anyways; but let me just point out the Uncle Rico,
played by
Jon Gries, was Lazlo
in Real Genius, Val Kilmer’s second
best movie and a favorite of mine (you know his
best film was Top
Secret! And don’t act like you didn’t). Also, tater tots
rule.
National Treasure
(2004)
- 6.5 out of 10 -
This is not a very good movie - even if you forgive the total
implausability of it all, you still have to deal with
the fact that the story is dumb, acting subpar, and the whole thing
feels like a bad made-for-tv movie. So
why such the high score? See, I suffer from a disease called "I
watched Goonies too many times as a kid
and and hidden treasure movie fascinates me" syndrome. I may need
professional help.
Ned Kelly (2003)
- 6.5 out of 10 -
Maybe it is just me, but based on the cast alone I can't believe I had
never even heard of this film until
just recently. Heath Ledger plays the lead of Ned Kelly, a "robin
hood" sort of rogue running amok in
the Australian Outback back in the 1800s. With supporting
roles from Orlando Bloom, Rachel Griffiths,
Naomi Watts, and Geoffrey Rush (aka the Aussie Acting AllStars),
even with a somewhat weak script
and direction, the film still holds its own. It drags quite a bit
in the middle but the great shoot-out at the
end somewhat makes up for that. A decent modern western if
nothing else.
Neil Hamburger: The
Show Must Go Off! (2003)
- 7 out of 10 -
I actually find Neil Hamburger funny, but even I can only take the man
in small doses. His act is funny in that
it isn’t funny, or something like that; he intentionally skewers bad
comedy by trying his best to replicate it in a
very “over the top” fashion, and he does a great job. Having seen
him live a few years back
and having no
idea what I was getting myself into,
let me state that this DVD is a pretty damn accurate replication of
that
experience. So if you’ve seen the guy and you dug it, this is for
you. As a bonus, it has additional audio tracks
that include fake applause and laughter as well as Japanese and Spanish
over dubbing that may or may not
have anything to do with what Hamburger is actually saying.
New
Jersey Drive (1994)
- 5 out of 10 -
After seeing
this a couple of times
when it came out, it's great to look back and see how dated all of
the hip
hop soundtrack and clothes used in the film are - the kids in
the movie are dressed in some truly comical
shit here. The
soundtrack is actually still decent, or maybe that is nostalgia
talking, but the production is
awful. As for the movie itself – it
attempts to glamorize a life where stealing cars to joyride is no big
whoop,
but it's ok they do it cause the cop that is trying to catch
them is an asshole. Whatever, at least Heavy D
has a role in it!
The New World (2005)
- 7 out of 10 -
There is no one else like Terrence Malick, his original vision for
filmmaking is second only to Jim Jarmusch
in my book of favorite directors. As is often the case
with someone who has a unique style, you can’t help
but compare their new films to those they’ve made in the past. So
let me say upfront that I enjoyed The New
World, especially when compared to all movies. But when I look at it in
comparison to his other three master-
pieces, it’s hard not to be disappointed.
One thing that is certain – this film is just as beautiful as anything
he has ever produced, it’s just a shame that
I found the story boring. His cinematography is poetry
on celluloid – I know that sounds hokey, but there’s really
no other way to put it. The acting was adequate – newcomer
Q’Orianka Kilcher was quite good, and I expect
she’ll pop up in a few more films in the near future. She is
beautiful beyond her years, and makes me feel like
a dirty old man for looking at her. I think the films biggest
issue is that it was paced a little too slow even for a
Mallick film, and you’re expecting his work to be pretty slow already.
Still, if you want to be visually stunned you
shouldn’t hesitate to check this out.
New York
Doll (2005)
- 7 out of
10 -
The story
of Arthur “Killer” Kane, bassist for the New York
Dolls, makes for a fairly fascinating
documentary. It even held the attention of my girlfriend,
someone who not only spaces out
watching movies at home but doesn’t give two
shits about the New York Dolls either, and that is
saying something. How many debaucherous musicians from the
seventies convert to Mormonism
and work quietly in a library to round out their
final days? I’m guessing not very many
outside of
the protagonist of this story.
Anyways, the film revolves around the effort to get the New York Dolls
back together so that they can play a festival Morrissey is putting
together in
England
(the New
York Dolls being his all-time favorite band). It is quite
interesting to watch Kane
interact with his
old band mates and relearn how to be a rock star after so
many years of being a nondescript
librarian (or whatever the hell it was he
did, but something similar). Given the
sad nature of his
death soon after this reunion took place, it was almost as if
the events of the film served as if Kane
had enrolled in some sort of
“make-a-wish” foundation and he finally got to rock out again before
it all
came to an end.
Nico Icon (1995)
- 3 out of 10 -
I’m not sure of what I was expecting when I rented this…something
remotely interesting and engaging,
probably.
I would imagine most folks know of Nico
– model, Andy Warhol cohort, member of the Velvet Underground and
solo artist, etc. There’s plenty of stories, that if focused on
correctly, should be able to hold even the shortest of
attention spans. But alas, I couldn’t even finish the film.
The first thirty minutes seemed to talk mostly about her
last few drug-induced years, which couldn’t have been any less
memorable, while touching barely on her
childhood
in Germany. Maybe it got better after that, but I can’t imagine
it did. Her story is one
that could be made into an
extremely interesting documentary or biopic, but this ain’t it.
Night and the City
(1950)
- 6 out of 10 -
I wasn’t
as wowed by this film as I expected to be, considering all the praise I
had read on it. It is def-
initely well-footed in the noir genre, a style of film I’m particularly
fond of, but there is really nothing here
setting it apart from all the rest. Perhaps I’ve been jaded over
the years by films that borrowed from this
one, I’m not sure…and I’m much too lazy to do the research to find
out. The acting, the story…they’re fine,
but not exceptional. I do give credit to the inclusion of
wrestling as part of the plot - this alone was good
for at least an extra point in my review. They even
used hall-of-fame wrestler Stanislaus Zbyszko as the
lead in this part, which is pretty rad.
That aside, the film
is amazing to watch from a cinematography point-of-view, and this
Criterion release
of it looks fan-fucking-tabulous. From a mood perspective, you’d
be hard pressed to do much better than
Night and the City.
Nightmare on Elm
Street 2 (1985)
- 4 out of 10 -
They made a lot of these sequels, and a lot of bad ones, but this one
might possibly be the worst. Not
over-the-top enough to be campy fun and nowhere
near scary, it stands to offer nothing to the viewer.
Not only that, but it goes so far from the original story line in the
way that Freddy does his killing, and for
no good reason that I could see. Unless you're looking for some
fine examples of 80's hair, no reason
to watch this.
Night of the Comet
(1984)
- 6 out of 10 -
My cousin, who was also my neighbor, loved this movie…I dunno how many
times I saw this as a kid, but
it was a lot. Surprisingly, I didn’t remember much about it other
than that the comet turned everyone to dust.
Now that I’ve watched it again, I realized that I probably don’t
remember much because there’s nothing
particularly noteworthy about the film outside of the clothes and
music. Sure, any zombie movie automatically
gets the nod, but the zombies are so few and far between! More
zombies, I say…c’mon people, this ain’t
rocket surgery.
Then again, any film that manages to combine post-apocalyptic survival
stories, zombies and new wave, you
gotta give it a little credit.
95 Miles To Go (2004)
- 7 out of 10 -
This
light-hearted documentary follows
comedian Ray Romano on a brief tour through the south. I can't say
that I've ever been a particularly big fan of his humor, but this
film does a great job of showing the ups and
downs of life on the
road, even for big stars like him. And more importantly, the man is
really damn funny. Not
the stand-up that he performs necessarily,
which is fine and unremarkable; the real gems here are those
moments
on the road, delirious from driving, when Ray and his fellow
travelers really bust out their “A”
material. It's the sort of
comedy that is difficult to relate to others, but was certainly the
highlight of the film
(along with Romano's child-like mesmerization
to televisions in hotels). If you happen to see this on TV,
you'll
probably like it.
No Good Deed (2003)
- 6.5 out of 10 -
Maybe my expectations were too high – but when you combine a Dashiell
Hammett story
with the acting of
Samuel L. Jackson and
Stellan Skarsgard
it’s understandable that you might be expecting more. And it
wasn’t a terrible film, it entertained me well enough;
Jackson was great playing a role somewhat different than
his usual, and Skarsgard always does a fine job.
But it was the little things…although Milla is hot, she can’t
act, and the same could be said for the rest of the cast (other than
the hotness). The story was great but the
director bumbled multiple scenes, making it a campy mock-noir instead
of going full-hog for a really creepy
crime caper flick, as it should have been. Bottom line is it was
just a half-assed attempt; despite the story and
the two lead cast members being more than able to do the heavy lifting,
it seems they were never asked to.
Noi Albinoi (2003)
- 6 out of 10 -
A decent but rather slow film, Noi Albionoi is about a bored Icelandic
teenager who is too smart for his own
good and never seems to make the right decisions. Like the
country itself, it feels like a small film, concerning
itself with the small troubles of this young man and muttering
along for nearly the whole movie. Then there’s a
huge unexpected flash-bang-pop of a story twist and that’s pretty much
it. Worth watching I suppose – not too
many films out there exploring the bored youth of Iceland. Also
worth noting is the all-too-brief appearances of
the actree/fine artist Elin Hansdottir, who is just amazingly
attractive. Too bad the film couldn’t have been about
her.
North Country (2005)
- 6.5 out of 10 -
I honestly had no idea what this film was about going in – all I knew
was Charlize Theron was playing an ugly
chick again, and hard labor was involved, and fighting for “rights”
though I wasn’t sure what rights these were.
Turns out the movie was about the first case of sexual harassment
brought to the courts, which has sub-
sequently changed so much of how the business world operates. It
is dumbfounding that this