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Reviews (just scroll down to read)
Abandon (3/10)
Absolute
Power (4.5/10)
Accepted
(5/10)
The Acid House (5/10)
Across
the Universe (2/10)
Adam & Paul (7.5/10)
Aeon Flux (5/10)
Afropunk
(6.5/10)
Aguirre: The Wrath of God
(6/10)
Airplane II: The Sequel
(8/10)
Akeelah
and the Bee (7.5/10)
The Alamo (6.5/10)
Alexei and the Spring (6/10)
Alien vs. Predator (6/10)
All
The King's Men (5/10)
Along Came Polly (3/10)
Amelie (8.5/10)
An
American Astronaut (5/10)
American
Gangster (7.5/10)
American History X (8/10)
American
Psycho (7.5/10)
American Splendor (8/10)
The Amityville Horror (7/10)
Amy & Isobelle (5/10)
Anchorman (7/10)
The Andromeda Strain (7/10)
Angel Heart (7/10)
Anger Management (3/10)
Animal House (10/10)
Animals Are Beautiful People (8/10)
Annapolis (4/10)
Another Woman (4/10)
Anything Else (7.5/10)
Aqua
Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie Film for Theatres (9/10)
Armageddon (3/10)
Army
of Shadows (7.5/10)
Art School Confidential
(6.5/10)
Ash Wednesday (5.5/10)
The
Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford (6.5/10)
Assault on Precinct 13
(6/10)
The
Babe (7/10)
Babel
(8/10)
Baby
Doll (6.5/10)
Baby Mama
(7/10)
Bachelor
Party (5.5/10)
Back in the Day (2/10)
Back to the Future 2 (8/10)
Bad Education (7/10)
The Bad News Bears (9/10)
The Bad News Bears Go
To Japan (4/10)
Bad Santa (9/10)
The Ballad of Jack and Rose (6/10)
The
Basketball
Diaries (7.5/10)
Batman (9/10)
Batman Begins (8.5/10)
The Battle for Algiers (8/10)
Battle Royale (8.5/10)
The
Baxter (7/10)
Bazaar Bizarre (3/10)
Beautiful Girls (10/10)
Beerfest (7.5/10)
Before Sunset (5.5/10)
Be Here To Love Me: A Film
About Townes Van Zandt (7/10)
Being There (7/10)
Below (7/10)
The
Benchwarmers (6/10)
Berlin
Tunnel 21
(7/10)
Bewitched (4/10)
Beyond the Sea (5/10)
Big
Doll House (6/10)
The Big Easy (6.5/10)
The Big Lebowski (10/10)
Big Momma's House 2
(5/10)
Bill & Ted’s Excellent
Adventure (8/10)
The Black Dahlia (6/10)
Black Like Me (6/10)
Black
Snake Moan (7.5/10)
Black Sun: The Nanking
Massacre (6.5/10)
Blade 2 (6/10)
Blades
of Glory (8.5/10)
Blazing Saddles (10/10)
Blood
Diamond (8.5/10)
Bobby (7/10)
Bob le Flambeur (9/10)
Bodysong
(5/10)
Bomb the System (6/10)
Boogie Nights (9/10)
Boogeyman (2/10)
The Border (7/10)
Born into Brothels (8.5/10)
The
Bounty (6/10)
The Bourne Supremacy (7/10)
The
Bourne Ultimatum (7/10)
Boxcar
Bertha (6/10)
The Boy Who Plays on the
Buddhas at Bamiyan (6.5/10)
The Boys
of
Baraka (6/10)
Boyz n the Hood (9/10)
The
Brave One (6.5/10)
Breach
(7/10)
The Break-Up (3/10)
Breakfast
on Pluto (3/10)
Breaking
Away (7.5/10)
Breakout (6.5/10)
Brick
(8/10)
Bridget Jones: The Edge of
Reason (1/10)
Bring Me The Head of
Alfredo Garcia (8/10)
Brokeback Mountain (6/10)
Broken Flowers (8.5/10)
Broken
Trail (7/10)
The Brood (4/10)
The
Brother from Another Planet (7/10)
The Brothers Grimm (7/10)
Bruce Almighty (5.5/10)
Bruce and Me (7/10)
Bubble (6.5/10)
Bukowski: Born Into This
(6/10)
Bull Durham (8.5/10)
Bulletproof Monk (6/10)
Bullitt (7/10)
Burden of Dreams (7.5/10)
The
Burning (7/10)
Bury
My Heart At Wounded Knee (6/10)
Cache
(5/10)
California Split (8/10)
Candy (1968) (5/10)
Candy
(2006) (6.5/10)
Cannibal
Holocaust (4/10)
Capote (9/10)
Carandiru (7/10)
Carla’s Song (6/10)
Cars
(7/10)
Catch
A Fire (8/10)
Catching Out (5/10)
Cellular (2/10)
Charlie & the Chocolate
Factory (7/10)
Chasing Liberty (5/10)
The Cheerleaders (4/10)
Chernobyl Heart (9/10)
The
Chiefs (5/10)
Children
of Men (8.5/10)
Children
of the Corn II: The Final Sacrifice (3.5/10)
Children
of Times Square (5/10)
Chopper (8/10)
A Christmas Story (10/10)
Christmas Vacation (10/10)
The Chronicles of Riddick
(7/10)
Chrystal (7.5/10)
The Chumscrubber (6.5/10)
Ciao! Manhattan (4/10)
The Cincinnati Kid (8/10)
Cinderella Man (8/10)
The Clash: Westway to the
World (9/10)
Class
of 1984 (7.5/10)
The Clearing (6/10)
Click (5/10)
Coach
Carter
(7.5/10)
Cobra
Verde (6/10)
Cocaine
Cowboys (6.5/10)
Code 46 (5/10)
Code of Silence (6/10)
Coffy
(7.5/10)
Cold Creek Manor (6/10)
Collateral (8/10)
Come and See (7.5/10)
Come Feel Me Tremble (7.5/10)
The Comedians of Comedy (8/10)
Commune
(5/10)
Con Air (5/10)
The Constant Gardner (8.5/10)
Control Room (8/10)
Convoy (7/10)
A
Cool, Dry Place (6/10)
Cooley High (7/10)
The Core (5/10)
The Corporation (7/10)
The
Covenant (2.5/10)
Crash (9/10)
Crawlspace (5.5/10)
Criminal (7/10)
Cry_Wolf
(4/10)
Cujo (5.5/10)
Cursed
(3/10)
Abandon (2002)
- 3 out of 10 -
My god, this movie was a steming pile of crap. I'm not even going
to bother describing it, but if you saw
The
Sixth Sense and Fatal
Attraction and ever wondered what you might get if you combined both in
a
very poor fashion, then look no further
than this picture. This movie was a whole heaping help of
point-
less; an extremely poor effort
by first-time director Stephen Gaghan - I
guess if you look on the bright
side, he
can only go uphill from here. I will give the casting director
credit
though, for getting three very
attractive actresses in the same film - Katie Holmes,
Zooey Deschanel, and Gabrielle Union.
But even
they don't make this film particularly watchable. I can only
recommend this
flick if you're recovering from
a lobotomy.
Absolute
Power (1997)
-
4.5 out of 10 -
I've
seen just about every one of Clint Eastwood's movies, and nearly all
of them run the gamut from “good”
to “spectacular”; this is
one of those rare cases where the product is sub-par. It's just that
everything about
the storyline is so insane and unbelievable right
from the beginning that it throws you off for the rest of the film.
The sheer lack of security in every
situation, be it guarding the
presi-dent or trying to take down Eastwood,
is laughable at best. Normally
I'm the sort that will suspend disbelief as long as the film
is well executed, but
with political thriller pictures of this nature
details are everything, and when they are all wrong so is the movie.
Accepted
(2006)
-
5 out of 10 -
I
expected this to be very, very bad, but it turned out to
be...tolerable. Lowered expectations surely have a lot to
do with
this, and a few strong moments from the now-famous and much fatter
Jonah Hill helped things along as
well. Hot trashy women and a few
funny scenes here and there, but the story is beyond ludicrous, and
was
possibly written by a grip of stoned apes who watched “Revenge
of the Nerds” and “Animal House” a few too
many times and
thought they could...hell, I don't know, do it better?
The Acid House (1998)
- 5 out of 10 -
Theatrically speaking, this collection of shorts based on a book by the
same title by Irvine Welsh would have
to be considered a great disappointment, given that it was
following his amazing Trainspotting only a couple
of years earlier. It's hard not to
compare the two and have high expections going in to this, which is
probably
unfair but no less true.
The first tale is about a man whose life is only going downhill, and
things are made worse when he meets and
pisses off god, who then turns him into a bug. This one
was pretty bland all around with the exception of the
role of god played by Maurice Roeves, one of
those British character guys whose name you never remember,
but face you never forget.
The middle story is the gem of the bunch, and quite good really - it's
basically about relationships, the power
of love despite mitigating circumstances...or that is to say,
it's a about a lowly dude who marries a knocked
up girl to try and make her honest, and then she cheats and
shits all over him. He then moves on, she comes
crawling back, and despite all common sense, he
goes back to her. Great acting and characters all around,
and sure the story ain't that special
but it's carried out in a believable and engaging way.
The third short is just pure shit...a raver kid
on acid gets struck by lightening and his soul goes into a newborn
baby. Regardless of anything else
involved, the fake baby used is so attrociously bad that I couldn't
concentrate
on anything else.
Worth checking out, but you're not missing anything if you only watch
the center film of the trio.
Across
the Universe (2007)
- 2 out of 10 -
Does anyone
really think we need a
musical based on Beatles songs, only not even the real songs but
vastly
inferior covers? I got no beef with cover songs, but poor
cover songs set to bad acting ain't winning any prizes
in my book. The film looked nice though I guess –
visual wallpaper, if you
will.
Adam & Paul (2004)
- 7.5 out of 10 -
This film is quite simple - a day in the life of a pair of Irish
heroin adicts roaming around Dublin looking for
their next fix. It somehow manages to come across as sweet
and endearing and depressing all at the same
time. Hijinks ensue as they try to get money, or food, or drugs,
or steal things to help with the money and
food and drugs. You really feel sorry for these guys (especially
Paul), and hope that at some point things
will turn around for them, but you know in your heart things are
permanently fucked for these guys and the
film holds true what you would expect to happen in real life with guys
like this.
Aeon Flux (2005)
- 5 out of 10 -
I would imagine a lot of folks my age grew up with MTV's Liquid
Television and was fascinated with
the cartoon of Aeon Flux on it. When I saw they were making a
movie based off of this I wasn't
entirely sure how they would pull it off...and quite honestly, they
really didn't. It's a tolerably fun scifi
flick to watch, but it seemed to miss out on what it is
exactly that makes the cartoon so engrossing.
An I'm not even sure what that is - the creepiness and lack of
explanation maybe? the mystery and
the animation were what drew my eyes to the cartoon in the first place,
two things dreadfully missing
in a live-action feature marketed for the masses. There were some
neat special effects though, and
the outfits and haircut are a pretty fetching look for Charlize Theron,
so it's not a total loss.
Afropunk (2003)
- 6.5 out of 10 -
A documentary about the black experience in the punk rock movement -
made by a black man, featuring inter-
views with black punk fans and musicians...really, it's as simple as
that. Fairly interesting stuff even to this
pasty white dude, though maybe a bit repetative in a few scenes.
A fair number of prominent names lend a
few words to the discussion...members of TV on the Radio, Fishbone, Bad
Brains and 90 Day Men just to
name a few. Probably worth checking out if you are or ever have
been a punk rock fan. Also, they used a
McRad song at the end of the flick, which was...rad.
Aguirre: The Wrath of God
(1972)
- 6 out of 10 -
I’m pretty sure I didn’t “get” this movie, at least not in the way that
the folks who go on
and on about it did. But
visually, it had some pretty stunning scenery,
especially the first 15 minutes
or so. It should also be noted, even
if it is already well known, that Klaus Kinski is a
freaky dude – and as insane as his character in this film is, it
doesn’t seem like much of a stretch
for him to play. He gives off that feel that his behavior
off-screen is equally
as maniacal (and
documentaries have been made on
the fact).
Airplane II: The Sequel
(1982)
- 8 out of 10 -
Not as funny as the first, but that’s not a knock because few films are
as funny as the first Airplane! flick. No
Kareem Abdul Jabar puts this one at an instant disadvantage, cause he
was the best part of the first one;
but they nearly make up for it with the inclusion of air traffic
controller Jacobs, who might nearly be the funniest
part of either film (except for the aforementioned Jabar role).
Eh, what else to say? You want a good laugh,
look no further than either entry in this series.
The Alamo (2004)
- 6.5 out of 10 -
Apparently, this is the most accurate retelling of this story that has
yet put to film. Well, that's what I was told
and I believe everything I'm told. I'm going to
be honest though - I totally knew how this one was going to end
from the start, so there was no surprise
involved here. Now,
there are a lot of stupid people out
there that prob-
ably actually thought we won the battle of
the Alamo, so maybe it shocked them, but
not me so much...so it can
be tough to get terribly excited
about story. But Billy
Bob Thornton was great
as Daniel Boone, and the highlight
of the film (as usual). The fight scenes were decent as well, and
it was
generally enjoyable viewing despite
the
obvious defective issues with having
an already-known plot.
Akeelah
and the Bee (2006)
-
7.5 out of 10 -
My
overwhelming thought on this flick was “cute movie.” It's a
feel-good story, well written and acted,
and it proceeds in the
typical fashion. It's the sort of movie that you thoroughly enjoy
even if it isn't any
great work of art. Keke Palmer, who plays the
lead Akeelah, does a fantastic job and shows a lot of
promise
acting-wise – hopefully she sticks with it because it comes quite
natural to her. Plus any move
that gets Charles De Mar (Curtis
Armstrong) and Crab Man (Eddie Steeples) in the same movie can't
be
bad.
Alexei and the Spring
(2002)
- 6 out of 10 -
First off, let me say that although it was a bit long, I definitely
enjoyed this film - but it wasn’t what I
expected. The basics of this documentary is it is about the life
of a small village
located not far
from Chernobyl. Many of the residents left but some stayed,
mostly older folks. These people live
pretty much as folks in small farming villages have lived for centuries
– subsistence farming, little
modern help, and community involvement. I think I was hoping for
more details on the effects
Chernobyl has had on things, but really all that happened was the
population lessened,
and pre-
sumably the town will die as its residents do, as there didn’t seem to
be any young people left to
procreate and keep on the traditions. The interesting thing is
that the spring that keeps the town
alive, has absolutely no radiation levels at all, and the food grown in
the field seems relatively
radiation free as well. I suppose the irony is that even though
it seems they have escaped the
harmful effects of the disaster, the very existence of it drove away
the townsfolk and
will be their
ultimate downfall. Pretty sad really, but uplifting at the same
time, seeing these regular folk carry
on their lives as if nothing has happened.
Alien vs. Predator
(2004)
- 6 out of 10 -
First, let me say this wasn’t nearly as bad as I was expecting, and I
was expecting pretty bad. The
story and acting were pretty goofy, sure, but it looked good and the
fight scenes kept things pretty
fast-paced and interesting. I had my money on the predator before
I even watched a minute of the
movie - after all, Sigourney Weaver kicked multiple alien asses on 4
different occasions, but it took
he-beast Arnold Schwarzenegger a whole film to kill a
predator (we’re going to ignore that Danny
Glover/Predator 2 debacle like it never happened).
Also, the film deserves praise for the Antarctic setting, if for no
other reason than it reminds me of
John Carpenter’s remake of The Thing, a very favorite
horror film of mine. Although the lack of
Wilford Brimley can seriously hamper any films score,
and trying to have Spud from Trainspotting
in his place will get you nowhere.
All
The King's Men (2006)
- 5 out of 10 -
A well-acted,
well-written period piece
about politics...that bored me to tears. This flick is thick with
high-quality
actors, doing what they are paid handsomely to do, but I
just couldn't gather up the interest
to give a shit.
Along Came Polly
(2004)
- 3 out of 10 -
Really, everything about this is terrible and it only gets a 3 because
Phillip Seymour Hoffman
is in it even if he isn’t well utilized. If you want to see a
comedy about Irritable Bowel Syndrome
that’s actually funny, watch the Coen brothers’ remake of The
Ladykillers.
Amelie (2001)
- 8.5 out of 10 -
Audrey Tautou as the
film’s focal point and title character, Amelie, is simply too adorable
for words; even
if this film was a steaming pile of shit I would have been
mesmerized. Luckily, she is actually wrapped up
in a very quirky, heartwarming fairy tale-like plot.
The gist of it being – you have to make life
happen, it’s
not going to happen for you.
After years of isolating and insulating herself from her fellow man,
Amelie decides, through the discovery
of a
tin of children’s toys, that the only way to achieve happiness is by
seeking it out. So she returns the
toys
to the rightful owner, cheers up her dad, sets up couples, befriends a
shut-in, and finds love in the
process. Happily ever after indeed.
But
aside from Tautou’s performance, the real key behind the success of
this movie is the direction (with
an approving nod towards the set design as well). Jean-Pierre
Jeunet has
a way of making any film un-
believably tantalizing to watch – see Delicatessen or
City of Lost Children
for further evidence. And while
this
film isn’t nearly as surreal as those two, it still has it’s moments
that make it an undeniably Jeunet flick.
As long as he keeps making movies French cinema will be in good shape
for years to come.
An
American Astronaut (2001)
-
5 out of 10 -
I
felt like I was on drugs watching this. Which I'm pretty sure was
the point. It wasn't really my bag, but given
the budget (I'm
guessing somewhere between 10 and 20 dollars) it was pretty well
done...so kudos for that
I suppose. For a musical, the songs were
fairly enjoyable, and it was obvious they were going for a Rocky
Horror Picture Show vibe...really, the more I think about it,
the
flick wasn't that bad, it just wasn't for me.
American
Gangster (2007)
-
7.5 out of 10 -
A
lot of hype surrounding this film as it came out, that it would be
the next “Scarface” or some such shit.
Really, that does this
film a disservice – “American Gangster” is a much better film
than “Scarface”, and
outside of the drug connection not much like
it at all. This is a dense, thorough story that really sucks you in,
and in typical Hollywood fashion almost has you feeling sorry for the
bad guy even though you know he is in
the wrong. I would imagine it
goes without saying at this point that Denzel Washington is great
here, as he
is generally great in everything he appears (though the
films themselves are not always top notch). Josh
Brolin also
continues his improbably run of quality roles, and even Russell Crowe
does a decent job.
American History X
(1998)
- 8 out of 10 -
When you
finish watching this powerful film on the need for tolerance in
our society, I’ve found
through discussions that the
one thing folks remember most is the infamous “curbing”
scene that
sends Edward Norton’s
character to prison...now I’ve seen a lot of violent shit in my day,
but this
still might be the most
stomach churning scene ever put on film (it must be
noted that there are any
number of
scenes in “Black Sun” about the massacre of Nanking that would easily
be worse, if they
didn’t look so damn
fake).
Great acting all around by
Norton, Edward Furlong, and the underrated Avery Brooks; additionally,
any film with Stacy Keach in
it is automatically at a minimum a 5 regardless of how good the film
might actually be – few men
can pull off “badass” like that guy. Tony Kaye’s decision to
shoot much
of the film in black and
white (the flashback scenes, of which there are plenty) was a nice
touch, as it
looked fantastic and gave
the whole procession a bit more of a “serious” feel.
As a side note, I was kinda
surprised when I looked on IMDB and saw that this flick was #48 on
their
“top 250 films of all time”
list, as voted by the visitors of the website – it’s a pretty great
film and all,
but #48? Sometimes
internet nerds can be bewildering in their choices. Still, it’s a
fine film that I’ve
watched a
few times now and it really never loses any of its power – definitely
recommended.
American
Psycho (2000)
-
7.5 out of 10 -
I
like the acting in this film – Christian Bale does an amazing job
as the lead Patrick Bateman, a per-
formance I'm not sure I ever knew
he had in him. I like that you never know if the killings were real,
or a
figment of his demented mind (I haven't read the book, and maybe
it is clearer there). But more than
anything, I like the multiple
extended monologues on popular music of the eighties – Huey Lewis,
Phil
Collins and the like have never sounded as appealing to me as
when Bale is waxing poetic about their
merits.
American Splendor
(2003)
- 8 out of 10 -
Firstly, the comics that this film
is based off of are really fantastic – if you liked the
film at all you’re
doing yourself a disservice by not
checking them out.
That said, this movie was especially awesome for two reasons – putting
to live action a book which I
had enjoyed immensely, and doing it well; and the use of mixed media
along with crossing the “border”
between movie and documentary to tell the story was a stroke of
brilliance. Paul
Giamatti was terrific
as Harvey Pekar, exactly as you would imagine him to be if you were not
familiar with his few forays
into mainstream television. And then seeing that footage in the
movie, it only drives home how perfectly
he nailed the part. This film is a sure-fire way to get otherwise
disinterested adults into comic books, or
to at least treat them as a legitimate form of literature, if anything
is ever going to.
The Amityville Horror
(1979)
- 7 out of 10 -
I’m honestly surprised that this hasn’t received the remake treatment
yet (spoke too soon – looks like there
is a remake slated
for 2005 starring Ryan
Reynolds, best known for his role in Van Wilder).
Like Orson
Welles' War of the Worlds and The Blair Witch Project,
this film was presented as fact when it came out,
and had
folks scared shitless. It has since been proven a hoax (although
the original DeFeo murders
were
real), but that doesn’t make it any less interesting.
I’m not
going to bother with a rehash of the story, as you’ve probably already
seen it. But while I was watching
it, I started thinking just how much creepier fare from this era is
over modern horror films. And I’m not just re-
ferring
to including James Brolin
in your films. Somewhere along
the line, genuine tension and suspense gave
way to quick cuts and things that jump at you quickly - which is plenty
scary when it actually happens, but doesn’t
stick to your bones and keep you up at night like this film Last House on the Left
or Poltergeist or The Shining
or Psycho or a Jane Fonda workout tape.
Amy & Isobelle
(2001)
- 5 out of 10 -
The only reason I watched this is because I was up early in the morning
in Singapore and there
weren’t a lot of English language options. Apparently this was
made for TV and that’s not sur-
prising because it has a very “Lifetime for Women” feel but with decent
stars in it. I dunno, does
Elisabeth Shue count
as a star? She was in a couple good things, and is
still super hot, so I’m
going to go with yes. Anyways, set in a small town in the 70’s,
mother and teen
daughter drama,
ends up they’re going through the same problems, yadda yadda yadda,
dead body in a trunk, or
something like that.
Martin Donovan is
also
in it and it’s not even a Hal
Hartley movie! Recom-
mended to folks who like to think naughty thoughts about Elisabeth Shue
and have already
watched Leaving Las
Vegas too many times.
Anchorman (2004)
- 7 out of 10 -
This is a no-brainer – if you want to see a dumb comedy with lots of
Will Ferrell screen time, see this
immediately. If you don’t like the man, then you’re not going to
like this…pretty simple. Ferrell plays a
newscaster in San Diego in the 70’s, and is on top of the world.
The story is pretty asinine and point-
less, so I won’t even get into it, but it does move along at a nice
pace. There are tons of cameos, which
are good for a laugh, and the group of newscasters singing “Afternoon
Delight” had me rolling; other
than Ferrell, Steve
Carrell plays a mentally deficient weather man and nearly steals
the show. I laughed
a lot at this movie,
although it probably won’t stand up as well to repeated viewings…so if
you want a
laugh, here you go.
The Andromeda Strain
(1971)
- 7 out of 10 -
Although it seems a bit dated with my most recent rewatching, this
movie was really creepy to
me as
a kid, and I was not an easily freaked
out type of lad. A true psychological thriller with
sci-fi undertones,
this movie gets in your brain in ways that most horror films would kill
to do. There are no sexy stars, no
explosions, no fist fights, and not a ton of action to speak of -
rather, it's a group of intellectuals trying to
solve a problem with their brains instead of their braun (a little
something this country could try more of,
but that's a tale for a different time).
The film is a bit long-winded, but no more so than most things from
this era. With the right patience,
this can be an extremely rewarding viewing...and if nothing else, a
great look at the level of computer
sophistication in the early seventies.
Angel Heart (1987)
- 7 out of 10 -
I don’t know how many times I picked this movie up to watch it when I
used to work at a video store.
I think I might have even brought it home a
few times, only to leave it sitting unwatched on top of the
VCR until it was time to take them back to the store.
And honestly, I don’t know what was holding
me back - Alan Parker, Robert Deniro, Mickey Rourke,
and a naked Lisa Bonet would be able ot make even the worst film worth
watching. And this is an
enjoyable film aside from the star power...except maybe the ending,
which I’m still not to sure about.
But it was either an awful or a genius way to wrap up the flick, and
certainly a little surprising (although
I knew there was something peculiar about Deniro from the get-go).
A good mystery, great set design, swell acting all around...don’t put
this one off like I did...but I’m
guessing if you haven’t seen it now, almost
20 years past it’s release, you’ve probably done the
exact same thing.
Anger Management
(2003)
- 3 out of 10 -
I started watching this a while back
and only watched half because it was so crappy, but due to
a
passing tropical storm combined with
boredom I decided to give it another shot...bad idea.
This
is really terrible, easily the worst
Adam Sandler movie
made. I know that may be hard for some
to believe, as he has many haters, but I usually like his crappy films
so to be this utterly dis-
appointed is, well, disappointing. There is really nothing
redeeming here outside of Kevin
Nealon's
appearance as Sandlers lawyer, which
was pretty funny. Even Woody Harrelson in drag
couldn't
save this.
Animal House (1978)
- 10 out of 10 -
Shit, how do you write a review of Animal House? I’m not even
sure why I’m doing it, but I was
watching it the other night for the umpteenth time and realized I’d
never reviewed it. But it’s not
like it is necessary – everyone already knows it and loves it and I
would imagine it would be a
pretty unanimous choice for one of the greatest comedies ever
made. They actually make being
in a frat seem cool for chrissakes, a feat that has never been equaled
in any way, shape or form.
Animals Are Beautiful
People (1974)
- 8 out of 10 -
Brought to you from the same folks behind The Gods Must Be Crazy,
this doc is a whimsical look
at the wildlife that lives in the various climates and landscapes of
the African nation of Namibia.
Like most animal
documentaries, it’s chock full of beautiful shots and interesting facts
on the wildlife
at hand; what makes this stand apart from the crowd, though, is the
humorous nature of the narration
and the subjects
at hand. There’s no real beginning or end here, but rather just a
slice of life look
at many different plants and species that thrive in the harsh desert
and surrounding climes. If nothing
else, it’s worth
a view just for the scene where all of the animals get drunk off of
fermented fruit,
complete with hangovers the next day. This film never overstays
its welcome, and is a near perfect
example of how an animal documentary should be made.
Annapolis (2006)
- 4 out of 10 -
This pile was actually two bad movies in one, one half being the kid
from the wrong side of the
tracks who makes good despite the long odds, and the other half being a
poor man's version of
Rocky. Neither of these story lines are worth wasting your time
with. It makes me sad to see the
James Franco that I loved so much in Freaks & Geeks
make such terrible movies, but I suppose
his bank account doesn't mind. And it should be noted that the
boxing scenes are pretty enjoyable,
despite being completely predictable. Avoid this one unless you
are exceptionally bored.
Another Woman (1988)
- 4 out of 10 -
Count this one of the very, very few Woody Allen movies I don’t
like. It’s gotten a lot of criticism for
being too much like an Ingmar Bergman film, and maybe that’s
why I didn’t dig it – never been a
Bergman fan either. There have only been a few instances where
I’ve really loved a serious Woody
flick (“Crimes & Misdemeanors” and “Manhattan” being two
of his best funny or not), and this just
wasn’t one of those times. Great acting, great cast, nothing
wrong with the story or the direction, but
I just had a tough time staying interested in what was going
on or caring what happened to these
characters. It did make me want to rewatch “Bananas” or “Take the
Money and Run” or “Zelig” again
for the umpteenth times and see Woody at the top of his game.
Anything Else (2004)
- 7.5 out of 10 -
Now I’m not trying to say that
this film can compare to some of Woody’s classic works
such as Bananas
and Annie Hall and Take the Money and Run,
but it is certainly an enjoyable film and probably the best
thing he has
released since Everyone
Says I love You (although Small Time Crooks did have it’s charms,
mostly because Michael Rapaport was in
it). Even having Jason
Biggs in the title role with Woody as the
supporting character,
this film was still
entertaining and funny and neurotic in all the best ways one of his
films are.
Honestly, I don’t even remember this ever coming out and maybe because
I had low expect-
ations did I enjoy
this so, or maybe it was because Christina Ricci
looked particularly fetching in it, but
either way, certainly
recommended, especially over his more recent sub-par outings.
Aqua
Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie Film for Theatres (2007)
-
9 out of 10 -
I
am not a drug user, but this film is so damn wacky I felt high before
it was through. Now if you were
actually on drugs while watching
this insanity, god help you. This full length movie is just as
nonsensical
and all-over-the-map as the television show, and just as
funny too...no dead spots, no filler, just constant
silliness from
every angle. Outside of the main stable of characters, they have a
few interesting guest
voice appearances by the likes of Fred Armisen,
Tina Fey, Bruce Campbell, and Neil Peart (as himself
of course). Possibly the highlight of the film though is at the very
beginning,
when the band Mastodon
(animated as pissed off theatre snacks) play a
song wherein they threaten to cut the audience with a
linoleum knife. Honestly, if you love the show like I do I cannot
imagine any
scenario where you wouldn't
love this feature.
Armageddon (1998)
- 3 out of 10 -
I
put off watching this heap when it came out and now I remember why -
because it is as stupid a moive
as has ever been made. Michael Bay can
really make a movie shiny, but at the end of the day a turd is
still a
turd. The whole damn thing looks like a music video,
with a story and
plot line about as intelligent as
most music videos as well. Terrible
writing, mediocre acting, poor direction, it's too long...the only
thing it
got right were some of the special effects when they landed on
the asteroid (and looking at Liv Tyler doesn't
bother me either).
Army
of Shadows (1964)
- 7.5 out of 10
-
Hands down, this
is one of the best
films about WWII I've ever seen, and easily the most subtle. Instead
of dealing with the big battles and the concentration camps and all
that, it focuses on the French Resis-
tance and their constant
harassment of the Nazis, nearly all of their operatives meeting
untimely demises
in an effort to free their country from occupation. Jean-Pierre
Melville made many great films, but this is
probably his
best...crisp writing, top-notch directing, and acting jobs all around
that could not have been
better. This is a movie that takes patience
to watch, but the payoff is tremendous.
Art School Confidential
(2006)
- 6.5 out of 10 -
For a film with a preview that
makes it out to be a comedy, this flick
is pretty dark. And not really even a
“dark comedy” – though there
were a couple of funny moments; mostly,
just “dark dark”…everyone is a
shit, you only get ahead by
lying or stepping on others, the art world
is full of idiots, etc. And while all of
that might e technically true, it rarely produces laughs. I guess
it’s my own fault for expecting a funny
movie, so in the end I felt a bit let down; but it was still mostly a
decent flick and having lived with a bunch
of art school kids for many of my college years, I guess it reminded me
of those days in some ways (both
good and bad). Not the best Clowes or Zwigoff work, but not
terrible either.
Ash Wednesday (2002)
- 5.5 out of 10 -
When I think about films on
the Irish mafia I always think of State of Grace, a
fantastic film. Ash Wednesday
will not be replacing that memory anytime in the near future.
Sure, it had its good points, but the plot
was
so asinine it was hard to give it a very good
score.
Some of the good points include:
- Malachy McCourt.
Who is the brother to Frank
McCourt, the fantastic author of “Angela’s Ashes” and “‘Tis”.
I think I was just happy finally seeing him in something after
reading so much about him in those two books.
- The filming. It was shot
really well – very grainy, set in the 80’s in Hell’s Kitchen
NYC. I’m a sucker for a
well shot film, it can often help my memory erase other bad
attributes of the film.
- Rosario Dawson.
She is just straight-up smokin’ hot. Too bad she
wasn’t in the movie more.
Some of the bad points include:
- The story. There were enough holes in the plot to drive 10 Mack
trucks through.
I’m not even going to bother
getting into all of the details here, because I wouldn’t even
know where to begin.
- Elijah Wood.
I like this kid in films, but he was just wrongly case here. He
stood out like pimple on a porn
star’s ass.
- Rosario Dawson. Despite her hotness, she also stood out; the
whole Puerto Rican/Irish connection didn’t
make a lot of sense.
I’m not going to say not to watch the film, because it’s not terrible,
just not particularly good either. It just doesn’t
strike me that the plot was thought out very well; with a few
re-writes, the story could have probably been a really
good one.
The
Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford (2007)
- 6.5 out of 10
-
Like everyone
else, I'm going to have
to bring up the number one reason this film gets a low score – it's
too
goddamn slow and long. Great story, quality cast, and it looks
terrific, but it is easily 30 minutes to an hour
too long. It's
really the only big strike against a film that is otherwise a high
class affair.
Assault on Precinct 13
(2005)
- 6 out of 10 -
An extremely silly, but not
necessarily bad remake of the classic John Carpenter B-movie fave from
the seventies. Not
silly in tone, mind you – it’s serious just like the first one, one
continuous battle be-
tween the
cops and their prisoners and those that want them dead. Rather,
it’s just silly that it was ever
made, unnecessary through
and through – this is my biggest complaint with both remakes.
I’ve always
figured -
if you’re going to go to the trouble to remake a film, why just copy
the first one? Sure, this one
has crooked cops instead of
a rival gang and is set in snowy Detroit instead
of L.A., but it’s essentially
the same damn thing.
Which is fine I guess, it’s entertaining enough with lots of dumb
action clichés,
explosions and bad
dialogue…just pointless is all.
The
Babe (1992)
-
7 out of 10 -
John
Goodman playing Babe Ruth – can you think of a better man for the
role? Any student of baseball will
probably already know the story
of The Babe, or certainly as much as is offered here, but there is
still some-
thing quite satisfying to see it played out on the big
screen, and Goodman does a fine job. They don't dig too
deep here,
glancing over much of his off-field activities, his pitching career
and his life after baseball, but still
a fun flick.
Babel
(2006)
-
8 out of 10 -
Guillermo
Arriaga continues to churn out one high quality screenplay right
after another, and Babel is no
exception. This film really
illustrates how small the world is, intertwining four completely
different stories into
one grand tale of morality and survival. Each
section was superbly acted, with the Japanese portion my clear
favorite. I'm honestly at a loss as to what else to write here
without it devolving into a novel, so let's just say it's
a great
flick and well worth watching.
Baby
Doll (1956)
- 6.5 out of 10
-
Oh how the times
change – this film
was considered obscene and risque when it came out in the
mid-fifties,
and was banned and/or protested across the country. Nowadays, this film
would easily be a PG flick. A little
steamy and
sexy, yes, but the film is mostly about, well, crazy people. It
plays out a bit like David Lynch
directing a William Faulkner
novel...it's almost as if you can feel the heat and humidity as you
watch the film.
Baby Mama (2008)
- 7 out of 10 -
On paper, this
probably isn't a film I
would give two shits about – a comedy about a yuppie hiring a
surrogate to get pregnant for her? But then you realize the cast
includes Tina Fey, Amy Poehler, Dax
Shephard, Steve Martin and a
bunch of other hilarious folk and all of the sudden things are
looking up.
Add in an incredibly goofy hilariously stupid script
and as far as I'm concerned you got a winner. There
was a fair
amount of press leading into this film about the fact that the leads
were two female comedians,
something you don't see very
often...myself, I didn't even really notice it, cause funny is funny
regardless
of the sex, and the Fey/Poehler combo is one of the best
pairings going these days.
Bachelor
Party (1984)
-
5.5 out of 10 -
I
remembered loving this as a kid but a recent re-watching proved it to
be a slow, tedious affair for the
first 3/4ths of the viewing. That
final chunk though, when the party gets really out of hand, is a
classic 80's
movie moment that should be viewed by all, even if it
means holding down the fast-forward button on the
Tivo to get there. And let's not overlook that Tawny Kitaen gets all
dolled up in
lingerie for a chunk of the
movie...
Back in the Day (2005)
- 2 out of 10 -
Combine every urban-black-gangster movie cliche from the past 15 years,
mix in some of Ja Rule's terrible
acting, and this is what you end up with. Just
awful. Sure, Boyz in tha Hood and Menace II Society were great,
but the legacy those two films have left
are so bad it almost makes me wish they were never made to begin with.
Back
to the Future Part II (1989)
- 8 out of 10 -
In my world, this is known as "the dark" Back to the Future (the other
two being known as "the
original" and "the wild west disney experience"), and it
might be the best of them all. I'm always
for a film that combines people named Biff and a comical
view of the future that is now the present,
and this film does both quite well. As with the first outing,
Christopher Lloyd should be in the flick
more as he is the true star of the show; but outside of the minor huff,
it's a damn fine movie for
adults and kids alike that you really can't watch too much.
Bad Education (2004)
- 7 out of 10 -
I’m not entirely sure why
this got an NC-17 rating, is it because there are gay people in it having sex?
It shows no
more than any straight sex scenes that would warrant no worse than an R rating. And
honestly,
considering who the director is here, this film was much, much tamer than it could have
been.
It was actually a pretty
strange film in many regards considering Almodovar was at the helm – the lack of
strong
female leads (maybe the cross-dressing males count?) and the fact that the film actually
makes some
amount of sense automatically places this in a different context than most
of his films. But more than anything,
it’s one of his most
enjoyable films in
some time.
The Bad News Bears
(1976)
-9 out of 10 -
Question: What three
things need to be included in a film to make it one of the greatest of
all time?
Answer: Kids cursing and drinking beer, baseball, and Walter
Matthau.
Seriously though, I can't express how much I love this movie.
Maybe it was because I spent so
many years of my childhood playing little league, but there's something
about the story of a group
of misfit kids playing baseball that really hits home. And this
movie pretty much nailed what it's like:
the undue pressures and stress put upon the kids both by parents and
peers, when all the kids would
really like to do is play a game. Losing sucks, but giving up on
the fun just to win isn't very enjoyable
either.
The kids all do a great job of portraying typical adolescents; when you
watch the film you feel like
many of them could have been transported straight from your childhood,
or at least I did. And truly the
most important part of the film is Matthau; that man can carry any film
so effortlessly with just a smirk.
Do yourself a favor and watch every movie he's ever been in; I
haven't seen them all, but it is a goal of
mine and I've yet to be disappointed.
Some folks might get upset by the amount of racial stereotypes and
general un-"politically correct"
behavior in this film...but shit, that's what childhood and life is
like, you can't whitewash it all. There is
a remake of the film happening scheduled for 2006 with Richard
Linklater
directing and Billy Bob
Thornton in the Matthau role. A big part of me thinks it's
pretty stupid for anyone to try and remake
this film, but I guess if it is to be done at least it is with guys I
like and think will do a credible job. And
it will be curious to see if and how they change things, whether they
remove the "controversial" parts
or not...time will tell I suppose.
The Bad News Bears Go to
Japan (1978)
- 4 out of 10 -
Look, if you’re not going to try any harder than this, why
bother? The first film in the series was just
amazing, the second tolerable, but this just sucked. The kids
aren’t cute, they’re annoying. Tony
Curtis is ok but he’s no Walter Matthau.
There’s very little baseball in the movie at all.
They make
fun of the Japanese culture constantly, which is really only a problem
because it is never funny. I
guess the one upside is how much it really makes you look back and
remember how great the first
one was, one of the best sports movies ever made.
Bad Santa (2003)
- 9 out of 10 -
There’s so much good about this film I don’t even know where to start,
but one thing is certain - every
single awesome thing that happens here is because of Billy Bob
Thornton. Now, I’ve loved most every-
thing I’ve seen him but this flick cements him as a comic genius on par
with Jackie Gleason, only dirtier.
There’s no way this film would have been even close to as effective
with anyone other than Thornton
in the lead...he has that sad southern asshole thing down so well that
you assume it’s just his natural
state. Constantly grizzled and perpetually hung over in the film,
I have a good feeling that he wasn’t
really acting in these scenes, and that’s what makes it so
entertaining. Anything you’ve ever held holy
and sacred about the christmas holiday gets
buggered into submission. Literally. And thankfully.
The Ballad of Jack and
Rose (2005)
- 6 out of 10 -
Wow, and yet another masterful acting job by Daniel Day Lewis...is
there anything this man cannot do?
I don't think it's a stretch to state that he is
the greatest actor of the last 20 years, I really don't.
Unfor-
tunately, his acting far outshines the rest of this film, which isn't
terrible but even a day later I don't re-
member much about it other than the basics. Which are:
overprotective father (Lewis) who lives on a
commune with only his daughter is dying, and decides he needs to find a
family for her before he's gone.
The hijinks that ensue are most decidedly not hilarious as hijinks
often turn out to be. I was hoping for
more out of this film (and a larger role for Jason Lee), but while I
might have been a little disappointed
in the movie, Lewis nearly made up for it, and it's worth checking out
just for him.
The Basketball Diaries
(1995)
- 7.5 out of 10
-
I've never been
a drug addict, but I
gotta believe this film does a good job portraying the path most take
from
casual carouser to full blown junkie. I've read multiple places
that River Phoenix was supposed to play the lead
here (or had at
least expressed a lot of interest in it), but before production
started he died of a drug overdose
as most folks know. So Leonardo
DiCaprio was brought in, which ain't a bad consolation prize. Leo
does an
amazing job here as the lead, making for a really convincing
junkie who is no longer a kid but not ready for life
on his own. Plenty of other great acting jobs as well, including a bevy
of future
Sopranos cast members and
the always likable Bruno Kirby as a
kid-diddling basketball coach. It's one of those flicks that you can
start
watching from any point really, and you'll always get sucked
in.
Batman (1989)
- 9 out of 10 -
I recently rewatched this fine film, and while it does appear a bit
dated (especially in the special effects area),
you cannot deny the power of Tim Burton’s touch on
this film. The set design of Gotham City is etched into my
brain from the very first viewing of this
film, and in seeing it again it reminds me of exactly why something
like
Sin City holds so much
influence…this film made Sin City what it is.
Outside of the set, what really makes this movie so valuable is Jack
Nicholson’s
performance as the Joker, one
of the greatest villains of all time as far as I’m
concerned. He is absolutely demented, out of his gourd in this
picture, playing perfectly into the role he
took on. The way he portrays both silliness and pure evil at the
same
time…just stunning.
Batman Begins (2005)
- 8.5 out of 10 -
“Wow” best sums up this movie…although I knew the stories weren’t going
to be the same as
the first Tim Burton Batman, you still end up comparing them in your
mind and I wasn’t sure this
one could top that, but it did, and
how. Their portrayal of Gotham even one-upped Burton’s
stylized vision, using Chicago as we know it and CGI-ing it into a much
darker and scarier
place. The whole thing could have used a little more Prince in
the soundtrack like the first,
but I guess they can slide on that one.
The cast as a whole was fantastic –
making Liam Neeson a bad guy and Gary Oldman a good
guy was a real treat – what’s next,
cats sleeping with dogs? A natural brooder as my girlfriend
would say, Christian Bale was a perfect choice as the reclusive Bruce
Wayne. Especially en-
tertaining was his put-on gruff “Batman voice”, which was a little
over-the-top but I guess it
had
its purpose. And Cillian Murphy as “The Scarecrow” was a
truly creepy foe, and the bugs
crawling out of the faces of folks really brought me back to my
childhood of watching Halloween III
over and over and over. There
was some disappointment, though…I had originally read his
name
as Charlie Murphy and quickly became excited at the prospect of Gusto
making an appearance in
this film. Alas it wasn’t meant to be…but a fuckin’ fantastic
film anyways.
The Battle of Algiers
(1965)
- 8 out of 10 -
I have to fully admit that I knew nothing about the Algerian battle of
independence from the French,
but thankfully this film has turned me on to an incredibly interesting
piece of history I hope to learn
even more about in the future. By all accounts, this film is
about as unbiased as you can possibly
get when it comes to telling this story, which I appreciate…let the
viewer make up his own mind on
how he feels about the action, don’t try and force it.
The thing that makes this film so effective is that you believe it is
real – you feel as if you are watching
a documentary on the subject rather than a production with
actors. Apparently some of the actual
revolutionaries appear in the film as well, but I had no idea which
ones they were
and honestly, would
it have mattered? The
acting was great from all sides, the filming was beautiful and
black& white
suited it perfectly. A number of folks have pointed out the
parallels between this film/situation and the
current scene in Iraq, so I
won’t go into it – but let’s just say it was *required*
viewing at the Pentagon.
Certainly one of the best war movies ever made.
Battle Royale (2000)
- 8.5 out of 10 -
I put off watching this for a while, see I get lazy about foreign films
sometimes, all that reading. I went to
a public school after all, reading does not come naturally to me.
But for the love of whatever god you
worship, do not do what I did and watch this as soon as possible.
And if you've already seen it,
watch
it again...because it is without a doubt the greatest film about kids
being forced to murder each other
since the pilot episode of Silver Spoons.
The premise is quite simple - the world is in
trouble/overpopulated/something like that, so what to do?
Take some students who aren't making the grade and show little promise
at being useful adults, and
make them into entertainment. At
least that was my understanding of it all, it wasn't exactly
thorough
in the small details...and it didn't honestly need to be, because the
kids hunting each other is what really
matters and they get to this quick enough.
I love how it plays like a game show, keeping you posted on who died
when on frequent basis. I love
that ringers are introduced in an effort to speed along the action.
I love that it's not outside the realm
of possibility that this might be an actual game show some day.
And the bad part of me kinda hopes
so if it's even half as entertaining as this flick.
The Baxter (2005)
- 7 out of 10 -
Stop the presses
- a “romcom” that
was actually worth watching. It probably helps that the talented
Michael
Showalter starred, wrote and directed this aloof nerdy treat. According
to the film, a “baxter” is the guy or girl
in movies
that gets left behind when the true love shows up and takes their
significant other away from them.
Showalter of course plays one of
these poor goofy saps, and as you might imagine hijinks ensue. And
even-
tually, love as well with the exceptionally cute Michelle
Williams. Seriously, at one point did this girl become
the really
awesome attractive one from Dawson's Creek, and the other one a freak
show?
Bazaar Bizarre (2004)
- 3 out of 10 -
A documentary featuring dramatic recreations about a serial killer
brought to you by James Ellroy? How
in the name of all that is holy did they get it so goddamn
wrong??? I’m truly horrified Ellroy would allow his
name to be attached to this epicly boring flick. And
how do you make a boring serial killer film anyways?
That actually seems like it would be harder work
than producing an enjoyable flick of the same topic. Anyways,
avoid this like a creepy old man in a dark
alley.
Beautiful Girls
(1996)
- 10 out of 10 -
I can’t really explain what is so damn engrossing about this movie…
maybe it’s the representation of
small town life, and how little things change – I can
identify with that. Or maybe it’s how it shows that
despite the years, everyone is still pretty much what
they were in high school…makes sense to me.
When I get together with my friends back home it feels like this movie,
only no one knows how to play
“Sweet Caroline” on the piano and the Afghan Whigs aren’t performing in
the local bar. Maybe it’s
the cast – Uma Thurman, Michael Rappaport, Natalie Portman, Matt
Dillon, Timothy Hutton, Max
Perlich…I could keep going, but it is truly great ensemble work from
everyone involved. The story
isn’t anything special, and nothing much happens, but
like “Dazed and Confused” and “Fast Times
at Ridgemon High”, the characters are so true and real that you feel as
if you could live in this world
and be happy. And that is a rare find as far as
I’m concerned.
Beerfest (2006)
- 7.5 out of 10 -
I think the Broken Lizard crew actually figured out a way to make an
even
dumber movie than Super
Troopers, and we are all better for it. They managed to make a
full-length
movie revolving around goofy
beer drinking games, German stereotypes and juvenile humor, and it
never
got old even for a minute.
After Club Dread (which wasn't awful, but definitely subpar), I was a
bit
worried this crew of pranksters
was on the downward slide - but after watching Beerfest I have hope
that
they will produce a number of
hilariously dumb movies before it's all over.
Before Sunset (2004)
- 5.5 out of 10 –
I really enjoyed Before
Sunrise and watched it on a couple of occasions, which was probably
the set-
up that made me all the more disappointed with the sequel Before
Sunset. In this flick our protagonists
meet back up, many years later, and reexamine their lives much in the
same way as the first. But this
time around it seemed so much more unemotional, almost cold
in their meeting – the bitterness of
adulthood maybe? I mean, if that is what Richard Linklater was
going for then he did a great job, but
it still didn’t make it very enjoyable to watch.
Be Here To Love Me: A
Film About
Townes Van Zandt (2004)
- 7 out of 10 -
For a man I knew very little about outside of a song or two, this
documentary did a fantastic job of
really depicting this troubled individual. Big name stars like
Willie Nelson, Steve Earle, and even
Steve Shelley pipe up to pile praise on this folkie who never made much
of an impact on his own
to the general public, but influenced countless writers and performers
who went on to achieve fame.
To be perfectly honest I’m only lukewarm on Van Zandt’s music, but this
doc is so well made that
I never once thought of shutting it off early (something I find I’m
more prone to do with music docs
just because they are generally quite boring), and actually found
myself quite rapt for the duration
of the film. This is a no-brainer for fans to check out, but
anyone who wants to see a great character
study on an interesting individual would probably get a lot of value
out of this movie.
Being There
(1979)
- 7 out of 10 -
I tried watching this a few years back and just couldn’t get into
it. So I made
myself sit down and
watch the whole thing and I’m glad I did. I dunno what was wrong
the first time, sometimes you just
have to be in the right frame of mind for certain films; regardless, it
was much more well received in
my brain this go-around. I know tons have been written on this
film, and I probably liked it a little less
than many folks, but one thing is undeniable – Peter Sellers is
absolutely brilliant. He’s been
in many
great films, but this is by far his crowning achievement. The
fact that he didn’t win the Oscar in 1980
only further proves how retarded that academy is…if they were a school
they would get
discredited.
He so overshadows everything else about this movie, it’s kinda silly to
even talk
about anything else.
I will say that I always like it when part of a film is filmed in NC
(in this case the Biltmore House in
Asheville), and the editing/splicing of TV footage in with the film was
a nice touch…especially now,
so many years removed, it’s neat to get a glimpse into TV in those
days.
Below (2002)
- 7 out of 10 -
Submarine movies! Man, I love a good submarine movie, Das Boot is
the
obvious choice for
“Best Of” in this prestigious category. But this film here,
Below, is a pretty damn good one. It has
Zack Galifianakis in
it, reason enough to like it. Zack is a damn funny man – well,
not so much in
this movie but when he does stand up, and he’s barely in this at all,
but…what was I talking about
again? Oh yeah.
Sub movies…lots of good ones, this fits right in with the rest.
It’s as much mystery or “ghost story”
as it is sub movie, as something is fucking with the ship and no one
can figure out why, and that’s
mostly what the movie is about – the crew trying to figure out what is
happening, something goes
wrong, people die, scary things happen, secrets are revealed…enjoyable
movie to be sure.
Darren Aronofsky (of Pi and Requiem for a Dream
fame) helped write this screenplay, and was
supposed to direct but he got distracted with other projects.
The Benchwarmers (2006)
- 6 out of 10 -
To call this movie "completely retarded" would be an understatement,
but despite how stupid it was I
still enjoyed it quite a bit. Maybe even a little more than I
should
have...I
was in a rather giddy state
when I watched it, so that probably helped a lot. Or maybe it was
because one of my comedic
heroes,
Nick Swardson, was one of the writers (And also had a smll role in the
film). Whatever the
cause, I
laughed out loud a number of times over some of the stupidest crap ever
put on
film. But hey, every
film don't
have to be high art.
Berlin Tunnel 21
(1981)
- 5 out of 10 -
As you may have
gleaned from the title,
this film is about the digging of a tunnel, in Berlin. Given this
was apparently a made-for-TV flick, it's really not that bad, even if
you are pretty sure what exactly is
going to happen in the first few
minutes of the film. I would have liked a little more shown on the
East
German leadership and the reasons for folks wanting to cross to
the West, and a lot less actual footage
of the tunnel getting dug –
a few random shots here and there would have more than sufficed. The
more
recently produced “The Tunnel” was a much better version of
essentially the same story.
Bewitched (2005)
- 4 out of
10 -
We all
know Nicole Kidman is totally intolerable – this is a
well established fact. But I was hoping
the
awesomeness of Will Ferrell would counteract her shittiness, but
sadly the
end sum is a goofy flick that
is kinda watchable. And by “kinda”, I mean you’re
better off
doing something else while it is on…cross-
word, look at the computer,
jack off,
whatever; cause it just ain’t that entertaining. Ferrell has a
couple of
funny scenes, Michael
Caine has a nice supporting role, but that is about all the silver
lining
you’re going
to get here.
Beyond the Sea (2004)
- 5 out of 10 -
On the positive side, Kevin Spacey
does a fantastic job as Bobby Darin - very believable, and
his
obvious talent lies not just in
his acting abilities but in his talent for singing Darin's
songs too. I doubt
that if I wasn't aware of it before the film, I never would
have guessed that it was actually him singing the
songs in the flick...sounded like the originals to me,
but then again I'm not claimingto be a Bobby Darin
expert.
On the negative side - the film really just isn't that interesting, is
much too long and disjointed, and the
musical scenes made me want to leave the room (as opposed to just
the live performancesby Spacey
as Darin, which were fine).
Well, if nothing else, at least you
get to see Bob Hoskins in it. I always love a good
Bob Hoskins sighting.
Big
Doll House (1971)
-
6 out of 10 -
One
of the classics of women-in-prison exploitation films...not a good
movie, but “titillating” to be sure.
A goofy storyline about a
banana republic that apparently arrests hot women for no real reason,
and
then the girls spend most of their time behind bars fighting with
one another and taking off their clothes.
There is really only one
reason to be watching this movie, but given the talent here it's a
pretty good
reason.
The Big Easy (1987)
- 6.5 out of 10 -
Ooh, ain't that sultry! It's like you can feel the sweat coming
off this film...what it lacks in story, it
makes up for in ambiance. This movie presents the seedy
underbelly of New Orleans in such a
romantic way that it makes being a small-time hood look like a nice
career choice. Even as a
straight dude watching this film, Dennis Quaid
is so obviously a heart throb that I would be a little
wary of letting my girlfriend watch this in fear she would move to L.A.
and try to hunt him down.
That is to say, he's no Randy Quaid but this is when he was at his
closest. The story is just so-so,
a modern noir-ish jaunt with a lot of typical twists and turns but
entertaining enough all around.
The Big Lebowski
(1998)
- 10 out of 10 -
There’s
no real reason to review this, as you’ve probably seen it hundreds of
times like me (and if
you’ve never seen it
I don’t want to be your friend anymore). It is without a doubt
one of the greatest
comedies ever filmed – probably the third funniest after Dr.
Strangelove and Blazing Saddles.
The
Dude pretty much embodies everything I
want to be when I become an adult (should be any day now)…
except for
the hair - but it works for him though. John
Goodman is quite possibly one of the funniest men
ever. This
film still remains the only worthwhile reason not to exterminate Tara
Reid. The entire cast
should be celebrated in song and dance
around the globe…if I were to ever get a tattoo, it would be of
a chicken. I've
always wanted a tattoo of a chicken. But after that, I think the
cover of this video would
look nice in the small of my back,
to be displayed whenever I wear my half-shirts (quite often
indeed). I’ll
end this with quotes from two
of my favorite parts of the movie:
The Dude: What's in the fuckin' carrier?
Walter Sobchak: Huh? Oh, that's Cynthia's dog. I think it's a
Pomeranian. I can't leave him home alone
or he eats the furniture. I'm watching him while Cynthia and Marty
Ackerman
are in Hawaii.
The Dude: You brought the fuckin' Pomeranian bowling?
Walter Sobchak: What do you mean brought it bowling, Dude? I didn't
rent it shoes. I'm not buying it a
fucking beer. He's not taking your fucking turn, Dude.
The Dude: Man, if my fuckin' ex-wife asked me to take care of her
fuckin' dog while she and her boy-
friend went to Honolulu I'd tell her to go fuck herself.
Maude Lebowski: Does the female form make you uncomfortable, Mr.
Lebowski?
The Dude: Uh, is that what this is a picture of?
Maude Lebowski: In a sense, yes. My art has been commended as being
strongly vaginal which bothers
some men. The word itself makes some men uncomfortable. Vagina.
The Dude: Oh yeah?
Maude Lebowski: Yes, they don't like hearing it and find it difficult
to say whereas without batting an eye
a man will refer to his dick or his rod or his Johnson.
The Dude: Johnson?
Big Momma's House 2
(2006)
- 5 out of 10 -
This should almost certainly get a lower grade, but I was feeling
pretty mindless when I watched
this nonsense so it didn't sting as badly as it could have. Plus,
I've always thought Martin
Lawrence was a funny man, even with subpar material...he
seems to have a gift of turning turds
into...well, if not diamonds, at least less-stinky turds.
Honestly, he is the only thing even remotely
compelling here, and that's probably even a stretch, but
what can I say? Sometimes a bad
movie looks good for whatever reason (my theory is the amount of
fatigue you are feeling is
directly proportional to the amount of crap you will put
up with in a movie).
Bill & Ted’s
Excellent Adventure
(1989)
- 8 out of 10 -
I was totally obsessed with this movie as a kid (along with
Ferris Beuller’s Day Off), and would watch it con-
stantly – therefore, my opinion of this film is most likely
higher than it should probably be for nostalgic reasons.
But I did recently re-watch it after not having seen it in a few years,
and found that I enjoyed it nearly as much
as I did as a kid. If nothing else, it’s the most perfect role
ever for Keanu Reeves to play the doltish lout he
appears to be in real life – it’s the only time he is enjoyable in a
film outside of My Own Private Idaho. I have
a feeling that the sequel, Bill & Ted’s Bogus Journey doesn’t hold
up as well, but this flick will be a classic of
my generation as far as I’m concerned.
The Black Dahlia (2006)
- 6 out of 10 -
Holy convoluted plot, batman. I'd heard this film failed to live
up to expectations, so I set my expectations
lower and I still came out confused. Apparently the James Elloy
novel it was based on is a fantastic yarn
about one of most infamous murders of the 20th century, but they
managed to mangle it into one of the
muddiest screenplays I think I've ever witnessed. Truly, they
turned what should have been a home run into
a foul ball. To their credit I will say the film looked great, so
at least my eyes my eyes got a treat while my
brain did cartwheels trying to figure out what the hell was going on.
Black Like Me (1964)
- 6 out of 10 -
A well meaning film, and based on the actual accounts of John Griffin -
a white man who took skin darkening
treatments and traveled throughout the south to document the way
african-americans are treated. This was
the 50's/early 60's, so obviously the results were not pretty either in
real life or the movie. They
did a decent
job setting the tone in the film, the level of hatred and all that, but
James Whitmore was so obviously
not black
it did make it tough to swallow him as being anything other than white
wearing face paint. It's also worth
pointing out that by this point in most of our lives this information
is well known, but I would have to
imagine
that when this came out in 1964, in the middle of the push for
equality, that it turned a few heads.
Black
Snake Moan (2006)
-
7.5 out of 10 -
Craig
Brewer is now 2-for-2 in creating evocative and compelling tales
about the new south (see also his film
“Hustle & Flow”). He
paints a hell of a picture, a fractured fairy tale based in morality
but set in the dirtiest parts
of southern living. Honestly, the
story is pretty inconsequential here as far as I'm concerned – what
matters
more is the look and the feel and the production team gets an
A+ in
that department. The atmosphere here
just feels thick, like a muggy
summer night where no amount of cold drinks will subside the
oppressive heat.
And on top that, you get to spend most of the film
looking at a nearly anorexic Christina Ricci in her panties
begging
for sex, so even if you think the film sucks you've got that going
for you.
Black Sun: The
Nanking Massacre (1995)
- 6.5 out of 10 -
Amazing, shocking and sad story, words cannot suffice really; but the
telling of it in this film
was pretty subpar.
The "rape of Nanking" will go down as one of the greatest attrocities
that man has ever commited on man,
and this film attempts to depict these horrors on what was obviously a
budget too small to accomodate it.
On the plus side, the way the film used actual footage and photographs
in combination with the reenactments
was pretty original and lent an air of authenticity to the proceedings.
And having a scene where a Japanese
soldier skewers a pregnant lady and pulls her unborn child out stuck to
the blade was something as well, or
when the soldier put a child in a boiling vat; from what
I understand, these sorts of things happened often
and many things worse.
Blade 2 (2002)
- 6 out of 10 -
Like the first Blade film, this was highly entertaining and a much
better movie than I ever expected it to be.
Then again I wasn't expecting much, even with the knowledge that the
first was adecent flick. Wesley Snipes
reprises his role as a vampire hunter, who is half-vampire himself but
immune to many of the things that kill
them, and he is again joined by Kris Kristofferson, who reprises his
role of Mr. Grizzled or whatever his name
is. They fight bad guys and the battle scenes are pretty great,
the jokes are corny, and everyone is dressed
like they just got back from a Bauhaus concert.
Which leads me to wonder - are ther any yuppie vampires, or any that
don't look goth? Seems odd that all
bloodsuckers would have the same fashion sense.
Blades
of Glory (2007)
-
8.5 out of 10 -
I'd imagine by
this point most folks
know whether or not they like Will Ferrell's brand of goofy humor. Me,
I'm a big fan but I can see how it might come off as a little
irritating to some...he does tend to play the same
dumb character in
every film (I just happen to think it's a really entertaining
character). So, it's not surprising
that I really liked a film that
spoofed the goofy spectacle that is ice skating. The supporting cast
is brilliant –
Jon Heder, Craig T. Nelson, Jenna Fischer, Nick
Swardson, Will Arnett...all do a good job of setting up
Ferrell and
his gags. Just as you would expect, this is a dreadfully silly movie
that made me laugh tons, and
that's really all I could ask for.
Blazing Saddles
(1974)
- 10 out of 10 -
How do you even go about reviewing a film as important and
ground-breaking as Blazing Saddles?
Every stitch of the film is genius, from Mongo punching a horse, to Mel
Brooks as the
governor,
going back for a whole shitload of dimes…I could go on for ages.
The influence this film had on slapstick comedy is thankfully still
being felt today, only no one else has
ever gotten it this right. In our modern PC world, there has been
a bit of a backlash on this film being
racist, but it couldn’t be any further from the truth. It is in
fact a parody of racism, the “wild west”, the
big-studio Hollywood movie making machine, and about anything else
worthy of making fun of. In-
cluding Slim Pickens
in any cast is a brilliant move; having Richard Pryor co-write
the script is a move
straight
from the gods. I have a hard time believing there will ever be a
funnier movie made than this
one – the only movie that is arguably funnier is Dr. Strangelove, and
Stanley Kubrick ain’t
around to
make another film.
Blood
Diamond (2006)
- 8.5 out of 10
-
I suppose if you
get really picky this
film oversimplifies the complex struggles that have been facing
Africa
since most countries gained their independence, but given how
much the continent's troubles have been
ignored by the west, any
light shown on it is a positive light. And besides, the story
presented here is incredibly
engrossing even if it were based on
fiction. Given the award nominations, i probably don't need to
mention how
great the acting is, but given my skepticism on Leo
Dicaprio going into the film I left well impressed with his
believability as an Afrikaner mercenary; and since Djimon Hounsou has
never had a bad performance in his life,
it goes without saying that
he is pretty much perfect as a peasant father desperately trying to
save his son. This
was easily one of my top 5 favorite movies to
come out last year and comes super duper highly recommended.
Bobby (2006)
- 7 out of 10 -
The cast for
this movie is just plain
ridiculous, and the first thing that comes to mind anytime I think of
this film.
Laurence Fishburne, Freddy Rodriguez, Martin Sheen,
Sharon Stone, Emilio Estevez, Christian Slater, Shia
LeBouf, Harry
Belafonte, Joshua Jackson, William H. Macy, Lindsey Lohan, Nick
Cannon, Helen Hunt,
Anthony Hopkins, Ashton Kucher, Demi Moore,
Elijah Wood...seriously, it is fucking insane. It makes you
wonder
if the director (Emilio Estevez, who is also the writer) has some
serious dirt on most of Hollywood.
Not that it was
a bad movie, far from
it – I quite enjoyed the story and the way the historical footage
of Bobby
Kennedy was weaved into the modern tale. It is a good film,
but it could have been a truly great mini-series;
given the giant
cast, there was just no way to truly give each character the justice
they deserved, so at times
things tended to be a bit rushed. Fairly
impressive work out of Estevez though, I never would have expected
it
out of him.
Bob le Flambeur (1955)
- 9 out of 10 -
I had meant to watch this for ages and ages,
but what finally pushed me over the edge was seeing
and loving the Nick Nolte remake "The Good Thief". I know, it's
sad when a remake gets you to
watch an original, and one that is a classic on
top of that, but what can you do? The only problem
with seeing things in this fashion is that you want to compare the
original to the remake and not the
other way around as is normally done. I'm
not sure where I'm going with this other than to say, it's
kind of a weird scenario.
Nonetheless, what a fantastic film about the post-war exploits of a
petty criminal and his gang of
ne'er-do-wells skirting the line between keeping their nose clean and
getting involved in a big casino
heist. But this is all buried within the main story line of
gambling, and the idea of getting lucky as the
only thing that matters in life. Jean-Pierre Melville is the man
behind this classic, and he's gotten his
lofty reputation for good reason. As far as I'm concerned, this
is the best thing he ever created, even
topping Le Samourai in my book.
Bodysong (2003)
- 5 out of 10 -
I liked what they were trying to do here - sort of a “Koyaanisqatsi” of
the human experience, from
birth to death - but it didn’t really work. Or maybe it worked,
but it was just boring. It started
off
great, with the creation of life from fertilizing the egg and the
embryo growing and yadda yadda…
loved all the internal photography stuff. But it was all downhill
after there; although the method
of collecting video bits and pieces over the ages and compiling them
sounds like a good idea
on paper, I just wasn’t particularly engaged by it.
Also of note - Johnny Greenwood of Radiohead provides an excellent
soundtrack to this film,
much better than the movie actually - I’d highly recommend checking it
out…I was actually quite
familiar with the soundtrack album before I ever saw the film.
Bomb the System
(2002)
- 6 out of 10 -
A cheesy but entertaining enough film about
the graffiti subculture, but this is not the modern coming
of “Wild Style” that I was hoping for. That classic flick still
felt more real, more in tune with the actual
kids running in the scene than this outing did. Maybe this was
because “Wild Style” used actual
members of the scene in the film? Maybe because flicks from that
era just look a lot more rad and
are not drenched in sub-par MTV-style editing? I dunno, I just
didn’t like it as much. But I guess a
middling graffiti movie is better than no graffiti movie at all, right?
Boogie Nights
(1997)
- 9 out of 10 -
Boogie Nights pulled off a number of amazing achievements…it brought Burt Reynolds back from
the
grave, career-wise; it gave what will probably be the best telling of
both good and bad sides of the
pornographic industry; it offered Julianne
Moore’s fantastic breakthrough role (for which
she was
robbed the Oscar); but most importantly, it gave us one of the best
films ever about family. A dysfunc-
tional, non-related family, but a family nonetheless. I don’t
know how many times I’ve seen this film,
but it still ke