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Review Archives:
D - G H - K L - N O - R S - T U - Z

Reviews (just scroll down to read)
Abandon (3/10)
Absolute Power (4.5/10)
Accepted (5/10)
The Acid House (5/10)
Across the Universe (2/10)
Adam & Paul (7.5/10)
Aeon Flux (5/10)
Afropunk (6.5/10)
Aguirre: The Wrath of God (6/10)
Airplane II: The Sequel (8/10)
Akeelah and the Bee (7.5/10)
The Alamo (6.5/10)
Alexei and the Spring (6/10)
Alien vs. Predator (6/10)
All The King's Men (5/10)
Along Came Polly (3/10)
Amelie (8.5/10)
An American Astronaut (5/10)
American Gangster (7.5/10)
American History X (8/10)
American Psycho (7.5/10)
American Splendor (8/10)
The Amityville Horror (7/10)
Amy & Isobelle (5/10)
Anchorman (7/10)
The Andromeda Strain (7/10)
Angel Heart (7/10)
Anger Management (3/10)
Animal House (10/10)
Animals Are Beautiful People (8/10)
Annapolis (4/10)
Another Woman (4/10)
Anything Else (7.5/10)
Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie Film for Theatres (9/10)
Armageddon (3/10)
Army of Shadows (7.5/10)
Art School Confidential (6.5/10)
Ash Wednesday (5.5/10)
The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford (6.5/10)
Assault on Precinct 13 (6/10)

The Babe (7/10)
Babel (8/10)
Baby Doll (6.5/10)
Baby Mama (7/10)
Bachelor Party (5.5/10)
Back in the Day (2/10)
Back to the Future 2 (8/10)
Bad Education (7/10)
The Bad News Bears (9/10)
The Bad News Bears Go To Japan (4/10)
Bad Santa (9/10)
The Ballad of Jack and Rose (6/10)
The Basketball Diaries (7.5/10)
Batman (9/10)
Batman Begins (8.5/10)
The Battle for Algiers (8/10)
Battle Royale (8.5/10)
The Baxter (7/10)
Bazaar Bizarre (3/10)
Beautiful Girls (10/10)
Beerfest (7.5/10)
Before Sunset (5.5/10)
Be Here To Love Me: A Film About Townes Van Zandt (7/10)
Being There (7/10)
Below (7/10)
The Benchwarmers (6/10)
Berlin Tunnel 21 (7/10)
Bewitched (4/10)
Beyond the Sea (5/10)
Big Doll House (6/10)
The Big Easy (6.5/10)
The Big Lebowski (10/10)
Big Momma's House 2 (5/10)
Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure (8/10)
The Black Dahlia (6/10)
Black Like Me (6/10)
Black Snake Moan (7.5/10)
Black Sun: The Nanking Massacre (6.5/10)
Blade 2 (6/10)
Blades of Glory (8.5/10)
Blazing Saddles (10/10)
Blood Diamond (8.5/10)
Bobby (7/10)
Bob le Flambeur (9/10)
Bodysong (5/10)
Bomb the System (6/10)
Boogie Nights (9/10)
Boogeyman (2/10)
The Border (7/10)
Born into Brothels (8.5/10)
The Bounty (6/10)
The Bourne Supremacy (7/10)
The Bourne Ultimatum (7/10)
Boxcar Bertha (6/10)
The Boy Who Plays on the Buddhas at Bamiyan (6.5/10)
The Boys of Baraka (6/10)
Boyz n the Hood (9/10)
The Brave One (6.5/10)
Breach (7/10)
The Break-Up (3/10)
Breakfast on Pluto (3/10)
Breaking Away (7.5/10)
Breakout (6.5/10)
Brick (8/10)
Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason (1/10)
Bring Me The Head of Alfredo Garcia (8/10)
Brokeback Mountain (6/10)
Broken Flowers (8.5/10)
Broken Trail (7/10)
The Brood (4/10)
The Brother from Another Planet (7/10)
The Brothers Grimm (7/10)
Bruce Almighty (5.5/10)
Bruce and Me (7/10)
Bubble (6.5/10)
Bukowski: Born Into This (6/10)
Bull Durham (8.5/10)
Bulletproof Monk (6/10)
Bullitt (7/10)
Burden of Dreams (7.5/10)
The Burning (7/10)
Bury My Heart At Wounded Knee (6/10)

Cache (5/10)
California Split (8/10)
Candy (1968) (5/10)
Candy (2006) (6.5/10)
Cannibal Holocaust (4/10)
Capote (9/10)
Carandiru (7/10)
Carla’s Song (6/10)
Cars (7/10)
Catch A Fire (8/10)
Catching Out (5/10)
Cellular (2/10)
Charlie & the Chocolate Factory (7/10)
Chasing Liberty (5/10)
The Cheerleaders (4/10)
Chernobyl Heart (9/10)
The Chiefs (5/10)
Children of Men (8.5/10)
Children of the Corn II: The Final Sacrifice (3.5/10)
Children of Times Square (5/10)
Chopper (8/10)
A Christmas Story (10/10)
Christmas Vacation (10/10)
The Chronicles of Riddick (7/10)
Chrystal (7.5/10)
The Chumscrubber (6.5/10)
Ciao! Manhattan (4/10)
The Cincinnati Kid (8/10)
Cinderella Man (8/10)
The Clash: Westway to the World (9/10)
Class of 1984 (7.5/10)
The Clearing (6/10)
Click (5/10)
Coach Carter (7.5/10)
Cobra Verde (6/10)
Cocaine Cowboys (6.5/10)
Code 46 (5/10)
Code of Silence (6/10)
Coffy (7.5/10)
Cold Creek Manor (6/10)
Collateral (8/10)
Come and See (7.5/10)
Come Feel Me Tremble (7.5/10)
The Comedians of Comedy (8/10)
Commune (5/10)
Con Air (5/10)
The Constant Gardner (8.5/10)
Control Room (8/10)
Convoy (7/10)
A Cool, Dry Place (6/10)
Cooley High (7/10)
The Core (5/10)
The Corporation (7/10)
The Covenant (2.5/10)
Crash (9/10)
Crawlspace (5.5/10)
Criminal (7/10)
Cry_Wolf (4/10)
Cujo (5.5/10)
Cursed (3/10)

Abandon (2002)
- 3 out of 10 -

My god, this movie was a steming pile of crap. I'm not even going to bother describing it, but if you saw
The Sixth Sense and Fatal Attraction and ever wondered what you might get if you combined both in a
very poor fashion, then look no further than this picture. This movie was a whole heaping help of point-
less; an extremely poor effort by first-time director Stephen Gaghan - I guess if you look on the bright
side, he can only go uphill from here. I will give the casting director credit though, for getting three very
attractive actresses in the same film - Katie Holmes, Zooey Deschanel, and Gabrielle Union. But even
they don't make this film particularly watchable. I can only recommend this flick if you're recovering from
a lobotomy.

Absolute Power (1997)
- 4.5 out of 10 -

I've seen just about every one of Clint Eastwood's movies, and nearly all of them run the gamut from “good”
to “spectacular”; this is one of those rare cases where the product is sub-par. It's just that everything about
the storyline is so insane and unbelievable right from the beginning that it throws you off for the rest of the film.
The sheer lack of security in every situation, be it guarding the presi-dent or trying to take down Eastwood,
is laughable at best. Normally I'm the sort that will suspend disbelief as long as the film is well executed, but
with political thriller pictures of this nature details are everything, and when they are all wrong so is the movie.

Accepted (2006)
- 5 out of 10 -

I expected this to be very, very bad, but it turned out to be...tolerable. Lowered expectations surely have a lot to
do with this, and a few strong moments from the now-famous and much fatter Jonah Hill helped things along as
well. Hot trashy women and a few funny scenes here and there, but the story is beyond ludicrous, and was
possibly written by a grip of stoned apes who watched “Revenge of the Nerds” and “Animal House” a few too
many times and thought they could...hell, I don't know, do it better?

The Acid House (1998)
- 5 out of 10 -

Theatrically speaking, this collection of shorts based on a book by the same title by Irvine Welsh would have
to be considered a great disappointment, given that it was following his amazing Trainspotting only a couple
of years earlier. It's hard not to compare the two and have high expections going in to this, which is probably
unfair but no less true.

The first tale is about a man whose life is only going downhill, and things are made worse when he meets and
pisses off god, who then turns him into a bug. This one was pretty bland all around with the exception of the
role of god played by Maurice Roeves, one of those British character guys whose name you never remember,
but face you never forget.

The middle story is the gem of the bunch, and quite good really - it's basically about relationships, the power
of love despite mitigating circumstances...or that is to say, it's a about a lowly dude who marries a knocked
up girl to try and make her honest, and then she cheats and shits all over him. He then moves on, she comes
crawling back, and despite all common sense, he goes back to her. Great acting and characters all around,
and sure the story ain't that special but it's carried out in a believable and engaging way.

The third short is just pure shit...a raver kid on acid gets struck by lightening and his soul goes into a newborn
baby. Regardless of anything else involved, the fake baby used is so attrociously bad that I couldn't concentrate
on anything else.

Worth checking out, but you're not missing anything if you only watch the center film of the trio.

Across the Universe (2007)
- 2 out of 10 -

Does anyone really think we need a musical based on Beatles songs, only not even the real songs but vastly
inferior covers? I got no beef with cover songs, but poor cover songs set to bad acting ain't winning any prizes
in my book. The film looked nice though I guess – visual wallpaper, if you will.

Adam & Paul (2004)
- 7.5 out of 10 -

This film is quite simple - a day in the life of a pair of Irish heroin adicts roaming around Dublin looking for
their next fix. It somehow manages to come across as sweet and endearing and depressing all at the same
time. Hijinks ensue as they try to get money, or food, or drugs, or steal things to help with the money and
food and drugs. You really feel sorry for these guys (especially Paul), and hope that at some point things
will turn around for them, but you know in your heart things are permanently fucked for these guys and the
film holds true what you would expect to happen in real life with guys like this.

Aeon Flux (2005)
- 5 out of 10 -

I would imagine a lot of folks my age grew up with MTV's Liquid Television and was fascinated with
the cartoon of Aeon Flux on it. When I saw they were making a movie based off of this I wasn't
entirely sure how they would pull it off...and quite honestly, they really didn't. It's a tolerably fun scifi
flick to watch, but it seemed to miss out on what it is exactly that makes the cartoon so engrossing.
An I'm not even sure what that is - the creepiness and lack of explanation maybe? the mystery and
the animation were what drew my eyes to the cartoon in the first place, two things dreadfully missing
in a live-action feature marketed for the masses. There were some neat special effects though, and
the outfits and haircut are a pretty fetching look for Charlize Theron, so it's not a total loss.

Afropunk (2003)
- 6.5 out of 10 -

A documentary about the black experience in the punk rock movement - made by a black man, featuring inter-
views with black punk fans and musicians...really, it's as simple as that. Fairly interesting stuff even to this
pasty white dude, though maybe a bit repetative in a few scenes. A fair number of prominent names lend a
few words to the discussion...members of TV on the Radio, Fishbone, Bad Brains and 90 Day Men just to
name a few. Probably worth checking out if you are or ever have been a punk rock fan. Also, they used a
McRad song at the end of the flick, which was...rad.

Aguirre: The Wrath of God (1972)
- 6 out of 10 -

I’m pretty sure I didn’t “get” this movie, at least not in the way that the folks who go on and on about it did. But
visually, it had some pretty stunning scenery, especially the first 15 minutes or so. It should also be noted, even
if it is already well known, that Klaus Kinski is a freaky dude – and as insane as his character in this film is, it
doesn’t seem like much of a stretch for him to play. He gives off that feel that his behavior off-screen is equally
as maniacal (and documentaries have been made on the fact).

Airplane II: The Sequel (1982)
- 8 out of 10 -

Not as funny as the first, but that’s not a knock because few films are as funny as the first Airplane! flick. No
Kareem Abdul Jabar puts this one at an instant disadvantage, cause he was the best part of the first one;
but they nearly make up for it with the inclusion of air traffic controller Jacobs, who might nearly be the funniest
part of either film (except for the aforementioned Jabar role). Eh, what else to say? You want a good laugh,
look no further than either entry in this series.

The Alamo (2004)
- 6.5 out of 10 -

Apparently, this is the most accurate retelling of this story that has yet put to film. Well, that's what I was told
and I believe everything I'm told. I'm going to be honest though - I totally knew how this one was going to end
from the start, so there was no surprise involved here. Now, there are a lot of stupid people out there that prob-
ably actually thought we won the battle of the Alamo, so maybe it shocked them, but not me so much...so it can
be tough to get terribly excited about story. But Billy Bob Thornton was great as Daniel Boone, and the highlight
of the film (as usual). The fight scenes were decent as well, and it was generally enjoyable viewing despite the
obvious defective issues with having an already-known plot.

Akeelah and the Bee (2006)
- 7.5 out of 10 -

My overwhelming thought on this flick was “cute movie.” It's a feel-good story, well written and acted,
and it proceeds in the typical fashion. It's the sort of movie that you thoroughly enjoy even if it isn't any
great work of art. Keke Palmer, who plays the lead Akeelah, does a fantastic job and shows a lot of
promise acting-wise – hopefully she sticks with it because it comes quite natural to her. Plus any move
that gets Charles De Mar (Curtis Armstrong) and Crab Man (Eddie Steeples) in the same movie can't
be bad.

Alexei and the Spring (2002)
- 6 out of 10 -

First off, let me say that although it was a bit long, I definitely enjoyed this film - but it wasn’t what I
expected. The basics of this documentary is it is about the life of a small village located not far
from Chernobyl. Many of the residents left but some stayed, mostly older folks. These people live
pretty much as folks in small farming villages have lived for centuries – subsistence farming, little
modern help, and community involvement. I think I was hoping for more details on the effects
Chernobyl has had on things, but really all that happened was the population lessened, and pre-
sumably the town will die as its residents do, as there didn’t seem to be any young people left to
procreate and keep on the traditions. The interesting thing is that the spring that keeps the town
alive, has absolutely no radiation levels at all, and the food grown in the field seems relatively
radiation free as well. I suppose the irony is that even though it seems they have escaped the
harmful effects of the disaster, the very existence of it drove away the townsfolk and will be their
ultimate downfall. Pretty sad really, but uplifting at the same time, seeing these regular folk carry
on their lives as if nothing has happened.

Alien vs. Predator (2004)
- 6 out of 10 -

First, let me say this wasn’t nearly as bad as I was expecting, and I was expecting pretty bad. The
story and acting were pretty goofy, sure, but it looked good and the fight scenes kept things pretty
fast-paced and interesting. I had my money on the predator before I even watched a minute of the
movie - after all, Sigourney Weaver kicked multiple alien asses on 4 different occasions, but it took
he-beast Arnold Schwarzenegger a whole film to kill a predator (we’re going to ignore that Danny
Glover/Predator 2 debacle like it never happened).

Also, the film deserves praise for the Antarctic setting, if for no other reason than it reminds me of
John Carpenter’s remake of The Thing, a very favorite horror film of mine. Although the lack of
Wilford Brimley can seriously hamper any films score, and trying to have Spud from Trainspotting
in his place will get you nowhere.

All The King's Men (2006)
- 5 out of 10 -

A well-acted, well-written period piece about politics...that bored me to tears. This flick is thick with
high-quality actors, doing what they are paid handsomely to do, but I just couldn't gather up the interest
to give a shit.

Along Came Polly (2004)
- 3 out of 10 -

Really, everything about this is terrible and it only gets a 3 because Phillip Seymour Hoffman
is in it even if he isn’t well utilized. If you want to see a comedy about Irritable Bowel Syndrome
that’s actually funny, watch the Coen brothers’ remake of The Ladykillers.

Amelie (2001)
- 8.5 out of 10 -

Audrey Tautou as the film’s focal point and title character, Amelie, is simply too adorable for words; even
if this film was a steaming pile of shit I would have been mesmerized. Luckily, she is actually wrapped up
in a very quirky, heartwarming fairy tale-like plot. The gist of it being – you have to make life happen, it’s
not going to happen for you.

After years of isolating and insulating herself from her fellow man, Amelie decides, through the discovery
of a tin of children’s toys, that the only way to achieve happiness is by seeking it out. So she returns the
toys to the rightful owner, cheers up her dad, sets up couples, befriends a shut-in, and finds love in the
process. Happily ever after indeed.

But aside from Tautou’s performance, the real key behind the success of this movie is the direction (with
an approving nod towards the set design as well). Jean-Pierre Jeunet has a way of making any film un-
believably tantalizing to watch – see Delicatessen or City of Lost Children for further evidence. And while
this film isn’t nearly as surreal as those two, it still has it’s moments that make it an undeniably Jeunet flick.
As long as he keeps making movies French cinema will be in good shape for years to come.

An American Astronaut (2001)
- 5 out of 10 -

I felt like I was on drugs watching this. Which I'm pretty sure was the point. It wasn't really my bag, but given
the budget (I'm guessing somewhere between 10 and 20 dollars) it was pretty well done...so kudos for that
I suppose. For a musical, the songs were fairly enjoyable, and it was obvious they were going for a Rocky
Horror Picture Show vibe...really, the more I think about it, the flick wasn't that bad, it just wasn't for me.

American Gangster (2007)
- 7.5 out of 10 -

A lot of hype surrounding this film as it came out, that it would be the next “Scarface” or some such shit.
Really, that does this film a disservice – “American Gangster” is a much better film than “Scarface”, and
outside of the drug connection not much like it at all. This is a dense, thorough story that really sucks you in,
and in typical Hollywood fashion almost has you feeling sorry for the bad guy even though you know he is in
the wrong. I would imagine it goes without saying at this point that Denzel Washington is great here, as he
is generally great in everything he appears (though the films themselves are not always top notch). Josh
Brolin also continues his improbably run of quality roles, and even Russell Crowe does a decent job.

American History X (1998)
- 8 out of 10 -

When you finish watching this powerful film on the need for tolerance in our society, I’ve found
through discussions that the one thing folks remember most is the infamous “curbing” scene that
sends Edward Norton’s character to prison...now I’ve seen a lot of violent shit in my day, but this
still might be the most stomach churning scene ever put on film (it must be noted that there are any
number of scenes in “Black Sun” about the massacre of Nanking that would easily be worse, if they
didn’t look so damn fake).

Great acting all around by Norton, Edward Furlong, and the underrated Avery Brooks; additionally,
any film with Stacy Keach in it is automatically at a minimum a 5 regardless of how good the film
might actually be – few men can pull off “badass” like that guy. Tony Kaye’s decision to shoot much
of the film in black and white (the flashback scenes, of which there are plenty) was a nice touch, as it
looked fantastic and gave the whole procession a bit more of a “serious” feel.

As a side note, I was kinda surprised when I looked on IMDB and saw that this flick was #48 on their
“top 250 films of all time” list, as voted by the visitors of the website – it’s a pretty great film and all,
but #48? Sometimes internet nerds can be bewildering in their choices. Still, it’s a fine film that I’ve
watched a few times now and it really never loses any of its power – definitely recommended.

American Psycho (2000)
- 7.5 out of 10 -

I like the acting in this film – Christian Bale does an amazing job as the lead Patrick Bateman, a per-
formance I'm not sure I ever knew he had in him. I like that you never know if the killings were real, or a
figment of his demented mind (I haven't read the book, and maybe it is clearer there). But more than
anything, I like the multiple extended monologues on popular music of the eighties – Huey Lewis, Phil
Collins and the like have never sounded as appealing to me as when Bale is waxing poetic about their
merits.

American Splendor (2003)
- 8 out of 10 -

Firstly, the comics that this film is based off of are really fantastic – if you liked the film at all you’re
doing yourself a disservice by not checking them out.

That said, this movie was especially awesome for two reasons – putting to live action a book which I
had enjoyed immensely, and doing it well; and the use of mixed media along with crossing the “border”
between movie and documentary to tell the story was a stroke of brilliance. Paul Giamatti was terrific
as Harvey Pekar, exactly as you would imagine him to be if you were not familiar with his few forays
into mainstream television. And then seeing that footage in the movie, it only drives home how perfectly
he nailed the part. This film is a sure-fire way to get otherwise disinterested adults into comic books, or
to at least treat them as a legitimate form of literature, if anything is ever going to.

The Amityville Horror (1979)
- 7 out of 10 -

I’m honestly surprised that this hasn’t received the remake treatment yet (spoke too soon – looks like there
is a remake slated for 2005 starring Ryan Reynolds, best known for his role in Van Wilder). Like Orson
Welles' War of the Worlds and The Blair Witch Project, this film was presented as fact when it came out,
and had folks scared shitless. It has since been proven a hoax (although the original DeFeo murders were
real), but that doesn’t make it any less interesting.

I’m not going to bother with a rehash of the story, as you’ve probably already seen it. But while I was watching
it, I started thinking just how much creepier fare from this era is over modern horror films. And I’m not just re-
ferring to including James Brolin in your films. Somewhere along the line, genuine tension and suspense gave
way to quick cuts and things that jump at you quickly - which is plenty scary when it actually happens, but doesn’t
stick to your bones and keep you up at night like this film Last House on the Left or Poltergeist or The Shining
or Psycho or a Jane Fonda workout tape.

Amy & Isobelle (2001)
- 5 out of 10 -

The only reason I watched this is because I was up early in the morning in Singapore and there
weren’t a lot of English language options. Apparently this was made for TV and that’s not sur-
prising because it has a very “Lifetime for Women” feel but with decent stars in it. I dunno, does
Elisabeth Shue count as a star? She was in a couple good things, and is still super hot, so I’m
going to go with yes. Anyways, set in a small town in the 70’s, mother and teen daughter drama,
ends up they’re going through the same problems, yadda yadda yadda, dead body in a trunk, or
something like that. Martin Donovan is also in it and it’s not even a Hal Hartley movie! Recom-
mended to folks who like to think naughty thoughts about Elisabeth Shue and have already
watched Leaving Las Vegas too many times.

Anchorman (2004)
- 7 out of 10 -

This is a no-brainer – if you want to see a dumb comedy with lots of Will Ferrell screen time, see this
immediately. If you don’t like the man, then you’re not going to like this…pretty simple. Ferrell plays a
newscaster in San Diego in the 70’s, and is on top of the world. The story is pretty asinine and point-
less, so I won’t even get into it, but it does move along at a nice pace. There are tons of cameos, which
are good for a laugh, and the group of newscasters singing “Afternoon Delight” had me rolling; other
than Ferrell, Steve Carrell plays a mentally deficient weather man and nearly steals the show. I laughed
a lot at this movie, although it probably won’t stand up as well to repeated viewings…so if you want a
laugh, here you go.

The Andromeda Strain (1971)
- 7 out of 10 -

Although it seems a bit dated with my most recent rewatching, this movie was really creepy to me as
a kid, and I was not an easily freaked out type of lad. A true psychological thriller with sci-fi undertones,
this movie gets in your brain in ways that most horror films would kill to do. There are no sexy stars, no
explosions, no fist fights, and not a ton of action to speak of - rather, it's a group of intellectuals trying to
solve a problem with their brains instead of their braun (a little something this country could try more of,
but that's a tale for a different time).

The film is a bit long-winded, but no more so than most things from this era. With the right patience,
this can be an extremely rewarding viewing...and if nothing else, a great look at the level of computer
sophistication in the early seventies.

Angel Heart (1987)
- 7 out of 10 -

I don’t know how many times I picked this movie up to watch it when I used to work at a video store.
I think I might have even brought it home a few times, only to leave it sitting unwatched on top of the
VCR until it was time to take them back to the store.

And honestly, I don’t know what was holding me back - Alan Parker, Robert Deniro, Mickey Rourke,
and a naked Lisa Bonet would be able ot make even the worst film worth watching. And this is an
enjoyable film aside from the star power...except maybe the ending, which I’m still not to sure about.
But it was either an awful or a genius way to wrap up the flick, and certainly a little surprising (although
I knew there was something peculiar about Deniro from the get-go).

A good mystery, great set design, swell acting all around...don’t put this one off like I did...but I’m
guessing if you haven’t seen it now, almost 20 years past it’s release, you’ve probably done the
exact same thing.

Anger Management (2003)
- 3 out of 10 -

I started watching this a while back and only watched half because it was so crappy, but due to a
passing tropical storm combined with boredom I decided to give it another shot...bad idea. This
is really terrible, easily the worst Adam Sandler movie made. I know that may be hard for some
to believe, as he has many haters, but I usually like his crappy films so to be this utterly dis-
appointed is, well, disappointing. There is really nothing redeeming here outside of Kevin Nealon's
appearance as Sandlers lawyer, which was pretty funny. Even Woody Harrelson in drag couldn't
save this.

Animal House (1978)
- 10 out of 10 -

Shit, how do you write a review of Animal House? I’m not even sure why I’m doing it, but I was
watching it the other night for the umpteenth time and realized I’d never reviewed it. But it’s not
like it is necessary – everyone already knows it and loves it and I would imagine it would be a
pretty unanimous choice for one of the greatest comedies ever made. They actually make being
in a frat seem cool for chrissakes, a feat that has never been equaled in any way, shape or form.

Animals Are Beautiful People (1974)
- 8 out of 10 -

Brought to you from the same folks behind The Gods Must Be Crazy, this doc is a whimsical look
at the wildlife that lives in the various climates and landscapes of the African nation of Namibia.
Like most animal documentaries, it’s chock full of beautiful shots and interesting facts on the wildlife
at hand; what makes this stand apart from the crowd, though, is the humorous nature of the narration
and the subjects at hand. There’s no real beginning or end here, but rather just a slice of life look
at many different plants and species that thrive in the harsh desert and surrounding climes. If nothing
else, it’s worth a view just for the scene where all of the animals get drunk off of fermented fruit,
complete with hangovers the next day. This film never overstays its welcome, and is a near perfect
example of how an animal documentary should be made.

Annapolis (2006)
- 4 out of 10 -

This pile was actually two bad movies in one, one half being the kid from the wrong side of the
tracks who makes good despite the long odds, and the other half being a poor man's version of
Rocky. Neither of these story lines are worth wasting your time with. It makes me sad to see the
James Franco that I loved so much in Freaks & Geeks make such terrible movies, but I suppose
his bank account doesn't mind. And it should be noted that the boxing scenes are pretty enjoyable,
despite being completely predictable. Avoid this one unless you are exceptionally bored.

Another Woman (1988)
- 4 out of 10 -

Count this one of the very, very few Woody Allen movies I don’t like. It’s gotten a lot of criticism for
being too much like an Ingmar Bergman film, and maybe that’s why I didn’t dig it – never been a
Bergman fan either. There have only been a few instances where I’ve really loved a serious Woody
flick (“Crimes & Misdemeanors” and “Manhattan” being two of his best funny or not), and this just
wasn’t one of those times. Great acting, great cast, nothing wrong with the story or the direction, but
I just had a tough time staying interested in what was going on or caring what happened to these
characters. It did make me want to rewatch “Bananas” or “Take the Money and Run” or “Zelig” again
for the umpteenth times and see Woody at the top of his game.

Anything Else (2004)
- 7.5 out of 10 -

Now I’m not trying to say that this film can compare to some of Woody’s classic works such as Bananas
and Annie Hall and Take the Money and Run, but it is certainly an enjoyable film and probably the best
thing he has released since Everyone Says I love You (although Small Time Crooks did have it’s charms,
mostly because Michael Rapaport was in it). Even having Jason Biggs in the title role with Woody as the
supporting character, this film was still entertaining and funny and neurotic in all the best ways one of his
films are. Honestly, I don’t even remember this ever coming out and maybe because I had low expect-
ations did I enjoy this so, or maybe it was because Christina Ricci looked particularly fetching in it, but
either way, certainly recommended, especially over his more recent sub-par outings.

Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie Film for Theatres (2007)
- 9 out of 10 -

I am not a drug user, but this film is so damn wacky I felt high before it was through. Now if you were
actually on drugs while watching this insanity, god help you. This full length movie is just as nonsensical
and all-over-the-map as the television show, and just as funny too...no dead spots, no filler, just constant
silliness from every angle. Outside of the main stable of characters, they have a few interesting guest
voice appearances by the likes of Fred Armisen, Tina Fey, Bruce Campbell, and Neil Peart (as himself
of course). Possibly the highlight of the film though is at the very beginning, when the band Mastodon
(animated as pissed off theatre snacks) play a song wherein they threaten to cut the audience with a
linoleum knife. Honestly, if you love the show like I do I cannot imagine any scenario where you wouldn't
love this feature.

Armageddon (1998)

- 3 out of 10 -

I put off watching this heap when it came out and now I remember why - because it is as stupid a moive
as has ever been made. Michael Bay can really make a movie shiny, but at the end of the day a turd is
still a turd. The whole damn thing looks like a music video, with a story and plot line about as intelligent as
most music videos as well. Terrible writing, mediocre acting, poor direction, it's too long...the only thing it
got right were some of the special effects when they landed on the asteroid (and looking at Liv Tyler doesn't
bother me either).

Army of Shadows (1964)
- 7.5 out of 10 -

Hands down, this is one of the best films about WWII I've ever seen, and easily the most subtle. Instead
of dealing with the big battles and the concentration camps and all that, it focuses on the French Resis-
tance and their constant harassment of the Nazis, nearly all of their operatives meeting untimely demises
in an effort to free their country from occupation. Jean-Pierre Melville made many great films, but this is
probably his best...crisp writing, top-notch directing, and acting jobs all around that could not have been
better. This is a movie that takes patience to watch, but the payoff is tremendous.

Art School Confidential (2006)
- 6.5 out of 10 -

For a film with a preview that makes it out to be a comedy, this flick is pretty dark. And not really even a
“dark comedy” – though there were a couple of funny moments; mostly, just “dark dark”…everyone is a
shit, you only get ahead by lying or stepping on others, the art world is full of idiots, etc. And while all of
that might e technically true, it rarely produces laughs. I guess it’s my own fault for expecting a funny
movie, so in the end I felt a bit let down; but it was still mostly a decent flick and having lived with a bunch
of art school kids for many of my college years, I guess it reminded me of those days in some ways (both
good and bad). Not the best Clowes or Zwigoff work, but not terrible either.

Ash Wednesday (2002)
- 5.5 out of 10 -

When I think about films on the Irish mafia I always think of State of Grace, a fantastic film. Ash Wednesday
will not be replacing that memory anytime in the near future. Sure, it had its good points, but the plot was
so asinine it was hard to give it a very good score.

Some of the good points include:
- Malachy McCourt. Who is the brother to Frank McCourt, the fantastic author of “Angela’s Ashes” and “‘Tis”.
I think I was just happy finally seeing him in something after reading so much about him in those two books.
- The filming. It was shot really well – very grainy, set in the 80’s in Hell’s Kitchen NYC. I’m a sucker for a
well shot film, it can often help my memory erase other bad attributes of the film.
- Rosario Dawson. She is just straight-up smokin’ hot. Too bad she wasn’t in the movie more.

Some of the bad points include:
- The story. There were enough holes in the plot to drive 10 Mack trucks through. I’m not even going to bother
getting into all of the details here, because I wouldn’t even know where to begin.
- Elijah Wood. I like this kid in films, but he was just wrongly case here. He stood out like pimple on a porn
star’s ass.
- Rosario Dawson. Despite her hotness, she also stood out; the whole Puerto Rican/Irish connection didn’t
make a lot of sense.

I’m not going to say not to watch the film, because it’s not terrible, just not particularly good either. It just doesn’t
strike me that the plot was thought out very well; with a few re-writes, the story could have probably been a really
good one.

The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford (2007)
- 6.5 out of 10 -

Like everyone else, I'm going to have to bring up the number one reason this film gets a low score – it's too
goddamn slow and long. Great story, quality cast, and it looks terrific, but it is easily 30 minutes to an hour
too long. It's really the only big strike against a film that is otherwise a high class affair.

Assault on Precinct 13 (2005)
- 6 out of 10 -

An extremely silly, but not necessarily bad remake of the classic John Carpenter B-movie fave from
the seventies. Not silly in tone, mind you – it’s serious just like the first one, one continuous battle be-
tween the cops and their prisoners and those that want them dead. Rather, it’s just silly that it was ever
made, unnecessary through and through – this is my biggest complaint with both remakes. I’ve always
figured - if you’re going to go to the trouble to remake a film, why just copy the first one? Sure, this one
has crooked cops instead of a rival gang and is set in snowy Detroit instead of L.A., but it’s essentially
the same damn thing. Which is fine I guess, it’s entertaining enough with lots of dumb action clichés,
explosions and bad dialogue…just pointless is all.

The Babe (1992)
- 7 out of 10 -

John Goodman playing Babe Ruth – can you think of a better man for the role? Any student of baseball will
probably already know the story of The Babe, or certainly as much as is offered here, but there is still some-
thing quite satisfying to see it played out on the big screen, and Goodman does a fine job. They don't dig too
deep here, glancing over much of his off-field activities, his pitching career and his life after baseball, but still
a fun flick.

Babel (2006)
- 8 out of 10 -

Guillermo Arriaga continues to churn out one high quality screenplay right after another, and Babel is no
exception. This film really illustrates how small the world is, intertwining four completely different stories into
one grand tale of morality and survival. Each section was superbly acted, with the Japanese portion my clear
favorite. I'm honestly at a loss as to what else to write here without it devolving into a novel, so let's just say it's
a great flick and well worth watching.

Baby Doll (1956)
- 6.5 out of 10 -

Oh how the times change – this film was considered obscene and risque when it came out in the mid-fifties,
and was banned and/or protested across the country. Nowadays, this film would easily be a PG flick. A little
steamy and sexy, yes, but the film is mostly about, well, crazy people. It plays out a bit like David Lynch
directing a William Faulkner novel...it's almost as if you can feel the heat and humidity as you watch the film.

Baby Mama (2008)
- 7 out of 10 -

On paper, this probably isn't a film I would give two shits about – a comedy about a yuppie hiring a
surrogate to get pregnant for her? But then you realize the cast includes Tina Fey, Amy Poehler, Dax
Shephard, Steve Martin and a bunch of other hilarious folk and all of the sudden things are looking up.
Add in an incredibly goofy hilariously stupid script and as far as I'm concerned you got a winner. There
was a fair amount of press leading into this film about the fact that the leads were two female comedians,
something you don't see very often...myself, I didn't even really notice it, cause funny is funny regardless
of the sex, and the Fey/Poehler combo is one of the best pairings going these days.

Bachelor Party (1984)
- 5.5 out of 10 -

I remembered loving this as a kid but a recent re-watching proved it to be a slow, tedious affair for the
first 3/4ths of the viewing. That final chunk though, when the party gets really out of hand, is a classic 80's
movie moment that should be viewed by all, even if it means holding down the fast-forward button on the
Tivo to get there. And let's not overlook that Tawny Kitaen gets all dolled up in lingerie for a chunk of the
movie...

Back in the Day (2005)
- 2 out of 10 -

Combine every urban-black-gangster movie cliche from the past 15 years, mix in some of Ja Rule's terrible
acting, and this is what you end up with. Just awful. Sure, Boyz in tha Hood and Menace II Society were great,
but the legacy those two films have left are so bad it almost makes me wish they were never made to begin with.

Back to the Future Part II (1989)
- 8 out of 10 -

In my world, this is known as "the dark" Back to the Future (the other two being known as "the
original" and "the wild west disney experience"), and it might be the best of them all. I'm always
for a film that combines people named Biff and a comical view of the future that is now the present,
and this film does both quite well. As with the first outing, Christopher Lloyd should be in the flick
more as he is the true star of the show; but outside of the minor huff, it's a damn fine movie for
adults and kids alike that you really can't watch too much.

Bad Education (2004)
- 7 out of 10 -

I’m not entirely sure why this got an NC-17 rating, is it because there are gay people in it having sex?
It shows no more than any straight sex scenes that would warrant no worse than an R rating. And honestly,
considering who the director is here, this film was much, much tamer than it could have been.

It was actually a pretty strange film in many regards considering Almodovar was at the helm – the lack of
strong female leads (maybe the cross-dressing males count?) and the fact that the film actually makes some
amount of sense automatically places this in a different context than most of his films. But more than anything,
it’s one of his most enjoyable films in some time.

The Bad News Bears (1976)
-9 out of 10 -

Question: What three things need to be included in a film to make it one of the greatest of all time?
Answer: Kids cursing and drinking beer, baseball, and Walter Matthau.

Seriously though, I can't express how much I love this movie. Maybe it was because I spent so
many years of my childhood playing little league, but there's something about the story of a group
of misfit kids playing baseball that really hits home. And this movie pretty much nailed what it's like:
the undue pressures and stress put upon the kids both by parents and peers, when all the kids would
really like to do is play a game. Losing sucks, but giving up on the fun just to win isn't very enjoyable
either.

The kids all do a great job of portraying typical adolescents; when you watch the film you feel like
many of them could have been transported straight from your childhood, or at least I did. And truly the
most important part of the film is Matthau; that man can carry any film so effortlessly with just a smirk.
Do yourself a favor and watch every movie he's ever been in; I haven't seen them all, but it is a goal of
mine and I've yet to be disappointed.

Some folks might get upset by the amount of racial stereotypes and general un-"politically correct"
behavior in this film...but shit, that's what childhood and life is like, you can't whitewash it all. There is
a remake of the film happening scheduled for 2006 with Richard Linklater directing and Billy Bob
Thornton in the Matthau role. A big part of me thinks it's pretty stupid for anyone to try and remake
this film, but I guess if it is to be done at least it is with guys I like and think will do a credible job. And
it will be curious to see if and how they change things, whether they remove the "controversial" parts
or not...time will tell I suppose.

The Bad News Bears Go to Japan (1978)
- 4 out of 10 -

Look, if you’re not going to try any harder than this, why bother? The first film in the series was just
amazing, the second tolerable, but this just sucked. The kids aren’t cute, they’re annoying. Tony
Curtis is ok but he’s no Walter Matthau. There’s very little baseball in the movie at all. They make
fun of the Japanese culture constantly, which is really only a problem because it is never funny. I
guess the one upside is how much it really makes you look back and remember how great the first
one was, one of the best sports movies ever made.

Bad Santa (2003)
- 9 out of 10 -

There’s so much good about this film I don’t even know where to start, but one thing is certain - every
single awesome thing that happens here is because of Billy Bob Thornton. Now, I’ve loved most every-
thing I’ve seen him but this flick cements him as a comic genius on par with Jackie Gleason, only dirtier.

There’s no way this film would have been even close to as effective with anyone other than Thornton
in the lead...he has that sad southern asshole thing down so well that you assume it’s just his natural
state. Constantly grizzled and perpetually hung over in the film, I have a good feeling that he wasn’t
really acting in these scenes, and that’s what makes it so entertaining. Anything you’ve ever held holy
and sacred about the christmas holiday gets buggered into submission. Literally. And thankfully.

The Ballad of Jack and Rose (2005)
- 6 out of 10 -

Wow, and yet another masterful acting job by Daniel Day Lewis...is there anything this man cannot do?
I don't think it's a stretch to state that he is the greatest actor of the last 20 years, I really don't. Unfor-
tunately, his acting far outshines the rest of this film, which isn't terrible but even a day later I don't re-
member much about it other than the basics. Which are: overprotective father (Lewis) who lives on a
commune with only his daughter is dying, and decides he needs to find a family for her before he's gone.
The hijinks that ensue are most decidedly not hilarious as hijinks often turn out to be. I was hoping for
more out of this film (and a larger role for Jason Lee), but while I might have been a little disappointed
in the movie, Lewis nearly made up for it, and it's worth checking out just for him.

The Basketball Diaries (1995)
- 7.5 out of 10 -

I've never been a drug addict, but I gotta believe this film does a good job portraying the path most take from
casual carouser to full blown junkie. I've read multiple places that River Phoenix was supposed to play the lead
here (or had at least expressed a lot of interest in it), but before production started he died of a drug overdose
as most folks know. So Leonardo DiCaprio was brought in, which ain't a bad consolation prize. Leo does an
amazing job here as the lead, making for a really convincing junkie who is no longer a kid but not ready for life
on his own. Plenty of other great acting jobs as well, including a bevy of future Sopranos cast members and
the always likable Bruno Kirby as a kid-diddling basketball coach. It's one of those flicks that you can start
watching from any point really, and you'll always get sucked in.

Batman (1989)
- 9 out of 10 -

I recently rewatched this fine film, and while it does appear a bit dated (especially in the special effects area),
you cannot deny the power of Tim Burton’s touch on this film. The set design of Gotham City is etched into my
brain from the very first viewing of this film, and in seeing it again it reminds me of exactly why something like
Sin City holds so much influence…this film made Sin City what it is.

Outside of the set, what really makes this movie so valuable is Jack Nicholson’s performance as the Joker, one
of the greatest villains of all time as far as I’m concerned. He is absolutely demented, out of his gourd in this
picture, playing perfectly into the role he took on. The way he portrays both silliness and pure evil at the same
time…just stunning.

Batman Begins (2005)
- 8.5 out of 10 -

“Wow” best sums up this movie…although I knew the stories weren’t going to be the same as
the first Tim Burton Batman, you still end up comparing them in your mind and I wasn’t sure this
one could top that, but it did, and how. Their portrayal of Gotham even one-upped Burton’s
stylized vision, using Chicago as we know it and CGI-ing it into a much darker and scarier
place. The whole thing could have used a little more Prince in the soundtrack like the first,
but I guess they can slide on that one.

The cast as a whole was fantastic – making Liam Neeson a bad guy and Gary Oldman a good
guy was a real treat – what’s next, cats sleeping with dogs? A natural brooder as my girlfriend
would say, Christian Bale was a perfect choice as the reclusive Bruce Wayne. Especially en-
tertaining was his put-on gruff “Batman voice”, which was a little over-the-top but I guess it had
its purpose. And Cillian Murphy as “The Scarecrow” was a truly creepy foe, and the bugs
crawling out of the faces of folks really brought me back to my childhood of watching Halloween III
over and over and over. There was some disappointment, though…I had originally read his name
as Charlie Murphy and quickly became excited at the prospect of Gusto making an appearance in
this film. Alas it wasn’t meant to be…but a fuckin’ fantastic film anyways.

The Battle of Algiers (1965)
- 8 out of 10 -

I have to fully admit that I knew nothing about the Algerian battle of independence from the French,
but thankfully this film has turned me on to an incredibly interesting piece of history I hope to learn
even more about in the future. By all accounts, this film is about as unbiased as you can possibly
get when it comes to telling this story, which I appreciate…let the viewer make up his own mind on
how he feels about the action, don’t try and force it.

The thing that makes this film so effective is that you believe it is real – you feel as if you are watching
a documentary on the subject rather than a production with actors. Apparently some of the actual
revolutionaries appear in the film as well, but I had no idea which ones they were and honestly, would
it have mattered? The acting was great from all sides, the filming was beautiful and black& white
suited it perfectly. A number of folks have pointed out the parallels between this film/situation and the
current scene in Iraq, so I won’t go into it – but let’s just say it was *required* viewing at the Pentagon.
Certainly one of the best war movies ever made.

Battle Royale (2000)
- 8.5 out of 10 -

I put off watching this for a while, see I get lazy about foreign films sometimes, all that reading. I went to
a public school after all, reading does not come naturally to me. But for the love of whatever god you
worship, do not do what I did and watch this as soon as possible. And if you've already seen it, watch
it again...because it is without a doubt the greatest film about kids being forced to murder each other
since the pilot episode of Silver Spoons.

The premise is quite simple - the world is in trouble/overpopulated/something like that, so what to do?
Take some students who aren't making the grade and show little promise at being useful adults, and
make them into entertainment. At least that was my understanding of it all, it wasn't exactly thorough
in the small details...and it didn't honestly need to be, because the kids hunting each other is what really
matters and they get to this quick enough.

I love how it plays like a game show, keeping you posted on who died when on frequent basis. I love
that ringers are introduced in an effort to speed along the action. I love that it's not outside the realm
of possibility that this might be an actual game show some day. And the bad part of me kinda hopes
so if it's even half as entertaining as this flick.

The Baxter (2005)
- 7 out of 10 -

Stop the presses - a “romcom” that was actually worth watching. It probably helps that the talented Michael
Showalter starred, wrote and directed this aloof nerdy treat. According to the film, a “baxter” is the guy or girl
in movies that gets left behind when the true love shows up and takes their significant other away from them.
Showalter of course plays one of these poor goofy saps, and as you might imagine hijinks ensue. And even-
tually, love as well with the exceptionally cute Michelle Williams. Seriously, at one point did this girl become
the really awesome attractive one from Dawson's Creek, and the other one a freak show?

Bazaar Bizarre (2004)
- 3 out of 10 -

A documentary featuring dramatic recreations about a serial killer brought to you by James Ellroy? How
in the name of all that is holy did they get it so goddamn wrong??? I’m truly horrified Ellroy would allow his
name to be attached to this epicly boring flick. And how do you make a boring serial killer film anyways?
That actually seems like it would be harder work than producing an enjoyable flick of the same topic. Anyways,
avoid this like a creepy old man in a dark alley.

Beautiful Girls (1996)
- 10 out of 10 -

I can’t really explain what is so damn engrossing about this movie… maybe it’s the representation of
small town life, and how little things change – I can identify with that. Or maybe it’s how it shows that
despite the years, everyone is still pretty much what they were in high school…makes sense to me.
When I get together with my friends back home it feels like this movie, only no one knows how to play
“Sweet Caroline” on the piano and the Afghan Whigs aren’t performing in the local bar. Maybe it’s
the cast – Uma Thurman, Michael Rappaport, Natalie Portman, Matt Dillon, Timothy Hutton, Max
Perlich…I could keep going, but it is truly great ensemble work from everyone involved. The story
isn’t anything special, and nothing much happens, but like “Dazed and Confused” and “Fast Times
at Ridgemon High”, the characters are so true and real that you feel as if you could live in this world
and be happy. And that is a rare find as far as I’m concerned.

Beerfest (2006)
- 7.5 out of 10 -

I think the Broken Lizard crew actually figured out a way to make an even dumber movie than Super
Troopers, and we are all better for it. They managed to make a full-length movie revolving around goofy
beer drinking games, German stereotypes and juvenile humor, and it never got old even for a minute.
After Club Dread (which wasn't awful, but definitely subpar), I was a bit worried this crew of pranksters
was on the downward slide - but after watching Beerfest I have hope that they will produce a number of
hilariously dumb movies before it's all over.

Before Sunset (2004)
- 5.5 out of 10 –

I really enjoyed Before Sunrise and watched it on a couple of occasions, which was probably the set-
up that made me all the more disappointed with the sequel Before Sunset. In this flick our protagonists
meet back up, many years later, and reexamine their lives much in the same way as the first. But this
time around it seemed so much more unemotional, almost cold in their meeting – the bitterness of
adulthood maybe? I mean, if that is what Richard Linklater was going for then he did a great job, but
it still didn’t make it very enjoyable to watch.

Be Here To Love Me: A Film About Townes Van Zandt (2004)
- 7 out of 10 -

For a man I knew very little about outside of a song or two, this documentary did a fantastic job of
really depicting this troubled individual. Big name stars like Willie Nelson, Steve Earle, and even
Steve Shelley pipe up to pile praise on this folkie who never made much of an impact on his own
to the general public, but influenced countless writers and performers who went on to achieve fame.
To be perfectly honest I’m only lukewarm on Van Zandt’s music, but this doc is so well made that
I never once thought of shutting it off early (something I find I’m more prone to do with music docs
just because they are generally quite boring), and actually found myself quite rapt for the duration
of the film. This is a no-brainer for fans to check out, but anyone who wants to see a great character
study on an interesting individual would probably get a lot of value out of this movie.

Being There (1979)
- 7 out of 10 -

I tried watching this a few years back and just couldn’t get into it. So I made myself sit down and
watch the whole thing and I’m glad I did. I dunno what was wrong the first time, sometimes you just
have to be in the right frame of mind for certain films; regardless, it was much more well received in
my brain this go-around. I know tons have been written on this film, and I probably liked it a little less
than many folks, but one thing is undeniable – Peter Sellers is absolutely brilliant. He’s been in many
great films, but this is by far his crowning achievement. The fact that he didn’t win the Oscar in 1980
only further proves how retarded that academy is…if they were a school they would get discredited.
He so overshadows everything else about this movie, it’s kinda silly to even talk about anything else.
I will say that I always like it when part of a film is filmed in NC (in this case the Biltmore House in
Asheville), and the editing/splicing of TV footage in with the film was a nice touch…especially now,
so many years removed, it’s neat to get a glimpse into TV in those days.

Below (2002)
- 7 out of 10 -

Submarine movies! Man, I love a good submarine movie, Das Boot is the obvious choice for
“Best Of” in this prestigious category. But this film here, Below, is a pretty damn good one. It has
Zack Galifianakis in it, reason enough to like it. Zack is a damn funny man – well, not so much in
this movie but when he does stand up, and he’s barely in this at all, but…what was I talking about
again? Oh yeah.

Sub movies…lots of good ones, this fits right in with the rest. It’s as much mystery or “ghost story”
as it is sub movie, as something is fucking with the ship and no one can figure out why, and that’s
mostly what the movie is about – the crew trying to figure out what is happening, something goes
wrong, people die, scary things happen, secrets are revealed…enjoyable movie to be sure.
Darren Aronofsky (of Pi and Requiem for a Dream fame) helped write this screenplay, and was
supposed to direct but he got distracted with other projects.

The Benchwarmers (2006)
- 6 out of 10 -

To call this movie "completely retarded" would be an understatement, but despite how stupid it was I
still enjoyed it quite a bit. Maybe even a little more than I should have...I was in a rather giddy state
when I watched it, so that probably helped a lot. Or maybe it was because one of my comedic heroes,
Nick Swardson, was one of the writers (And also had a smll role in the film). Whatever the cause, I
laughed out loud a number of times over some of the stupidest crap ever put on film. But hey, every
film don't have to be high art.

Berlin Tunnel 21 (1981)
- 5 out of 10 -

As you may have gleaned from the title, this film is about the digging of a tunnel, in Berlin. Given this
was apparently a made-for-TV flick, it's really not that bad, even if you are pretty sure what exactly is
going to happen in the first few minutes of the film. I would have liked a little more shown on the East
German leadership and the reasons for folks wanting to cross to the West, and a lot less actual footage
of the tunnel getting dug – a few random shots here and there would have more than sufficed. The more
recently produced “The Tunnel” was a much better version of essentially the same story.

Bewitched (2005)
- 4 out of 10 -

We all know Nicole Kidman is totally intolerable – this is a well established fact. But I was hoping the
awesomeness of Will Ferrell would counteract her shittiness, but sadly the end sum is a goofy flick that
is kinda watchable. And by “kinda”, I mean you’re better off doing something else while it is on…cross-
word, look at the computer, jack off, whatever; cause it just ain’t that entertaining. Ferrell has a couple of
funny scenes, Michael Caine has a nice supporting role, but that is about all the silver lining you’re going
to get here.

Beyond the Sea (2004)
- 5 out of 10 -

On the positive side, Kevin Spacey does a fantastic job as Bobby Darin - very believable, and his
obvious talent lies not just in his acting abilities but in his talent for singing Darin's songs too. I doubt
that if I wasn't aware of it before the film, I never would have guessed that it was actually him singing the
songs in the flick...sounded like the originals to me, but then again I'm not claimingto be a Bobby Darin
expert.

On the negative side - the film really just isn't that interesting, is much too long and disjointed, and the
musical scenes made me want to leave the room (as opposed to just the live performancesby Spacey
as Darin, which were fine).

Well, if nothing else, at least you get to see Bob Hoskins in it. I always love a good Bob Hoskins sighting.

Big Doll House (1971)
- 6 out of 10 -

One of the classics of women-in-prison exploitation films...not a good movie, but “titillating” to be sure.
A goofy storyline about a banana republic that apparently arrests hot women for no real reason, and
then the girls spend most of their time behind bars fighting with one another and taking off their clothes.
There is really only one reason to be watching this movie, but given the talent here it's a pretty good
reason.

The Big Easy (1987)
- 6.5 out of 10 -

Ooh, ain't that sultry! It's like you can feel the sweat coming off this film...what it lacks in story, it
makes up for in ambiance. This movie presents the seedy underbelly of New Orleans in such a
romantic way that it makes being a small-time hood look like a nice career choice. Even as a
straight dude watching this film, Dennis Quaid is so obviously a heart throb that I would be a little
wary of letting my girlfriend watch this in fear she would move to L.A. and try to hunt him down.
That is to say, he's no Randy Quaid but this is when he was at his closest. The story is just so-so,
a modern noir-ish jaunt with a lot of typical twists and turns but entertaining enough all around.

The Big Lebowski (1998)
- 10 out of 10 -

There’s no real reason to review this, as you’ve probably seen it hundreds of times like me (and if
you’ve never seen it I don’t want to be your friend anymore). It is without a doubt one of the greatest
comedies ever filmed – probably the third funniest after Dr. Strangelove and Blazing Saddles. The
Dude pretty much embodies everything I want to be when I become an adult (should be any day now)…
except for the hair - but it works for him though. John Goodman is quite possibly one of the funniest men
ever. This film still remains the only worthwhile reason not to exterminate Tara Reid. The entire cast
should be celebrated in song and dance around the globe…if I were to ever get a tattoo, it would be of
a chicken. I've always wanted a tattoo of a chicken. But after that, I think the cover of this video would
look nice in the small of my back, to be displayed whenever I wear my half-shirts (quite often indeed). I’ll
end this with quotes from two of my favorite parts of the movie:

The Dude: What's in the fuckin' carrier?
Walter Sobchak: Huh? Oh, that's Cynthia's dog. I think it's a Pomeranian. I can't leave him home alone
or he eats the furniture. I'm watching him while Cynthia and Marty Ackerman are in Hawaii.
The Dude: You brought the fuckin' Pomeranian bowling?
Walter Sobchak: What do you mean brought it bowling, Dude? I didn't rent it shoes. I'm not buying it a
fucking beer. He's not taking your fucking turn, Dude.
The Dude: Man, if my fuckin' ex-wife asked me to take care of her fuckin' dog while she and her boy-
friend went to Honolulu I'd tell her to go fuck herself.

Maude Lebowski: Does the female form make you uncomfortable, Mr. Lebowski?
The Dude: Uh, is that what this is a picture of?
Maude Lebowski: In a sense, yes. My art has been commended as being strongly vaginal which bothers
some men. The word itself makes some men uncomfortable. Vagina.
The Dude: Oh yeah?
Maude Lebowski: Yes, they don't like hearing it and find it difficult to say whereas without batting an eye
a man will refer to his dick or his rod or his Johnson.
The Dude: Johnson?

Big Momma's House 2 (2006)
- 5 out of 10 -

This should almost certainly get a lower grade, but I was feeling pretty mindless when I watched
this nonsense so it didn't sting as badly as it could have. Plus, I've always thought Martin
Lawrence was a funny man, even with subpar material...he seems to have a gift of turning turds
into...well, if not diamonds, at least less-stinky turds. Honestly, he is the only thing even remotely
compelling here, and that's probably even a stretch, but what can I say? Sometimes a bad
movie looks good for whatever reason (my theory is the amount of fatigue you are feeling is
directly proportional to the amount of crap you will put up with in a movie).

Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure (1989)
- 8 out of 10 -

I was totally obsessed with this movie as a kid (along with Ferris Beuller’s Day Off), and would watch it con-
stantly – therefore, my opinion of this film is most likely higher than it should probably be for nostalgic reasons.
But I did recently re-watch it after not having seen it in a few years, and found that I enjoyed it nearly as much
as I did as a kid. If nothing else, it’s the most perfect role ever for Keanu Reeves to play the doltish lout he
appears to be in real life – it’s the only time he is enjoyable in a film outside of My Own Private Idaho. I have
a feeling that the sequel, Bill & Ted’s Bogus Journey doesn’t hold up as well, but this flick will be a classic of
my generation as far as I’m concerned.

The Black Dahlia (2006)
- 6 out of 10 -

Holy convoluted plot, batman. I'd heard this film failed to live up to expectations, so I set my expectations
lower and I still came out confused. Apparently the James Elloy novel it was based on is a fantastic yarn
about one of most infamous murders of the 20th century, but they managed to mangle it into one of the
muddiest screenplays I think I've ever witnessed. Truly, they turned what should have been a home run into
a foul ball. To their credit I will say the film looked great, so at least my eyes my eyes got a treat while my
brain did cartwheels trying to figure out what the hell was going on.

Black Like Me (1964)
- 6 out of 10 -

A well meaning film, and based on the actual accounts of John Griffin - a white man who took skin darkening
treatments and traveled throughout the south to document the way african-americans are treated. This was
the 50's/early 60's, so obviously the results were not pretty either in real life or the movie. They did a decent
job setting the tone in the film, the level of hatred and all that, but James Whitmore was so obviously not black
it did make it tough to swallow him as being anything other than white wearing face paint. It's also worth
pointing out that by this point in most of our lives this information is well known, but I would have to imagine
that when this came out in 1964, in the middle of the push for equality, that it turned a few heads.

Black Snake Moan (2006)
- 7.5 out of 10 -

Craig Brewer is now 2-for-2 in creating evocative and compelling tales about the new south (see also his film
“Hustle & Flow”). He paints a hell of a picture, a fractured fairy tale based in morality but set in the dirtiest parts
of southern living. Honestly, the story is pretty inconsequential here as far as I'm concerned – what matters
more is the look and the feel and the production team gets an A+ in that department. The atmosphere here
just feels thick, like a muggy summer night where no amount of cold drinks will subside the oppressive heat.
And on top that, you get to spend most of the film looking at a nearly anorexic Christina Ricci in her panties
begging for sex, so even if you think the film sucks you've got that going for you.

Black Sun: The Nanking Massacre (1995)
- 6.5 out of 10 -

Amazing, shocking and sad story, words cannot suffice really; but the telling of it in this film was pretty subpar.
The "rape of Nanking" will go down as one of the greatest attrocities that man has ever commited on man,
and this film attempts to depict these horrors on what was obviously a budget too small to accomodate it.

On the plus side, the way the film used actual footage and photographs in combination with the reenactments
was pretty original and lent an air of authenticity to the proceedings. And having a scene where a Japanese
soldier skewers a pregnant lady and pulls her unborn child out stuck to the blade was something as well, or
when the soldier put a child in a boiling vat; from what I understand, these sorts of things happened often
and many things worse.

Blade 2 (2002)
- 6 out of 10 -

Like the first Blade film, this was highly entertaining and a much better movie than I ever expected it to be.
Then again I wasn't expecting much, even with the knowledge that the first was adecent flick. Wesley Snipes
reprises his role as a vampire hunter, who is half-vampire himself but immune to many of the things that kill
them, and he is again joined by Kris Kristofferson, who reprises his role of Mr. Grizzled or whatever his name
is. They fight bad guys and the battle scenes are pretty great, the jokes are corny, and everyone is dressed
like they just got back from a Bauhaus concert.

Which leads me to wonder - are ther any yuppie vampires, or any that don't look goth? Seems odd that all
bloodsuckers would have the same fashion sense.

Blades of Glory (2007)
- 8.5 out of 10 -

I'd imagine by this point most folks know whether or not they like Will Ferrell's brand of goofy humor. Me,
I'm a big fan but I can see how it might come off as a little irritating to some...he does tend to play the same
dumb character in every film (I just happen to think it's a really entertaining character). So, it's not surprising
that I really liked a film that spoofed the goofy spectacle that is ice skating. The supporting cast is brilliant –
Jon Heder, Craig T. Nelson, Jenna Fischer, Nick Swardson, Will Arnett...all do a good job of setting up
Ferrell and his gags. Just as you would expect, this is a dreadfully silly movie that made me laugh tons, and
that's really all I could ask for.

Blazing Saddles (1974)
- 10 out of 10 -

How do you even go about reviewing a film as important and ground-breaking as Blazing Saddles?
Every stitch of the film is genius, from Mongo punching a horse, to Mel Brooks as the governor,
going back for a whole shitload of dimes…I could go on for ages.

The influence this film had on slapstick comedy is thankfully still being felt today, only no one else has
ever gotten it this right. In our modern PC world, there has been a bit of a backlash on this film being
racist, but it couldn’t be any further from the truth. It is in fact a parody of racism, the “wild west”, the
big-studio Hollywood movie making machine, and about anything else worthy of making fun of. In-
cluding Slim Pickens in any cast is a brilliant move; having Richard Pryor co-write the script is a move
straight from the gods. I have a hard time believing there will ever be a funnier movie made than this
one – the only movie that is arguably funnier is Dr. Strangelove, and Stanley Kubrick ain’t around to
make another film.

Blood Diamond (2006)
- 8.5 out of 10 -

I suppose if you get really picky this film oversimplifies the complex struggles that have been facing Africa
since most countries gained their independence, but given how much the continent's troubles have been
ignored by the west, any light shown on it is a positive light. And besides, the story presented here is incredibly
engrossing even if it were based on fiction. Given the award nominations, i probably don't need to mention how
great the acting is, but given my skepticism on Leo Dicaprio going into the film I left well impressed with his
believability as an Afrikaner mercenary; and since Djimon Hounsou has never had a bad performance in his life,
it goes without saying that he is pretty much perfect as a peasant father desperately trying to save his son. This
was easily one of my top 5 favorite movies to come out last year and comes super duper highly recommended.

Bobby (2006)
- 7 out of 10 -

The cast for this movie is just plain ridiculous, and the first thing that comes to mind anytime I think of this film.
Laurence Fishburne, Freddy Rodriguez, Martin Sheen, Sharon Stone, Emilio Estevez, Christian Slater, Shia
LeBouf, Harry Belafonte, Joshua Jackson, William H. Macy, Lindsey Lohan, Nick Cannon, Helen Hunt,
Anthony Hopkins, Ashton Kucher, Demi Moore, Elijah Wood...seriously, it is fucking insane. It makes you
wonder if the director (Emilio Estevez, who is also the writer) has some serious dirt on most of Hollywood.

Not that it was a bad movie, far from it – I quite enjoyed the story and the way the historical footage of Bobby
Kennedy was weaved into the modern tale. It is a good film, but it could have been a truly great mini-series;
given the giant cast, there was just no way to truly give each character the justice they deserved, so at times
things tended to be a bit rushed. Fairly impressive work out of Estevez though, I never would have expected
it out of him.

Bob le Flambeur (1955)
- 9 out of 10 -

I had meant to watch this for ages and ages, but what finally pushed me over the edge was seeing
and loving the Nick Nolte remake "The Good Thief". I know, it's sad when a remake gets you to
watch an original, and one that is a classic on top of that, but what can you do? The only problem
with seeing things in this fashion is that you want to compare the original to the remake and not the
other way around as is normally done. I'm not sure where I'm going with this other than to say, it's
kind of a weird scenario.

Nonetheless, what a fantastic film about the post-war exploits of a petty criminal and his gang of
ne'er-do-wells skirting the line between keeping their nose clean and getting involved in a big casino
heist. But this is all buried within the main story line of gambling, and the idea of getting lucky as the
only thing that matters in life. Jean-Pierre Melville is the man behind this classic, and he's gotten his
lofty reputation for good reason. As far as I'm concerned, this is the best thing he ever created, even
topping Le Samourai in my book.

Bodysong (2003)
- 5 out of 10 -

I liked what they were trying to do here - sort of a “Koyaanisqatsi” of the human experience, from
birth to death - but it didn’t really work. Or maybe it worked, but it was just boring. It started off
great, with the creation of life from fertilizing the egg and the embryo growing and yadda yadda…
loved all the internal photography stuff. But it was all downhill after there; although the method
of collecting video bits and pieces over the ages and compiling them sounds like a good idea
on paper, I just wasn’t particularly engaged by it.

Also of note - Johnny Greenwood of Radiohead provides an excellent soundtrack to this film,
much better than the movie actually - I’d highly recommend checking it out…I was actually quite
familiar with the soundtrack album before I ever saw the film.

Bomb the System (2002)
- 6 out of 10 -

A cheesy but entertaining enough film about the graffiti subculture, but this is not the modern coming
of “Wild Style” that I was hoping for. That classic flick still felt more real, more in tune with the actual
kids running in the scene than this outing did. Maybe this was because “Wild Style” used actual
members of the scene in the film? Maybe because flicks from that era just look a lot more rad and
are not drenched in sub-par MTV-style editing? I dunno, I just didn’t like it as much. But I guess a
middling graffiti movie is better than no graffiti movie at all, right?

Boogie Nights (1997)
- 9 out of 10 -

Boogie Nights pulled off a number of amazing achievements…it brought Burt Reynolds back from the
grave, career-wise; it gave what will probably be the best telling of both good and bad sides of the
pornographic industry; it offered Julianne Moore’s fantastic breakthrough role (for which she was
robbed the Oscar); but most importantly, it gave us one of the best films ever about family. A dysfunc-
tional, non-related family, but a family nonetheless. I don’t know how many times I’ve seen this film,
but it still ke