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Reviews (just scroll down to read)
Abandon (3/10)
Absolute
Power (4.5/10)
Accepted
(5/10)
The Acid House (5/10)
Across
the Universe (2/10)
Adam & Paul (7.5/10)
Aeon Flux (5/10)
Afropunk
(6.5/10)
Aguirre: The Wrath of God
(6/10)
Airplane II: The Sequel
(8/10)
Akeelah
and the Bee (7.5/10)
The Alamo (6.5/10)
Alexei and the Spring (6/10)
Alien vs. Predator (6/10)
Alien
vs Predator - Requiem (4/10)
Aliens
(8/10)
Alien
3 (6/10)
All
The King's Men (5/10)
Alone in Four Walls
(7/10)
Along
Came a
Spider (5/10)
Along Came Polly (3/10)
The
Alphabet
Killer (5/10)
Amelie (8.5/10)
An
American Astronaut (5/10)
American
Gangster (7.5/10)
American History X (8/10)
American
Psycho (7.5/10)
American Splendor (8/10)
American
Teen
(6/10)
The Amityville Horror (7/10)
Amy & Isobelle (5/10)
Anchorman (7/10)
The Andromeda Strain (7/10)
Angel Heart (7/10)
Anger Management (3/10)
Animal House (10/10)
Animal 2 (5/10)
Animals Are Beautiful People
(8/10)
Annapolis (4/10)
Another Woman (4/10)
Anvil:
The Story
of Anvil (7.5/10)
Anything Else (7.5/10)
Apocalypto
(6.5/10)
Appaloosa
(7/10)
Aqua
Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie Film for Theatres (9/10)
Armageddon (3/10)
Army
of Shadows (7.5/10)
Art School Confidential
(6.5/10)
Ash Wednesday (5.5/10)
Ashes of American
Flags: Wilco Live
(7.5/10)
The
Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford (6.5/10)
Assault on Precinct 13
(6/10)
Away We
Go (6/10)
Aztec Rex
(2/10)
The
Babe (7/10)
Babel
(8/10)
Baby
Doll (6.5/10)
Baby Mama
(7/10)
Bachelor
Party (5.5/10)
Back in the Day (2/10)
Back to the Future 2 (8/10)
Bad
Boys (7.5/10)
Bad Education (7/10)
The Bad News Bears (9/10)
The Bad News Bears Go
To Japan (4/10)
Bad Santa (9/10)
The Ballad of Jack and Rose (6/10)
Balls
of Fury (6/10)
The
Bank Job (7/10)
The
Basketball
Diaries (7.5/10)
Batman (9/10)
Batman Begins (8.5/10)
The Battle for Algiers (8/10)
Battle Royale (8.5/10)
The
Baxter (7/10)
Bazaar Bizarre (3/10)
The
Beach Girls (4/10)
Beautiful Girls (10/10)
Beerfest (7.5/10)
Before Sunset (5.5/10)
Before
the Devil Knows You're Dead (6.5/10)
Be Here To Love Me: A Film
About Townes Van Zandt (7/10)
Being There (7/10)
Be
Kind Rewind (8.5/10)
Below (7/10)
The
Benchwarmers (6/10)
Berlin
Tunnel 21
(7/10)
Bewitched (4/10)
Beyond the Sea (5/10)
The Big
Bird
Cage (6.5/10)
Big
Doll House (6/10)
The Big Easy (6.5/10)
Big Fan
(6/10)
The Big
House
(6.5/10)
The Big Lebowski (10/10)
Big Momma's House 2
(5/10)
Bigger
Stronger Faster (8/10)
Bill & Ted’s Excellent
Adventure (8/10)
The Black Dahlia (6/10)
Black
Gunn (5/10)
Black Like Me (6/10)
Black
Snake Moan (7.5/10)
Black Sun: The Nanking
Massacre (6.5/10)
Blade 2 (6/10)
Blades
of Glory (8.5/10)
Blazing Saddles (10/10)
Blood
Diamond (8.5/10)
Bloody
Reunion
(6.5/10)
Blues
Brothers
(10/10)
Bobby (7/10)
Bob le Flambeur (9/10)
Body of
Lies
(7/10)
Bodysong
(5/10)
Bomb the System (6/10)
Boogie Nights (9/10)
Boogeyman (2/10)
The Border (7/10)
Born into Brothels (8.5/10)
The
Bounty (6/10)
The Bourne Supremacy (7/10)
The
Bourne Ultimatum (7/10)
Boxcar
Bertha (6/10)
The Boy Who Plays on the
Buddhas at Bamiyan (6.5/10)
The Boys
of
Baraka (6/10)
The Boys
in
Company C (7/10)
Boyz n the Hood (9/10)
The
Brave One (6.5/10)
Breach
(7/10)
The Break-Up (3/10)
Breakfast
on Pluto (3/10)
Breaking
Away (7.5/10)
Breakout (6.5/10)
Brick
(8/10)
Bride Wars (0/10)
Bridget Jones: The Edge of
Reason (1/10)
Bring Me The Head of
Alfredo Garcia (8/10)
Brokeback Mountain (6/10)
Broken
Arrow
(5/10)
Broken Flowers (8.5/10)
Broken
Trail (7/10)
The Brood (4/10)
The
Brother from Another Planet (7/10)
Brotherhood
of Death (6/10)
The
Brothers
Bloom (6/10)
The Brothers Grimm (7/10)
Brothers
Solomon (6/10)
Bruce Almighty (5.5/10)
Bruce and Me (7/10)
Brüno
(5/10)
Bubble (6.5/10)
Bukowski: Born Into This
(6/10)
Bull Durham (8.5/10)
Bulletproof Monk (6/10)
Bullitt (7/10)
Burden of Dreams (7.5/10)
Burn
After Reading (7.5/10)
The
Burning (7/10)
Bury
My Heart At Wounded Knee (6/10)
Cache
(5/10)
Cadillac
Records
(7/10)
California Split (8/10)
Candy (1968) (5/10)
Candy
(2006) (6.5/10)
Cannibal
Holocaust (4/10)
Capote (9/10)
Carandiru (7/10)
Carla’s Song (6/10)
Cars
(7/10)
Catch
A Fire (8/10)
Catching Out (5/10)
Cellular (2/10)
Chained
Heat (5/10)
Chapter
27 (6/10)
Charlie & the Chocolate
Factory (7/10)
Charlie Wilson's
War (7/10)
Chasing Liberty (5/10)
Chattahoochee
(7/10)
The Cheerleaders (4/10)
Chernobyl Heart (9/10)
The
Chiefs (5/10)
Children
of Men (8.5/10)
Children
of the Corn II: The Final Sacrifice (3.5/10)
Children
of Times Square (5/10)
Choke
(6/10)
Chop Shop
(7/10)
Chopper (8/10)
A Christmas Story (10/10)
Christmas Vacation (10/10)
The Chronicles of Riddick
(7/10)
Chrystal (7.5/10)
Chu Chu
and the
Philly Flash (5/10)
The Chumscrubber (6.5/10)
Ciao! Manhattan (4/10)
The Cincinnati Kid (8/10)
Cinderella Man (8/10)
Citizen
X (7/10)
City of
Men (7.5/10)
The Clash: Westway to the
World (9/10)
Class
of 1984 (7.5/10)
The Clearing (6/10)
Click (5/10)
Closure
(6/10)
Cloudy
with a
Chance of Meatballs (6/10)
Coach
Carter
(7.5/10)
Cobra
Verde (6/10)
Cocaine
Cowboys (6.5/10)
Code 46 (5/10)
Code of Silence (6/10)
Coffy
(7.5/10)
Cold Creek Manor (6/10)
Collateral (8/10)
Come and See (7.5/10)
Come Feel Me Tremble (7.5/10)
The Comedians of Comedy (8/10)
Commune
(5/10)
Con Air (5/10)
The Constant Gardner (8.5/10)
Control Room (8/10)
Convoy (7/10)
A
Cool, Dry Place (6/10)
Cooley High (7/10)
The Core (5/10)
The Corporation (7/10)
The
Counterfeiters (7/10)
The
Covenant (2.5/10)
Crank:
High
Voltage (7/10)
Crash (9/10)
Crawlspace (5.5/10)
Crazy
Heart
(7.5/10)
Criminal (7/10)
Crips and
Bloods: Made in America (8/10)
Crossing
the
Line (6.5/10)
Cry_Wolf
(4/10)
Cujo (5.5/10)
Curse of
the
Komodo (3/10)
Cursed
(3/10)
Cutting
Class
(3/10)
Cyborg
Cop (2/10)
Abandon (2002)
- 3 out of 10 -
My god, this movie was a steaming pile of crap. I'm not even
going
to bother describing it, but if you saw
The
Sixth Sense and Fatal
Attraction and ever wondered what you might get if you combined both in
a
very poor fashion, then look no further
than this picture. This movie was a whole heaping help of
point-
less; an extremely poor effort
by first-time director Stephen Gaghan - I
guess if you look on the bright
side, he
can only go uphill from here. I will give the casting director
credit
though, for getting three very
attractive actresses in the same film - Katie Holmes,
Zooey Deschanel, and Gabrielle Union.
But even
they don't make this film particularly watchable. I can only
recommend this
flick if you're recovering from
a lobotomy.
Absolute
Power (1997)
-
4.5 out of 10 -
I've
seen just about every one of Clint Eastwood's movies, and nearly all
of them run the gamut from “good”
to “spectacular”; this is
one of those rare cases where the product is sub-par. It's just that
everything about
the storyline is so insane and unbelievable right
from the beginning that it throws you off for the rest of the film.
The sheer lack of security in every
situation, be it guarding the
presi-dent or trying to take down Eastwood,
is laughable at best. Normally
I'm the sort that will suspend disbelief as long as the film
is well executed, but
with political thriller pictures of this nature
details are everything, and when they are all wrong so is the movie.
Accepted
(2006)
-
5 out of 10 -
I
expected this to be very, very bad, but it turned out to
be...tolerable. Lowered expectations surely have a lot to
do with
this, and a few strong moments from the now-famous and much fatter
Jonah Hill helped things along as
well. Hot trashy women and a few
funny scenes here and there, but the story is beyond ludicrous, and
was
possibly written by a grip of stoned apes who watched “Revenge
of the Nerds” and “Animal House” a few too
many times and
thought they could...hell, I don't know, do it better?
The Acid House (1998)
- 5 out of 10 -
Theatrically speaking, this collection of shorts based on a book by the
same title by Irvine Welsh would have
to be considered a great disappointment, given that it was
following his amazing Trainspotting only a couple
of years earlier. It's hard not to
compare the two and have high expections going in to this, which is
probably
unfair but no less true.
The first tale is about a man whose life is only going downhill, and
things are made worse when he meets and
pisses off god, who then turns him into a bug. This one
was pretty bland all around with the exception of the
role of god played by Maurice Roeves, one of
those British character guys whose name you never remember,
but face you never forget.
The middle story is the gem of the bunch, and quite good really - it's
basically about relationships, the power
of love despite mitigating circumstances...or that is to say,
it's a about a lowly dude who marries a knocked
up girl to try and make her honest, and then she cheats and
shits all over him. He then moves on, she comes
crawling back, and despite all common sense, he
goes back to her. Great acting and characters all around,
and sure the story ain't that special
but it's carried out in a believable and engaging way.
The third short is just pure shit...a raver kid
on acid gets struck by lightening and his soul goes into a newborn
baby. Regardless of anything else
involved, the fake baby used is so attrociously bad that I couldn't
concentrate
on anything else.
Worth checking out, but you're not missing anything if you only watch
the center film of the trio.
Across
the Universe (2007)
- 2 out of 10 -
Does anyone
really think we need a
musical based on Beatles songs, only not even the real songs but
vastly
inferior covers? I got no beef with cover songs, but poor
cover songs set to bad acting ain't winning any prizes
in my book. The film looked nice though I guess –
visual wallpaper, if you
will.
Adam & Paul (2004)
- 7.5 out of 10 -
This film is quite simple - a day in the life of a pair of Irish
heroin adicts roaming around Dublin looking for
their next fix. It somehow manages to come across as sweet
and endearing and depressing all at the same
time. Hijinks ensue as they try to get money, or food, or drugs,
or steal things to help with the money and
food and drugs. You really feel sorry for these guys (especially
Paul), and hope that at some point things
will turn around for them, but you know in your heart things are
permanently fucked for these guys and the
film holds true what you would expect to happen in real life with guys
like this.
Aeon Flux (2005)
- 5 out of 10 -
I would imagine a lot of folks my age grew up with MTV's Liquid
Television and was fascinated with
the cartoon of Aeon Flux on it. When I saw they were making a
movie based off of this I wasn't
entirely sure how they would pull it off...and quite honestly, they
really didn't. It's a tolerably fun scifi
flick to watch, but it seemed to miss out on what it is
exactly that makes the cartoon so engrossing.
An I'm not even sure what that is - the creepiness and lack of
explanation maybe? the mystery and
the animation were what drew my eyes to the cartoon in the first place,
two things dreadfully missing
in a live-action feature marketed for the masses. There were some
neat special effects though, and
the outfits and haircut are a pretty fetching look for Charlize Theron,
so it's not a total loss.
Afropunk (2003)
- 6.5 out of 10 -
A documentary about the black experience in the punk rock movement -
made by a black man, featuring inter-
views with black punk fans and musicians...really, it's as simple as
that. Fairly interesting stuff even to this
pasty white dude, though maybe a bit repetative in a few scenes.
A fair number of prominent names lend a
few words to the discussion...members of TV on the Radio, Fishbone, Bad
Brains and 90 Day Men just to
name a few. Probably worth checking out if you are or ever have
been a punk rock fan. Also, they used a
McRad song at the end of the flick, which was...rad.
Aguirre: The Wrath of God
(1972)
- 6 out of 10 -
I’m pretty sure I didn’t “get” this movie, at least not in the way that
the folks who go on
and on about it did. But
visually, it had some pretty stunning scenery,
especially the first 15 minutes
or so. It should also be noted, even
if it is already well known, that Klaus Kinski is a
freaky dude – and as insane as his character in this film is, it
doesn’t seem like much of a stretch
for him to play. He gives off that feel that his behavior
off-screen is equally
as maniacal (and
documentaries have been made on
the fact).
Airplane II: The Sequel
(1982)
- 8 out of 10 -
Not as funny as the first, but that’s not a knock because few films are
as funny as the first Airplane! flick. No
Kareem Abdul Jabar puts this one at an instant disadvantage, cause he
was the best part of the first one;
but they nearly make up for it with the inclusion of air traffic
controller Jacobs, who might nearly be the funniest
part of either film (except for the aforementioned Jabar role).
Eh, what else to say? You want a good laugh,
look no further than either entry in this series.
Akeelah
and the Bee (2006)
-
7.5 out of 10 -
My
overwhelming thought on this flick was “cute movie.” It's a
feel-good story, well written and acted,
and it proceeds in the
typical fashion. It's the sort of movie that you thoroughly enjoy
even if it isn't any
great work of art. Keke Palmer, who plays the
lead Akeelah, does a fantastic job and shows a lot of
promise
acting-wise – hopefully she sticks with it because it comes quite
natural to her. Plus any move
that gets Charles De Mar (Curtis
Armstrong) and Crab Man (Eddie Steeples) in the same movie can't
be
bad.
The Alamo (2004)
- 6.5 out of 10 -
Apparently, this is the most accurate retelling of this story that has
yet put to film. Well, that's what I was told
and I believe everything I'm told. I'm going to
be honest though - I totally knew how this one was going to end
from the start, so there was no surprise
involved here. Now,
there are a lot of stupid people out
there that prob-
ably actually thought we won the battle of
the Alamo, so maybe it shocked them, but
not me so much...so it can
be tough to get terribly excited
about story. But Billy
Bob Thornton was great
as Daniel Boone, and the highlight
of the film (as usual). The fight scenes were decent as well, and
it was
generally enjoyable viewing despite
the
obvious defective issues with having
an already-known plot.
Alexei and the Spring
(2002)
- 6 out of 10 -
First off, let me say that although it was a bit long, I definitely
enjoyed this film - but it wasn’t what I
expected. The basics of this documentary is it is about the life
of a small village
located not far
from Chernobyl. Many of the residents left but some stayed,
mostly older folks. These people live
pretty much as folks in small farming villages have lived for centuries
– subsistence farming, little
modern help, and community involvement. I think I was hoping for
more details on the effects
Chernobyl has had on things, but really all that happened was the
population lessened,
and pre-
sumably the town will die as its residents do, as there didn’t seem to
be any young people left to
procreate and keep on the traditions. The interesting thing is
that the spring that keeps the town
alive, has absolutely no radiation levels at all, and the food grown in
the field seems relatively
radiation free as well. I suppose the irony is that even though
it seems they have escaped the
harmful effects of the disaster, the very existence of it drove away
the townsfolk and
will be their
ultimate downfall. Pretty sad really, but uplifting at the same
time, seeing these regular folk carry
on their lives as if nothing has happened.
Alien vs. Predator
(2004)
- 6 out of 10 -
First, let me say this wasn’t nearly as bad as I was expecting, and I
was expecting pretty bad. The
story and acting were pretty goofy, sure, but it looked good and the
fight scenes kept things pretty
fast-paced and interesting. I had my money on the predator before
I even watched a minute of the
movie - after all, Sigourney Weaver kicked multiple alien asses on 4
different occasions, but it took
he-beast Arnold Schwarzenegger a whole film to kill a
predator (we’re going to ignore that Danny
Glover/Predator 2 debacle like it never happened).
Also, the film deserves praise for the Antarctic setting, if for no
other reason than it reminds me of
John Carpenter’s remake of The Thing, a very favorite
horror film of mine. Although the lack of
Wilford Brimley can seriously hamper any films score,
and trying to have Spud from Trainspotting
in his place will get you nowhere.
Alien
vs Predator - Requiem (2007)
-
4 out of 10 -
It's
Aliens and a Predator fighting! Again! I love how in this series
they decided the Predator was the
"good guy", though it
doesn't really make since. I guess they are slightly more likable
than the aliens,
since they don't nest inside of your body. To use
an overused cliche quote, this film "is what it is"...you
want aliens and predators fighting with each other, and a lot of
human collatoral damage, well, you got
it. But a big thumbs down to
the blu-ray disc being so damn dark you could barely see what was
going
on...I cranked up the brightness on my TV and it was still
tough to understand what was going on, or at
least it would have been
if it wasn't such an obvious flick.
Aliens
(1986)
-
8 out of 10 -
One
of the few examples in cinema where the sequel is as good if not
better than the original, and
one of the greatest science fiction
films of all time...as long as you ignore the whiny child that is
constantly throwing a wet blanket on what is otherwise an awesome
ass-kicking flick. Oh, and Paul
Reiser, who is possibly whinier than
that child. But the aliens creep and crawl and Sigourney
Weaver is
hard as nails and even after having seen these tons of times, it
still entertains.
Alien
3 (1992)
-
6 out of 10 -
Like
any good sci-fi series, they just keep making sequels, and the
quality drops off accordingly.
Sigourney Weaver reprises her role as
Ridley, yet again fighting the slimy aliens that have haunted
her for
ages...only this time, it's in a prison colony and she is the only
woman. What sounds like the
beginning of a porno is in reality not a
bad third entry in this vaunted series, but certainly an un-
necessary
one. An interesting side note – this was David Fincher's
feature-film directorial debut...
not a bad start, but certainly not
to the level of his next film, “Seven”.
All
The King's Men (2006)
- 5 out of 10 -
A well-acted,
well-written period piece
about politics...that bored me to tears. This flick is thick with
high-quality
actors, doing what they are paid handsomely to do, but I
just couldn't gather up the interest
to give a shit.
Alone in Four Walls
(2007)
- 7 out of
10 -
A documentary
about juvenile delinquents in Russia living together in a "boot
camp"-style reform school.
It sounds boring but it turned out to be quite fascinating, hearing of
the
children's crimes and how they are
reacting to growing up away from their family under the strict guidance
of the state. It's fairly obvious and
sad that despite their best intentions most of these kids are either
going to end up dead at an early age or
career criminals, but it did make for good cinema.
Along Came a Spider
(2001)
- 5 out of
10 -
A pretty
by-the-books cop thriller about a crazy killer. Really, the only
thing of note here is that it stars
Morgan Freeman in a role he has played in at least a half-dozen films,
but to his credit it is a role he
does well.
Along Came Polly
(2004)
- 3 out of 10 -
Really, everything about this is terrible and it only gets a 3 because
Phillip Seymour Hoffman is in it even
if he isn’t well utilized. If you want to see a
comedy about Irritable Bowel Syndrome that’s actually funny,
watch the Coen brothers’ remake of The
Ladykillers.
The Alphabet Killer
(2008)
- 5 out of
10 -
Eliza Dushku as
a super smart cop on the trail of a serial killer...why not make her a
nuclear physicist and a
brain surgeon too? It wouldn't be any
less believable. But as I told the old lady, I'll watch any movie
about a
serial killer, so I stuck with this until the end. And in
a plot twist that has never been used in a film like this
before...the
killer is right under their nose! OMG freak out!
Amelie (2001)
- 8.5 out of 10 -
Audrey Tautou as the
film’s focal point and title character, Amelie, is simply too adorable
for words; even
if this film was a steaming pile of shit I would have been
mesmerized. Luckily, she is actually wrapped up
in a very quirky, heartwarming fairy tale-like plot.
The gist of it being – you have to make life
happen, it’s
not going to happen for you.
After years of isolating and insulating herself from her fellow man,
Amelie decides, through the discovery
of a
tin of children’s toys, that the only way to achieve happiness is by
seeking it out. So she returns the
toys
to the rightful owner, cheers up her dad, sets up couples, befriends a
shut-in, and finds love in the
process. Happily ever after indeed.
But
aside from Tautou’s performance, the real key behind the success of
this movie is the direction (with
an approving nod towards the set design as well). Jean-Pierre
Jeunet has
a way of making any film un-
believably tantalizing to watch – see Delicatessen or
City of Lost Children
for further evidence. And while
this
film isn’t nearly as surreal as those two, it still has it’s moments
that make it an undeniably Jeunet flick.
As long as he keeps making movies French cinema will be in good shape
for years to come.
An
American Astronaut (2001)
-
5 out of 10 -
I
felt like I was on drugs watching this. Which I'm pretty sure was
the point. It wasn't really my bag, but given
the budget (I'm
guessing somewhere between 10 and 20 dollars) it was pretty well
done...so kudos for that
I suppose. For a musical, the songs were
fairly enjoyable, and it was obvious they were going for a Rocky
Horror Picture Show vibe...really, the more I think about it,
the
flick wasn't that bad, it just wasn't for me.
American
Gangster (2007)
-
7.5 out of 10 -
A
lot of hype surrounding this film as it came out, that it would be
the next “Scarface” or some such shit.
Really, that does this
film a disservice – “American Gangster” is a much better film
than “Scarface”, and
outside of the drug connection not much like
it at all. This is a dense, thorough story that really sucks you in,
and in typical Hollywood fashion almost has you feeling sorry for the
bad guy even though you know he is in
the wrong. I would imagine it
goes without saying at this point that Denzel Washington is great
here, as he
is generally great in everything he appears (though the
films themselves are not always top notch). Josh
Brolin also
continues his improbably run of quality roles, and even Russell Crowe
does a decent job.
American History X
(1998)
- 8 out of 10 -
When you
finish watching this powerful film on the need for tolerance in
our society, I’ve found
through discussions that the
one thing folks remember most is the infamous “curbing”
scene that
sends Edward Norton’s
character to prison...now I’ve seen a lot of violent shit in my day,
but this
still might be the most
stomach churning scene ever put on film (it must be
noted that there are any
number of
scenes in “Black Sun” about the massacre of Nanking that would easily
be worse, if they
didn’t look so damn
fake).
Great acting all around by
Norton, Edward Furlong, and the underrated Avery Brooks; additionally,
any film with Stacy Keach in
it is automatically at a minimum a 5 regardless of how good the film
might actually be – few men
can pull off “badass” like that guy. Tony Kaye’s decision to
shoot much
of the film in black and
white (the flashback scenes, of which there are plenty) was a nice
touch, as it
looked fantastic and gave
the whole procession a bit more of a “serious” feel.
As a side note, I was kinda
surprised when I looked on IMDB and saw that this flick was #48 on
their
“top 250 films of all time”
list, as voted by the visitors of the website – it’s a pretty great
film and all,
but #48? Sometimes
internet nerds can be bewildering in their choices. Still, it’s a
fine film that I’ve
watched a
few times now and it really never loses any of its power – definitely
recommended.
American
Psycho (2000)
-
7.5 out of 10 -
I
like the acting in this film – Christian Bale does an amazing job
as the lead Patrick Bateman, a per-
formance I'm not sure I ever knew
he had in him. I like that you never know if the killings were real,
or a
figment of his demented mind (I haven't read the book, and maybe
it is clearer there). But more than
anything, I like the multiple
extended monologues on popular music of the eighties – Huey Lewis,
Phil
Collins and the like have never sounded as appealing to me as
when Bale is waxing poetic about their
merits.
American Splendor
(2003)
- 8 out of 10 -
Firstly, the comics that this film
is based off of are really fantastic – if you liked the
film at all you’re
doing yourself a disservice by not
checking them out.
That said, this movie was especially awesome for two reasons – putting
to live action a book which I
had enjoyed immensely, and doing it well; and the use of mixed media
along with crossing the “border”
between movie and documentary to tell the story was a stroke of
brilliance. Paul
Giamatti was terrific
as Harvey Pekar, exactly as you would imagine him to be if you were not
familiar with his few forays
into mainstream television. And then seeing that footage in the
movie, it only drives home how perfectly
he nailed the part. This film is a sure-fire way to get otherwise
disinterested adults into comic books, or
to at least treat them as a legitimate form of literature, if anything
is ever going to.
American Teen (2008)
- 6 out of
10 -
On the surface
this a documentary about an assorted group of high school seniors in
some tiny town
in Indiana, but upon a bit of retrospection it doesn't fully sit well
with me. The teens involved in the
project all seem to fit a little too well into their designed roles -
jock, popular girl, band geek, etc. This
could just be the result of very precise editing, but something makes
me think the kids were somewhat
"constructed" to fit these roles. Perhaps it's just my skepticism
after programs like "The Hills" turned
what was once a documentary-like medium into scripted drama, but
"American Teen" doesn't fully
pass the sniff test.
The Amityville Horror
(1979)
- 7 out of 10 -
I’m honestly surprised that this hasn’t received the remake treatment
yet (spoke too soon – looks like
there is a remake slated
for 2005 starring Ryan
Reynolds, best known for his role in Van Wilder).
Like
Orson Welles' War of the Worlds and The Blair Witch Project,
this film was presented as fact when it
came out, and had
folks scared shitless. It has since been proven a hoax (although
the original DeFeo
murders
were real), but that doesn’t make it any less interesting.
I’m not
going to bother with a rehash of the story, as you’ve probably already
seen it. But while I was
watching it, I started thinking just how much creepier fare from this
era is
over modern horror films. And
I’m not just referring
to including James Brolin
in your films. Somewhere along
the line, genuine tension
and suspense gave way to quick cuts and things that jump at you quickly
- which is plenty
scary when it
actually happens, but doesn’t stick to your bones and keep you up at
night like this film Last House on
the Left
or Poltergeist or The Shining or Psycho or a Jane Fonda workout tape.
Amy & Isobelle
(2001)
- 5 out of 10 -
The only reason I watched this is because I was up early in the morning
in Singapore and there
weren’t a lot of English language options. Apparently this was
made for TV and that’s not sur-
prising because it has a very “Lifetime for Women” feel but with decent
stars in it. I dunno, does
Elisabeth Shue count
as a star? She was in a couple good things, and is
still super hot, so I’m
going to go with yes. Anyways, set in a small town in the 70’s,
mother and teen
daughter drama,
ends up they’re going through the same problems, yadda yadda yadda,
dead body in a trunk, or
something like that.
Martin Donovan is
also
in it and it’s not even a Hal
Hartley movie! Recom-
mended to folks who like to think naughty thoughts about Elisabeth Shue
and have already
watched Leaving Las
Vegas too many times.
Anchorman (2004)
- 7 out of 10 -
This is a no-brainer – if you want to see a dumb comedy with lots of
Will Ferrell screen time, see this
immediately. If you don’t like the man, then you’re not going to
like this…pretty simple. Ferrell plays a
newscaster in San Diego in the 70’s, and is on top of the world.
The story is pretty asinine and point-
less, so I won’t even get into it, but it does move along at a nice
pace. There are tons of cameos, which
are good for a laugh, and the group of newscasters singing “Afternoon
Delight” had me rolling; other
than Ferrell, Steve
Carrell plays a mentally deficient weather man and nearly steals
the show. I laughed
a lot at this movie,
although it probably won’t stand up as well to repeated viewings…so if
you want a
laugh, here you go.
The Andromeda Strain
(1971)
- 7 out of 10 -
Although it seems a bit dated with my most recent rewatching, this
movie was really creepy to
me as
a kid, and I was not an easily freaked
out type of lad. A true psychological thriller with
sci-fi undertones,
this movie gets in your brain in ways that most horror films would kill
to do. There are no sexy stars, no
explosions, no fist fights, and not a ton of action to speak of -
rather, it's a group of intellectuals trying to
solve a problem with their brains instead of their braun (a little
something this country could try more of,
but that's a tale for a different time).
The film is a bit long-winded, but no more so than most things from
this era. With the right patience,
this can be an extremely rewarding viewing...and if nothing else, a
great look at the level of computer
sophistication in the early seventies.
Angel Heart (1987)
- 7 out of 10 -
I don’t know how many times I picked this movie up to watch it when I
used to work at a video store.
I think I might have even brought it home a
few times, only to leave it sitting unwatched on top of the
VCR until it was time to take them back to the store.
And honestly, I don’t know what was holding
me back - Alan Parker, Robert Deniro, Mickey Rourke,
and a naked Lisa Bonet would be able ot make even the worst film worth
watching. And this is an
enjoyable film aside from the star power...except maybe the ending,
which I’m still not to sure about.
But it was either an awful or a genius way to wrap up the flick, and
certainly a little surprising (although
I knew there was something peculiar about Deniro from the get-go).
A good mystery, great set design, swell acting all around...don’t put
this one off like I did...but I’m
guessing if you haven’t seen it now, almost
20 years past it’s release, you’ve probably done the
exact same thing.
Anger Management
(2003)
- 3 out of 10 -
I started watching this a while back
and only watched half because it was so crappy, but due to
a
passing tropical storm combined with
boredom I decided to give it another shot...bad idea.
This
is really terrible, easily the worst
Adam Sandler movie
made. I know that may be hard for some
to believe, as he has many haters, but I usually like his crappy films
so to be this utterly dis-
appointed is, well, disappointing. There is really nothing
redeeming here outside of Kevin
Nealon's
appearance as Sandlers lawyer, which
was pretty funny. Even Woody Harrelson in drag
couldn't
save this.
Animal House (1978)
- 10 out of 10 -
Shit, how do you write a review of Animal House? I’m not even
sure why I’m doing it, but I was
watching it the other night for the umpteenth time and realized I’d
never reviewed it. But it’s not
like it is necessary – everyone already knows it and loves it and I
would imagine it would be a
pretty unanimous choice for one of the greatest comedies ever
made. They actually make being
in a frat seem cool for chrissakes, a feat that has never been equaled
in any way, shape or form.
Animal 2 (2007)
- 5 out of 10 -
This is
basically a replica of the
bigger budget film Ving Rhames put out a few years before this one
called “Undisputed”, and I'm guessing quite similar to the first
“Animal” though I haven't seen it to verify.
I guess Rhames
really likes to be in movies where he fights people in prison. It's
not a good movie, but it
is a prison movie and god knows I'm a sucker
for any prison movie.
Animals Are Beautiful
People (1974)
- 8 out of 10 -
Brought to you from the same folks behind The Gods Must Be Crazy,
this doc is a whimsical look
at the wildlife that lives in the various climates and landscapes of
the African nation of Namibia.
Like most animal
documentaries, it’s chock full of beautiful shots and interesting facts
on the wildlife
at hand; what makes this stand apart from the crowd, though, is the
humorous nature of the narration
and the subjects
at hand. There’s no real beginning or end here, but rather just a
slice of life look
at many different plants and species that thrive in the harsh desert
and surrounding climes. If nothing
else, it’s worth
a view just for the scene where all of the animals get drunk off of
fermented fruit,
complete with hangovers the next day. This film never overstays
its welcome, and is a near perfect
example of how an animal documentary should be made.
Annapolis (2006)
- 4 out of 10 -
This pile was actually two bad movies in one, one half being the kid
from the wrong side of the
tracks who makes good despite the long odds, and the other half being a
poor man's version of
Rocky. Neither of these story lines are worth wasting your time
with. It makes me sad to see the
James Franco that I loved so much in Freaks & Geeks
make such terrible movies, but I suppose
his bank account doesn't mind. And it should be noted that the
boxing scenes are pretty enjoyable,
despite being completely predictable. Avoid this one unless you
are exceptionally bored.
Another Woman (1988)
- 4 out of 10 -
Count this one of the very, very few Woody Allen movies I don’t
like. It’s gotten a lot of criticism for
being too much like an Ingmar Bergman film, and maybe that’s
why I didn’t dig it – never been a
Bergman fan either. There have only been a few instances where
I’ve really loved a serious Woody
flick (“Crimes & Misdemeanors” and “Manhattan” being two
of his best funny or not), and this just
wasn’t one of those times. Great acting, great cast, nothing
wrong with the story or the direction, but
I just had a tough time staying interested in what was going
on or caring what happened to these
characters. It did make me want to rewatch “Bananas” or “Take the
Money and Run” or “Zelig” again
for the umpteenth times and see Woody at the top of his game.
Anvil: The Story of Anvil
(2008)
- 7.5 out
of 10 -
This is the
real-life version of "This Is Spinal Tap". Equal parts depressing
and hilarious, the docu-
mentary tells the story of a metal band, once contemporaries of
Metallica, Megadeth and their ilk,
only to find themselves still playing small clubs for shitty pay while
their former peers fill arenas. You
manage to both feel sorry for the bands struggles and admire their
perseverance at the same time.
On a side note, a number of my friends that are in bands thought this
film was really sad, as I guess
they saw something in the film that struck them on a personal level
that a regular doofus like me
might have glazed over.
Anything Else (2004)
- 7.5 out of 10 -
Now I’m not trying to say that
this film can compare to some of Woody’s classic works
such as Bananas
and Annie Hall and Take the Money and Run,
but it is certainly an enjoyable film and probably the best
thing he has
released since Everyone
Says I love You (although Small Time Crooks did have it’s charms,
mostly because Michael Rapaport was in
it). Even having Jason
Biggs in the title role with Woody as the
supporting character,
this film was still
entertaining and funny and neurotic in all the best ways one of his
films are.
Honestly, I don’t even remember this ever coming out and maybe because
I had low expect-
ations did I enjoy
this so, or maybe it was because Christina Ricci
looked particularly fetching in it, but
either way, certainly
recommended, especially over his more recent sub-par outings.
Apocalypto
(2006)
-
6.5 out of 10 -
I'll
ignore the (probably retarded) christianity-as-a-savior subplot
featured in this film and instead concen-
trate on the flick as purely
mindless popcorn entertainment. And as far as all that goes,
Apocalypto is
pretty damn entertaining; a good 30 minutes too long,
but enjoyable nonetheless. The story is really unim-
portant in the
grand scheme of things – this movie's watchability stems from great
action scenes and
beautiful cinematography. If you can overlook the
“sugar tits” Gibson factor and let you brain go blank,
you might
find a decent bit of filmmaking here.
Appaloosa (2008)
- 7 out of 10 -
A timeless
western, a film and
storyline that could have come out 50 years ago instead of 2008. In
a lot of
ways, it isn't a terribly remarkable film – you know what
is going to happen pretty much from the start, but
it is crafted at
such a high level with top-notch direction, smart writing and amazing
acting performances
(especially from actor/director Ed Harris and
Viggo Mortensen). Any fan of classic westerns is going to
find a
friend in this flick.
Aqua
Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie Film for Theatres (2007)
-
9 out of 10 -
I
am not a drug user, but this film is so damn wacky I felt high before
it was through. Now if you were
actually on drugs while watching
this insanity, god help you. This full length movie is just as
nonsensical
and all-over-the-map as the television show, and just as
funny too...no dead spots, no filler, just constant
silliness from
every angle. Outside of the main stable of characters, they have a
few interesting guest
voice appearances by the likes of Fred Armisen,
Tina Fey, Bruce Campbell, and Neil Peart (as himself
of course). Possibly the highlight of the film though is at the very
beginning,
when the band Mastodon
(animated as pissed off theatre snacks) play a
song wherein they threaten to cut the audience with a
linoleum knife. Honestly, if you love the show like I do I cannot
imagine any
scenario where you wouldn't
love this feature.
Armageddon (1998)
- 3 out of 10 -
I
put off watching this heap when it came out and now I remember why -
because it is as stupid a moive
as has ever been made. Michael Bay can
really make a movie shiny, but at the end of the day a turd is
still a
turd. The whole damn thing looks like a music video,
with a story and
plot line about as intelligent as
most music videos as well. Terrible
writing, mediocre acting, poor direction, it's too long...the only
thing it
got right were some of the special effects when they landed on
the asteroid (and looking at Liv Tyler doesn't
bother me either).
Army
of Shadows (1964)
- 7.5 out of 10
-
Hands down, this
is one of the best
films about WWII I've ever seen, and easily the most subtle. Instead
of dealing with the big battles and the concentration camps and all
that, it focuses on the French Resis-
tance and their constant
harassment of the Nazis, nearly all of their operatives meeting
untimely demises
in an effort to free their country from occupation. Jean-Pierre
Melville made many great films, but this is
probably his
best...crisp writing, top-notch directing, and acting jobs all around
that could not have been
better. This is a movie that takes patience
to watch, but the payoff is tremendous.
Art School Confidential
(2006)
- 6.5 out of 10 -
For a film with a preview that
makes it out to be a comedy, this flick
is pretty dark. And not really even a
“dark comedy” – though there
were a couple of funny moments; mostly,
just “dark dark”…everyone is a
shit, you only get ahead by
lying or stepping on others, the art world
is full of idiots, etc. And while all of
that might e technically true, it rarely produces laughs. I guess
it’s my own fault for expecting a funny
movie, so in the end I felt a bit let down; but it was still mostly a
decent flick and having lived with a bunch
of art school kids for many of my college years, I guess it reminded me
of those days in some ways (both
good and bad). Not the best Clowes or Zwigoff work, but not
terrible either.
Ash Wednesday (2002)
- 5.5 out of 10 -
When I think about films on
the Irish mafia I always think of State of Grace, a
fantastic film. Ash Wednesday
will not be replacing that memory anytime in the near future.
Sure, it had its good points, but the plot
was
so asinine it was hard to give it a very good
score.
Some of the good points include:
- Malachy McCourt.
Who is the brother to Frank
McCourt, the fantastic author of “Angela’s Ashes” and “‘Tis”.
I think I was just happy finally seeing him in something after
reading so much about him in those two books.
- The filming. It was shot
really well – very grainy, set in the 80’s in Hell’s Kitchen
NYC. I’m a sucker for a
well shot film, it can often help my memory erase other bad
attributes of the film.
- Rosario Dawson.
She is just straight-up smokin’ hot. Too bad she
wasn’t in the movie more.
Some of the bad points include:
- The story. There were enough holes in the plot to drive 10 Mack
trucks through.
I’m not even going to bother
getting into all of the details here, because I wouldn’t even
know where to begin.
- Elijah Wood.
I like this kid in films, but he was just wrongly case here. He
stood out like pimple on a porn
star’s ass.
- Rosario Dawson. Despite her hotness, she also stood out; the
whole Puerto Rican/Irish connection didn’t
make a lot of sense.
I’m not going to say not to watch the film, because it’s not terrible,
just not particularly good either. It just doesn’t
strike me that the plot was thought out very well; with a few
re-writes, the story could have probably been a really
good one.
Ashes of American Flags:
Wilco Live
(2009)
- 7.5 out of 10
-
It's a film of
Wilco, performing live. I know you might have thought the title was
some sort of trick, but
nope,
totally on point. The song selection is decent but as Nels
Cline is in the band during these performance you may
choose to
fast-forward through his gratuitous, overly long solos. As a side
note, Brendan Canty of Fugazi was
one of the two directors of this
film, so good on him.
The
Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford (2007)
- 6.5 out of 10
-
Like everyone
else, I'm going to have
to bring up the number one reason this film gets a low score – it's
too
goddamn slow and long. Great story, quality cast, and it looks
terrific, but it is easily 30 minutes to an hour
too long. It's
really the only big strike against a film that is otherwise a high
class affair.
Assault on Precinct 13
(2005)
- 6 out of 10 -
An extremely silly, but not
necessarily bad remake of the classic John Carpenter B-movie fave from
the seventies. Not
silly in tone, mind you – it’s serious just like the first one, one
continuous battle be-
tween the
cops and their prisoners and those that want them dead. Rather,
it’s just silly that it was ever
made, unnecessary through
and through – this is my biggest complaint with both remakes.
I’ve always
figured -
if you’re going to go to the trouble to remake a film, why just copy
the first one? Sure, this one
has crooked cops instead of
a rival gang and is set in snowy Detroit instead
of L.A., but it’s essentially
the same damn thing.
Which is fine I guess, it’s entertaining enough with lots of dumb
action clichés,
explosions and bad
dialogue…just pointless is all.
Away We Go (2009)
- 6 out of
10 -
I think this was
a romantic comedy, but outside of the scene with Maggie Gyllenhaal
talking about her
communal bed and how strollers are the devil, there wasn't very many
laughs. Basically it was about a
young couple, on the verge of parenthood, driving around the country
trying to sort out
where they belong in
this world. And against all common sense, apparently the answer
is Florida. Here is a tip
movie makers:
it's never Florida.
Aztec Rex (2007)
- 2 out of
10 -
What would you
get if you decided to make a movie about the conquistador Cortez
encountering a group
of Aztecs and a Tyrannosaurus Rex, all fighting to
save their lives? And to top it off, you chose Ian Ziering
to
play Cortez? Well, you get this pile of shit, which was extra
disappointing because the plot definitely
sounded like one of those "so
bad it's good" type of flicks.
The
Babe (1992)
-
7 out of 10 -
John
Goodman playing Babe Ruth – can you think of a better man for the
role? Any student of baseball will
probably already know the story
of The Babe, or certainly as much as is offered here, but there is
still some-
thing quite satisfying to see it played out on the big
screen, and Goodman does a fine job. They don't dig too
deep here,
glancing over much of his off-field activities, his pitching career
and his life after baseball, but still
a fun flick.
Babel
(2006)
-
8 out of 10 -
Guillermo
Arriaga continues to churn out one high quality screenplay right
after another, and Babel is no
exception. This film really
illustrates how small the world is, intertwining four completely
different stories into
one grand tale of morality and survival. Each
section was superbly acted, with the Japanese portion my clear
favorite. I'm honestly at a loss as to what else to write here
without it devolving into a novel, so let's just say it's
a great
flick and well worth watching.
Baby
Doll (1956)
- 6.5 out of 10
-
Oh how the times
change – this film
was considered obscene and risque when it came out in the
mid-fifties,
and was banned and/or protested across the country. Nowadays, this film
would easily be a PG flick. A little
steamy and
sexy, yes, but the film is mostly about, well, crazy people. It
plays out a bit like David Lynch
directing a William Faulkner
novel...it's almost as if you can feel the heat and humidity as you
watch the film.
Baby Mama (2008)
- 7 out of 10 -
On paper, this
probably isn't a film I
would give two shits about – a comedy about a yuppie hiring a
surrogate to get pregnant for her? But then you realize the cast
includes Tina Fey, Amy Poehler, Dax
Shephard, Steve Martin and a
bunch of other hilarious folk and all of the sudden things are
looking up.
Add in an incredibly goofy hilariously stupid script
and as far as I'm concerned you got a winner. There
was a fair
amount of press leading into this film about the fact that the leads
were two female comedians,
something you don't see very
often...myself, I didn't even really notice it, cause funny is funny
regardless
of the sex, and the Fey/Poehler combo is one of the best
pairings going these days.
Bachelor
Party (1984)
-
5.5 out of 10 -
I
remembered loving this as a kid but a recent re-watching proved it to
be a slow, tedious affair for the
first 3/4ths of the viewing. That
final chunk though, when the party gets really out of hand, is a
classic 80's
movie moment that should be viewed by all, even if it
means holding down the fast-forward button on the
Tivo to get there. And let's not overlook that Tawny Kitaen gets all
dolled up in
lingerie for a chunk of the
movie...
Back in the Day (2005)
- 2 out of 10 -
Combine every urban-black-gangster movie cliche from the past 15 years,
mix in some of Ja Rule's
terrible acting, and this is what you end up with. Just
awful. Sure, Boyz in tha Hood and Menace II Society
were great, but the legacy those two films have left
are so bad it almost makes me wish they were never
made to begin with.
Back
to the Future Part II (1989)
- 8 out of 10 -
In my world, this is known as "the dark" Back to the Future (the other
two being known as "the original"
and "the wild west disney experience"), and it
might be the best of them all. I'm always for a film that
combines people named Biff and a comical
view of the future that is now the present, and this film does
both quite well. As with the first outing,
Christopher Lloyd should be in the flick more as he is the true star
of the show; but outside of the minor huff,
it's a damn fine movie for adults and kids alike that you really
can't watch too much.
Bad
Boys (1983)
-
7.5 out of 10 -
This is by far
the best film named “Bad
Boys” that doesn't star Will Smith. A bold statement, sure,
but
one I dare you to prove wrong. This has all the makings of a classic
– reform school brawls,
giant boom boxes, Ally Sheedy getting
raped, Clancy Beown and Esai Morales playing real shit-
heads...all
your basic building blocks of quality filmmaking.
In all
seriousness, this film really
let's Sean Penn show off those acting chops at a young age that
we
take for granted anymore; that coupled with a look at life on the
mean streets of Chicago in the
mid-eighties, and subsequent
incarceration, really makes this a top-notch representative of that
era.
Bad Education (2004)
- 7 out of 10 -
I’m not entirely sure why
this got an NC-17 rating, is it because there are gay people in it having sex?
It shows no
more than any straight sex scenes that would warrant no worse than an R rating. And
honestly, considering who the director is here, this film was much, much tamer than it could have
been.
It was actually a pretty
strange film in many regards considering Almodovar was at the helm – the lack
of strong
female leads (maybe the cross-dressing males count?) and the fact that the film actually
makes
some amount of sense automatically places this in a different context than most
of his films. But more
than anything, it’s
one of his most
enjoyable films in
some time.
The Bad News Bears
(1976)
-9 out of 10 -
Question: What three
things need to be included in a film to make it one of the greatest of
all time?
Answer: Kids cursing and drinking beer, baseball, and Walter
Matthau.
Seriously though, I can't express how much I love this movie.
Maybe it was because I spent so
many years of my childhood playing little league, but there's something
about the story of a group
of misfit kids playing baseball that really hits home. And this
movie pretty much nailed what it's like:
the undue pressures and stress put upon the kids both by parents and
peers, when all the kids would
really like to do is play a game. Losing sucks, but giving up on
the fun just to win isn't very enjoyable
either.
The kids all do a great job of portraying typical adolescents; when you
watch the film you feel like
many of them could have been transported straight from your childhood,
or at least I did. And truly the
most important part of the film is Matthau; that man can carry any film
so effortlessly with just a smirk.
Do yourself a favor and watch every movie he's ever been in; I
haven't seen them all, but it is a goal of
mine and I've yet to be disappointed.
Some folks might get upset by the amount of racial stereotypes and
general un-"politically correct"
behavior in this film...but shit, that's what childhood and life is
like, you can't whitewash it all. There is
a remake of the film happening scheduled for 2006 with Richard
Linklater
directing and Billy Bob
Thornton in the Matthau role. A big part of me thinks it's
pretty stupid for anyone to try and remake
this film, but I guess if it is to be done at least it is with guys I
like and think will do a credible job. And
it will be curious to see if and how they change things, whether they
remove the "controversial" parts
or not...time will tell I suppose.
The Bad News Bears Go to
Japan (1978)
- 4 out of 10 -
Look, if you’re not going to try any harder than this, why
bother? The first film in the series was just
amazing, the second tolerable, but this just sucked. The kids
aren’t cute, they’re annoying. Tony
Curtis is ok but he’s no Walter Matthau.
There’s very little baseball in the movie at all.
They make
fun of the Japanese culture constantly, which is really only a problem
because it is never funny. I
guess the one upside is how much it really makes you look back and
remember how great the first
one was, one of the best sports movies ever made.
Bad Santa (2003)
- 9 out of 10 -
There’s so much good about this film I don’t even know where to start,
but one thing is certain - every
single awesome thing that happens here is because of Billy Bob
Thornton. Now, I’ve loved most every-
thing I’ve seen him but this flick cements him as a comic genius on par
with Jackie Gleason, only dirtier.
There’s no way this film would have been even close to as effective
with anyone other than Thornton
in the lead...he has that sad southern asshole thing down so well that
you assume it’s just his natural
state. Constantly grizzled and perpetually hung over in the film,
I have a good feeling that he wasn’t
really acting in these scenes, and that’s what makes it so
entertaining. Anything you’ve ever held holy
and sacred about the christmas holiday gets
buggered into submission. Literally. And thankfully.
The Ballad of Jack and
Rose (2005)
- 6 out of 10 -
Wow, and yet another masterful acting job by Daniel Day Lewis...is
there anything this man cannot do?
I don't think it's a stretch to state that he is
the greatest actor of the last 20 years, I really don't.
Unfor-
tunately, his acting far outshines the rest of this film, which isn't
terrible but even a day later I don't re-
member much about it other than the basics. Which are:
overprotective father (Lewis) who lives on a
commune with only his daughter is dying, and decides he needs to find a
family for her before he's gone.
The hijinks that ensue are most decidedly not hilarious as hijinks
often turn out to be. I was hoping for
more out of this film (and a larger role for Jason Lee), but while I
might have been a little disappointed
in the movie, Lewis nearly made up for it, and it's worth checking out
just for him.
Balls
of Fury (2007)
-
6 out of 10 -
I'm
trying to think of a better ping pong movie than this one, but
nothing is coming to me...simply put,
this is the cream of the crop. Sure, it may be the only ping pong
movie, but you can't hold that
against them. Anyone with any sense knew this would be stupid movie
with a few funny scenes, and
it completely lived up to that billing. Amongst other characters,
Christopher Walken plays a very
Christopher
Walken-like bad guy, Diedrich Bader plays a gay concubine, and Patton
Oswalt plays,
surprisingly, a nerd. If you are in a goofy or
light-hearted mood, this might be worth a go.
The
Bank Job (2008)
-
7 out of 10 -
A
much-better-than-expected heist film, set in the early seventies and
apparently based on true events
(though obviously liberties were
taken with the story). As you might expect, there are twists and
turns
and double-crosses like all these caper-type films have, and
this flick mixes in some government black-
ops conspiracy goofiness as
well. The action is good, the story is plenty interesting, and the
directing...
let's just say the man behind the lens, Roger Donaldson,
was also the man in charge for the bartending
classic “Cocktail”,
so you know things were in good hands here. And an extra added bonus
thumbs up
to Saffron Burrows, someone I've never really paid much
attention to but good lord is she ever foxy in
this flick.
The Basketball Diaries
(1995)
- 7.5 out of 10
-
I've never been
a drug addict, but I
gotta believe this film does a good job portraying the path most take
from
casual carouser to full blown junkie. I've read multiple places
that River Phoenix was supposed to play the lead
here (or had at
least expressed a lot of interest in it), but before production
started he died of a drug overdose
as most folks know. So Leonardo
DiCaprio was brought in, which ain't a bad consolation prize. Leo
does an
amazing job here as the lead, making for a really convincing
junkie who is no longer a kid but not ready for life
on his own. Plenty of other great acting jobs as well, including a bevy
of future
Sopranos cast members and
the always likable Bruno Kirby as a
kid-diddling basketball coach. It's one of those flicks that you can
start
watching from any point really, and you'll always get sucked
in.
Batman (1989)
- 9 out of 10 -
I recently rewatched this fine film, and while it does appear a bit
dated (especially in the special effects area),
you cannot deny the power of Tim Burton’s touch on
this film. The set design of Gotham City is etched into my
brain from the very first viewing of this
film, and in seeing it again it reminds me of exactly why something
like
Sin City holds so much
influence…this film made Sin City what it is.
Outside of the set, what really makes this movie so valuable is Jack
Nicholson’s
performance as the Joker, one
of the greatest villains of all time as far as I’m
concerned. He is absolutely demented, out of his gourd in this
picture, playing perfectly into the role he
took on. The way he portrays both silliness and pure evil at the
same
time…just stunning.
Batman Begins (2005)
- 8.5 out of 10 -
“Wow” best sums up this movie…although I knew the stories weren’t going
to be the same as
the first Tim Burton Batman, you still end up comparing them in your
mind and I wasn’t sure this
one could top that, but it did, and
how. Their portrayal of Gotham even one-upped Burton’s
stylized vision, using Chicago as we know it and CGI-ing it into a much
darker and scarier
place. The whole thing could have used a little more Prince in
the soundtrack like the first,
but I guess they can slide on that one.
The cast as a whole was fantastic –
making Liam Neeson a bad guy and Gary Oldman a good
guy was a real treat – what’s next,
cats sleeping with dogs? A natural brooder as my girlfriend
would say, Christian Bale was a perfect choice as the reclusive Bruce
Wayne. Especially en-
tertaining was his put-on gruff “Batman voice”, which was a little
over-the-top but I guess it
had
its purpose. And Cillian Murphy as “The Scarecrow” was a
truly creepy foe, and the bugs
crawling out of the faces of folks really brought me back to my
childhood of watching Halloween III
over and over and over. There
was some disappointment, though…I had originally read his
name
as Charlie Murphy and quickly became excited at the prospect of Gusto
making an appearance in
this film. Alas it wasn’t meant to be…but a fuckin’ fantastic
film anyways.
The Battle of Algiers
(1965)
- 8 out of 10 -
I have to fully admit that I knew nothing about the Algerian battle of
independence from the French,
but thankfully this film has turned me on to an incredibly interesting
piece of history I hope to learn
even more about in the future. By all accounts, this film is
about as unbiased as you can possibly
get when it comes to telling this story, which I appreciate…let the
viewer make up his own mind on
how he feels about the action, don’t try and force it.
The thing that makes this film so effective is that you believe it is
real – you feel as if you are watching
a documentary on the subject rather than a production with
actors. Apparently some of the actual
revolutionaries appear in the film as well, but I had no idea which
ones they were
and honestly, would
it have mattered? The
acting was great from all sides, the filming was beautiful and
black& white
suited it perfectly. A number of folks have pointed out the
parallels between this film/situation and the
current scene in Iraq, so I
won’t go into it – but let’s just say it was *required*
viewing at the Pentagon.
Certainly one of the best war movies ever made.
Battle Royale (2000)
- 8.5 out of 10 -
I put off watching this for a while, see I get lazy about foreign films
sometimes, all that reading. I went to
a public school after all, reading does not come naturally to me.
But for the love of whatever god you
worship, do not do what I did and watch this as soon as possible.
And if you've already seen it,
watch
it again...because it is without a doubt the greatest film about kids
being forced to murder each other
since the pilot episode of Silver Spoons.
The premise is quite simple - the world is in
trouble/overpopulated/something like that, so what to do?
Take some students who aren't making the grade and show little promise
at being useful adults, and
make them into entertainment. At
least that was my understanding of it all, it wasn't exactly
thorough
in the small details...and it didn't honestly need to be, because the
kids hunting each other is what really
matters and they get to this quick enough.
I love how it plays like a game show, keeping you posted on who died
when on frequent basis. I love
that ringers are introduced in an effort to speed along the action.
I love that it's not outside the realm
of possibility that this might be an actual game show some day.
And the bad part of me kinda hopes
so if it's even half as entertaining as this flick.
The Baxter (2005)
- 7 out of 10 -
Stop the presses
- a “romcom” that
was actually worth watching. It probably helps that the talented
Michael
Showalter starred, wrote and directed this aloof nerdy treat. According
to the film, a “baxter” is the guy or girl
in movies
that gets left behind when the true love shows up and takes their
significant other away from them.
Showalter of course plays one of
these poor goofy saps, and as you might imagine hijinks ensue. And
even-
tually, love as well with the exceptionally cute Michelle
Williams. Seriously, at one point did this girl become
the really
awesome attractive one from Dawson's Creek, and the other one a freak
show?
Bazaar Bizarre (2004)
- 3 out of 10 -
A documentary featuring dramatic recreations about a serial killer
brought to you by James Ellroy? How
in the name of all that is holy did they get it so goddamn
wrong??? I’m truly horrified Ellroy would allow his
name to be attached to this epicly boring flick. And
how do you make a boring serial killer film anyways?
That actually seems like it would be harder work
than producing an enjoyable flick of the same topic. Anyways,
avoid this like a creepy old man in a dark
alley.
The
Beach Girls (1982)
-
4 out of 10 -
"Robust
friends join innocent at her uncle's Malibu house". Ha,
"robust" indeed. Classic 80's T&A goofiness.
As you
might imagine, the plot and acting are superb.
Beautiful Girls
(1996)
- 10 out of 10 -
I can’t really explain what is so damn engrossing about this movie…
maybe it’s the representation of
small town life, and how little things change – I can
identify with that. Or maybe it’s how it shows that
despite the years, everyone is still pretty much what
they were in high school…makes sense to me.
When I get together with my friends back home it feels like this movie,
only no one knows how to play
“Sweet Caroline” on the piano and the Afghan Whigs aren’t performing in
the local bar. Maybe it’s
the cast – Uma Thurman, Michael Rappaport, Natalie Portman, Matt
Dillon, Timothy Hutton, Max
Perlich…I could keep going, but it is truly great ensemble work from
everyone involved. The story
isn’t anything special, and nothing much happens, but
like “Dazed and Confused” and “Fast Times
at Ridgemon High”, the characters are so true and real that you feel as
if you could live in this world
and be happy. And that is a rare find as far as
I’m concerned.
Beerfest (2006)
- 7.5 out of 10 -
I think the Broken Lizard crew actually figured out a way to make an
even
dumber movie than Super
Troopers, and we are all better for it. They managed to make a
full-length
movie revolving around goofy
beer drinking games, German stereotypes and juvenile humor, and it
never
got old even for a minute.
After Club Dread (which wasn't awful, but definitely subpar), I was a
bit
worried this crew of pranksters
was on the downward slide - but after watching Beerfest I have hope
that
they will produce a number of
hilariously dumb movies before it's all over.
Before Sunset (2004)
- 5.5 out of 10 –
I really enjoyed Before
Sunrise and watched it on a couple of occasions, which was probably
the set-
up that made me all the more disappointed with the sequel Before
Sunset. In this flick our protagonists
meet back up, many years later, and reexamine their lives much in the
same way as the first. But this
time around it seemed so much more unemotional, almost cold
in their meeting – the bitterness of
adulthood maybe? I mean, if that is what Richard Linklater was
going for then he did a great job, but
it still didn’t make it very enjoyable to watch.
Before
the Devil Knows You're Dead (2007)
-
6.5 out of 10 -
All
descriptions of this film generally include the phrase “a smart,
edgy thriller”. And I guess that is a
fair enough description, a
caper flick full of twists and turns and Phillip Seymour Hoffman
strung out
on drugs in the house of a gay man. Honestly, after the
buzz this received I was expecting something
more, though I'm not
sure exactly what that was...it just wasn't quite as awesome as the
director and
cast would have you hope it would be. It's still a
decent flick though, if you're looking for a crime-
gone-bad sorta
thing to entertain you one evening.
Be Here To Love Me: A
Film About
Townes Van Zandt (2004)
- 7 out of 10 -
For a man I knew very little about outside of a song or two, this
documentary did a fantastic job of
really depicting this troubled individual. Big name stars like
Willie Nelson, Steve Earle, and even
Steve Shelley pipe up to pile praise on this folkie who never made much
of an impact on his own
to the general public, but influenced countless writers and performers
who went on to achieve fame.
To be perfectly honest I’m only lukewarm on Van Zandt’s music, but this
doc is so well made that
I never once thought of shutting it off early (something I find I’m
more prone to do with music docs
just because they are generally quite boring), and actually found
myself quite rapt for the duration
of the film. This is a no-brainer for fans to check out, but
anyone who wants to see a great character
study on an interesting individual would probably get a lot of value
out of this movie.
Being There
(1979)
- 7 out of 10 -
I tried watching this a few years back and just couldn’t get into
it. So I made
myself sit down and
watch the whole thing and I’m glad I did. I dunno what was wrong
the first time, sometimes you just
have to be in the right frame of mind for certain films; regardless, it
was much more well received in
my brain this go-around. I know tons have been written on this
film, and I probably liked it a little less
than many folks, but one thing is undeniable – Peter Sellers is
absolutely brilliant. He’s been
in many
great films, but this is by far his crowning achievement. The
fact that he didn’t win the Oscar in 1980
only further proves how retarded that academy is…if they were a school
they would get
discredited.
He so overshadows everything else about this movie, it’s kinda silly to
even talk
about anything else.
I will say that I always like it when part of a film is filmed in NC
(in this case the Biltmore House in
Asheville), and the editing/splicing of TV footage in with the film was
a nice touch…especially now,
so many years removed, it’s neat to get a glimpse into TV in those
days.
Be
Kind Rewind (2008)
-
8.5 out of 10 -
I
know Michel Gondry got most of his praise and pull in Hollywood
because of “Eternal Sunshine
of a Spotless Mind”, but near a I
can tell that movie can't hold a candle to the brilliance and
creativity of his last two films, “The Science of Sleep” and this
masterpiece “Be Kind Rewind”.
Mos Def and Jack Black blended
beautifully with Gondry's unique set designs and ideas. The
story
was great too, but for me honestly that was secondary to the visual
feast this film offered.
I would almost call it inspirational,
because surely some young aspiring filmmakers will take some
of the
ideas used here and employ them into their own creative experience.
Below (2002)
- 7 out of 10 -
Submarine movies! Man, I love a good submarine movie, Das Boot is
the
obvious choice for
“Best Of” in this prestigious category. But this film here,
Below, is a pretty damn good one. It has
Zack Galifianakis in
it, reason enough to like it. Zack is a damn funny man – well,
not so much in
this movie but when he does stand up, and he’s barely in this at all,
but…what was I talking about
again? Oh yeah.
Sub movies…lots of good ones, this fits right in with the rest.
It’s as much mystery or “ghost story”
as it is sub movie, as something is fucking with the ship and no one
can figure out why, and that’s
mostly what the movie is about – the crew trying to figure out what is
happening, something goes
wrong, people die, scary things happen, secrets are revealed…enjoyable
movie to be sure.
Darren Aronofsky (of Pi and Requiem for a Dream
fame) helped write this screenplay, and was
supposed to direct but he got distracted with other projects.
The Benchwarmers (2006)
- 6 out of 10 -
To call this movie "completely retarded" would be an understatement,
but despite how stupid it was I
still enjoyed it quite a bit. Maybe even a little more than I
should
have...I
was in a rather giddy state
when I watched it, so that probably helped a lot. Or maybe it was
because one of my comedic
heroes,
Nick Swardson, was one of the writers (And also had a smll role in the
film). Whatever the
cause, I
laughed out loud a number of times over some of the stupidest crap ever
put on
film. But hey, every
film don't
have to be high art.
Berlin Tunnel 21
(1981)
- 5 out of 10 -
As you may have
gleaned from the title,
this film is about the digging of a tunnel, in Berlin. Given this
was apparently a made-for-TV flick, it's really not that bad, even if
you are pretty sure what exactly is
going to happen in the first few
minutes of the film. I would have liked a little more shown on the
East
German leadership and the reasons for folks wanting to cross to
the West, and a lot less actual footage
of the tunnel getting dug –
a few random shots here and there would have more than sufficed. The
more
recently produced “The Tunnel” was a much better version of
essentially the same story.
Bewitched (2005)
- 4 out of
10 -
We all
know Nicole Kidman is totally intolerable – this is a
well established fact. But I was hoping
the
awesomeness of Will Ferrell would counteract her shittiness, but
sadly the
end sum is a goofy flick that
is kinda watchable. And by “kinda”, I mean you’re
better off
doing something else while it is on…cross-
word, look at the computer,
jack off,
whatever; cause it just ain’t that entertaining. Ferrell has a
couple of
funny scenes, Michael
Caine has a nice supporting role, but that is about all the silver
lining
you’re going
to get here.
Beyond the Sea (2004)
- 5 out of 10 -
On the positive side, Kevin Spacey
does a fantastic job as Bobby Darin - very believable, and
his
obvious talent lies not just in
his acting abilities but in his talent for singing Darin's
songs too. I doubt
that if I wasn't aware of it before the film, I never would
have guessed that it was actually him singing the
songs in the flick...sounded like the originals to me,
but then again I'm not claimingto be a Bobby Darin
expert.
On the negative side - the film really just isn't that interesting, is
much too long and disjointed, and the
musical scenes made me want to leave the room (as opposed to just
the live performancesby Spacey
as Darin, which were fine).
Well, if nothing else, at least you
get to see Bob Hoskins in it. I always love a good
Bob Hoskins sighting.
The Big Bird Cage
(1972)
- 6.5 out
of 10 -
I'm not sure how
many women-in-prison films Pam Grier made, but this is one of
them. Probably the best
of them. It covers all the bases - hot naked/scantily clad
prisoners, corrupt
guards, and a guerrilla uprising
led by Sid Haig. The film is exactly what you would expect it be,
enjoyable and terrible
at the same time.
But let me not finish up this poor excuse of a review without
mentioning Anitra Ford, the real
star of this film...
there may have been women as hot as her in this world, but none
hotter.
Big
Doll House (1971)
-
6 out of 10 -
One
of the classics of women-in-prison exploitation films...not a good
movie, but “titillating” to be sure.
A goofy storyline about a
banana republic that apparently arrests hot women for no real reason,
and
then the girls spend most of their time behind bars fighting with
one another and taking off their clothes.
There is really only one
reason to be watching this movie, but given the talent here it's a
pretty good
reason.
The Big Easy (1987)
- 6.5 out of 10 -
Ooh, ain't that sultry! It's like you can feel the sweat coming
off this film...what it lacks in story, it
makes
up for in ambiance. This movie presents the seedy
underbelly of New Orleans in such a romantic way
that it makes being a small-time hood look like a nice
career choice. Even as a straight dude watching
this film, Dennis Quaid
is so obviously a heart throb that I would be a little wary of letting
my girlfriend watch
this in fear she would move to L.A.
and try to hunt him down. That is to say, he's no Randy Quaid but
this is
when he was at his
closest. The story is just so-so, a modern noir-ish jaunt with a lot of
typical twists and
turns but
entertaining enough all around.
Big Fan (2009)
- 6 out of
10 -
There are times,
and this is one of those times, where I really have a difficult time
discerning how much
I liked a movie from how much of a bummer it was. This was a very
well
acted movie, with Patton Oswalt
really showing he has the chops to be a serious actor; it was certainly
well written and
put together as well.
But the lead character was such an incredible loser, and everyone that
surrounded him were so
unlikeable,
that it was tough becoming invested in how his life turned out.
The Big House (1930)
- 6.5 out
of 10 -
Classic "men in
prison" movie, probably one of the first ones made, or at least the
first realistic one. As
with most of these classic films, it's not the most action-packed by
modern standards but it is well acted
and the grainy black-and0white film really suits the subject
matter. The legendary Wallace Beery is
particularly memorable, playing a great hardened criminal just looking
to get through each day by whatever
means necessary. One particularly interesting factoid - the
screenplay was actually written by a woman,
quite a feat given the year this was made and the subject matter
involved.
The Big Lebowski
(1998)
- 10 out of 10 -
There’s
no real reason to review this, as you’ve probably seen it hundreds of
times like me (and if
you’ve never seen it
I don’t want to be your friend anymore). It is without a doubt
one of the greatest
comedies ever filmed – probably the third funniest after Dr.
Strangelove and Blazing Saddles.
The
Dude pretty much embodies everything I
want to be when I become an adult (should be any day now)…
except for
the hair - but it works for him though. John
Goodman is quite possibly one of the funniest men
ever. This
film still remains the only worthwhile reason not to exterminate Tara
Reid. The entire cast
should be celebrated in song and dance
around the globe…if I were to ever get a tattoo, it would be of
a chicken. I've
always wanted a tattoo of a chicken. But after that, I think the
cover of this video would
look nice in the small of my back,
to be displayed whenever I wear my half-shirts (quite often
indeed). I’ll
end this with quotes from two
of my favorite parts of the movie:
The Dude: What's in the fuckin' carrier?
Walter Sobchak: Huh? Oh, that's Cynthia's dog. I think it's a
Pomeranian. I can't leave him home alone
or he eats the furniture. I'm watching him while Cynthia and Marty
Ackerman
are in Hawaii.
The Dude: You brought the fuckin' Pomeranian bowling?
Walter Sobchak: What do you mean brought it bowling, Dude? I didn't
rent it shoes. I'm not buying it a
fucking beer. He's not taking your fucking turn, Dude.
The Dude: Man, if my fuckin' ex-wife asked me to take care of her
fuckin' dog while she and her boy-
friend went to Honolulu I'd tell her to go fuck herself.
Maude Lebowski: Does the female form make you uncomfortable, Mr.
Lebowski?
The Dude: Uh, is that what this is a picture of?
Maude Lebowski: In a sense, yes. My art has been commended as being
strongly vaginal which bothers
some men. The word itself makes some men uncomfortable. Vagina.
The Dude: Oh yeah?
Maude Lebowski: Yes, they don't like hearing it and find it difficult
to say whereas without batting an eye
a man will refer to his dick or his rod or his Johnson.
The Dude: Johnson?
Big Momma's House 2
(2006)
- 5 out of 10 -
This should almost certainly get a lower grade, but I was feeling
pretty mindless when I watched this non-
sense so it didn't sting as badly as it could have. Plus,
I've always thought Martin Lawrence was a funny man,
even with subpar material...he
seems to have a gift of turning turds into...well, if not diamonds, at
least less-
stinky turds.
Honestly, he is the only thing even remotely compelling here, and
that's probably even a stretch,
but
what can I say? Sometimes a bad movie looks good for whatever
reason (my theory is the amount of
fatigue you are feeling is directly proportional to the amount of crap
you will put
up with in a movie).
Bigger
Stronger Faster (2008)
-
8 out of 10 -
Who
would have thought a documentary about steroids could be this damn
entertaining? Chris Bell has
clearly taken a page from Michael
Moore's handbook on how to make boring topics engaging, minus the
political baggage. The number of things I learned from this film
were numerous, but the best part was the
overall playful tone in
which he addresses a rather serious situation. He does a fine job of
presenting both
sides of the steroid argument, though there is
definitely a slight pro-steroid slant to the film (well, not as much
as "pro-steroid" as "they're not as bad as they are
made out to be"). Highly recommended.
Bill & Ted’s
Excellent Adventure
(1989)
- 8 out of 10 -
I was totally obsessed with this movie as a kid (along with
Ferris Beuller’s Day Off), and would watch it con-
stantly – therefore, my opinion of this film is most likely
higher than it should probably be for nostalgic reasons.
But I did recently re-watch it after not having seen it in a few years,
and found that I enjoyed it nearly as much
as I did as a kid. If nothing else, it’s the most perfect role
ever for Keanu Reeves to play the doltish lout he
appears to be in real life – it’s the only time he is enjoyable in a
film outside of My Own Private Idaho. I have
a feeling that the sequel, Bill & Ted’s Bogus Journey doesn’t hold
up as well, but this flick will be a classic of
my generation as far as I’m concerned.
The Black Dahlia (2006)
- 6 out of 10 -
Holy convoluted plot, batman. I'd heard this film failed to live
up to expectations, so I set my expectations
lower and I still came out confused. Apparently the James Elloy
novel it was based on is a fantastic yarn
about one of most infamous murders of the 20th century, but they
managed to mangle it into one of the
muddiest screenplays I think I've ever witnessed. Truly, they
turned what should have been a home run into
a foul ball. To their credit I will say the film looked great, so
at least my eyes my eyes got a treat while my
brain did cartwheels trying to figure out what the hell was going
on.
Black Gunn (1972)
- 5 out of
10 -
Classic
blaxploitation film staring Jim Brown. Here's the plot – Jim
Brown is cool as shit, some people get
their asses kicked, and he sleeps with some hot women.
A unique storyline, to be sure. Probably the most
interesting tidbit about the film though
is it featured the one and only acting role of the great Oakland
Athletics
pitcher Vida Blue.
Black Like Me (1964)
- 6 out of 10 -
A well meaning film, and based on the actual accounts of John Griffin -
a white man who took skin darkening
treatments and traveled throughout the south to document the way
african-americans are treated. This was
the 50's/early 60's, so obviously the results were not pretty either in
real life or the movie. They
did a decent
job setting the tone in the film, the level of hatred and all that, but
James Whitmore was so obviously
not black
it did make it tough to swallow him as being anything other than white
wearing face paint. It's also worth
pointing out that by this point in most of our lives this information
is well known, but I would have to
imagine
that when this came out in 1964, in the middle of the push for
equality, that it turned a few heads.
Black
Snake Moan (2006)
-
7.5 out of 10 -
Craig
Brewer is now 2-for-2 in creating evocative and compelling tales
about the new south (see also his film
“Hustle & Flow”). He
paints a hell of a picture, a fractured fairy tale based in morality
but set in the dirtiest parts
of southern living. Honestly, the
story is pretty inconsequential here as far as I'm concerned – what
matters
more is the look and the feel and the production team gets an
A+ in
that department. The atmosphere here
just feels thick, like a muggy
summer night where no amount of cold drinks will subside the
oppressive heat.
And on top that, you get to spend most of the film
looking at a nearly anorexic Christina Ricci in her panties
begging
for sex, so even if you think the film sucks you've got that going
for you.
Black Sun: The
Nanking Massacre (1995)
- 6.5 out of 10 -
Amazing, shocking and sad story, words cannot suffice really; but the
telling of it in this film
was pretty subpar.
The "rape of Nanking" will go down as one of the greatest attrocities
that man has ever commited on man,
and this film attempts to depict these horrors on what was obviously a
budget too small to accomodate it.
On the plus side, the way the film used actual footage and photographs
in combination with the reenactments
was pretty original and lent an air of authenticity to the proceedings.
And having a scene where a Japanese
soldier skewers a pregnant lady and pulls her unborn child out stuck to
the blade was something as well, or
when the soldier put a child in a boiling vat; from what
I understand, these sorts of things happened often
and many things worse.
Blade 2 (2002)
- 6 out of 10 -
Like the first Blade film, this was highly entertaining and a much
better movie than I ever expected it to be.
Then again I wasn't expecting much, even with the knowledge that the
first was adecent flick. Wesley Snipes
reprises his role as a vampire hunter, who is half-vampire himself but
immune to many of the things that kill
them, and he is again joined by Kris Kristofferson, who reprises his
role of Mr. Grizzled or whatever his name
is. They fight bad guys and the battle scenes are pretty great,
the jokes are corny, and everyone is dressed
like they just got back from a Bauhaus concert.
Which leads me to wonder - are ther any yuppie vampires, or any that
don't look goth? Seems odd that all
bloodsuckers would have the same fashion sense.
Blades
of Glory (2007)
-
8.5 out of 10 -
I'd imagine by
this point most folks
know whether or not they like Will Ferrell's brand of goofy humor. Me,
I'm a big fan but I can see how it might come off as a little
irritating to some...he does tend to play the same
dumb character in
every film (I just happen to think it's a really entertaining
character). So, it's not surprising
that I really liked a film that
spoofed the goofy spectacle that is ice skating. The supporting cast
is brilliant –
Jon Heder, Craig T. Nelson, Jenna Fischer, Nick
Swardson, Will Arnett...all do a good job of setting up
Ferrell and
his gags. Just as you would expect, this is a dreadfully silly movie
that made me laugh tons, and
that's really all I could ask for.
Blazing Saddles
(1974)
- 10 out of 10 -
How do you even go about reviewing a film as important and
ground-breaking as Blazing Saddles?
Every stitch of the film is genius, from Mongo punching a horse, to Mel
Brooks as the
governor,
going back for a whole shitload of dimes…I could go on for ages.
The influence this film had on slapstick comedy is thankfully still
being felt today, only no one else has
ever gotten it this right. In our modern PC world, there has been
a bit of a backlash on this film being
racist, but it couldn’t be any further from the truth. It is in
fact a parody of racism, the “wild west”, the
big-studio Hollywood movie making machine, and about anything else
worthy of making fun of. In-
cluding Slim Pickens
in any cast is a brilliant move; having Richard Pryor co-write
the script is a move
straight
from the gods. I have a hard time believing there will ever be a
funnier movie made than this
one – the only movie that is arguably funnier is Dr. Strangelove, and
Stanley Kubrick ain’t
around to
make another film.
Blood
Diamond (2006)
- 8.5 out of 10
-
I suppose if you
get really picky this
film oversimplifies the complex struggles that have been facing
Africa
since most countries gained their independence, but given how
much the continent's troubles have been
ignored by the west, any
light shown on it is a positive light. And besides, the story
presented here is in-
credibly engrossing even if it were based on
fiction. Given the award nominations, i probably don't need to
mention how great the acting is, but given my skepticism on Leo
Dicaprio going into the film I left well im-
pressed with his
believability as an Afrikaner mercenary; and since Djimon Hounsou has
never had a bad
performance in his life, it goes without saying that
he is pretty much perfect as a peasant father desperately
trying to
save his son. This was easily one of my top 5 favorite movies to
come out last year and comes
super-duper highly recommended.
Bloody Reunion (2006)
- 6.5 out
of 10 -
A Korean slasher
film, and a fairly well made one at that. A group of former
students reunite at a dying
teachers house, you can guess what happens
from there. The violence is very graphic as is apparently the
way
in Asia these days. The film loses points for it's "twist" ending
that basically invalidates 95% of the
movie you just spent 90 minutes
watching.
Blues Brothers (1980)
- 10 out of 10
-
There will never
be another movie like
this one. The two greatest car chases ever filmed, some of the
greatest musical acts known to man, and no shortage of laughs...the
day they decide to “remake” this is
the day I storm a Hollywood
studio with guns and grenades ready to clear house.
Bobby (2006)
- 7 out of 10 -
The cast for
this movie is just plain
ridiculous, and the first thing that comes to mind anytime I think of
this film. Laurence Fishburne, Freddy Rodriguez, Martin Sheen,
Sharon Stone, Emilio Estevez, Christian
Slater, Shia LeBouf, Harry
Belafonte, Joshua Jackson, William H. Macy, Lindsey Lohan, Nick
Cannon,
Helen Hunt, Anthony Hopkins, Ashton Kucher, Demi Moore,
Elijah Wood...seriously, it is fucking insane.
It makes you wonder
if the director (Emilio Estevez, who is also the writer) has some
serious dirt on
most of Hollywood.
Not that it was
a bad movie, far from
it – I quite enjoyed the story and the way the historical footage
of
Bobby Kennedy was weaved into the modern tale. It is a good film,
but it could have been a truly great
mini-series; given the giant
cast, there was just no way to truly give each character the justice
they de-
served, so at times things tended to be a bit rushed. Fairly
impressive work out of Estevez though,
I never would have expected it
out of him.
Bob le Flambeur (1955)
- 9 out of 10 -
I had meant to watch this for ages and ages,
but what finally pushed me over the edge was seeing
and loving the Nick Nolte remake "The Good Thief". I know, it's
sad when a remake gets you to
watch an original, and one that is a classic on
top of that, but what can you do? The only problem
with seeing things in this fashion is that you want to compare the
original to the remake and not the
other way around as is normally done. I'm
not sure where I'm going with this other than to say, it's
kind of a weird scenario.
Nonetheless, what a fantastic film about the post-war exploits of a
petty criminal and his gang of
ne'er-do-wells skirting the line between keeping their nose clean and
getting involved in a big casino
heist. But this is all buried within the main story line of
gambling, and the idea of getting lucky as the
only thing that matters in life. Jean-Pierre Melville is the man
behind this classic, and he's gotten his
lofty reputation for good reason. As far as I'm concerned, this
is the best thing he ever created, even
topping Le Samourai in my book.
Body of Lies (2008)
- 7 out of
10 -
This is the kind
of movie that always gets described as a "taut thriller". It was
pretty damn taut...lots
of twists and lying and double-crossing, like a noir film set in
the war-torn Middle East. A nice job by
Leonardo DiCaprio in the lead role, and Russell Crowe
played the same asshole character he has
perfected in nearly every film...he does it well, it
seems to come naturally. This very much has the feel
of a Ridley Scott film - the man knows how to
mix poliyics and war in a very entertaining fashion.
Bodysong (2003)
- 5 out of 10 -
I liked what they were trying to do here - sort of a “Koyaanisqatsi” of
the human experience, from birth
to death - but it didn’t really work. Or maybe it worked,
but it was just boring. It started
off great, with
the creation of life from fertilizing the egg and the
embryo growing and yadda yadda…loved all the
internal photography stuff. But it was all downhill
after there; although the method of collecting video
bits and pieces over the ages and compiling them
sounds like a good idea on paper, I just wasn’t
particularly engaged by it.
Also of note - Johnny Greenwood of Radiohead provides an excellent
soundtrack to this film, much
better than the movie actually - I’d highly recommend checking it
out…I was actually quite familiar
with the soundtrack album before I ever saw the film.
Bomb the System
(2002)
- 6 out of 10 -
A cheesy but entertaining enough film about
the graffiti subculture, but this is not the modern coming
of “Wild Style” that I was hoping for. That classic flick still
felt more real, more in tune with the actual
kids running in the scene than this outing did. Maybe this was
because “Wild Style” used actual
members of the scene in the film? Maybe because flicks from that
era just look a lot more rad and
are not drenched in sub-par MTV-style editing? I dunno, I just
didn’t like it as much. But I guess a
middling graffiti movie is better than no graffiti movie at all, right?
Boogie Nights
(1997)
- 9 out of 10 -
Boogie Nights pulled off a number of amazing achievements…it brought
Burt Reynolds back from
the
grave, career-wise; it gave what will probably be the best telling of
both good and bad sides of the
pornographic industry; it offered Julianne
Moore’s fantastic breakthrough role (for which
she was
robbed the Oscar); but most importantly, it gave us one of the best
films ever about family. A dysfunc-
tional, non-related family, but a family nonetheless. I don’t
know how many times I’ve seen this film,
but it still keeps me riveted every time I see it.
This film is obviously going to go down in history as both Paul Thomas
Anderson
and Mark Wahlberg’s
crowning achievement. I’d like to hope that isn’t the case, but
it’s hard to imagine either of them coming
up with something better than this.
Oh yeah, and include
Heather Graham in that list – she can’t act her way out of a paper bag,
and isn’t
that great here, but dear
lord does she look good. I would probably be tempted to give this
film a high
rating based on that fact
alone.
Boogeyman (2005)
- 2 out of 10 -
Outside of the opening scene that was somewhat creepy, this film is
just terrible in ever regard. Moronic
story, subpar acting, and a “monster” that’s not even worth
mentioning.
If your choices are boredom or this,
choose boredom every time.
The Border (1982)
- 7 out of 10 -
Not the most exciting Jack Nicholson flick out there, but despite its
age it stands up pretty well, especially
giving the current immigration debate. Jack plays a
border cop, and a clean one at that, amongst a sea of
drug smugglers and folks dealing on the
black market. Good story, great cast – Warren Oates and Harvey
Keitel are great in supporting roles; most
importantly, it offers an interesting view on a very turbulent
situation
that hasn’t changed much
since this flick came out over 20 years ago. I think the current
talking heads in
office could
stand to watch this themselves, and realize things aren’t as
black-n-white as their stump
speeches.
Born into Brothels
(2004)
- 8.5 out of 10 -
Wow, what an emotionally draining documentary...focusing on the
children born and raised in the red light
district of Calcutta, it's hard not to be affected when
you see children growing up this way. This film follows a
small group of girls and boys,
whose mothers are prostitutes and fathers are drug adicts or pimps or
both,
and tells their story in a
fairly unique fashion - not only is there a film crew showing the
squalor and inhumane
situations these
children deal with daily,
but the kids themself do some of the
documenting as well. They are
part of an outreach
photography class put on by an ex-pat, and the kids are given simple
cameras
and asked
to photograph what they know. The sum of the parts is incredibly
beautiful and sad at the same time, and you
can't help but pull for these kids who have little to no chance
of making outside of this world they live in. Highly
recommended, but don't be surprised if
it makes you cry.
The
Bounty (1984)
-
6 out of 10 -
I
recently read an article about the rape trials on Pitcairn Island,
which led me to watching this film about the
founders of the island
for the first time since I was a kid. Most everyone knows the story
of Mutiny on the
Bounty at this point, and this flick doesn't really
do anything new with it, just dresses it up with a pack of fancy
actors (Anthony Hopkins, Laurence Olivier, Liam Neeson, Daniel Day
Lewis, Mel Gibson). It's actually fairly
enjoyable, despite the
frilly shirts, and due mostly to Hopkins acerbic portrayal of the
hated Captain Bligh
and the quality film score by Vangelis. Most
folks also seem to think this is the closest historic portrayal of
what actually happened on The Bounty, if that sort of thing matters
to you.
The Bourne Supremacy
(2004)
- 7 out of 10 -
This is one of those rare sequels that might actually improve on the
original. It's not that dissimilar to the
original really, maybe a touch darker, but essentially the same
idea - agent Bourne is trying to find out who
he is, what he is, why he is...and in the process, he
manages to pull off some serious ass-kicking. The film
gets especially impressive once they enter
Russia, and with the finale chase in particular; sure, it's totally
unbelievable, but riveting to watch.
The one area where this film fails miserably, is the "not enough Julia
Stiles" area. Unlike the first film, her
role is a very minor one. Boo to that - more Julia
Stiles!
The
Bourne Ultimatum (2007)
-
7 out of 10 -
While
I liked the other two “Bourne” flicks, this third outing is
probably their best effort. The story is plenty
interesting, and
speeds along proficiently, but that isn't why you watch these films –
no, you watch them for
the chase scenes, the special effects, the
fights, and the general cat-n-mouse adventures that happen in
this
sorta movie. The chase and subsequent fight in Morocco was one of
the best filmed action sequences
I've seen in some time, and worth
the price of rental alone.
Boxcar
Bertha (1972)
-
6 out of 10 -
If
you watched this you'd probably never in your right mind think Martin
Scorsese was the director behind this;
it feels more like low-brow
Roger Corman-style film making than the high quality Scorsese is
known for. This
movie might be best known as the one before the man
became who he was...”Mean Streets” came out the
following year
and he cemented Scorsese cemented his name as one of the all-time
directing greats. But until
then, he made a fairly entertaining
depression-era film about a group of thieves taking on the world
cause they
got nothing else going for them. And if that ain't enough
for you, Barbara Hershey gets naked in this flick...a lot.
The Boy Who Plays on the
Buddhas at Bamiyan (2004)
- 6.5 out of 10 -
This documentary follows a young child and his family, all homeless,
who try to scratch out an existence
by living in the caves that surround the former home of the Buddhas at
Bamiyan in Afghanistan, before
the Taliban blew them to smithereens a few years back for being
“idolatrous”. The film does an ex-
cellent job of portraying the daily struggle the boy faces between
being a kid and surviving in a harsh
land, but sadly it is too light on facts…although I consider myself
fairly well read in these matters a little
narration as to the goings on in the local area would have kept things
moving along better. I found
myself fast-forwarding at times when the film would dwell for numerous
minutes on one monotonous
task or another for no real reason. It’s an interesting
documentary nonetheless on a world so very
different from our own.
The Boys of Baraka
(2005)
- 6 out of
10 -
Here I
was thinking the 4th season of The Wire
was painting the Baltimore
public school system in a bad
light…but according to this documentary, they may
have been too easy on them (which is just mind-boggling,
given how terrible
things looked on the show). Anyways,
this flick is about a school that takes a group of at-
risk inner-city middle
schoolers to Kenya in an attempt to turn their lives around and keep
them from
following
in the footsteps of most everyone they know – that is, to the streets
and ultimately to prison.
The film
as a whole makes for a fairly entertaining viewing,
but it almost feels wrong to enjoy this movie given
how shitty the real-life
happenings that it documents are. The
happy endings are few and far between for
these kids, even with
intervention. There is a lot of promise
in these kids that never gets reached, and it
doesn’t really seem like that
will be changing any time soon.
The Boys in Company C
(1978)
- 7 out of
10 -
All the reviews
I've ever seen of this movie have referred to it as the "original" or
"precursor" of "Full Metal
Jacket". This film follows a group of Marines from boot camp and
into the war in Vietnam, and has a tough-
ass drill instructor played by R. Lee Ermey...sound familiar?
"Jacket" is the better film of the pair, but this
is still a fine outing that does a realistic portrayal of the war and
doesn't sugarcoat anything.
Boyz n the Hood
(1991)
- 9 out of 10 -
The power packed into this amazing film has not lessened at all over
the years. Probably because the
dates may change, but the inner-city problem as depicted here
remains the same. John Singleton does an
amazing job of displaying the cycle of violence that
perpetrates these areas, and laces his story with char-
acters that you genuinely care for, even
when they are doing things you don't approve of. This is the
career
highlight of a number of
people involved - Singleton as a director, Ice Cube in his first
important role (and the
dude can act,
he needs to get away from all
that awful popcorn crap), and even Cuba Gooding Jr. is great.
Singleton's message of "increase the peace" may be a little simplistic
and hard to attain, but something
clearly needs to be done.
He is not so
much offering solutions as he is trying ot bring the
problems up for
discussion. Of course, being
nearly 15 years removed
from the release of this film, nothing has changed.
But at least
Singleton
gave it a shot.
The
Brave One (2007)
-
6.5 out of 10 -
It's
the age old story, where girl meets boy, boy is beaten to death by
thugs, and girl seeks revenge...your
classic breezy romantic comedy. Seriously, I had low expectations for
this revenge flick, but it was
surpris-
ingly decent. Jodie Foster and Terrance Howard are both fine
actors putting out good work here, and the
writing is fairly nuanced
considering the subject matter at hand. What could have been heavy
handed and
moralistic was instead treated like a study in fear and
paranoia and the lengths some will go to take back
the lives they
once knew.
Breach (2007)
- 7 out of 10 -
Can you think of
a better choice for
playing an uptight man in middle management than Chris Cooper? As
my
old lady would say, the man looks like the picture postcard of a
comptroller. Throw Gary Cole and
Dennis Haysbert into the mix in the
supporting roles and that is serious grip of fortune 500 board
member-
looking assholes. This flick is the true story of famed spy
Robert Hanssen, and could be best described by
the cliché
phrase “taut thriller”. And even though you know what is going
to happen in the film, at least if
you've paid attention to the news
at all, it's still a quality movie that is well worth checking out. Not
a lot of
action, and you might want to punch Ryan Phillippe in
the mouth (though when is this not true, right?), but
certainly a
keeper.
The Break-Up
(2006)
- 3 out of 10 -
I know
women get a bad rap about loving shitty romantic comedies (or romcoms
as the kids refer to them),
but my old lady gets major props for
calling out this piece of shit very early on. I think the only
reason
either of
us even finished the damn thing was out of sheer boredom and
some small hope that Jennifer Anniston would
get killed by a meteorite
(spoiler: it doesn't happen). It's not funny at all, there's no
chemistry, and the story is
about as stupid as they come. Avoid at all
costs.
Breakfast
on Pluto (2005)
-
3 out of 10 -
Admittedly,
I didn't give this much of a chance, but there is only so much of
Cillian Murphy talking in a falsetto
voice that anyone can take. And
since he was the only reason I was watching this flick about “a
cross-dressing
prostitute who becomes a magician's assistant” in
the first place, there was no need ot carry on.
Breaking
Away (1979)
-
7.5 out of 10 -
I
had pretty much put off watching this movie for years because I've
never been one to watch movies about
bicycle enthusiasts, but it
turns out that the picture on the cover is not an all-encompassing
wrap-up of the
story that unfolds here. In fact, though bicycling is
a major part of the story, I'd say it is secondary to the main
tale
of four friends growing up and trying to figure out what they are
going to do with their lives. Great acting
from the four main
characters, even if the story did get a bit ham-fisted at times
(especially when the dad
was involved).
Breakout (1975)
- 6.5 out of 10 -
In my continuing examination
of all things Charles Bronson, I watched this mid-70’s B-movie romp where he is
hired to break
Robert Duvall out of a Mexican prison. Well, I can’t verify it
was an actual B-movie,
but it certainly
is
of that quality; and while some might debate my calling it a “romp”,
the film was close
enough and plus I just like
calling movies “romps”. It was
mostly serious, but Bronson played just a goofy enough
character that it barely
qualifies – that combined with the fact that
his sidekick (played
by
America’s heartthrob Randy Quaid) at one
point dresses like a woman in
an attempt to smuggle
Duvall
out says a lot. To put it in proper perspective, if this
got
remade, and it probably
will at the going
rate in Hollywood, they’ll probably have The Rock playing Bronson’s
role and someone like
Steve Zahn
pulling the part of Quaid.
Anyways, all that bullshit
aside, it’s a decent enough film, a good cast
and a not-terrible story, a little action and
the occasional
joke…it helped a boring afternoon pass, so I can’t complain.
Brick (2005)
- 8 out of 10 -
On paper, "modern teenage film noir" sounds like a terrible idea, but
it works exceptionally well here. Credit
a fine story, great direction, and a stupendous cast let by Joseph
Gordon-Levitt. He might still be best known
as the goofy kid from the even goofier show "Third Rock from the Sun",
but I've really been impressed with his
acting chops in his various roles of the last few years. He
reminds me somewhat of a young Johnny Depp,
not in looks per se but in his acting range...Gordon-Levitt can
seemingly pull off any type of character and
make it real goddamn believable.
This film would be an easy one to overlook, but do yourself a favor and
check it out if you have any love for
the noir genre...it hasn't been serviced too well recently so it's nice
to see that someone out there gets what
it is all about.
Bride Wars (2008)
- 0 out of
10 -
Sweet mother of
god, show this to the suspected terrorists in Gitmo and you'll get much
better results than with
waterboarding or any other torture techniques.
Bridget Jones: The Edge of
Reason (2004)
1/10
I really enjoyed Bridget
Jones's Diary (2001). It was cute, funny, sassy and snappy.
Unfortunately, Bridget
Jones: The Edge of Reason
is none of the above. In this sequel, Renee Zellweger has again
"plumped" up
to play the title character but manages to lose much
of the charm she brought to the first film. The script and
dialogue are thin and unbelievable;
Bridget is imprisoned briefly in Thailand on false drug smuggling
charges.
While incarcerated, she
teaches her fellow inmates a dance routine set to a Madonna song. Colin
Firth's Mark
Darcy is cold and distant. It is never clear precisely why
Bridget loves
Mark so; he has all the appeal of a
mustard and oreo sandwich. Hugh Grant returns as
Daniel Cleaver, Bridget's philandering former boss and
Mark's former
best friend. He does what he can
but it's nowhere near enough to save the rapidly sinking
ship.
I wish I could get my $9.75 back. Avoid this film at all costs.
(Chelsea
Junget)
Bring Me The Head of
Alfredo Garcia (1974)
- 8 out of 10 -
Probably the most perfect cinematic example of why the statement “I
wish I were more like Warren Oates”
became the popular catch phrase that it did. The man is just pure
badassery personified here, what with
the shooting everything in sight, bedding down skanky women, and that
nearly constant smart-ass smirk
he has on his face most of the flick. Sam Peckinpah was known for
his ability to make mortal actors into
heroes personified, and this may be the best of all his classics
(though catch me on another day and I
might say the same thing for “The Wild Bunch”).
Brokeback Mountain
(2005)
- 6 out of 10 -
As a straight dude secure in his heterosexuality, the kissing and
homosexual overtones don’t bother me…
what does bother me is when Ang Lee drags out a
movie that could be wrapped up in 90-100 minutes
out much longer than necessary. Not that I was surprised in the
least, Lee has a tendency for getting a
little long winded, but I did find myself telling the DVD to get to the
point during the last 45 minutes or so.
But still, even with a film this slow you still have to admire the
cinematography – some of the most beautiful
landscape
I’ve ever seen in a film, makes me wish Terrence Mallick would make a
film in this location just
to view the magic he would work with the cameras. The acting was
great as well, all
around; I think I found
myself most impressed with the performances of the ladies, most likely
because they were the ones I’ve
expected the least of throughout the careers. All told, certainly
worth viewing but if I watch this again it will
be with one finger firmly planted on the fast-forward button.
Broken Arrow (1996)
- 5 out of
10 -
I'm pretty sure
this film wasn't supposed to be a comedy, but John Travolta's attempt
at playing a bad ass
is one of the best unintentionally funny characters in film
history. I know John Woo is known for making over-
the-top films, but this might be the worst of the
worst. Or the best of the best, depending on your opinion of
bad movies.
Broken Flowers (2005)
- 8.5 out of 10 -
This is one of the best things I've seen in the theatre in a long time,
and is everything I expected it would
be. Filmmaker Jim Jarmusch has been my favorite for years,
and this is just further proof why - his
ability to make a movie so lifelike, where every answer gives you five
more questions and all problems
are not wrapped up nicely, is what makes his films so engrossing.
Apparently Jarmusch wrote this role specifically for Murray, and in
only two-and-a-half weeks. But no
doubt there was a lot of thought that went into the project for ages
before that. The ending particularly -
Jarmusch knew exactly what he was doing by leaving it so open-ended,
and knew it would piss some
people off (most likely those folks who think Holly wood has really
been putting out great movies lately).
I'm not sure what I'm trying to say here,
but just know this movie is fantastic - well acted, occasionally
funny, and more than most flicks, it makes you think. And the
soundtrack is killer, I really need to get a
copy of that.
Broken
Trail (2006)
-
7 out of 10 -
I
just can't imagine a scenario where you could combine the directing
of Walter Hill with the acting of
Robert Duvall and not get classic
viewing. Westerns lend themselves nicely to miniseries, and this is
most certainly a nice miniseries about a horse drive thrown off track
when the cowboys in charge
(Duvall and Thomas Haden Church) save a
group of Chinese girls en route to a life of prostitution. This
was
made for TV, so as you might imagine everything turns out relatively
“happily ever after.” But the
journey to that ending is well
worth watching, with wonderful acting jobs out of everyone and
cinema-
tography to die for. Don't let the long playing time fool you,
this series is well worth seeing.
The Brood (1979)
- 4 out of 10 -
I honestly don’t have much to say
on this, I found it quite boring, a psychological thriller with little
actual
thrill. Probably could be considered decent fare from some
directors, but for David
Cronenberg you
expect better. But there was a great scene at
the first of the movie
where someone gets killed with a
mallet, and that was good times. More
mallet deaths in films please.
The
Brother from Another Planet (1982)
-
7 out of 10 -
Easily
my favorite mute-martian-living-on-earth-amongst-us-with-wacky-feet
of all time. It's always
struck me as odd that this is John Sayles
movie, as it's really not like anything else he directed before
or
after; but it is an enjoyable, weird flick full of interesting
characters and a lot of “Repo Man”-esque
special effects. A fun
movie, nothing groundbreaking, but like nearly all of Sayles movies
it is worth
seeing.
Brotherhood
of Death (1976)
-
6 out of 10 -
Seventies...black
Vietnam vets versus
the KKK in the deep south...typical blacksploitation racial
overtones...the review should pretty much write itself. Not great by
any stretch, but enjoyable enough,
and thankfully short.
An interesting
side note that I didn't
realize at the time – many of the stars were also pro football
players. Thinking back on this after the fact, it would help explain
the wooden acting somewhat.
The Brothers Bloom
(2008)
- 6 out of
10 -
This film was a
little too precious and quirky just for the sake of being quirky...but
I still enjoyed it. A
good cast helped - Mark Ruffalo and Adrien Brody make a nice tandem,
and Rachel Weisz is about
as cute as is humanly possible. The twists and turns of this
conman film were pretty obvious, but the
pacing was good and the European sets made for nice eye candy.
The Brothers Grimm
(2005)
- 7 out of 10 -
There is a good chance this is the worst film Terry Gilliam has
made...but even the worst of his films
are still a pretty entertaining show to watch. Matt Damon and
Heath Ledger both do fine work por-
traying the con-artist Grimm Brothers, who go from town to town
creating fake ghouls-n-goblins that
they then battle for rewards from the townsfolk. The story wasn't
really anything special and the effects
were middling at best, but there was still something endearing about
the whole mess that kept me
pretty well involved throughout the whole thing. Gilliam's sense
of whimsy and fantasy is probably the
best in the business (especially since Tim Burton seems to have made a
dreadful slide downhill in this
department), and as I said, it's possibly the worst work he's put out
but still a very entertaining yarn.
Brothers
Solomon (2007)
-
6 out of 10 -
This
is basically “Dumb and Dumber”, but instead of chasing Lauren
Holly across the country they are
trying to have a baby to please
their comatose father (played by The Fall Guy himself, Lee Majors).
Very stupid, fairly funny...a good time if you're feeling like
something light, but don't go in expecting high
quality. It probably
helps if you have a man-crush on Will Arnett, one of the funniest men
in the business.
Nearly every current SNL actor makes an appearance
at one point or another.
Bruce Almighty (2003)
- 5.5 out 10 -
Can you think
of a better choice for god than Morgan Freeman?
Cause I sure can’t. And frankly, he
and Steve Carell are the
highlights of this film. As a general rule, I have trouble
swallowing “faith” as a
major premise behind a
movie, unless Charlton
Heston is somewhere in it being his campy self.
Somehow his
hammy acting makes everything seem ok.
The story here is pretty
simple – a very self-centered TV reporter, played by Jim Carrey,
complains
and
complains to any one who
will listen, and especially to god, that his life sucks and why does
god do this
to him? Presumably,
after he’s heard enough whinging, god bestows his powers on Carrey
since he
thinks he can do a better job. You can pretty much guess where it
goes from here – being god is hard,
Carrey finds himself, everything works out nicely…not that I was
expecting anything different. The biggest
problem is
that the Carrey we know and love just isn’t very funny, and I suspect
the main culprit to be poor
writing. This role could honestly be played by any Hollywood
hack, there’s nothing particularly about the
character. Jennifer
Aniston is also in the film as Carrey’s girlfriend, and while she
continues to be the only
Friends star to make
any sort of career for herself, I’m not sure this is the direction she
wants to take.
Overall, an enjoyable enough but utterly forgettable film that is
probably only worth watching if you are really
bored.
Bruce and Me (2004)
- 7 out of 10 -
This documentary was supposed to be seen as a study over an estranged
father/daughter relationship,
but it becomes clear early on that the film better serves the
purpose of introducing all of us to the character
that is Bruce Siedler. A life long anti-government
petty crook full of interesting ideas, the whole side story
of Bruce traveling to Cuba to visit his local
girlfriend (who was coincidentally a third of his age) was the
best part of the story; not only did it
supply me with further footage of modern Cuba, a place I yearn to
visit,
but the whole interaction
between Bruce and his strange gold-digging lady was hilarious.
Brüno (2009)
- 5 out of
10 -
I would describe
this film as 30% hilarious and 70% uncomfortable. I didn't watch
much of the extras, but
the fact that Sacha Baron Cohen didn't get his ass beaten multiple
times during
the filming of this flick is a
true miracle.
Bubble (2005)
-
6.5 out of 10 -
Soderbergh has become one of
those rare directors that has the ability to switch between big-budget
Hollywood
romps and small, independent fare - and not get any flack for it.
I've always been more par-
tial to his smaller films
(Scizopolis probably being his finest work), but
he even manages to make a
blockbuster at least
entertaining. Bubble definitely fits into the small category -
both in production,
which is fine, but in story
as well, unfortunately. There just isn't much there - life in a
small town is shown,
a murder is committed, the
crime is solved, the end. I know that might
sound like I'm oversimplifying
things, but that is truly
all that happens. Props to Soderbergh on his
use of non-professional actors and
setting the small town tone
- it was all the makings of a great movie.
I'd love for him to go back with this
cast and set and a better
script, I have no doubt something fantastic could come out of it.
As it is, it's
still worth checking out,
and since it lasts less than an hour and a half, you're not out much
time if you
don't enjoy it.
Bukowski: Born Into This
(2003)
- 6 out of 10 -
Let it be known that I love
Bukowski's writing - he came up with a great style and concept and kept
re-
peating it for years, and it
never got old. But I'm not sure this fawning piece of fluff is
truly the best re-
membrance
of the man. I guess I just can't imagine he would have liked it,
all the ass-kissing going on.
And while
it's great to learn about his background, I would say checking out
his autobiography paints a
more vivid picture and is a
fantastic read to boot. Mickey Rourke's portrayal of the
Bukowski-ish char-
acter in Barfly I think
presents the man in a more realistic light, and adamned
enjoyable one at that.
Bull Durham (1988)
- 8.5 out of 10 -
As a man from and
with great pride in North Carolina, and a lover of baseball, it’s no
wonder that I feel
such a draw to Bull Durham. Set in Durham, NC, it’s about a group
of minor league players in various
states of their career, trying to make it to the major leagues.
Specifically, it revolves around “Nuke”
LaLoosh (Tim Robbins),
a great
young pitching talent but dumb as a rock, and his interactions with
both
Annie Savoy (Susan
Sarandon) and Crash Davis (Kevin Costner) and
their attempts to prepare him for
the big show. Crash is a “has been” winding up his career in the
minor leagues, and Annie is a philos-
ophizing southern belle who takes on LaLoosh as both a lover and a
student of life.
Baseball may be the overriding theme of the film, but it’s mostly a
character study at heart, and a fantastic
one at that.
Plus funny – there are a number of times where I laughed out loud,
particularly the scene
where they had the
meeting at the pitcher’s mound during the game to discuss purchasing
wedding
presents and getting a live chicken for one of the player’s
rituals. Ok, it’s not funny when I write about, just
go watch the damn movie you oaf.
Bulletproof Monk
(2003)
- 6 out of 10 -
He may not be the best actor in the world, and trying to pretend he is
a martial arts bad ass is beyond
the realm of my imagination, but for some reason I find that Seann
William Scott just has one of those
magnetic personalities that
makes any film he is in, no matter how dumb, an interesting
watch. In a
lot of ways this film reminded me of another recent film of his, The
Rundown, only with a far east bent
instead of South America. Both films have the same buddy combination of
bad-ass/smart-ass, the
chase of a powerful item, the overcoming of a particularly ruthless
foe. Both
are also equally enter-
taining, even if they are examples of throw-away movies at their
finest. Looking for some mindless
fun, you could do a lot worse than this film.
Bulitt (1968)
- 7 out of 10 -
I’m of two minds here – despite
its
cult status and even the opinion of some of my friends, I don’t
think that Bullitt is that great
of a movie. Sure, I have a soft spot for anything filmed in San
Francisco -
it’s always great to check out
how the
city looked then versus its current look; but the plot is mediocre
at best and the film drags
numerous times. On the flipside, it is humanly impossible not to
love
anything Steve McQueen made, as
he is
one of the greatest manly-men action stars to have ever
lived. And the car chase
scene through the city is so very good, it probably makes up for a lot
of the
dramatic uselessness in the
film. Honestly, if it was just a movie of McQueen hanging around,
looking
cool with hot ladies and a
bitchin’ car and some exciting chases, it would get the same review.
Burden of Dreams
(1982)
- 7.5 out of 10 -
Newsflash: Werner Herzog is crazy. Bollocks you say?
No really, he’s out of his goddamn mind,
and if you don’t believe me you need not look any further than this
documentary on the making of the
film “Fitzcarraldo”. But you already knew he was loony if you’ve
seen any of his films…luckily, for
whatever reason genius and nuts seem to run a parallel path and the
result has been a number of
classic films, including the one featured in this doc. Lester
Bangs does a fantastic job of framing
the layers of madness and fuck-ups that plagued this production,
nearly all of which were the result
of a brilliantly mad German director. Sure, he nearly killed off
an entire tribe of indigenous people
hired as workers on the flick, but he got that damn boat hauled up the
hill!
Burn
After Reading (2008)
-
7.5 out of 10 -
While
not as instantly engaging as many Coen films, I have a feeling this
dark comedy will stand up
very well over time. To roughly
paraphrase, the I couldn't sum this film up any better than the
filmmakers
themselves...this is about when the world of personal
fitness meets the governmental spy world. Given
both groups is made
up by the dumbest people ever put on celluloid, the results are
haphazard and
comical. Brad Pitt is especially excellent and
hilarious as a bumbling personal trainer trying to extort
money out
of an unbalanced former agent.
The
Burning (1981)
-
7 out of 10 -
Pretty average slasher movie, mostly only notable as it was
the first or
one of the first films for a
number of notable stars...Jason
Alexander, Holly Hunter, Fisher Stevens, and even Brian Backer
(notably for his work on “Fast Times at Ridgemont High”). If you
like mindless gore and seeing future
stars before they were big time,
look no further.
Bury
My Heart At Wounded Knee (2007)
-
6 out of 10 -
I
was struggling to think of anything worthwhile to write about this
film, which is what I would assume is
a fairly accurate portrayal
about the plight of the American Indian in the 1800s being moved from
their
land to make room for settlers. Ultimately, while the subject
matter is fairly interesting, and the acting
decent, the film itself
is not terribly interesting or exciting. I'm not sure why either
exactly – I was thinking
it might possibly be due to the flick
starting out action-packed, but never returning to that level of
excite-
ment the rest of the movie.
Cache
(2005)
-
5 out of 10 -
I
realized going in that this was going to be a “psychological
thriller”, but generally that doesn't mean
“a really
unnecessarily slow and creepy movie”.
Bear in mind, I liked the
story and the acting was fine,
but if you cut out most of the dead
air this film probably wouldn't have been over an hour long. This
film
struck me as the sort that would be co-opted and remade by
Hollywood...I'm picturing Julianne Moore
as the mom.
Cadillac Records
(2008)
- 7 out of 10 -
The "based on a
true story"
tale of Chess Records, from it's humble beginnings until Leonard
Chess de-
cided to sell and get out of the business. I assume not all
the facts are accurate, but it does a good job of
tracking early
chicago blues music (Muddy Waters, Little Walter and Howlin' Wolf)
and it's musicians, and
the beginnings of rock-n-roll. The pacing on
the film is great, the set design is stellar, and the music is
obviously fantastic. But the greatest part of the film was Howlin'
Wolf, played brilliantly by Eamonn Walker -
he didn't have a lot of
scenes, but when he was on the screen he stole all the scenes. The
producers
would be stupid not to do a Howlin' Wolf biographical film
with him as the star, because he becomes
Wolf. And it is an amazing
thing to see.
California Split
(1974)
- 8 out of 10 -
Robert Altman + George Segal + Elliott Gould = how in the bloody hell
had I managed not to see this
before now? Honestly, the fact that this isn’t considered amongst
Altman’s better films is bewildering
to me...I’m not saying it’s better than Nashville or MASH or Short
Cuts, but it certainly should be con-
sidered among them.
The whole film is like one big gambling party where Gould and Segal are
your hosts. There high
moments and low moments and hot chicks and hot gambling and lots of
comical chatter and the whole
things piles together in a mess like this run-on sentence I’m writing,
but a good, enjoyable mess that
makes you smile and wish you could hang out
with these guys.
Candy (1968)
- 5 out of 10 -
No one is going to confuse this for good cinema, but it certainly has
all the makings of a classic "romp".
It's biggest problem, however, is that it is way, way,
way too long...the book this is based on is pretty damn
short, and you could probably read it faster than you
could watch this movie.
Also, it should be noted that
the film veers off from the book in so
many directions, so many times, that it's pretty comical (if you've
never read the book, you should
check it out - damn hilarious).
That said, with fast-forward button in hand, this is worth viewing for
two reasons - incredibly hot women
(especially the lead of Ewa Aulin) and a million amazing cameos -
Ringo Starr as the hispanic gardner,
Walter Matthau playing a sex-starved general, Sugar
Ray Robinson playing a driver, James Coburn as a
quack doctor...and add to that list Marlon
Brando, John Huston, Richard Burton - many "romp"-worthy
performances.
Candy (2006)
- 6.5 out of 10
-
This kinda felt
like someone was really
jonesin' to make an Australian version of “Trainspotting”, only
with a Romeo & Juliet-ish love story included. And it worked
well enough I suppose, though mostly due
to the chemistry and acting
between the two leads, Abbie Cornish and Heath Ledger. Things are
also
helped along nicely by the always superb Geoffrey Rush, who
plays a sorta drug-hazed father figure to
Ledger's lost soul. Honestly, the story is nothing worth writing about,
but if you're
looking for some decent
acting jobs you could do much worse.
Cannibal
Holocaust (1980)
-
4 out of 10 -
I
decided to watch this for the shock value, though honestly it was
more gross than shocking. Unless of
course you are referring to the
acting, which was beyond shocking. They also *really* kill a number
of
animals senselessly, and sure the film was made in a different
time but I just cannot abide that.
Obviously, I was pulling for the
cannibals.
Capote (2005)
- 9 out of 10 -
What to say about this film that hasn't been said by much better
reviewers than myself - this film is a
stunner. From start to finish, it grabs you about as well as
anything I've seen in years. The performances,
the screenplay, the direction...there's not a weak spot in the entire
thing. Truly, if ever there should be a
shoe-in for the Oscars, this should be it.
On the Oscar tip, I have been torn though after
seeing this - Phillip Seymour Hoffman from this film or
Terrence Howard from Hustle & Flow for best
actor? Hoffman might get a slight nod because his overall
film is better, but to try and pick a favorite from these two leads, I
don't think it's possible. There may
have
been two finer performances in one year at some
point in the history of cinema, but I can't think of it.
Carandiru (2003)
- 7 out of 10 -
This film was based on the true story of a prison massacre set in Sao
Paolo, Brazil in the
early nine-
ties that was sparked by a riot over some trivial
matters. Despite the prisoners having few weapons,
no hostages, and no water, the police stormed in
and killed 111 of
them. The prison, Carandiru, was
supposed to only house 4000 men;
instead upwards of
8000 crammed its cramped quarters in
extremely unhealthy conditions.
The first two-thirds of the film is told from the point-of-view of the
doctor who was there trying to help
prevent the spread of AIDs…you get to know many of the
characters in the prison, their back story and
how they ended up behind bars, and how they
interact behind the prison walls. This portion of the film
while mostly interesting, was a
bit more long winded than was necessary. Personally, I would have liked
to have seen more time spent
on what was the lastthird of the film – the bickering that led to the
riot and
then the
massacre. Furthermore, a bit of follow-up on some of the characters
they took the time to intro-
duce
would have been nice…if you’re going to go to the trouble to introduce
them, you might as well
offer some closure.
But for the most part this is a very interesting and good film, and it
is telling an important story that I wish
there was more to read up on. It would appear there
have been a couple
of books written on the matter,
but they are all in Portuguese and I have no
reason to expect them to be translated into English anytime
soon.
Carla’s Song (1996)
- 6 out of 10 -
This film is really that tale of two movies
- the part set in Scotland and the part set in Nicaragua - with
only a small amount of the story line in common.
It starts out fantastic, following Robert Carlyle’s character carry out
a normal and unfulfilling life as a
rebellious city bus driver. Then he meets Carla, a seemingly
illegal Nicaraguan refugee struggling to
get by in a land she doesn’t understand. He instantly falls for
her and they struggle and insert trials
and tribulations here, but it was all very enjoyable in that depressing
Ken Loach way.
Then they decide to go to Nicaragua to see Carla’s family, which is all
fine and good; but then it veers
into this strange political thriller/drama that I was not expecting to
pop up, and all of the sudden Scott
Glenn is in the movie as a CIA agent or something and the whole thing
just makes my eyes glaze over
and wish it was still the first part of the film. It would be
nice if Loach just went back and expanded
each part into their own movies, because there is plenty of material to
work with here.
Cars
(2006)
-
7 out of 10 -
I
didn't really have any interest in watching this...talking cartoon
cars, really? But somehow, it worked.
It might have been a few
minutes too long, and of course the story was hokey, but yet again
Pixar
managed to pull off a kid's movie that is actually enjoyable to
adults (or as close to as an adult as
I might be considered in most
circles). I'd still rank “Monsters Inc.” or “Finding Nemo”
as their best
offerings, but the company as a whole is batting a
damned high average.
Catch
A Fire (2006)
-
8 out of 10 -
I
don't know a lot about South Africa or the fight to overturn
apartheid, so I'll just have to take the fact that this
flick is
based on a true story for it's word. What I do know is this is an
interesting, well acted film with an
engaging story that kept me rapt
to the screen the entire time. I don't know what the actual results
will be, but
there is no good reason that Derek Luke isn't thrust
into stardom from the work done as the lead of this flick.
God knows
if I was running a studio I'd green-light him as the star for
anything. Tim Robbins is fantastic as well,
but no big surprise
there. Certainly a movie worth seeking out if you missed it the
first time around.
Catching Out (2003)
- 5 out of 10 -
I’ve always been a big fan of train hopping. Not doing it myself,
mind you – because I’m too much
of a pansy – but I’m just glad people still do it. I’ve seen a
few documentaries on the topic, and I
never get tired of it (same goes with docs on prisons). This film
started out with promise, lots of dirty
youths on trains expounding about the glory of hopping and all
that. But they eventually all stop, and
the film
follows them as they head into real life or the woods or
wherever. On the one hand, I can ap-
preciate
this – it’s probably the smart thing to do with the film, a nice linear
story and all. But about half
way through I found myself proclaiming “fuck this, where’s the train
footage?”…cause it pretty much dis-
appeared. Maybe this wouldn’t bother some folks, since they would
probably be interested in what
happens to the riders, but it bummed me out. I’m just
sayin’. So since half the film was good, it gets
a half score. hrrmph.
Cellular (2004)
- 2 out of 10 -
This film is retarded in
more ways than I can count. I think the best word to sum up the
plot and all the
action contained there-in is
"outlandish". William H. Macy is the only thing worthwhile in the
entire flick,
but the story and script are
so terrible I just hope he got paid well. It's really not worth
going into every-
thing that made this film
bad, just don't watch it unless...well, I can't think of a good
reason. Just don't
watch it.
Chained
Heat (1983)
-
5 out of 10 -
The
ultimate “chicks behind bars” film, this has everything you could
ask for – lots of tits, lots of ass, lots
of bad acting, and a
complete ludicrous story. Really, what more could you ask for? I
feel quite certain
that both the entire cast and crew were high as
kites on mountains of coke for the duration of this picture.
Chapter 27 (2007)
- 6 out of
10 -
This might only
be an "ok" movie, but I'll give it a slightly above average nod because
of the work Jared
Leto did to physically transform himself into John Lennon's killer,
Mark David Chapman. There is a
strong chance that a number of folks didn't even know it was Leto, he
looked so shockingly different. As
for the actual film itself - well, it looked great. the acting
was ho hum, especially when Lindsey Lohan
was on the screen, no surprises there. One odd/cool thing was the
film score - it sounded like some-
thing from an Errol Morris documentary, which was strange for a film
like this but wholly enjoyable.
Charlie & the
Chocolate Factory (2005)
- 7 out of 10 -
Despite the warnings from others and my own intuition based on
an unnatural love of Gene Wilder,
I watched this remake of the classic anyways…and surprisingly, I didn’t
think it was half-bad! I still
think it was totally unnecessary and Tim Burton’s amazing talent could
be better spent on some
original projects, but his eye for the fantastical really made the
factory scenes a treat. Johnny Depp
could never replace Gene Wilder (though he did a decent but creepy job
in his own right) and the new
Oompa-Loompas were abysmal, but the squirrel scene was so great
that I wished it had been in the
original. Go in with low expectations and you might just enjoy
this movie, even if you don’t think there
is a chance.
Charlie Wilson's War
(2007)
- 7 our of 10 -
I wrote this
movie off when it
initially came out, but I should have known better than not to figure
a film
with Phillip Seymour Hoffman playing a key role would be a
decent viewing. And a decent viewing it
is – this is by far the
best flick I've ever seen about political backroom deals to help the
Afghans oust
the Russians starring that dude from “Big”.
Chasing Liberty
(2004)
- 5 out of 10 -
There isn’t really much to say about this, it’s bubblegum film making
at best. I was sick and laying on
my couch and decided to
watch it, so stop looking at me that way…plus Mandy Moore is pretty
damn
cute. Seriously, stop looking at me that way.
Moore plays the president’s daughter, in search of a little freedom
while in Europe. As you might
imagine, hijinx ensue. Although not a great film, it’s not awful
either –
formulaic, yes, but Moore makes
for good eye candy as does the European backdrop where it was
filmed. And the
movie never tries to
be anything more than a cute by-the-books romantic comedy of sorts.
Chattahoochee (1989)
- 7 out of
10 -
This film
features Gary Oldman acting crazy, which is basically 95% of his roles
over the years. But hell,
he's so damn good at playing a loon I've pretty much enjoyed everything
I've
seen by the man. In this one
he's a soldier back in the States, not really able to handle the real
world,
and gets committed to a nut house.
Turns out the nut house is in worse shape than a porn star's vagina,
and
while Oldman is getting treated
like a turd in a punch bowl his sister is working on not only getting
him out of
the place, but changing things
for the better. Additional thumbs up to Dennis Hopper for somehow
finding it in himself
to play a crazy
person too...what a stretch!
The Cheerleaders
(1973)
- 4 out of 10 -
I know it's my own damn fault, but I
think I might have actually been expecting more than a campy
70's
B-movie full of boobs, both in terms of
the anatomical item and stupid folks. There isn't much
of a
story, in fact it's pretty much like a porn but without the
penetration. Lots of simulated sex
and that
manner of carry-on. At least a couple of the girls were kinda
hot, so at least there's that.
Chernobyl Heart
(2003)
- 9 out of 10 -
Dear god what a heartbreaking documentary. I just randomly
stumbled across this early one morning on
HBO, and was instantly riveted. The film is
about the effects of radiation on the locals living in the areas
near Chernobyl. It
mostly focuses on a particular condition known as "Chernobyl Heart",
hence the film's
title -
due to the radiation, some staggering number of children (I want ot say
25% but I could be
pulling that
out of my ass) are born with heart defects that prove fatal at a very
young
age. The filmmaker focuses on
the impact on the families, the children, and the
doctors, both locals and Americans who have donated
their time to come over and help out;
but there are so many hurting children and so little money and re-
sources, it seems to
end up being a lot like trying to plug a broken damn with chewing gum.
Words can't really do this documantary justice, it must be seen to
fully comprehend. Unfortunately, despite
the fact that it won the Academy Award for "Best
Documentary Short Subject", it hasn't been released to
video or DVD anywhere that I
can locate. But keep your eyes peeled, because if it ever does
get released
it is a
must view.
The
Chiefs (2004)
-
5 out of 10 -
This
is a documentary about the real Chiefs, the team that the film “Slap
Shot” was loosely based on, and
more specifically, about a number
of the career minor leaguers that come through their clubhouse. It's
an
interesting topic, but not really full-length-film interesting
(fans of hockey may feel differently). There are fights
and injuries
and a lot of funny Canadian accents, but I found it didn't really
hold my attention much after the
first 30 minutes.
Children
of Men (2006)
-
8.5 out of 10 -
I've
surely mentioned a thousand times my love of any film
post-apocalyptic or of a similar nature. It's always
especially
gripping when the scenario comes across as believable as it is here,
set only a few years in the
future in a world not terribly different
from our own but just fucked up enough to get your imagination racing
at
the possibilities. This film is about as fine of an example of
this style of futuristic vision as I have ever seen.
I can't even
think of the words to describe why this film is so effective –
something in the way it was shot, such
immediacy, with hand-held
cameras providing movement that gives the sense of urgency of living
in a life-or-
death situation. The final battle scene is probably the
only thing to ever come close to the realism in “Saving
Private
Ryan”, a real feat in filmmaking. I can't recommend this movie
highly enough.
Children
of the Corn II: The Final Sacrifice (1993)
-
3.5 out of 10 -
Look,
the first one of these was terrible but it was still entertaining in
that shitty-horror-film way (plus it had
some seriously creepy leads
that creeped me out as a kid); but the fact that they decided to make
multiple
sequels just boggles the mind. Who would bother writing
this? What coked up studio head green lit it? How
hard up for work
were the actors that agreed to appear in it? And mostly, how
desperate for entertainment
was I that I actually watched the
whole
damn thing?
Children
of Times Square (1986)
-
5 out of 10 -
The
whole time I'm watching this, I'm thinking it feels like a bad 80's
made-for-TV movie...well, it turns out it
actually was a bad 80's
made-for-TV movie. I mean, as far as that genre goes, this isn't
that bad – it's a
hokie story for sure but the acting could be a
lot worse and the fact that I've always been fascinated with
the area
around Times Square back in it's seedy days doesn't hurt. But I'd
guess the biggest reason most
people end up seeing this flick is that
it was directed by the man behind “L.A. Confidential” and “8
Mile”
Curtis Hanson. Maybe you like rote films about New York
cities seedy underbelly, maybe you're a Curtis
Hanson completest, or
maybe you are just bored like I often am and like to watch bad movies
sometimes.
Choke (2008)
- 6 out of 10 -
My sample size
is only two, but between
this film and "Fight Club" it seems like Chuck Palahniuk
really
likes to present stories that turn out not to be what they
seem at the end. I dunno, maybe he is all about
presenting
situations that challenge the viewer to decide who is really the
crazy one in the story. Either
way, this flick is fairly enjoyable,
mostly because Sam Rockwell makes for such an engaging lead. The
dude needs more high profile work, he deserves it.
Chop Shop (2007)
- 7 out of
10 -
This is a gritty
and depressing slice-of-life picture about a couple of latino kids,
presumably illegal, trying
to eke out a life the best they know how. Working and living in a
chop shop, stealing, hustling, turning
tricks, and doing whatever it takes to live the American dream.
The actors are so good and the scenes
so realistic that you could easily mistake this for a
documentary. Director Ramin Bahrani is really show-
ing he has an eye for conveying the lives of the under-appreciated in
his short-lived career, a career I
hope continues for a long time.
Chopper
(2001)
- 8 out of 10 -
This movie would get a high rating from me for the first few minutes of
prison scenes alone, some of my
favorites ever put on film
and god knows I love a good prison flick. Eric Bana
does an amazing job in this
role of Mark “Chopper” Reed, a role that put him
on the map here in the states and rightfully so. Few char-
acters
have ever walked that
fine line between asshole and folk hero like Chopper, and Bana is
completely
believable as him.
The film does get a bit slow in the last 30 minutes or so, but the
rest of the movie is so
great it doesn’t really matter.
A Christmas Story
(1971)
- 10 out of 10 -
I'm not really going to say much about this, because everyone has
already seen it a thousand times.
I've already watched it three times this xmas, and wouldn't be
surprised to see it again before it's all
over. This is the greatest christmas movie
of all time, or at least the last few generations. Sure,
some
folks would probably point to "It's a Wonderful Life" or maybe "Silent
Night, Deadly Night", but to those
folks I say get yer head out of your ass. The only thing that
comes close is Christmas Vacation, with
Bad Santa pulling in at third place (and Elf has
many great moments).
Christmas Vacation
(1989)
- 10 out of 10 -
After A Christmas Story, probably the best full-length christmas film
of all time (with Bad Santa firmly
holding down third). And while the cast as a whole does a good
job, the high rating is solely the work
of cousin Eddie, aka the greatest actor in the
world Randy Quaid (see Caddyshack II for further proof,
he actually makes that watchable). His great scenes are too
numerable to mention, and would never
translate well to words anyways, so why bother. Plus you've
already seen this movie anyways, and you
already know how much it rules.
Also awesome in this movie: Beverly D'Angelo's
breasts in the final scene.
The Chronicles
of Riddick (2004)
- 7 out of 10 –
There’s no need for any over-analysis here really – this is your
classic “good guy saves the
day” story with a strong sci-fi/fantasy bent. You know how this
thing is going to turn out from
the start, but it’s still a fun movie to watch - the special effects
are pretty damn good, there
are a couple of hot girls, and Vin Diesel, the best
screen name in show business, does a fine
job as the heroic lead. This movie was exactly what I expected, I
wish all films could live up
to that standard.
Chrystal (2004)
- 7.5 out of 10 -
Chrystal
is a very good, very quiet, and slightly disturbing southern film that
has been criminally ne-
glected by critics and movie
fans alike. This is a slow burner of a film,
one that won’t have much
impact if
you’re only casually viewing it (as I often do, unfortunately).
Billy Bob Thornton proves yet
again, at
least to me, that he is one of the greatest actors currently working
today. Maybe I have an
affinity for him because
he’s southern, or maybe because I’ve watched Sling Blade dozens of
times,
but something about that man
is incredibly captivating when he is on film. Sure, he’s been in
a few
stinkers but just his
presence alone elevates even total garbage to at least passable in
watch-ability.
If you wanted to get into
specifics talking about this film you could write pages – but when you
slice
down to the meat of the
matter this is a film about a man trying to redeem himself from the
wrongs he
has committed in the
past. His subsequent actions - both right and wrong
- are driven by this desire
to make everything okay
again. The entire cast is great; the direction is very
straightforward and
simple, which is very
complimentary to the story; all told, it’s a great film
that should be seen by many
more people.
Chu Chu and the Philly
Flash (1981)
- 5 out of 10 -
A great cast
wasted on a goofy,
mediocre film. Alan & Adam Arkin, Carol Burnett, Sid Haig, Ruth
Buzzi, Danny Glover, Danny Aiello, Jack Warden, and even Vincent
Schiavelli all portray some
manner of goon, goof or grabass in this
comical caper set in San Francisco. If you want to see the
way SF
looked a few years back and the late, great Jack Warden playing some
manner of hobo
king, give it a shot. Otherwise, not much going on
here.
The Chumscrubber (2005)
- 6.5 out of 10 -
Um, uh…you know how sometimes you see a movie, like it well enough, and
then forget about it 10
minutes later? I had to look up the imdb page just
to jog my memory of what transpired in this film,
but I know it was interesting enough when I watched it. Basically
it’s another of those “people are
fucked up under the idyllic façade of the suburbs”…a kid, who
happens to be one of the main drug
dealers at the high school, kills himself and sets off a
series of fucked-up events. Everything about
the movie is decent, all of the kids do decent jobs in their roles; the
only person particularly note-
worthy of the cast was Camilla Belle, who is exceptionally beautiful
and will hopefully get caught
sunbathing on a topless beach by the paparazzi sometime soon. Did
I say that out loud?
Ciao! Manhattan (1972)
- 4 out of 10 -
Andy Warhol has had
a huge influence over popular culture since he emerged back in the
sixties.
The art influence is obvious, and
one that I generally really enjoy. His influence in The Velvet
Under-
ground will forever cement him
to the notion of having a positive influence on music for generations.
But this film and all others that have come from his
Factory/Friends/Acquaintances have only proven
that drugs may be a great influence on art and music but it turns films
into something you have to be
on drugs to actually enjoy. And even that might not help. The
film is essentially
a fictionalized biography
of Edie Sedgwick,
starring herself. She was one of those “it” girls from the
sixties that was good pal
of Warhol and ended up dying at a young age from drugs. In that
this film portrays her the way she really
probably was – a drugged-out has-been who is more or less totally
helpless, it does a good job…but
that doesn’t mean it makes for interesting cinema. To be honest,
the fact that Edie is really attractive
and spends most of the film topless probably accounts for me watching
most of it – it
certainly wasn’t
the amateurish acting or awful story line that kept me riveted.
The Cincinnati
Kid (1965)
- 8 out of 10 -
Steve motherfuckin’ McQueen! + Norman Jewison
directing + New Orleans setting + gambling +
Ann Margaret and Tuesday weld looking super hot + supporting turns by
Edward G. Robinson,
Cab Calloway and Karl Malden = great movie.
Seriously, I enjoyed this quite a bit. Sure, it might be a bit
dated by it’s still one of the best movies
about gambling that’s been made (along with California Split).
This film doesn’t get nearly as
much attention as it should, but if you’re looking for quality classic
cinema this will do you right.
Cinderella Man (2005)
- 8 out of 10 -
Ron Howard can be a manipulative bastard when it comes to films, and
most of the time it is so
heavy-handed that it ends up having
the opposite effect intended, at least for me. but
he was
Opey on The Andy Griffith Show and I love that show, so I always give
him a second chance…and
it’s a good thing, as he finally got one right with Cinderella Man.
Say what you will about Russell Crowe being a blow hard and a prick,
but the jackass can act and
does a great job here as boxer Jim Braddock. His manager is
played by Paul Giamatti, and
although the role is a touch thin and one dimensional he does as good a
job as is possible with
it.
Renee Zelweger’s role could have been played by anyone and I wish it
had been as I don’t par-
ticularly like her, but she wasn’t a major distraction either.
The fact that this was set
during the
Great Depression and about boxing made it a must see for me; the fact
that it was actually good
made it even better.
Citizen
X (1995)
-
7 out of 10 -
As
someone who has always been fascinated by serial killers, I only
recently discovered the story
of Andrei Chikatilo, a Soviet-era
murderer who is thought to have killed more than 50 people. And
to
my delight, it wasn't long after that I found out HBO made a movie
based on the hunt for Chikatilo,
which I added to my netflix cue and
moved right to the top. As per usual, HBO did a fine job of
pre-
senting the story with a group of quality actors (Stephen Rea,
Donald Sutherland, Max Von Sydow),
top-notch writing, and taut
direction that gave the whole affair a really creepy vibe. I guess
you're
doing something wrong if a serial killer movie doesn't have a
creepy vibe though...
City of Men (2008)
-
7.5 out of 10 -
If
you've seen the television series “City of Men”, this film
basically mines the same territory and follows
the same characters as
they try to become responsible adults in the slums of Rio de Janeiro.
There is
the typical coming-of-age stuff most teenagers face –
gang wars, searching for long lost fathers that
have spent time in
prison for murder, hooking up with chicks in guard shacks, leaving
toddlers on the
beach with drug lords...the usual stuff. In all
seriousness, it's a very interesting and well-acted movie that
will
simultaneously draw and repel you from Rio and Brazil.
The Clash: Westway to the
World (2000)
- 9 out of 10 -
The definitive Clash documentary, featuring loads of interview footage
from the band, made just a few
years before Joe Strummer kicked the bucket. Since I consider The
Clash one of the all-time greats,
it’s a no-brainer that I would enjoy a well made documentary on them;
but it is my belief that this film
would be interesting to anyone, as all of the former members of the
band are such interesting characters.
The only real complaint is how they sorta ignore the end of the band,
and never even mention that atro-
cious post-Mick Jones record “Cut The Crap”, but other than those minor
barbs it’s really a top-notch,
entertaining telling of one the greatest rock bands of all time.
Class
of 1984 (1982)
-
7.5 out of 10 -
It's
especially awesome looking back on bleak films like this one about
the eighties, having lived through
it and knowing it wasn't like
this, but still enjoying the shit out of it. It's like some sort of
parallel universe,
and honestly it's a universe I'd like to be a part
of sometimes...a universe where Michael J Fox is a goody-
goody kid at
your school, the fill-in music teacher goes around killing the
troublesome punks, and Alice
Cooper performs the theme songs. That's
the sort of eighties I wish actually existed outside of the celluloid
world.
The Clearing
(2004)
- 6 out of 10 -
The basic premise of this story is simple: a working class loser
(Willem Defoe) kidnaps a
rich executive
(Robert Redford) and
leaves his wife (Helen
Mirren) to try and straighten things out. The bulk of the
film
is spent with Defoe and Redford talking and walking through the woods
en route to a hideout cabin,
giving you the back story of how things got to where they did, and the
rest is Mirren dealing with the FBI,
her family, and her feelings on the whole matter.
Something about this film feels very much like a play, particularly
like something David
Mamet would
have come up with but without the interesting plot twists. It is
essentially just a three-person film, with
some small supporting roles, and it is extremely well acted. But
the story, the dialogue…is just boring.
At no point did I find myself really caring what happened to the kidnap
victim or his family, and rather
siding with Defoe if I had to take a side at all. This movie
could have been an hour shorter and it still
would have probably been too long for this story. Just a classic
example of a film that probably should
not have been made, and no amount of star power or great acting could
save it.
Click (2006)
- 5 out of 10 -
I was looking for stupid juvenile humor out of this, and got an attempt
at moralizing ala "It's a Wonderful
Life" on not taking your life for granted. It wasn't godawful,
but it
sure wasn't what I was expecting out of
a film whose ad spots involved Adam Sandler pausing a jogging
big-titted woman
so he could stare at
her rack. I've
also got to
question the logic of including that ham David Hasselhoff in such a
large role in
the film when a cameo by that douche would have been more than enough
screen time.
All told, watching
this just made we want to rewatch one of Sandler's classics like Happy
Gilmore or
Billy Madison.
Closure
(2007)
- 6 out of 10 -
Pretty straight
forward revenge
flick...kinda like “I Spit on Your Grave” minus the gratuitous
nudity, and only
with occasional nudity. Hearing Gillian Anderson
speak in a British accent is a bit startling, but I guess it is
kinda
her natural state (She lives over there and spent a chunk of her
childhood there as well). Well acted,
you could certainly do worse.
Cloudy with a Chance of
Meatballs (2009)
- 6 out of
10 -
This movie
mostly just made me realize how much Pixar has screwed up animated
films for everyone else.
This was a decent enough lark, but the animation left you wanting so
much more. Some nice choices on
the voiceover work though - Bruce Campbell and Mr. T really added a
nice touch.
Coach Carter (2005)
- 7.5 out
of 10 -
I have a
well documented for cheeseball sports films, and
the regs-to-riches stories like that of Coach Carter
are always my
favorites. As an added bonus, this one
has local appeal as the film is based on the true story
of the real Coach
Carter in Richmond, CA.
Samuel L. Jackson does a fine job playing the tough love Coach,
all the
kids did a great job (including Rick Gonzalez, who has been playing a
high
schooler for what feels like
10 years at least, and he’s nearly my
age), but
it’s not the acting that makes movies like these so endearing –
it’s the
tough-luck kids scraping and clawing to rise above their meager
settings into
something better. True
to the story, the
Richmond High basketball team goes from ashy to classy in one season
and make
the state
playoffs thanks to their new coach who never gives up on them.
And I really
appreciated that they stuck to
the
WHOLE story, by having Richmond lose in a
close battle to the tourney favorites just as happened in real life,
and not
falsifying the information just for the sake of a Hollywood
ending. Given my love of sports movies
and
basketball, there was no way I was not going to like this – but
somehow, it
was even better than expected.
Cobra
Verde (1987)
-
6 out of 10 -
Like
most of Werner Herzog films, this one is overly long and features a
totally insane Klaus Kinski in the
lead role. This was their last
movie together, and despite it not being as highly touted as their
other pairings
it's one of their best. Though to be completely
honest, this is less because of the Herzog/Kinski dynamic and
more
because of the West African setting and the slave trade story line. In
my mind, the fort featured here is
the star of the film, whose
real name is Elmina Castle and proof that I need to make a trip to
Ghana in the
near future.
Cocaine
Cowboys (2006)
- 6.5 out of 10
-
A little long
and put together in a
rather odd way that I can't really explain, but otherwise a pretty
interesting
documentary. It covers the southern Florida drug
smuggling industry, from its beginnings just lugging a few
bales of
weed to full-scale cocaine trafficking involving hundreds of people.
Possibly the most interesting
fact covered was how they went into
detail how the drug trade affected the entire economy of south
Florida,
with many legitimate businesses thriving off of the dirty
money flooding the area (and
subsequently going
bankrupt once the DEA
really cracked down on the smuggling). A minor plot
point maybe, but
an interesting
part of this story I'd never given any consideration
to.
Code 46 (2003)
- 5 out of 10 -
You know, when I think back on this film, the only thing I can remember
is getting to see Samantha
Morton's vagina. Oh, and Mick Jones of The Clash and Big Audio
Dynomite making a strange cameo
singing one of his songs, "Should I Stay or Should I Go?" at a kareoke
bar in the film.
You could probably take from these statements a numbero f different
things, but what I'm getting at
is this just isn't a very interesting film. Most certainly
beautiful, and maybe a bit thought provoking,
but mostly boring. Bang up job
on the locations and cinematography, they are just top notch.
Code of Silence (1985)
- 6 out of 10 -
It's a Chuck Norris action movie! Fighting bad guys! Doing
his weird almost-kung fu thing! This doesn't
stand out from any of his other crime-fighting capers really, but it's
no worse either. It's enjoyable, decent
fight scenes and all that, but probably it's best feature is how dated
it is. There's a key scene where this
police artillery robot is introduced, which was
no doubt cutting edge at the time but looks so dated and
cheesy now that you can't help but laugh. It looks like some set
design intern went to a hardware store,
spent 50 bucks, did some crystal meth and this was what came out the
next day. I wish there was a
sequel that was just this robot fighting crime, as it would be the
greatest
film ever. Anyways, where was I?
Oh yeah, Chuck Norris - you know what you're getting here.
Coffy (1973)
- 7.5 out of 10
-
The movie might
be a 5 at best, but Pam
Grier's boobs are a 10 so we'll just call it in the middle and
leave
it at that. Classic blacksploitation from start to finish...hot
naked ladies, insane outfits on both sexes,
and more dead bodies
covered in bright red paint than you can shake a stick at.
Cold Creek Manor (2003)
- 6 out of 10 -
This film has gotten panned by a lot
of critics, and it would be tough for me to argue against
it. The plot,
when there is one at all, is wholly predictable; the acting
is medicore at best, including Dennis Quaid
(I expect suck out of Sharon Stone so no surprise there).
In all, considering theman behind the camera,
Mike Figgis, everyone expected more but he did
not deliver.
That said, I didn't regret watching the movie; and if nothing else,
they got one thing right - creepy. It is a
fairly unnerving film somehow
- not scary mind you - but something about this movie is
so off it's almost right.
If nothing else, a decent rainy day
option.
Collateral
(2004)
- 8 out of 10 -
I’ve always had a thing for Michael Mann films – he has a way of making
them give off a particular aura,
so that you know
it’s him right away. I can’t quite explain it, but everything
seems so detached, so “cool” –
not in the sense
of being hip or with it, but cool in that it has a very cold, distant
appeal…he can make
even crowded scenes seem lonely. His films Manhunter, Heat, and
The Insider are prime
examples of his
style and great films to boot – you can now add Collateral to that list
of cinema excellence.
The gist of the film is Tom
Cruise’s character is a hit man, and he hires/kidnaps Jamie Foxx as his
per-
sonal driver. Over the course of one evening you get to know both
individuals, but not as well as I would
have liked – Mann could have spent a bit more time on why Cruise was
the way he was, but perhaps it
was that mystery
that he was going for. You see a transformation in Foxx, from a
detached worker who
cares about nothing to someone putting his life on the line to save
lives. I haven’t seen Ray yet, but it’s
hard to imagine he was better in that film than he was here. Like
Training Day, this
is a perfect example
that you can make an action film and make it smart too – they don’t
have to be mutually exclusive traits.
Come and See (1985)
- 7.5 out of 10
-
This film manages to
convey the horrors of war and its effects on those involved about as
realistically
as anything I have ever seen. The story is that of the Nazi’s
attempt to wipe all of the natives of
Belarus off of the map during WWII, and is based on
a novella written by a man who actually lived
through these hellish times. There is no real
plot to follow, no beginning and end as you normally
view a film, but rather you follow a boy as he wanders through this
horrific landscape, witnessing the
atrocities he witnesses, and hopefully feeling some
of what he feels. The brutality is hard convey on
paper, as the film relies much more heavily on the pictures shown on
the screen than anything said by
it’s actors. And the acting, it is especially
fine, most notably that of the young man playing the lead,
Florya. People die in wars, but it’s the way it is carried out by
the Nazis and how much they seem to
genuinely enjoy it that makes this film stand out. Even if it
isn’t one of my favorite war movies, I have
no doubt in my mind that it is one of the finest ever made.
Come Feel Me Tremble
(2003)
- 7.5 out of 10 -
This documentary of Paul Westerberg, made from fan-recorded videos and
thrown-together interview
footage, works perfectly in giving us fans a DVD version of the
helter-skelter nature of Westerberg’s
output. The interviews are scatterbrained at best, the live
footage is grainy and shaky, and the sound
quality oftentimes iffy. But in a lot of ways it’s the perfect
vehicle for the always-elusive Westerberg, as it
never really gives you any answers into the nature of the man, but
rather paints a picture of him as an
artist in exactly the way we would expect to see him. Is this the
real Paul Westerberg? Damned if I know,
but it’s certainly more proof that the man he has been portraying for
20+ years has held firm in his beliefs,
though more sober nowadays.
The Comedians of Comedy
(2005)
- 8 out of 10 -
This documentary follows a stand-up tour featuring some of my favorite
comics in the business - Patton
Oswalt, Zach Galiafinakis, Maria Bamford, and Brian Posehn - on
a short West Coast tour.It shows both the
ins and out of the tour, from the stand up on the
stage, to the travel time on theroad, and everything in be-
tween like pranks and visits to comic book
stores and drunken behavior. This film will also always hold a
special place in my
heart, cause I was actually at one of the shows and remember it quite
well. But that
doesn't change the fact that
all of these comedians are hilarious, especially Patton and Zach.
If you're a
fan of
non-typical stand-up comedy, you'd be hard pressed to find better
examples. Even more so, just go
see them
live - your sides will hurt for days from laughing so hard.
Commune
(2005)
-
5 out of 10 -
Perhaps
you guessed from the title, but this flock is about communes. Or
more specifically, a documentary
about one specific commune way up in
the very rural upper Northern California area. It goes pretty much
as
expected – founded on mostly admirable ideals, things
disintegrate over the years as the hippies age and
their ways of life
change. There are always younger idealistic hippies coming along to
help keep things alive,
but as always, things just ain't the same as
they once were. This might have held my attention had it been
about
thirty minutes long, but in this form you definitely get bored.
Con Air (1997)
- 5 out of 10 -
Regardless of anything else you might think of this film, there is only
one real reason to watch Con Air -
Nick Cage's pathetic attempt at a southern accent, which is probably
the worst attempt at a southern
accent ever put down on celluloid.
Other than that, it's a decent enough
action movie, full of cliches and explosions and totally improbable
scenes that will make you laugh out loud, although I doubt it was
intentional. Steve Buscemi
does a
pretty good job in this, which is no small feat given the movie's
natural restrictions to actual acting; and
John Malkovich makes a great criminal
mastermind-type, but then again we already knew that.
The Constant Gardner
(2005)
- 8.5 out of 10 -
For a fictitious movie, this thing almost feels like a
documentary. Perhaps because they are skirting
around many of the issues that plague Africa
today, only told within the realm of a fake (but easily could
be real ) story. This is easily one of
the best new features I’ve seen all year, and will no doubt be
up for
a few Academy Awards. Most notably, if
Fernando Meirelles doesn’t get a nod in the directing category,
and the cinematography is overlooked, it wouldn’t surprise me but it
would be doing a great injustice to
this film. Between this and City of God, Meirelles is proving
himself to be one of the best filmmakers to
appear in recent years.
To keep it short and simplify it to it’s basest elements, this film is
about a drug company using the poor
people of Africa as their human guinea pigs to test drugs, and fighting
to keep this fact from becoming
public knowledge through any means necessary. Both Ralph Fiennes
and Rachel Weisz do a fantastic
job but cannot help but be overshadowed by the larger picture.
Pete Postlethwaite also makes a brief
appearance and is great as always, although it would have been great to
see more of him. No doubt this
will go ion my “Best Of” list at the end of the year.
Control Room
(2004)
- 8 out of 10 -
Given my sheer laziness, I
never really thought of Al Jazeera as anything more
than “that Arabic
network that always gets the Bin Laden tapes first”. This
documentary, filmed during the opening
US offensives of Iraq War II:Electric Boogaloo, does a great job of
showing the people and the
motivations behind this controversial network. In the most basic
sense, the station operates under
the same principles that govern any other popular form of
entertainment: give the public what it wants.
Fox news gives you conservative jingoism, Howard Stern, gives you
titties, and Al Jazeera gives you
Arabs suffering from US hands. But more than that, Al Jazeera
gives a complete picture of the war
from the perspective of those living through it, and that is a valuable
point-of-view to have. This film
does an excellent job of making you think and re-think how you view the
news you are fed, or at least
it did me. But I never trusted the news anyways, I have a magical
raccoon who sneaks into my house
every night to fill me in on the days headlines and tap dance while
doing it. Man, this is some good
cold medicine.
Convoy (1978)
- 7 out of 10 -
You know how movies can be
terrible and awesome all at the same time? Your honor,
I’d like to submit
Convoy as exhibit number one. A film hoping to cash in on the CB
and trucking “craze” that was sweep-
ing the nation, it is an asinine story that doesn’t even bear repeating
…lots of trucker talk, a rebellious
leader of the common folk,
a vengeful cop, car chases and explosions, all of the
staples of award-winning
cinema.
But those are kinda the exact same things that make it great.
Kris Kristofferson as
the hero, Ernest
Borgnine as the villain, and Sam Peckinpah in
the directors chair meant that this mess would be pretty
damn entertaining. The chase sequences, while silly, are pretty
damn entertaining. There’s a great
brawl scene, one of those where no one really gets hurt despite chairs
getting broke over their backs and
what not. It’s movies like these that don’t get made anymore.
A
Cool, Dry Place (1998)
- 6 out of 10 -
Vince Vaughn is
a lawyer with big city
aspirations, but his status a single dad gets in the way. As is
typical
in these types
of films, about the same time Vaughn finds a
new love interest (after years of singledom) the
mother randomly
shows back up. Then there is the requisite mixed emotions, what to
do, which girl to go
with, and
whether or not to chase his fancy
important lawyer dream. Yeah, that's about it – nothing too
exciting but not
a terrible movie either.
Cooley High (1975)
- 7 out of 10 -
It wasn’t until I saw this movie that I realized “It’s So Hard To Say
Goodbye” wasn’t a Boyz II Men song; I always
kinda felt guilty for liking that track cause they were a crappy group
but there was power in that single; it some-
how made me feel better knowing it was a cover of a classic, and that I
didn’t actually like any modern r-n-b.
As for the film itself, it still holds up pretty well. It’s about
kids who would rather be stirring up trouble and making
out with girls than going to school and studying for their future…in
other words, it’s about kids being kids but with
the subtext of race relations in a very tumultuous time. It’s
a timeless story that to my surprise hasn’t been re-
made yet, though I’m sure they’d cast a bunch of terrible pop stars
as the leads and it would never measure up
to the original.
The Core (2003)
- 5 out of 10 -
I’ve been on a big
disaster movie kick lately, and thought I’d give The Core a run on the
old player.
Apparently, the core of the earth spins, which creates the
electromagnetic field that protects the
earth from the harmful
microwaves the sun emits. Typically, the government and the
military have
done something stupid to make that spinning stop, which will make the
EMF disappear, and
eventually the sun will cook the planet like an ant under a magnifying
glass. The only way to fix
this is to drill to the center of the earth and set off some nuclear
explosions such that it kick-starts
the core to begin spinning again.
Hey, I never said a
good disaster movie’s premise didn’t need to be believable to be
enjoyable.
But for whatever reason, I just never really cared what was going to
happen. I mean – you know
what is going to happen, the heroes are going to save the planet – but
I never felt a strong desire
to really follow them on that journey. I did anyways…there were
some cool special effects, and
Delroy Lindo was
great as he always is, but it wasn’t really enough to
save the film. It’s a popcorn
movie, but aren’t those supposed to be interesting, exciting,
engaging? Not so much here.
The Corporation
(2004)
- 7 out of 10 -
First things first, this movie
is much too long, much too dry, and plays like a super
long episode of
Nova. I had to watch it in multiple parts just so that I didn’t
glaze over.
That said, this film sure was chock-full of interesting facts. We
all know corporations are evil, and
that’s pretty much the basic idea behind this flick, but did you know
that Coca Cola invented Orange
Fanta just so they could sell a product to Nazi Germany? It was a
million tidbits just like this one that
made this film so great to me. Also particularly enlightening was
the executives they
got to speak to
the camera in a much more candid manner than I ever would have thought
would happen, and the
results can be jaw-dropping.
The Counterfeiters
(2007)
- 7 out of
10 -
A great WWII
movie that has and will continue to be overlooked because it isn't in
English, despite win-
ning the best foreign picture Oscar in 2008. Which is a shame
really, because it tells a great tale about a
top counterfeiter being captured by the Nazis and forced to produce
English pounds and American dollars
to help fund the German war machine. And it was based on a true
tale at that! It seems pretty obvious this
will get remade in English at some point, and it might even be a good
film, but you're doing yourself a dis-
service if you don't set aside some time, read a few subtitles, and get
immersed in a good story.
The
Covenant (2006)
-
2.5 out of 10 -
A
movie about male witches is probably going to be terrible to begin
with, but combine it with pretty people
who can't act, a terrible
story, a “courage rock” filled soundtrack, and Renny Harlin as
the director, and well...
there's really no reason to even continue
this review, is there?
Crank: High Voltage
(2009)
- 7 out of
10 -
I'm pretty sure
I saw the first film in this series, but I don't remember it being this
over the top and ridiculous
and downright entertaining. For a lack of better terms, this is a
comic book come to life on the big screen...
hell, there's even a scene where Jason Statham and one of the bad guys
basically turn into godzilla and fight
in a power station. And another scene where they have sex in the
middle of a horse race track...while a
race is going on. And Dwight Yoakam plays some manner of
disgraced heart
surgeon who loves big-
assed women and may also be a pimp. It's easily one of the
craziest movies
I've ever seen, but damned
enjoyable.
Crash (2004)
- 9 out of 10 -
Believe the hype - definitely one of the best films I’ve seen all year,
and even in recent years maybe.
Right now this film is probably tied with “The Constant Gardner” for
movie of the year as far as I’m
concerned.
The direction, the pacing, the acting...it would be hard to single out
any one element as great, as this is
the definition of how ensemble work should play out - everyone bringing
their “A” game to produce some
fantastic cinema.
And the film is more than just a pretty picture - it makes you
think. The whole thing is about race relations,
but in a very intelligent way; they don’t beat you over the head with
any one way of thinking as being good
or bad, but merely introduce a number of different viewpoints and hope
that the viewer takes it from there.
Crawlspace (1986)
- 5.5 out of
10 -
Finding a film where you get to see Klaus Kinski act like a royal
weirdo isn't that hard...it's practically every
one of his movies. But in this case, you get to see him as a
demented
Nazi killer of the tenants he rents
apartments to in his buildings. Without him it would just be
another dumb
slasher flick, but he does keep
things interesting enough that this is worth checking out if you are
bored enough.
The scenes of him freaking
out and rubbing lipstick all over his face is worth the price of
admission alone.
Crazy Heart (2009)
- 7.5 out
of 10 -
Come for the
music, stay for the drama. Jeff Bridges was fantastic as the
road-worn former country music
star, an Oscar win for best actor cementing my opinion on the
matter. But it's the music that really makes
this film tick...the combination of T Bone Burnett's songwriting and
Bridge's raspy voice really make a
delightful pair. Maggie Gyllenhaal seems kind of out of place in
the movie, but whoever was in charge
made up for it by having Robert Duvall be his usual goofy self in yet
another flick about has been country
musicians.
Criminal (2004)
- 7 out of 10 -
A remake of the Argentinian film Nine Queens, I'd complain about the
necessity of this film if it wasn't for the
fact that the cast is fantastic and thus making a pretty enjoyable
movie. John C. Reilly has always been a
favorite of mine and does not disappoint here in
this tale of a con man getting conned. Also features the
dreadfully cute Maggie Gyllenhal and Diego Luna (known for his work in
great films such as Before Night
Falls, Y Tu Mama Tambien, and Dirty Dancing 2: Havana Nights) doing
good work. If you've seen the
original, you know what you're getting, as the only real difference is
the language the film is made in; if you've
not, think David Mamet-type story without the use of the word "fucking"
five or six times a minute - a twisty
crime caper type-of-thing.
Crips and Bloods: Made in
America (2008)
- 8 out of
10 -
There is nothing
ground-breaking about this documentary - all of the history and stories
of how the Crips &
Bloods formed has been covered by multiply documentaries
and news programs. But none of that changes
the fact that it was still fascinating to watch.
Directed by Stacy Peralta, it was so well made it kept me rapt
from start to finish; the dude knows how to make
an engaging doc, that's for sure.
Crossing the Line
(2006)
- 6.5 out
of 10 -
Documentary
about a small group of US soldiers that defected to North Korea while
working the DMZ
between the two Koreas. The film mostly focuses on the last
living defector, James Dresnok, giving a
detailed account of his childhood, what led to the defection, and his
life in the communist dictatorship. The
pic can be slow at times, and Dresnok is a pretty unlikeable guy, but
any view into the mysterious world of
North Korea is at least somewhat interesting. Interestingly,
Christian Slater narrated the film...I guess they
couldn't get Jack Nicholson.
Cry_Wolf
(2005)
-
4 out of 10 -
Please
wake me up when this snorefest gets even slightly exciting. So some
rich, bored private-school
kids make up a fake killer complete with
fake corpses to fool the new kid, and surprise surprise – it leads
to real killings. Look, I go into horror movies expecting trite
story lines and goofy plots, but it's like they
weren't even trying
here.
Cujo (1983)
- 5.5 out of 10 -
First and foremost, let's give a big "fuck you" to Danny Pintauro for
managing to be the most annoying kid
to ever grace the silver screen. In some ways that is almost
something to be proud of, given how many kids
have been featured in films, but his constant over-the-top screaming
made me
wish that Cujo ate him, shit
him out and then ate that shit (as dogs are prone to do, filthy
bastards).
I could have also done without Cujo being a vicious St. Bernard...I
love those dogs and I hated one of those
beautiful creatures being portrayed as the villain. But then
again, when they prey is the aforementioned
Pintauro and Dee Wallace Stone, I'm guessing most folks (like myself)
were
pulling for the dog.
Curse of the Komodo
(2004)
- 3 out of
10 -
Awful acting,
terribly fake lizards, giant boobs that occasionally become
unsheathed...what you've got here
is top-of-the-line cinema. They should just market these
movies as comedies, they'd probably draw a
larger audience.
Cursed
(2005)
-
3 out of 10 -
A
werewolf loose in Los Angeles...with Joshua Jackson in a starring
role...need I say more? The whole movie
plays like some sort of
shitty spin-off from that awful Buffy the Vampire Slayer television
show.
Cutting Class (1985)
- 3 out of 10 -
One of the first
films by Brad Pitt,
and probably the only noteworthy item about this pile. It's a pretty
run-
of-the-mill slasher flick, only minus anything creepy, good death
scenes, gratuitous teenager sex scenes,
or really anything that
generally makes these sorts of flicks fun to watch.
Cyborg Cop (1993)
- 2 out of
10 -
It's like a
really shitty version of "Robocop", only substitute a post-apocalyptic
drug battle in Detroit with a
banana republic drug lord that likes to cackle maniacally and later
starred on the show "Sliders". Even by
the films-about-cyborgs standard, this is a terrible film.